July is supposed to be fun! Yes, you have heard all that before, but I'm serious about this fun thing. Clean up the house and get ready for parties, and always remember what Mark Twain once said about July 4th:

"Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that only one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so."
--From Pudn'head Wilson's Calendar

Aries: Looks like a tough few weeks, and there's nothing I can do to make it any easier for you except to tell you about it. So much for the boring details. Now then, some of you are getting married, engaged, or whatever else you would like to call a serious and committed relationship. Or sadomasochistic bondage. That bodes well for you, especially this month (the relationship part).

Taurus: It's a long hot summer again, and things just aren't looking too well for the sign of the Bull. That's the bad news. The good news is that the rest of the signs, especially the Cardinal signs, are suffering far worse, so be happy about that. Later this month, you'll have an opportunity to make any wish you want come true. Don't miss the moment. Wear your glasses.

Gemini: With Mars and Venus making a forced march on you, romance is the big question. It's also the answer. In fact, love is about the only thing you can concentrate on. That leaves your significant other somewhat disturbed.

Cancer: Trust me, you ARE feeling better, aren't you? Birthdays are a good thing. Really. You're not just older, you are also wiser. Right? (Work with me on this.) Smart enough to know better, but still young enough to enjoy it all. I recommend that you stay away from sports that involve sticks and pucks. You could get hurt with too much physical activity. {c.f. I Corinthians:14}

Leo: Don't let the slowdown in the Romance Department slow you down; every aspect of your active lifestyle kicks into high gear the end of this month. It also marks the beginning of Leo. This is the best time of the year, and this year ought to be especially good.

Virgo: Last month was challenging. This is an easy month, or at least as easy as can be expected with the Sun windsurfing into Leo. You have a keen eye for detail; the end of the month leaves you roiled up because, once again, you're cleaning up after those loud and raucous Leos. Don't let their dirt bother you too much because your own party boat is approaching the harbor.

Libra It's like this, see: The world isn't such a bad place after all. If you didn't have a few interesting moments with the bill collectors, just think how dull your life would be! Managing a mortgage, taxes, and keeping yourself well-dressed will be a trick, even for a master magician like you or David Copperfield. And Mr. Tan has so much more responsibility keeping his high-maintenance fashion-model girlfriend/fiancee or whatever she is this week in nice clothes. Work figures prominently in your schedule for the next few weeks so forget about taking a vacation.

Scorpio: No deals cooking this month. It's like having the summer off. Problem is, you don't feel like you have the summer off. Good ol' you feels like stirring up trouble (leave it to a Scorpio). Your keyword for this month: radioactive.

Sagittarius: Since you survived last month to read this, I assume you were careful with sharp objects and Scorpios. This month, I warn you about flamethrowers and Aquarians. Those two combined with your happy Archer energy is just asking for trouble, Bubba. Use Sushi for bait.

Capricorn: That new car I was promising might be here by now. Of course, if you are going to be a real Cappy, then you need to consider the fashion style of the car, too, and realize that the new model year isn't out yet. Hold off on buying that car a little longer.

Aquarius: Your friend Uranus tangos with the Sun at the end of the month. Tangos are good unless they're on your head. For a few days, it might feel like you've had 13 cappucinos, and you are going to be erratically energized. If you can just keep your head while everyone else is losing theirs, you're winning.

Pisces: You know, if I could just figure out how to make money from Pisces, I could be rich. You are set for a windfall of money this month. Maybe not all, but most of you. OK, lottery odds being what they are, a few of you will. You heard about it here first. Don't forget to tip your astrologer. He does such a such a good job at keeping your glass half-full, not half-empty.