fishing guide to the stars

Ever notice that Scorpios seem to get a lot of attention as the "bad people" of the zodiac? Born under a "bad sign"? It is unfair, I intend to personally dispel the myth.

best signSCORPIO, the SCORPION, or the EAGLE, approx. Oct. 23-Nov. 21 — who wants to know, is there a conspiracy or something?
Ruled by: Pluto and Mars, too
Symbol: A little "M" with a Scorpio stinger
Element: Water
Quality: Fixed
House: 8th House, who wants to know? Why? Is there a conspiracy about the 8th House?
Keyword: Transformative Change


Flavor: One great astrology teacher introduced food as an experiential part of the learning process. For Scorpio, the food was oysters. While this may be perfect, the students with a lot of Scorpio turned their collective noses up at the raw oysters. Since I have a Sagittarius gastrointestinal tract, I gobbled up the proffered delicacies with relish. And a little horseradish. I still don't have a good flavor for Scorpio, but I suspect that a dark chocolate Mole sauce works pretty good on them -- especially with just hint of some cayenne and maybe a little spicy chili.

Grocery store: Grocery purchase patterns of a Scorpio are strictly held secrets and none of us have been able to ferret out this information. But we're working on it, and if we ever get to observes Scorpio’s in the store, we’ll let you know. I suspect that they purchase a lot of canned goods which can be stored in dark places for long periods of time. You can never be too prepared.

Music: Once again, this is secret information, and no sources have been able to determine what the consumer patterns for Scorpio really is. Walmart at midnight: Most of the Scorpio's I've observed while shopping at midnight have a tendency to linger around the hunting and fishing department. I think they are looking at firearms, but I can't be too sure about it. This is the result of the Uncertainty Principle which is amended to read that an observed Scorpio will do something different, just to throw the results off and to make sure you don't record what it is that they are doing.

Brick wall: This one I know a little too well. Scorpio's, when faced with a brick wall, glance around nervously, and then saunter off to the nearest cafe. They order a cup of coffee, stir in some sugar, lick the spoon, and then put that spoon in their pocket. They go back to the brick wall under the stealthy cover of dark and dig a tunnel underneath it, carefully distributing the misplaced dirt so as not to leave a trail. Now, when they do get on the other side of the obstacle, they rather loudly point out how they stole a spoon and dug the tunnel all by themselves. Besides, there is no obstacle which is too much for a Scorpio.

Bait: Scorpio: Sneaky Snake -- I'll tell you a secret about how to catch a Scorpio, I mean, there's one thing that works best, but I don't want you to get paranoid, since it is the secret Scorpio ingredient, and keeping it a secret is no conspiracy. That's why the Sneaky Snake works so well on the Scorpio Bass. It's the allure of secrecy and mystery that catches that Scorpio attention. Just don't tell the Scorpio that this is a traditional lure for Scorpio's.

Dating: Classified information.

Revenge: Don't EVEN think about it.

Body part: Parts for regeneration and elimination.

Relationships: I'm still waiting to get the information back from the poll. Once I figure out how to decode the invisible ink, I'll pass this stuff along.

Famous Scorpio Personalites: Spiro Agnew, Adam Ant (born Stuart Leslie Goddard), Queen Marie Antoinette, Roseanne Arnold, Howard Baker, Charles Bronson, Albert Camus, Kate Capshaw, Cheiro, John Cleese, Stephen Crane, Jamie Lee Curtis, Bo Derek, Danny DeVito, Richard Dreyfuss, Jo Dufo, Thomas Dylan, George Eliot, Keith Emerson, Linda Evans, Myron Floren, Larry Flynt, Jodie Foster, Kinky Friedman, Bill Gates, Terry Gilliam, Whoopi Goldberg, Billy Graham, Tonya Harding, Goldie Hawn, Ray Wiley Hubbard, Rock Hudson, Russell David Johnson(the Professor), Hedy Lamarr, k.d. lang, Joe R. Lansdale, Marla Maples, Joseph McCarthy, Burgess Meredith, Jonny Lee Miller, Gram Parsons, Andy Partridge, George Patton, Phillips MacKenzie, Matthew McConaughey, Pablo Picasso, Sylvia Plath, Emily Post, Ezra Pound, Hillary Rodham–Clinton, Auguste Rodin, Roy Rogers, Will Rogers, Erwin Rommel, Winona Ryder, Grace Slick, John Phillip Sousa, Loretta Swit, Stanley Tucci, Ted Turner, Kurt Vonnegut, Joe Walsh [guitarist], Jane Wetzel ("Mother Wetzel"), Evelyn Waugh, and Henry Winkler.


SUN in SCORPIO
You are able to assess the real or potential value of things and people. This works well with your ability to create something new out of something old. You might make a wonderful cook, writer or composer. You seem to seek challenges requiring strength, swiftness, and cunning, but you are not a gracious or willing loser. Not at all. This gives an aura of being self-sufficient and competitive, like you are holding something back of yourself. It may seem funny, but you are not openly combative, preferring to work behind the scenes. This can also be seen in your need for privacy. Too bad you don't respect others' need for privacy, what with your probing, inquisitive ways.

You might have remarkable recuperative powers. You are stubborn and strong-willed while you can appear on the outside as congenial and gregarious. You have a tendency, deep down, to manipulate and control. You are possessive and vengeful with a need for emotional domination, yet you can also be subtle and would make a good researcher. Look -- Scorpios are known for their intensity of expression. You can be subtle and purposeful, even sarcastic, yet you are enigmatic, too.

Copeland was a Scorpio.

Some music you might want to try would include Vivaldi's "Four Seasons." Schubert's "Symphony No. 9," and Mahler's "Symphony No. 9." In fact, lots of Mahler is good for you.


SCORPIO ASCENDANT
You are bound to have a strong physique coupled with great physical stamina. You assiduously sticks to goals as long as there is a chance of success. You are emotionally oriented but emotional vulnerability is minimal. Got them shields up. You are a keen observers. You are also ambitious, energetic and seek activities that are economically rewarding or mentally or physically challenging. You enjoy associating with others who have strong, magnetic personalities. You can be secretive about feelings and motives. All that Scorpio you've got. You can be accommodating and pleasant in disposition, but you have a stubborn streak about a mile and a half wide.

Scorpio Ascendant personalities: Duane Allman, The Artist (Prince), David Berkowitz, Sir Richard Burton, Johnny Carson, Paul Cezanne, Marc Chagall, Chalie Chaplin, Joan Crawford, Roger Daltry, Clarence Darrow, Clint Eastwood, Dale Evans, Jerry Falwell, Calista Flockhart, A.J. Foyt, Gary Gilmore, Ethan Hawke, Katherine Hepburn, Charlton Heston, Kris Kristofferson, Gordon Liddy, Matthew McConaughey, Dennis Miller, Edgar Allen Poe, Annie Potts, Julia Roberts, Martin Sheen, Upton Sinclair, Grace Slick, Martha Stewart, Bobby Unser, Johnny Weismuller, Robin Williams, and William Wordsworth.


MOON in SCORPIO
Scorpio usually means sex, and with you, it's no different. You are an animal, at least in some respects. Then again, you have wide (size of a Ford truck, at least) mood swings. It seems like you are always trying to control, which is okay, since you have an amazing ability to overcome adversity. You are secretive with a keen interest in learning about others. Bad habits are hard to break, and this really holds true for you. Something else that drives you to distraction is situations that offer no solutions and people who refuse to reveal anything to you. You will probably reap the karmic rewards in this life rather than the next. Your intuition can be spot on, and you have a shrewd manner about you. You have the ability to be a clever mechanic or craftsman. You are best suited to emotionally dealing with resources, especially, and don't you hate these words, human resources.

Scorpio Moon personalities: Mario Andretti, Julie Andrews, Tammy Faye Bakker, Pat Benatar, William (Billy the Kid) Bonney, Dave Brubeck, Johnny Cash, Cesar Chavez, Eric Clapton, Gerard Depardieu, James Garner, George Harrison, Alfred Hitchcock, Henry James, k.d. lang, Bob Marley, Henry Miller, Eddie Murphy, Priscilla Presley, Will Smith, Tori Spelling, Steven Spielberg, Sharon Stone, Elizabeth Taylor, Dick Van Dyke, Jules Verne and Raquel Welch.


The cruel/benevolent hands of Fate
Astrologers as a species
Reading railroad

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(c) Copyright 2000 Kramer Wetzel, Austin, Texas