For the week starting: 7.17.2008

"Gives not the hawthorn bush a sweeter shade
To shepherds, looking on their silly sheep,
Than doth a rich embroider’d canopy
To kings, that fear their subjects treachery?"
Shakespeare’s The Third Part of King Henry the Sixth (II.v.44-7)

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can Cancer: One particular aspect I really like about San Antonio is that, as a town, it really isn’t politically correct. I’m sure, in the hallowed halls of the seats of government, they are 100% politically correct. With as much federal government, I’m sure that the various branches, down to their roots, they are all in accordance with the strictest strictures and the up-to-the-minute rules. It’s just, as a whole, the town isn’t so uptight about little mundane details.

Heading into town on the freeway, winding my way past the obstruction of the construction zone, I spied a sign. Tickled me. The name of a supposed pool hall: Nice Rack. Nothing like a little double entendre to go against the forces of political correctness. The sign shows a green background with a dozen pool balls being restrained by a pool rack. Nothing untoward, and it might only be my mind that thinks there’s another possible meaning to the name. It’s not the only incident like this, but it’s a fine example of how we’re avoiding living in a too political correct environment.

Just enough sass and edge to make it clear that there is an edge we shouldn’t step over. Then again, what’s so wrong about occasionally stepping over the line of good taste? Which is really what this is all about, stepping over the line of good taste. Sometimes, in our too politically correct society, offending someone, or a group of some ones, that isn’t so bad. It helps. I’m not saying you’re going to offend someone this next few days, but if you do? Maybe, just maybe, it’s, like, a good idea.

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leo Leo: As I was poking through the horoscopes, I realized I was on a little bit of a roll, seemed that I was setting out to offend every sign. If that was really true, I would have offended everyone, and I would’ve done so in a much more refined yet striking manner. I wasn’t, and I never wanted to piss off everyone.

As a mighty Leo, I’m sure you’re aware of how I feel, though. Happens some days, when you’re right and the rest of the world is wrong. Sounds a bit like you’re getting all worked up over nothing. This isn’t really about you, it’s about me, as I was the one doing all the irritating. I’m the one who made everyone irritable, I’m the one who caused the problem, and I’m the one who needs the Leo to back me.

It’s the start of the the best birthday times of all. Add Venus to your extended astrology mix. You’re cool, you’re hip, you’re happening. You are the center. Recline, my darling Leo, and enjoy the spotlight attention that you so richly deserve. And when you run into the folks like me, the people who keep pissing other people off? Reach out and help us, as best you can.

Thanks, man.

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vir Virgo: When I first started to spend extended time in San Antonio, I was impressed as a small circle of friends seemed inordinately well-connected. Friends of friends of people in high places, political connections, legal connections, doctors, lawyers, local, state and even federal friends in high places. Pretty cool, so I thought.

It wasn’t until I spent more and more time in the quaint environment that I began to realize that San Antonio, unlike Austin, was a small town. Or small town feel. Or that "everyone knows your business" kind of a town. Then too, there’s the extended family network, and just about everyone is related to someone who knows someone (important). While I do feel better connected than most, I got a hot tip which I passed on to someone else, and I was going to publish my hot political rumor but as I found out, it’s a small town.

News, especially unverified rumors? Travels fast. Very fast. Already made the rounds and whomever was involved? The politicians were already on it, spin and counter-spin. From a rumor on the street to Washington, overnight. I was amazed. Small world, especially the south side of San Antonio. See, everyone is connected to everyone else, by blood, kin, marriage or friend-of-a-friend. As we deal with Mr. Mars and the lingering effects of Saturn in Virgo, let us consider this information. I’d suggest caution about what you say and to whom.

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lib Libra: Get you through this weekend and there’s breathing space. Maybe I’ve over-used that expression, but I like it. It implies, not so much as says, just sort of implies, that there’s a chance to take a deep breath, breath in, exhale the bad, and not be fraught with worry.

At least, not near as much. Small issue, really, in Libra land, and that small issue gets resolved before all of this week is over. Might not happen until early next week, but there’s space, room to move, and a little bit of happiness that lands on your Libra head. This doesn’t make everything all wonderful, but there’s a shot at some ease and grace, both of which are very welcome as far your Libra self is concerned.

The little warning that goes with this, don’t lose your cool — despite the oppressive summer heat — before this weekend arrives. The problem will probably clear up before the next scope rolls over. Next week.

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sco Scorpio: I kept looking at the end of the week, the ending chart for this scope. It showed the beginning of Leo. While I’m enormously fond of Leo, I’m less sure that you share my passion for the mightiest of the Fire Signs (Leo). The more I carry on about Leo, the more your Scorpio self gets a little jealous, me — and other people — always toadying up to the "all mighty Leo."

Groveling, genuflecting, and otherwise making fools of ourselves, yeah, no good Scorpio would do that unless. Unless I explained why. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, "It is better to ask forgiveness than seek permission"? Wait, that’s a Scorpio motto, what I was thinking about was the "You catch more flies with honey instead of vinegar." That’s the one, expression I use when explaining my Leo behavior. Behavior towards Leo. My begging and groveling in front of a Leo. Sometimes, it’s just for show, but you know what? It works.

Sometimes a Leo can see through my patently false and unctuous behavior, and more than one Leo has said, "I know it’s not true, but I feel better when you act that way." Why go on and on about this and Leo? It’s an easy, simple, direct way for life in Scorpio to be easier. Happens this week, on into the weekend, and then, next week, Leo starts in ernest. Practice a little before this week hits, then be prepared. Roll out the Scorpio red carpet, be overly solicitous of our health and well-being.

Act nice.

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sag Sagittarius: Stop and take a deep breath. Stop and assess. Stop and assimilate. Stop and judge — no, do not judge others — stop and judge your Sagittarius self. Item: Saturn. Item: Virgo. Item: the Square. It’s (a square) considered a pejorative angle for Sagittarius, as Saturn is squaring us, and in some astrology ways of seeing this, it’s a bad thing. I’m less inclined to think of it as bad or evil, and more inclined to think of it in terms testing.

Only, I’m all through with the tests that I’ve had, and I’m not interested in any more tests. Not from the Universe, the medical people, the law, the lawyers, the police, nope, not interested in any testing. The only item that I have that I’m willing to surrender is a fishing license. And I know I’ll get that back from the fish & game officer, once it’s been determined that I am indeed, current.

The kicker is, I paid attention. I paid the fee, too, but that’s not what this is about. I paid attention. I listened. I noted what changes needed to be made and I acted in concordance with the whims of the gods, or whomever, and I should be all but done with my little tests. Regrettably, there’s going to be one more. Whether our Sagittarius selves like it or not, here it comes.

This is only a test, though, and it’s just a little astrology check-up. You did do the right thing, didn’t you?

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cap Capricorn: There’s a single "gotcha" that’s going to hit, middle of the weekend, maybe before, maybe, like Monday or so, but certainly during the allotted time frame of this scope. That little hit, how hard, how deep the cut, how much this gets you? All determined by your own reaction to an outside action, or an action acted upon by someone else.

For most of my friends, when this happens, I just ask them how grown up they can act. I didn’t say they had to be grown up, or be mature, just act in mature fashion for a little while. "How interesting," is a good response to whatever this is. Or, better yet, "How weird." Sort of a noncommittal answer while you have time to formulate a better course of action. You need time to think the situation, the "gotcha," the whatever it is that happens that upsets you momentarily, whatever that is? Cool it. Stop. Assess. Assess a second time.

This is probably a situation where second-guessing is okay. Might even be better. Or even a third guess. All that second-guessing takes time. First comment? "How weird is that?" It’s a straight up commentary devoid of plus or minus. Perfect. Buys you a little time. If you can just give yourself, sometimes only a fraction of a minute, you can save yourself from a costly mistake, and maybe, you can come out looking like the hero. Heroine. One of those. Think.

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aqu Aquarius: There’s a woman, I know, old friend from way back, and she took a sudden disliking to me. Kind of amusing, to me, in a weird way. Suddenly, I was evil. Evil incarnate. Born under a bad sign, and not a nice person. None of which is true, really, as no one is ever born under a bad sign, Scorpio comments notwithstanding, but there was that onerous hiss, like a feral alley cat, whenever she got around me.

I was thinking about her, wondering where she was these days, wondering if I was still the evil one, wondering about a lot things, and I looked through the Aquarius chart. I felt a certain kinship there, since I’m sure you’re wondering why (some person) is treating you the same way I was treated. Evil? Hardly. Weird and offbeat? Sure. But truly heinous? I just don’t see you that way. Which doesn’t stop another person’s perception — and the color may change.

The simplest course of action is to do nothing. And by nothing I mean nothing. Arguing that you’re not really evil is going to compound the situation. Which is part of what the other person wants. So, instead of arguing, trying to point out that you’re not a bad person, not evil incarnate, wonder about that other person. My simple suggestion, though, is not to waste too much Aquarius bandwidth on the question.

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pis Pisces: As much as I would like to duck out on this one, I can’t. Pisces has some tremulous changes kicking loose. What was once a tight and secure situation, it’s less that way now. The problems can be found in thirds, or by an order of three. One of those, one way, and the solutions aren’t too easy to come by. The problem is change, and the easiest way to deal with the changes is to simply acquiesce to purported changes.

Change just for the sake of change isn’t any good, but change with a stated goal in mind, picking and choosing a new course because it’s the way you want to go, that’s a better idea. I’m not saying that you have to change a thing, it’s just the Pisces chart wheel, the thing I use to make course corrections and suggestions with, that wheel has change pointing from all corners. Well, it’s a wheel, there aren’t corners, but from a half-dozen spots within the spokes of the wheel, if not from several place that just look like change is preeminent.

You can buck this trend in change, if you so desire. And you will be left empty-handed and wanting. I can’t make any of this change any more graceful. I can endorse it and suggest that it’s coming, so you’d be best served if you prepared and then, when the change comes, go ahead and work the new plan, the new orders, the new ways of approaching the old problems, give the new stuff a spin. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to find the new material actually suits you better.

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ari Aries: It was an amusing scenario, too bad I didn’t get a screen shot of the situation. I was poking at something on the inter-web thing, and one of the places was running ads. Across the top of the page, two inline "keyword" ads appeared. One was for "date discreet – married personals" and the other was "Is he cheating – find out now!" I seriously doubt that the computer program has a wry enough sense of humor and managed to place those two ads next to each other. I doubt that it was intentional. I doubt it was an artificial — or natural — intelligence that managed to pop those ads at the same time.

I think it was sort of random, and I think I happened to get the lucky screen image. But I thought about that, about how those two ads would run next to each other, and how that would mean something in this day and age. What does it mean, specifically, to Aries? Means that you’ve got to watch out, stay away from nefarious practices, and keep everything up and honest. Not that you don’t, but I’m just saying, this isn’t the time for straying eyes. As in, you’re being watched, scrutinized and otherwise probed. The inverse side of that little data chunk? You should come up clean, provided, you are clean.

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tau Taurus: I was working in South Texas, maybe West Texas, I don’t recall, border town, maybe? I was using my very limited and quite broken Spanish to communicate an idea. I was merely making an attempt at being conversational, not really trying that hard, as my accent was all wrong. The inflection, pronunciation, all of it was off. To certain extent, I’m sure, this could be me, staging a scene, or, at the very least framing a scenario in which it becomes obvious that I shouldn’t be speaking Spanish.

Or the border patois. I spoke like that, in part for comic effect, and in part, to indicate that I had some grasp of the local vernacular. Snide comments in Spanish, intended to go over my head, sometimes those didn’t escape me. I was doing this in playful manner, too. I’m not able to communicate other than in most rudimentary fashion, in anything but English, though. One of my friends, off to the side, rolled her yes, spit out some rapid-fire commentary, and then, she added, sotto voce, "English, he can only speak English."

Point made, humorously, safely, and without offending anyone present. I’d suggest that it’s a good message for my fine little Taurus friends. Make a point, make the point you need to make, but couch it with some humor. Maybe mangle the language, too, so the point is made but you don’t have to carry on in a language that you — like me — barely understand.

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gem Gemini: A cute little Gemini asked about how to seduce her current love interest, which led to a question about that sign, which led to a question about compatibility, which got around to menu planning. Fairly typical for a Gemini, to move that fast through a conversation. I just sat back and let myself be amused. Why I’m so fond of Gemini. She was onto planning the vegetables for the evening’s meal and asparagus was suggested.

I tossed out that tidbit that it’s a vegetable that’s purported to be an aphrodisiac. "Sweet!" The Gemini said. She was working on a butter lemon sauce for the "al dente" asparagus. This was all on paper, too. I don’t know if she ever made it to the store, I don’t know if there ever was anything that happened, and for that matter, I don’t know if she ever got her guy. Not that any of it matters, not really.

A hot summer afternoon, and the faintest sheen of perspiration across her upper lip, the dark glasses concealing whatever was going on inside her head. Being a Gemini, I’m sure it was interesting. I don’t have a horse in this race, so the outcome doesn’t matter to me. I also understand that what was planned was an elaborate meal, and what might be delivered? Could fall a little short. It’s a Gemini thing.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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