Horoscopes by Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 4.5.2012

“My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep, the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite.”
Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet [II.ii.141-3]

astrofish.net Aries: No good turn ever goes unpunished, old and familiar proverb. Worthy of note, too, as it’s too true. Seems like a good turn, a favorable deed, a kind favor, no matter what the deal is? Seems like that will not go without provocation and then the ensuing trouble. I know it’s your birthday. I know it’s your time. I understand that. I’m just suggesting, merely an idea, just a comment, you keep a lid on it. Cap it. Sit down, shut up and stay out of the way. In one branch of astrology, birthdays are less a time of out-and-out party and a time better served by introspection. I know this is a big one, and I know it’s a big deal, but let’s time this correctly. Slow down. Let someone else open the door for you. Don’t rush in; take your time. Practice the “parade” wave. You’d be surprised how much better this type of demeanor serves your Aries self. To borrow a line from another sign, “Always act as if there is an invisible tiara on your head.”

Available now: the Mars Minute.

astrofish.net Taurus: Fortune Cookie – “Traveling to the south will bring unexpected happiness.” I had strange time-space, temporal dislocation. There was a time when “traveling to the south” meant Mexico. An “adult” playground. Fun, irresponsible behavior, heavy drinking, the usual. These days, “traveling to the south” means headed to the Gulf Coast, and some inshore fishing. Which does bring unexpected happiness. Especially when the fish are biting. The fish aren’t biting this weekend, but that’s not going to stop you from having some kind of Taurus fun.

Something. However, if this is anything like the fishing? I’d wait until the weekend is over before going out. Let the full moon fallout subside. Just a little.

Gemini: Ever find a Gemini at a loss for words? It can happen. Might even be this week. Could be. Very possible, One of those little “Whisky Tango Foxtrot” situation, and there’s our fine Gemini friend, there you are, mouth agape, and nothing coming out. Most Gemini, not all, but a better than average statistical sampling, most of the Gemini I know, am related to, or encounter regularly, most, if not all, just open their mouths and stuff pours out. A veritable torrent of words, positively biblical in proportions, nonstop banter and important verbiage, usually co-mingled with male-bovine-excrement. All and one in the same. So “speechless” is a rare and obscure condition. What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue? More than likely, it’s Mars, retrograde in Virgo, as that planet makes a nasty tension angle to Venus, in Gemini. Hence the troubles. What’s wrong, Mars got your tongue?

Cancer: Pause a beat. I used to use a particular kind of bait, ‘stick bait,’ used for bass fishing. Let it drop to the bottom. Flutter, really. Let is gently sink down in the water. After using a lure like crank baits, so named because much time is spent cranking them back in, the gentle finesse of that stick bait with its slow presentation, it takes a certain level of patience. Sorely lacking in Cancer, next few days. Could be a number of factors, full moon, Pluto in Capricorn, Mars Retrograde in Virgo, Sun/Uranus in Aries, like I implied, a number of factors. Saturn, in Libra, even. The planets cause an anxious behavior, in Cancer. The best way to handle this anxious, nervous energy? Pause an extra beat. In my mind, what I do, instead of counting to a two-beat, I count to four. 1-2-3-4. Doing so allows that bait to settle to the bottom. Fish think it looks delicious and the rest is an image for the website. Pause then pause a second time. Doesn’t matter what you’re fishing for, or, for that matter, what bait. Pause a second time.

Leo: “If it is meant to be, then it is up to me.” Simple Leo mantra for the next few days. I’m less about big tasks and more about routine and mundane items that are supposed to happen. Make them happen. Give the item or project a gentle Leo nudge. Think about a cat playing with an almost dead — the way this happens to me is the cat would bring me members of the roach family. Every so often, maybe if she was fast, a lizard, but usually, roaches. She’d bat the hapless critter around until she was done with it. She might eat half, but that was it. Gentle nudge, a few times, see if it was still alive. Nudge it. I’m not one to belabor a point, don’t be foolish, just a nudge. Make it happen with the gentlest of (Leo) gestures. Like the mantra for the week says….

Virgo: I’m unsure of where the law stands now, but as I understood it some years ago, a sample, like, and audio sample of a copyrighted work, that sample was free to use as long as the audio sample was ten seconds or less. I’m not a lawyer. I’m not going to have my legal department back up my claims. I don’t know what the current ruling is. I don’t care. This is about the way the original mix-masters used a simple lick, over and over, to get the desired effect. Scratching, mixing, dubbing, whatever that was called. I can do it electronically a whole lot easier than using real vinyl, too. As a suggestion, way to get things moving this week? Full moon and its assorted fallout? Sample. Sound byte. Short clip. Less than ten seconds, over and over, over and over, again and again. Repeat. Message is clear, it’s short message and it needs to be repeated, like the chorus in a song, over and over again. Same message, short and sweet, over and over. Again and again. One more time, scrub the track, break it on down, over and again.

Libra: Incorporated in my collection of quotes, the book I assembled, there’s a mention of Chaucer’s lawyer character who was busy, but always seemed busier than he really was.

I can’t do the poetry justice, not in translation. Or even original Middle English. The quote echoed through my mind, basically an empty space, anyway, and it was that quote about being busier than you really are. Always coming and going, and yet, no definite destination seems apparent. Or maybe it’s taking too many steps to get from here, wherever that may be, to there, wherever that might be. Are you adding unnecessary steps to arrive at your Libra destination? My guess, based on Sun/Uranus in Aries and Saturn still in Libra, my weekly prognostication is you’re taking too many steps. Think of shortcuts. Improved efficiency. Less work, more output.

Scorpio: “You’re my favorite Scorpio.” I looked up. I had one Scorpio female client in front of me, and another one was signing up. The first snickered, then appeared to have her wee little Scorpio feelings hurt. “I can’t believe you did that. Right in front of me.” I didn’t miss a beat, smiled, and kept right on going. My propensity to like whatever sign is in front of me works well.

Not being able to remember names, I can remember the signs. It’s what I do. Makes it simple. “You’re my favorite (insert sign here).” Caught with two at the same time? Made for some fun and what would’ve made some people uncomfortable. Didn’t miss beat, not me. But I’m not Scorpio and I admire Scorpio for their tenacity.

Sagittarius: Come Monday, everything will probably not be all right. I don’t care what the lyrics suggest, it looks worse by Monday, not better. The Full Moon has its inherent fallout, and that’s the source of the ire. One, little, almost insignificant task you forgot — I’m Sagittarius, too — but I didn’t forget, because I wrote this ahead of time, and then, the roll-out, I paid attention.

Wednesday night, Thursday Morning, Friday, Saturday, then the weekend is over, and there’s something on the ubiquitous “to do” list that didn’t get attention. One thing. One item. One piece of the puzzle. One task that had a Sunday deadline, and we missed it.

Subscribe to the scopes and get this information on time, then remember to look at the list of goals, dreams, aspirations, the list of tasks that must be accomplished before Monday rolls out. Forgot, didn’t you? One thing. One goal. One task. Simple, really, read this ahead of time, and we’re good. Pull a typical SAgittarius, “I’ll get to it later,” and we’ve got problems. It’s trigger point, late in the weekend, wait, remember the “blue laws?” couldn’t buy certain things on Sunday. Like liquor. Beer. So buy enough on Saturday. Like the out-of-date blue laws.

Capricorn: I was chatting with a client, one of the events I work at frequently. I was standing, waiting on the CD to finish burning, and I backed up against the wall, and tried a simple gyration. There was an itch, not much of one, but a persistent little itch that begged to be scratched. I was chatting, one eye on the burner, and I backed up against the wall, up, down, a little to the left, a little to the right. Could be a dance. Could be a way of invoking a spell. Could be a mystical mantra in physical form. Could be many things. My example? An itch. My solution? That’s what was the source of amusement. Had it been anyone else? Would be too weird for words, right? That’s the problem and the solution, this next few days. An itch, a metaphorical, metaphysical itch that can’t be scratched by normal means. Don’t be afraid to improvise as the situation present itself. Never hurts to do whatever is necessary to insure physical, and metaphysical, Capricorn comfort. Might look a little odd, like me, but who really cares? What’s most important?

“Are you dancing?”

astrofish.net Aquarius: It’s a way to define generations and striations between groups. What’s the first music you bought with your own money? Get some folks, it was a record. Me, for example, I fall into the “cassette” grouping. Records didn’t last as long as cassettes, and the little cassettes were the first, truly portable music. Says something about age. Previously, I’ve alluded to this thinking en bloge. It’s a matter of understanding where and what a person is. In the future, I anticipate this being, “What was the first video you purchased?” Think: BetaMax, VHS, DVD, Blue-Ray, and what’s next’s next?

Think about a different way to group stuff, like, what was the first music you bought?

astrofish.net Pisces: A simple gesture of kindness, that’s the key phrase for the next few days. A simple, easy gesture. Not much. Not a big deal. I’m reminded that no good turn goes unpunished, and I’d warn you about that. I’d warn you that I was trying to be polite, but anything other than door-opening, that might not be a good idea.

I did help an elderly lady across the street, but it was less of me taking her arm, and more of me adjusting my gait so I paced alongside her. Kept any cars from running her over. I was taller and there’s, frankly, there’s a lot more of me. I could damage a car. Dent the bumper, anyway, and that little, old lady? She wouldn’t be missed by the driver. In my simple gesture, in my example, I never touched her. I didn’t take her arm, I didn’t say anything, I just adjusted my pace, shortened my steps, and I was a big help. She felt better and thanked me. As a Pisces, follow in my steps as exactly as you can. It was a good turn, but I didn’t touch her. No contact. Pretty hard for this to bounce back and bite me.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • anca Apr 7, 2012 @ 6:13

    I think I finally got the message in the Sag scope. I think I might have thought of the one thing. I hope things improve when Mars straightens out. But somehow I don’t know if we will ever really be out of the woods……….

  • Kramer Wetzel Apr 7, 2012 @ 6:27

    Looks like about three more years of unsteady progress.

  • anca Apr 8, 2012 @ 7:29

    Well, I guess I should appreciate any kind of progress. And three yrs. will pass by regardless. I guess that means the world won’t end in Dec. …….

  • Kramer Wetzel Apr 8, 2012 @ 19:31

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure the world won’t end. Change, yes, for sure. But not the end of the world.