Mercury Retrograde alert for September 22 - October 14: Mercury is small, insignificant planet which goes around the sun ever 88 days or so, and, as such, it is given responsibility for such things as intellectual orientation in a person's life and communication. In fact, the planet is named for the romain' Messenger of the Gods, sort of like a celestial Package Delivery guy. He was the one with the little wings on his feet and hat. When Retrograde, that is, when the planet's apparent motion is backwards, there are itty-bitty problems which arise and become big ones. It's retrograde in Libra right now, so watch for miscommunications, especially with all the air signs: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius.
Libra and the autumn Equinox start on September 23, too.
Week of: September 18 - 24
Aries [3/23-4/20]: Mercury is doing it's dirty work at the end of this week, and besides that, you feel like just about everyone is out to get you, one way or another. Between the planets and the people, you just don't know which way to turn. Relax, put your feet and think about it: are you going to let your life be ruled by some small planet? No, of course not! So, set a new course, and plan for some rough weather -- take a duster and the rain hat, but don't be surprised if there's nothing but sunshine -- Mercury's evil tricks can conspire to make things good for you, too. Just when you least expect it.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: You are always accused of being bull-headed and while that doesn't really fit the description I have of a Taurus, for the next week or so, it does fit your behavior. Stubborn tendencies, and illogical (maybe aesthetically correct, but nonetheless illogical) decisions work against you. Best thing for you to do is put your metaphorical feet up until this retrograde thing is over. Watch out for over-zealous Scorpio's, too. There's one out there who would cross limitless expanses of desert just to get even.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Frustrations run high. Tempers run high. Better yet, you're a Gemini, so you're hot an d cold at the same time. Expect more of the same this week: lots of unexpected stuff falling out, both good and bad. Good for work, bad for play. Good for Artist Angst, bad for relationships. Good for inner driven creativity, bad for expression in the real world. Ever notice that the words "Real World" are pretty ugly?

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: You guys, I swear, you come rolling into this week with a giant head of steam, all worked and ready for everything to happen. Take a chill pill. Events are going to conspire to slow you down a little bit right. Put a little extra oil in for the outboard motor, this week. Try some bean oil, it seems to work better in two-stroke engines. Relationships, whether with an outboard motor or significant other, are highlighted. Watch your step and ALWAYS wear a life preserver when you're in the boat.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: it's a thin sliver a of a moon which affects you right now, and I would endeavor to act cautiously while moving around under this Mercury thing in Libra thing. Sort of thing. The weeks starts out with emotions at an all-time high, quickly moving to the all time low point. The Fall Equinox is a good place for you to begin getting ready for the winter party season.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Dear Virgo, it's your birthday, now isn't? I would so much like to promise you a happy and fulfilling time right now, it's just that one of your employers, the folks who seem to wield authority over you, commonly referred to as bosses, seems to have it out for you. And on your birthday, no less. Talk about a mean spirited person! Well, take solace in thinking that good comes to those who work for it. Remember that this is a temporary transition period, not a permanent condition, and you'll do much better.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: There's a scene in Shakespeare's Anthony and Cleopatra where the Queen asks a messenger for his message. She then proceeds to beat him because the Queen doesn't like the message. Actually, she beats him three times, and this is going to go on for three weeks. Delays, upsets, emotional trauma, "No one understands what I am say!", tantrums and their ilk. Get over it. It happens to all of us so just slow down and double check everything. Everything. Twice. At least. And don't send me any mail complaining about your plight right now.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: I usually go in order, when I write these epic little bits of astrological prose, like I start at one end of the Zodiac and work either backwards or forwards. But something made me stop this week and take a good look at Scorpio. You realize that you are now stuck with the last time in a lifetime offer? I mean, you can feel the energy approaching, and it's going to be the last time it will be like this. Ever. Do something useful or you might just self-combust. In fact, this whole Mercury retrograde thing might just sail right past you unnoticed. Isn't that a welcome relief?

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Too bad the Mercury retrograde thing won't sail past you unnoticed: the usual caveats apply. Watch your mouth, especially now. Especially now. That crude Sagittarius tongue might get you in a heap of ship dip if you're not careful. And Lady Luck won't help at a time like this. I know you've got the new video, "10 minutes to a flat stomach" but if you look down at that recent spare tire, you might realize that it's going to take more than ten minutes. This sort of thing never wins me compensation from a the Sagittarius set right now, but I'm serious about not overextending. Especially that belly. Cautiously exercise and exercise caution.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: All dressed up and no where to go? All stressed up and no where to vent? The stars don't want you interacting with other people right now, and that's too bad because you have just fallen in love, for about the 14th time this year, and you can't seem to get the attention of the person who has smitten you. Or that you are smitten by. Whatever. No silly antics are called for this week. People "In Love" do silly things, but that type of action is frowned upon right now -- it's like break dancin' in the boat, not a good way to impress your friends.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Tough stuff is over, if only for a while. In fact, at the beginning of the week, you ought to be feeling just about wonderful. Events, especially connected with work, couldn't be going any better. You will find that the last few weeks has poised certain problems and now you can find some solutions. This Mercury thing isn't going to effect you, either, because, after all, anything that effects the masses has no effect whatsoever on an Aquarius. You rebel, you.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Talk about a miserable beginning to a week! Sorry about that. Looks like your friends from work are being less than friendly today. I will assure you that it will get better, and even if it doesn't improve over this weekly period, you'll remember that I kept insisting that it was going to get better, and that you liked that information. The stars all conspire to make life difficult come Monday morning, but the pressure theoretically eases up by Friday. The charts for the week indicate that there is less stellar pressure on Friday.