Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 5.19.2011

“Present fears
Are less than horrible imaginings.”
Shakespeare’s Scottish Play [I.iii.149-50]

    “I ain’t often right but I’ve never been wrong
    It seldom turns out the way it does in the song”
    (“Scarlet Begonias” composed and written by Jerry Garcia and Robert Hunter.) Taurus: One of my biggest lesson that I endeavor to impart is about the difference between love and lust. As a younger person, it was easy to confuse the two. As a much younger guy, I’m sure I did. The two are intertwined, hopelessly and inextricably wrapped up in each other’s mess. Love and lust. Both begin with a similar sound, the “L” words. Both move mountains. While faith, good works, heroic deeds and good intentions are still waiting on the coffee to kick in, Love/Lust have moved mountains, even pushed continents aside. Crossed the mighty and fearsome seas — and back. Good deeds? Still in the waiting room of life. Love and/or Lust are far more powerful than any number of other motivating factors. The problem, with Mars-Venus-Mercury intertwined like this? Makes it hard to separate the two emotions. To a younger mind, or even to old guys like me, the difference can pose a challenge. As a Taurus, right now, right here, right now, you’re thusly challenged: love. Or lust? Does it really matter? Depends on what your next action is. Depends on what you intend. Gemini: Sometimes, I only catch portions of conversation. Sometimes, I only hear the last little bit, or partial fragment of whatever was the entire statement. Heard and overheard. Bits and pieces. “I know, it’s like watching a dog chase a car, right, he gets it, what’s he going to do?” I have know idea what this was in reference to. I was in a bar at the time. I don’t know who — or what — was chasing whom. My imagination, your Gemini imagination, you can fill in the details as you like. However, I’d like to add my own material to the catch phrase, “Like a dog chasing a car, he get it, what’s he going to do?” I can just imagine a Gemini buddy of mine with a bumper of a truck in his mouth, and he’s slinging that car around like it was a rag doll. Fairly violent imagery for the birthday crowd, but bear with me.

Other than that one Gemini buddy, you catch the car, what are you going to do with it? You can wish all you want, but what happens when those wishes come true? Anyway, the big push is in Taurus. Mars-Venus-Mercury. Can bring up a lot of your own dog chasing a car I just hope it isn’t a parked car you’re chasing.

Cancer: I’m not saying this affects all Cancer-types, but my venerable and esteemed Moon Children tend, I’m not saying for sure, but they tend to have natural fear of presentation. Like, the art and act of standing in front of a group of people and giving a lecture. The act and art of doing so in an engaging manner. I’ve lectured, taught and done workshops, off and on, for years. I got over my fear of presentation. It was a bit daunting at first, but repetitive exposure cured me. I’m not saying that you have a fear of standing in front of a crowd. I’m not suggesting that it’s stage fright, or any other of its related fears. I would suggest, though, that there an upcoming event where you have to stand in front. Stand out. Something. I found that swishing my long hair, while I was talking at the chalkboard, that seemed to keep students attention. I’m not sure what’s going to work for you. Anymore, my hair is less of an issue.

Leo: Client is a nail tech. I asked what color it was. She told me. There are variations, striations and delineations in the color spectrum that I’m clearly not aware of. I have two different plastics that are called “Margarita,” presumably, named for the drink as the color tends towards a soft green. Some might call it a lime color. Ask an expert. She’s a nail tech, she plays with colors all day. Excellent eye. She also paints, but that’s not what this is about, her main income is derived from painting nails. After a few years, I noticed, this one client, she’s better about color names than anyone else I know. Might be because it’s her business. Might be other influences. When I was curious as to what color a certain fishing lure was, I asked her. She gave me a very definite answer. No room for (non-Leo) ambiguity. If you’re not sure about an issue. If you’re not sure about what a color really is, or what to name a certain thing, just ask. No room for (non-Leo) ambiguity.

Virgo: For several years, I had these heavy bookends, just large –vaguely geometric — shapes carved from quartz or granite or something. Little dab of felt on the bottom, so as to not mar the bookshelf, or, in this case, the top of the desk. Used those bookends for years. One time, though, I reached up and fetched down a reference manual, and the rest of the books in the line fell over, which, in turn, pushed one of those heavy bookends off the shelf. At the time, it dented the floor in a trailer in a South Austin trailer park. I’m just glad a barefoot wasn’t close. I was thinking about bookends because there are two astrological events that seem to bookend this 7-day period. Punctuated by the moon, so to speak. The moon is the heavy bookends. Saturn and good stuff is sandwiched between those bookends. The trick is, if you can, can you, maybe, try accessing material without that heavy object sliding off the shelf, off the book case, falling from the top of the desk. After it dented the floor, I covered that dent with a throw rug, but after that? I shifted the books around so that it wouldn’t happen again. With a corner chipped, as well, I had to get rid of those unwieldy and largely too ornamental bookends.

Libra: There’s a difference between “beginning anew,” the ubiquitous “re-inventing yourself,” and merely figuring a few things out. What works. What doesn’t work. What fulfills your soul. What pisses you off. What’s good and what’s not. With Saturn heavy on your soul, at this point, it’s not about “reinventing yourself,” it’s more about jettisoning the part you don’t like. Stuff that weighs you down. Excess accumulated crap. Toss the stuff that doesn’t work for you. I was fishing with a buddy and when I showed up, I was riding in the back of the boat, I brought a plastic grocery bag full of “plastics.” The term “plastics” refers to plastic worms, craw-critters, latex-like lizards, and so forth. Any number of plastic bits and pieces that we use for bait. It’s the tale-end of years’ of accumulation of material. My buddy, he’ll sort through that stuff. Some is good. Some is useful to him, some is trash. Three-inch blue curly-tail grub? Useful for mountain trout, I suppose, but not much good in Texas. Probably toss that. See? Some stuff to toss, some stuff to save. It’s not a new beginning, it’s a time to unburden the Libra soul.

Scorpio: I really must stop procrastinating. I’ll get to this tomorrow. Or the day after, but soon. How soon? Very soon. I promise, no really, I do. The little planets Mars-Venus-Mercury line up in Taurus, which is opposite you and that makes for some uncomfortable energy. Reread the opening line to the Scorpio horoscope. Instead of me suggesting that you stop procrastinating? I’d suggest you try that line. You’ll get around to it. It’s on your list. You’re working on it. I’ll get it tomorrow. I plan to get to that next. I promise, that’s next. Just as soon as I finish here, we’ll get to that. That much planetary opposition means that you can make events turn in your favor but to do so, I keep suggesting you buy yourself a little time. Not my time, I mean, get some kind of breathing room. Delay the action. Procrastinate. Never do today what can be put off for a week — or two. Those little planets opposite you? They can make you do rash things in a big hurry. That creates problems. To save your Scorpio self the trouble and irreparable damage? Procrastinate. I can give you tips on how to do that, as I’m good at it. Hit me next week.

Sagittarius: A buddy of mine, not named ‘bubba,’ and certainly not Sagittarius, was trying to decipher a fishing solar-lunar table. When is the good time to fish, when is the best time, when does the bite turn on, when does the fishing action turn off. “Always around sunrise, too, need to be on the water by sun-up.” I agree. While some summer mornings it’s just very difficult to roll out of bed, if there is fishing and coffee is on? Then I’m good to go. Sun-up, sunrise, the early part of the morning, here, in my countryside, the morning is delightful. Cool, damp, with a heavy dew indicating that it’s going to be another muggy spring day. Warming up for a real roaster of a summer, too. But here, just as Gemini starts, as a Sagittarius, the key, the trick, the way to maximize the potential fishing times, the way to get it all? Early up and out. Like fishing. Might not be fishing for trout or bass, or whatever, all depends. But up and out early. One morning, next week, after this weekend, plan to hit the water, or wherever you fish, plan to be out there earlier than anyone else. There’s one lake, east of Austin, I consider it a point of honor to be on the water before the park ranger is in the cabin (office).

Capricorn: I recall sage advice from a buddy of mine, not named “bubba,” if that matters, and it doesn’t, “Don’t take political advice and commentary from a singer whose big hit was ‘whang-dang-sweet poontang.’ Just doesn’t carry the correct gravity.” I think my buddy was searching for the word “gravitas,” but I’m loathe to insert words into my friend’s mouth. I just try and report the facts. However, the point was well-taken. It’s about source material. It’s about who is an expert, or who is a self-appointed expert, or what the real story is. Or was, in that example. Rockstars don’t make good political people. Likewise, politicians don’t make good rockstars. You’re Capricorn. I’d watch the source material. I’d watch the root of the equation. I’d watch the foundation bits and pieces. The place where you start. I’d watch the beginning point. The source. Like taking political advice from a rockstar whose big hit was, oh, never mind. You get the right image?

Aquarius: The ability to multitask, I’m wondering, isn’t it native in an Aquarius? Usually, this is. You can juggle two-three lovers, jobs, events, projects all at the same time. I don’t mean, like nine items, but like about three or so, no big deal. Usually. These aren’t usual times, not for you. Instead of trying to juggle two or three things, be that lovers, friends, projects, jobs, tasks, or whatever? The pressure is on, I know the Sun is in Gemini, the original symbol for multitasking, but no, this isn’t about that Gemini influence. The “inner planets” (Mars is an exception, but for naming conventions, let’s just pretend) Mercury-Venus-Mars are all in Taurus, and that creates tension. One thing. Concentrate on one thing at time. It’s hard, as you keep wanting to move onto the next item, but no, don’t. One thing at time.

One. Thing. At. A. Time. Aquarius.

Pisces: Stability and instability. I love this stuff, but then, I’m an astrologer, so I revel in the planets’ actions. I enjoy watching this mix unfold. Mars-Venus-Mercury in tight formation — in Taurus — are about stability. Saturn, in Libra, again, this is about stability. Sun slips into Gemini, this is about coherent chaos! This is about fun, games, and best of all, unpredictable results! Again, there’s an inherent tension from stability and order as it fights with instability and certain chaos. Fun and games! Action! Unpredictable results! Here’s the catch: I’ve warned you. I’ve let you know that this is inherently unstable time. Nothing will go the way you think it should go. However, and that’s a good interjection here, however, it does work out for some long-term stability. I’ll bet, though, you can’t see that at this time.

Aries: I got a coupon for a free coffee drink at a well-known (and occasionally despised) chain. I ordered an extra large, six shots of espresso, dry, non-fat cappuccino. The counter guy didn’t blink. The girl making the drink, nodded. “No sleep ’til Brooklyn, that’s what I call it,” I said. She nodded. There are days when my wit is wasted on the masses. Or worse, think about the title to that tune, and the counter help in that store, either that music never crossed their purview, or worse, maybe it had come and gone before they were born. I’d hate to think I was that old, or that the music was that dated. Anyway, this isn’t about the music at all, or is it? It’s about that coffee drink. About six shots of espresso. Perfect way for an Aries to deal with the planets and what’s going on. A little extra jolt. This was only worthwhile because it was a free drink. No strings attached. A coupon, in the mail. Free. Free works. Free, the most expensive drink I could think of. Enough caffeine to last for days. That’s the point. Something to make it through this mess, alert. Modify the drink order a need be for your individual tastes and needs. “I’d like 12 hots in a big one, and top it off with drip coffee…”

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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  • Sarah Smith May 21, 2011 @ 9:00

    A man worthy of emulation.

  • Caroline Sdano May 21, 2011 @ 13:11

    Which morning are you talking about for Sagittarius? Thanks!

  • Kramer May 21, 2011 @ 22:12

    @Caroline Sdano
    Next Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…