For the week starting: 12/17/2009

"Get you gone, you dwarf!
You minimus, of hind’ring knotgrass made!
You bead, you acorn!"
Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream [III.ii.328-30]

Ah, yes, gentle Lysander with the love potion in his eyes, vexing and cursing his former love. But wait, it all works out by the last act, I promise. However, as Mars turns retrograde in Leo? It’s only Act III.


    Mercury RX trilogy
    9.7.2009, 9.14.2009, 9.21.2009

    Just in time! The new book, The Portable Mercury Retrograde, is now available! Barefoot Astrology instructional video is here.

    astrofish.net Sagittarius: Wrapping up the last of the birthdays, and I thought I heard a chuckle. It was quiet, self-assured, almost like a satisfied smirk of a chuckle. Yeah, that was what I heard. Here in Sagittarius. Smirk. Satisfied chuckle. Not a giggle, not quite that flippant, more like a little bit of a noise that echoes, doesn’t really say, so much as it reverberates with a gentle, "I told you so."

    That’s the good news. Should be one of us, doing our little chuckle, this week. However, the way it works, there’s a one-in-ten chance that you’re getting laughed at. Didn’t pay attention to my good advice? Oh well, it’s not the end of the Sagittarius world. Still, most of us have listened, have learned, and are ready to move forward, or, less like moving forward, and more like staying in the same place, but not losing any ground. Which is what this is all about.

    I stopped at a Mega-Wall-shopping place. I was looking for a tacky, inexpensive gift. Sort of a last-thought kind of thing. Which was what got me where I was. The good news? I found what I was looking for. The painful part? Standing in line with all the rest of the shoppers loading up on crap. Wasn’t a "needed" item, so I was good with my position in line. No hurry. Satisfied smirk, and I had a chance to catch up on tabloid gossip.

    astrofish.net Capricorn: The end of this scope points to the beginning of Capricorn. The beginning of Capricorn reminded me it’s high time to buy some fireworks.

    Local ordinances vary. However, here, in parts of Central and South Texas? Fireworks are less of a privilege and more of a right. Not that there’s much difference, and in the eyes of the law, I’m sure there is a difference, but amongst some of my friends? It’s all fun and games with explosive toys.

    That’s also the caution as the beginning of Capricorn arrives. It’s with a big bang. "Bang!" Or, better yet? BANG!!! Got an image of this? Where’s the point to worry? As the first few minutes, first few days of Capricorn approach, there’s a sense that you want to change some aspect of your life. In a big way. Drastic change. Go slow. Take it easy. There will be a big eruption. Are you a cause, or are you an observer? That’s your call this week, at the beginning of the holiday week. Personally, I’d opt to be the observer.

    astrofish.net Aquarius: Young Aquarius couple I know, they were thinking about getting a new car. First suggestion, has nothing to do with astrology, just wait until the new year rolls in and we get closer to Aquarius time.

    Common sense, last year models will be on a bigger sale, and even this year, well, new cars, what can I say? But that wasn’t the point. The female of the two, both Aquarius now, the girl explained that, if he ever bought her a mini-van, that was grounds for immediate divorce and forfeiture of everything. Boy would be out on the street, all alone. No hope. All because of a mini-van.

    What was the deal? "I would look like a mom in one of those." She is a mom. But apparently, a safe, more fuel-efficient vehicle didn’t go with what and how she saw herself. However, I’m back to the advice. Whether it’s a new car, or something else? Big ticket items? Or even small items with big price tags? Not now.

    astrofish.net Pisces: Some of these days are my favorite. Make no mistake, it’s certainly cold enough to warrant flannel pajamas at night. It’s just, for a few days in December, here south of the 31st Latitude Line, it’s warm and sunny. We’ll get a few days when I’m perfectly at home, dressed in my warm flannel sleeping attire, fine until I open the door and sally forth unto the afternoon.

    I tend to get up early and work, toil away in private until noon. Then I’ll greet the rest of the day. And I’ll do so in shorts. Won’t be often, but there will be a few days in December when I’m perfectly comfortable in shorts. I’d like to think I’m getting a jump on the tan lines for the new year. Which is what I want you to get a jump on, too.

    Pisces dear. The new year? Yeah think about it. Think about what’s up ahead, and think about what you can do now, to help pave the way for the future. I’m not sure you’re in flannel sleepwear, or, for that matter, excited by the prospect of greeting the high noon, comfortably clad in beach wear. Yet there’s a momentary bright spot, varies with each location and what makes you happy, but you’ll find it, amid the holiday excess. A quiet moment for a Pisces? Pause Pisces Pause then see what we can do for net year.

    astrofish.net Aries: I have a buddy, he’s a good food guy, go-to fellow for BBQ advice, beer advice, bourbon advice, the important things in life. Beer, bait and ammo.

    The problem being, I mistyped his URL one afternoon. I was a little off. I thought I typed the web address to "the fat guy dot com" but I missed a letter, or transposed a digit. The results were alarming. What’s worse? I clicked on those results. Spun me off into a very frightening world. Scared me, possibly scarred me, too.

    Although, I’d like to think I’m jaded enough that nothing on the web can scare me anymore, as I just discovered, I was wrong. But it’s also like a train wreck, can’t watch, but can’t look away.

    In Aries, there’s a chance for a happy mistake. A chance that a mistake like I just made pays off with a new-found, juicy piece of useful of information. The problem being, like me, you might also found yourself wandering down the long corridors of fear and angst. Careful with your typing — or where it might take you.

    astrofish.net Taurus: I kept thinking I needed to add a new set of speakers to my computer’s arrangement. I saw some speakers, about two weeks ago, in the discount office supply place. A nice set of add-on speakers, and they were sale priced. Ten bucks. I thought about it, then, and I decided it wasn’t a good time to buy.

    I went back a few days later, and the speakers I wanted, for ten dollars? Gone. Whole shelf was empty. They did have an attractively priced boom-box/satellite speaker system, but again, that felt like a marketing "bait & switch" con. I decided that I’ll suffer along with the minimalist output that I’ve got.

    I set a threshold of ten dollars. I wasn’t willing to go over that. I bought nothing. And I’m happier for it.

    All about limits, best if those limits are self-imposed, and then, success when sticking to those limits. Set a point, a goal, a price point, some kind of well-thought-out but arbitrary limit. Or goal. Then stick to that limiting factor. Helps if you use your own guidelines.

    astrofish.net Gemini: "Man, if you only, like, you did this," a Gemini buddy was talking to me, "in writing? I’d read that. You’re very funny."

    I wasn’t trying to be funny, which might be a problem. I didn’t bother explaining that. As far as writing like I talk? I’d like to think that I do.

    A little long-winded, at times. A little circumlocution. Obtuse? Sure. Oblique? I’m sure, that, too. Allegorical jumps that fall short? Yeah, I know, I know. However, I try. I’d like to think that my verbal presentation and my written presentation is identical. Probably not. But I’d like to think so.

    Now, as a Gemini, is your verbal presentation the same as your written? Audio/Video, all the same? As Mars appears to spin backwards in its orbit, while in the tropical zodiac sign of Leo? Consider how your presentation is. Words match up to your presenting skills?

    astrofish.net Cancer: I was watching a girlfriend do some holiday baking. I was there for entertainment value, I’m sure, although, I might’ve been just a food taster, I’m not sure what my role was. However, watching that girl work away in the kitchen, checking a recipe book, then looking for ingredients, then sifting flour, I thought the most about the sifting flour and Cancer.

    I jotted down a note, since I’m not party of sifting anything very often, I thought the action was appropriate. For a Cancer sun sign. There’s a motion that goes with sifting, and that motion has a lot to do with holiday baking and how to deal with Mars in its apparent retrograde pattern. As I understand it — this doesn’t involve fishing poles or fish so I could be all wrong — sifting the flour fluffs it all up. Like one cup of flour, sifted, is more like a cup and half? Something like that. Mixes easier, bakes better. Something. Sifting. That’s what this all about. A gentle sifting action will help make the next few days a lot easier.

    astrofish.net Leo: I was talking to a guy who was working the morning shift in a coffee shop in downtown Austin. "Weirdest thing ever happened? I caught a guy smoking pot in the bathroom, one of the homeless? He told me, ‘No way! I’m not fool for the city!’ I called him Foghat after that."

    Caught smoking pot in the bathroom. Not a good place to be, not if you ask me. Not a good move on anyone’s part, but the best part of the response? That poor guy behind the counter. First, he had to throw the guy out. Then there’s the legal ramifications of smoking — anything — in a building. I can see a headache happening for Leo, just thinking about all the problems. However, the easiest way around the problems? Give them a name. Give them a humorous name — something that might be evocative of rock and roll legends, maybe classical allusion, maybe pop culture, something. Name it. Claim it. Watch it go away (the problem).

    astrofish.net Virgo: I found myself with the same picture, time and again, and what I was trying to figure out, why I kept taking that picture of that place, object, sign, item — a thing — over and over again.

    What I was attempting to do, what my goal was, what I was striving for? I was trying to capture that one image that truly portrays the object in question. I’ve found that taking the same picture, over and over, with different hardware, different software, different lighting, different time of day, all of that helps.

    It’s looking for that one image that can really evoke emotions. What is the distilled essence of a particular thing? As a Virgo, you’ve got a sharp eye for detail. And yet, you also understand the subtle nuance of long shadow, the deep shade of an afternoon, how even the midday sun is low on the horizon in the middle of the winter (Northern Hemisphere). That brings about a finer appreciation for the hunt for that one, perfect shot of something.

    astrofish.net Libra: "Those aren’t real pop tarts, are they?" I could say that the girl addressing me could easily be termed a “pop tart,” but I don’t think that’s how this is going to go. She was complaining, eloquently and gently, that my choice of breakfast pastries wasn’t so hot.

    It’s fishing food. It’s hurricane supplies. It’s pop tarts only they were called "toaster pastries" for some knock-off legal rule. "But the strawberry, it isn’t, you know, strawberry colored." Which was a minor let down. And the flavor wasn’t that full-on "artificial strawberry flavor," either. Color wasn’t right, flavor wasn’t strong enough, just wasn’t that good, all unnatural product the girl was used to. I ate the parts she didn’t. Tasted fine to me, sort of a combination between cardboard, saw dust, sugar and jam that has no natural ingredients.

    Frame of reference is very important. During the festival times, it’s more important than ever to make sure that our little Libra friends don’t — like I did — lose that point of reference. Fake stuff is supposed to taste like fake, sugary, gooey goodness. With preservatives, I’m sure.

    astrofish.net Scorpio: There’s a kind of perverse pleasure to be found in the way the planets and the Xmas material all plays out. It’s fun, in a weird way, and only a good Scorpio will truly appreciate the material herein.

    Starts with a certain amount of pressure, and if you will just stand off to the side a little, none of this pressure will get you. It’s like being in the first couple of rows at Sea World. Too close? First row, second row? Might get splashed, especially if the animals are rambunctious today. This week. Which they are.

    But as a good Scorpio, you heed my advice, and you stand off to one side? Or, like in the Sea World example? You make sure you’re out of the splash zone? You will be okay. It’s winter time here, and while some of the days have been down right warm, not every day is like that, and that sea world water is cold. Wet and cold. Not really welcome. Stand off to one side? Don’t sit front and center? See how this works?

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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