“There is an evil among all things that are done under the sun — ”
Ecclesiastes 9:3 (KJV)

I know, all biblical on Gemini, but there was just something about the duality of the Gemini nature that begged a King James quote. You know how I feel about that version of the bible, right?

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 5.21.2015

Gemini:

Buddy of mine, here in town, he’s got a cool-looking microphone on his arm, tattoo. “When my voice fails/Music prevails,” is how his inscription reads. Kind of an old school, in appearance, the microphone. The image and the message it evokes? Very important. Mercury, retrograde in Gemini, along with magnificent Gemini birthdays, and whatever else might be coming along? Oh, yeah, Mars. Remember him? He compounds the Mercury Retrograde feelings and lack of action. Or lack of voice.

Still, my buddy has it tattooed on his arm, “When my voice fails/My music prevails.” It’s like, there’s a message there you don’t want to forget. I suggest, especially with the ongoing Mercury Mayhem, that the Gemini voice will fail. Vocal chords don’t vibrate, the tone, the timbre, the tremolo doesn’t tremolo? Something breaks down, with your communication. I ran into some friends on the street, while I was walking. They stopped and started talking, I just held up my phone, indicating the earbuds in place. Shrugged. Music wasn’t that loud, but I could pretend that I couldn’t understand a word my friends said over the nasal drone of a country crooner in my ears.

Cancer:

Regional influences in cuisine matter. In my professional wanderings, I’ve noted that there are several distinct versions of “Tex-Mex” in various parts of the state. Subtle differences, but differences, nonetheless. Comfort food is important when Mercury is Retrograde, no? This regional riff on foods was brought about another regional chain, What-A-Burger. Anyone from Texas or the surrounding environs will recognize the name and importance.

As chain-store, mass-market, fast-food goes? What-A-Burger is the best. It’s local, started in Corpus Christi, Texas, with the headquarters now in San Antonio. Family owned, family operated, fast-food style that has a certain local flavor, not available elsewhere.

One What-A-Burger exec was talking to me, explaining that there are two kinds of people in the world, those who hate all fast food, What-A-Burger included, and then, people like me, as soon as I found out it was What-A-Burger? I rejoice as it’s the best of that ilk. All about flavor. All about greasy, relatively fresh ingredients and local culture. Sure, it’s cheap fast food, but it’s a touch better than anything else. As far as a way for Cancer to make it through this week? Cheap, local, some kind of comfort food that works for you.

Best example? Bacon. Get some bacon on it. you’ll feel better despite Mercurial Mayhem.

Me? I like a bacon-cheeseburger with jalapeño. Perfect. Won’t fix anything, but will give us something to chew on while this mess unfolds.

The (mighty) Leo:

“Great. just great,” the Mighty Leo laments, “Jupiter, my one shot at good luck and Mercury is Retrograde. This is all your fault, Mr. Fishing Guide to the Stars. All your fault.” Really? “Really,” intones the Leo, with no hint of irony or sarcasm in the voice. There are a number of methods of working through this week’s weird, Mercurial Mayhem ™ energies, just matter of finding what works best for the majestic Leo.

I’d start with a review process. There’s a sense of renewal that’s coming up, and this review process, sometimes, some days, like, this week? It helps to look at where you’ve been before you move forward. Look over the past few weeks’ of work, and notice a trend. Notice a trend besides blaming me for the current disposition and dispensation of the planets and their energies. There’s a valid review process, doesn’t have to be a big, long, process, just a few moments to notice the Leo high spots. The good stuff. The wins, the losses, the draws. Process this review, as we start Gemini. The review leads to a sense of renewal. Something old becomes new again, under review.

Virgo:

With this current state of affairs, you know, Mercury is one of the Virgo planets, times are tough. The best way to deal effectively with this? Remember the old adage, “A bad day fishing is better than a good day at the office?” Consider locations, consider the Virgo set-up, and consider that Mercury is retrograde in Gemini, where the Sun is, as well, and that this makes things uncomfortable for the Virgo elements. Can’t fix that. What I can do is warn you that this is what’s effecting you this way, and what you can do, sometimes, nothing is the best course of action. Or, if you insist, you can be like me, and you can be wrong, but loud and proud. Your choice, Virgo.

Libra:

There’s a special kind of self-reliant personality trait required. Sure, Mercury is in an evil tailspin, and sure, Mercury’s spin is exacerbated by Mars, and further compounded by Neptune, but this is about Libra and being self reliant. There’s a point when, yes, you do work well with others, but there’s a point when being able to do this yourself is more important. Simple catch phrase for this week, for Libra? “No sweat, I got this one.” Now, you’d like help. You’d like some assistance. You’d enjoy a familiar shoulder to help bear your burden. The way this falls out, though, be prepared to go this one alone. Be prepared to handle it all by yourself. Forewarned is forearmed. You’re now duly prepared.

This next week, you’re going to have to, want it, or find a situation wherein the best, most expedient route for the Libra?

“Go ahead, I got this one by myself.”

Scorpio:

Old rule, or for me, a familiar guideline, “You can never go wrong counting on people to let you down.”

“People” can mean co-workers, bosses, subordinates, wives, girlfriends, the list goes on and on. As a Scorpio with the planets the way they are? I’d count on someone letting you down, in the worst way, at the worst possible time. As a Scorpio, too, you knew this was going to happen, and you hoped it wouldn’t but there are days when the dark side of the psyche refuses to admit light. As a Scorpio, there’s a kind of tension, and you’re looking for the worst in people. As a Scorpio, this is what’s going on, next few days.

It’s not all bad, there will be a highpoint, a saving grace, some kind of “miracle,” from other quarters, but you can’t count on when, or whom, or how, that’s going to happen. Just count on people being flakes, and you’re fine.

Sagittarius:

There are a myriad of finite, technical details that makes this place run like it does. I’ve spent years honing, crafting, developing, testing, and refining the processes that I use to get from information locked in my brain to useful data that makes sense. Or sometimes makes sense. Or amuses, challenges, and on more than one occasion? A serious “W-T-F.” I can’t be right all the time. I know this. I’m also aware that, as I went along, I built in “fail-safe” options, plans, procedures, ways to get around the problems, and double redundant security. With back-ups.

Doesn’t matter. This week? Something will go wrong.

What’s worse, a misplaced click on the screen, a casual swipe on a smart phone, a stupid gesture on a tablet, accidentally hitting the “delete” key at the wrong time? All in there. This week. It will happen. Here’s the trick, casually, stop before making any of the same mistake worse, just stop, and work backwards to undo the problem. The erasure, the deletion, the click, the swipe. Whatever it was, just go backwards. The trick and this a reminder for myself, as much as anything else, stop. Stop when the error is detected. No further motion make this less of a mess to clean up, which we will be doing.

Capricorn:

I was riding with a fishing buddy, as we were headed to a lake, little afternoon fishing. Normal activity, right? He has that satellite radio thing. He tuned to a channel, and the guy on the radio was signing, this was a country song, “Tequila makes her take her clothes off.” I pulled out my phone and made a note of the lyric. I’m sure this is a big hit on some Country and Western stations, or channels, or whatever, the airwaves, and is it really air waves? Anyway, the song was kind of a formula hit, country crooner, but the sad fact, I’ve — personally — had terrible luck with tequila and girls with their clothes staying on. Except for one Virgo, and that’s another story, best left elsewhere.

This isn’t really about tequila, or women, or clothes that comes off, perhaps at inappropriate times, no, this is about Mars and Mercury, plus the added spice of an adult libation. I don’t know, but I’ve observed that tequila — generally — does make women lose clothing. Same happens to the guys, but fewer people are concerned.

I’m pretty unconnected to current musical trends, so I can’t say anything about the hit, or the musician, no research here. However, as an observed fact, tequila and similar libations tend to do this. As an admonishment for Capricorn? Maybe stay away from the tequila, this week.

Aquarius:

The proliferation of “Keep Calm and (insert phrase here)” with variations on the original artwork? Scattered across the inter webs and then, even into the real world, as posters, T-Shirts, and so forth?

Yes, well, there’s one for this week’s energies, for Aquarius, “Keep Calm and Hang On.”

I have another version, used previously, one fishing buddy has a “Scary Fast” bass boat. “Sit down. Shut up. Hang on.” He then hole-shots away from the dock, reaching maximum velocity in three seconds or less. On a boat, low in the water, the bow tilted upwards? With even mild spring chop? It’s a bouncy, beating ride. Gets there in hurry, though. I doubt this is about Aquarius scooting across the water. I doubt this week is about boat rides that scare me. Or boat rides that scare your Aquarius self, no that’s not the message. The message is back to the “Keep Calm and Hang On.” Or “Keep Calm and (something)” as that might need an adjustment for individual situations, but still, the message is clear. Starts with “Keep Calm…”

Pisces:

There’s a very Pisces skill-set I admire. The ability to cloak, the ability to bend the will of the world, and others, to your own, Pisces liking. It’s, like magic, or the Force, or some kind of mystical ability to manipulate unseen elements in a way that benefits Pisces, mostly. I’ve watched it, fallen prey to it, been its (willing) victim, and I understand it. The Pisces Way, sort of set an intention, then watch, as everything unfolds in a good way for the Pisces. Usually.

This isn’t a normal week, as Neptune, in Pisces, gets a kick in the pants from Mars and Retrograde Mercury, in both in Gemini. Good, bad, indifferent? I’m just saying that the normal charm, the normal grace and ease that makes everything always seems smooth for Pisces? That might encounter a problem or two. Charm only goes so far, you know. After about 20 minutes, there needs to be some substance.

Charm is good thing, and Pisces magic, that’s good, too, but this is a few days when sometimes, that charm and magic, feels like it doesn’t work. Just a heads up.

Aries:

“I learned that lesson already,” buddy of mine was assuring, as I looked ahead at Retrograde Mercury, Mars, and his astrology chart. Aries. “I learned that lesson already,” he assured me. Then this little test won’t hurt a bit, and you’ll answer the questions correctly, right? “Of course, as I learned that lesson already.” What I thought.

This alignment between Mars and the currently Retrograde Mercury brings about a challenge, a review, and possibly a lesson repeated over. Or not, depends on how you, as an Aries and as a Martian Person, depends on how you answer the question. Questions. Lesson. Test.

“I learned that lesson already,” he said, and then I watched as he did the same — exact same — thing, over. Repeated the previous mistake, and the outcome was, predictably, bad.

I’m here to help. I’m reminding you that you’ve seen this exact situation before. How you responded in the past? Did that work? If so, you know what to do. If it don’t work to your advantage last time?

Do something different. That simple. Mars. Retrograde Mercury. You: Aries.

Taurus:

Classically, this is the “Can’t escape the (domicile)” scenario. There’s much to do, much that is happening outside, and much that requires, even demands, your Taurus attention. Herein is the problem, too, as there’s much that you want to do, but the couch is like a sink hole, it opens up and swallows you entirely, or, worse, it’s like a sticky fly trap and you can’t escape. Mostly this is a function ascribed to the effects of two planets, Mars and Mercury (retrograde). There is no escape, but my solution albeit, not always a good a solution, but as a simpler solution? Grab a good book. Something you’ve been meaning to read, the latest thriller, a mystery, some evocative science fiction, whatever it is that works for you. One Taurus buddy? He’ll grab a good Western, and like I’ve suggested, whatever seems to work.

Turns out, there’s one Western writer, and that particular author did excellent location research for many of his “Western” novels. There’s an educational bend albeit, never tell my buddy that, he’d hate to think what he was reading for pleasure might have an educational element, too. Still, it does broaden the mind. The couch is calling, this week, despite our best efforts to escape its clutches? Maybe it is time to curl up with a book, or book-like device.