From: KramerW@aol.com
Subject: Monthly Astrology Fishing Guide

"To-morrow is Saint Valentine's day,
All in the morning betime,
And I a maid at your window,
To be your Valentine"
Opehlia in Shakespeare's Hamlet [IV.v.83]

Monthly Overview of Astrological conditions: This month is going to include one of the best cosmic jokes that there is. It's traditionally called Valentine's Day, and it occurs on a weekend this year. The real cosmic joke, perhaps a twist of irony, is that Valentine's Day occurs during the Tropical Zodiac sign of Aquarius. Aquarian's have many fine characteristics, but the emotional [happy, sticky, mushy, gushy] side of romance is not one of the flavors often associated with this sign.

There is an eclipse on the 16, and just about two days before hand, Jupiter slides into Aries. These are all big doings, and it means that it will be an exciting month, on more than one level. Jupiter is about to make fast tracks through out the sign of Aries. And Ophelia? She always reminded me of a certain girl in a trailer park. But I guess that's another story.

Aries: A scant few days before the Sun and the Moon do a full on body tango with the emotional and intellectual side of your life, you get a boost. This is the beginning of period of time when you could, and I am not making this up, win the lottery. You know my feelings about the lottery by now, how it's just a state tax and no real people ever actually win, but this is a period of time when you will astound some of your friends with your ability to capitalize on some gains. The only problem with capital and gains, especially when they are used in the same sentence, is that the tax man is coming. Make sure you salt away a little bit so you can tithe your share to the government. Or you astrologer, for professional fees. Whatever works.

Taurus: I would like things to go better for you this month. I would like to be the hopeful, cheerful individual I usually am for you, particularly this month. Of course, the planets don't always agree with my overly optimistic outlook, and I'm sure you find that you share the same problem. The little planets, the ones with orbits inside of us, are good to you. The bigger ones, with orbits outside of us are not as kind and gentle this month. Maybe they are kind, but not gentle. Or is it gentle, but not kind? You're primary relationship is going to suffer a little this month. Look on the bright side, it's a short month. And the suffering doesn't have to be bad, you can go to great lengths to avoid conflict right now. By carefully avoiding nasty confrontations, you might be able to save this month. It's not a promise, but I would reckon that there is a high degree of hope in there, if only....

Gemini: The nicest thing about this month is that it runs as close as any month will to approximate Gemini time. With only 28 days, you're going to feel like the rest of the world has finally caught up to the way you do things. Now here's the problem, there isn't enough of this month to get everything done. You've got some major spring break plans which require acquisitions. You've got the whole Valentine thing to think about. You've got the eclipse pattern to worry over. Looks like a lot of mental energy is getting spent right now, doesn't it?It reminds me of one of my Gemini friends, showing up at my door, and he was full of it. He entered talking, and didn't stop complaining for 20 minutes. He was worried because his girlfriend was upset about the time he spent hanging out with me, and he was worried about the ramifications of his actions before anything had taken place. Now, I know that he's going to have a fine Gemini Valentine's Day this year, as will most Gemini's. What worries me is the incessant Gemini worry this month about which there is nothing anyone can do.

Cancer: I wish I could, right across the broad Cancer board, say that it was wonderful month for all. But it doesn't work quite that way. To be sure, and of this I am sure, there are one third of you who are going to have an excellent month with a special emphasis on the romance aspect of life. And then there's the one tenth that is still wrapping up the rest of the work issues which are definitely done by the end of this month. That leaves a large fraction that doesn't have a lot going on in either a good or bad way. The period of Jupiter in Aries makes for exciting changes, and I'll say that it's going to put some pressure on your money - making ability. It's going to be, ultimately, very good. And that's a change which occurs for all the Cancer's, starting around Feb. 14. There is also an undercurrent this month, thanks to Venus, which is a weak and benevolent influence. Remember that Venus is the finer things in life, and you're going to want to schedule a little extra time sipping coffee at the diner, talking about world issues and bait this month.

Leo: I couldn't help but notice that there is a really strange lunar cycle this month, and it's concentrated on you. Normally, for a good Leo, the Moon isn't that much of an influence. But seeing as how this month is a mere 28 days, and seeing as how this approximates the cycle of the Moon, I have to wonder if you aren't going to be more Lunar this month. Now, no mooning about. And no need to be a Lunatic, either. Realize that the Moon slips from sign to sign every two and half days, or thereabouts. And as long as you know that it's a lunar cycle that you're feeling, it will help you to deal with the mood swings this month. I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on television, but I seriously doubt that you need mood medication, not this month. Realize what the influence is, and one day you'll want to embrace the Moon, and the next, you'll be shaking your fist at her. It will get different. Relax and go with the subtle changes that come along.

Virgo: I realize that I might appear like a Pandarus type of character when I suggest that this is a good month for romance. However, and this is against all the odds, there is a bright light in yonder window. If I haven't mutilated too many allusions in the first two sentences, then perhaps you'll bare with me a little longer. For the bulk of this month, Venus is in Pisces, and it's around the middle degree on that fateful day when Jupiter squeaks into Aries. In simple language that even a football player could understand, you're set for a romance, or a romantical type of event, just about any day of this month. And the big V-Day holds good surprises as well. I can't promise that every Virgo will get lucky, but I can suggest that things are going to be going along rather well in your corner of the sky. Doesn't mean that all will be absolutely perfect, but it does look good for this month, as an overall view.

Libra: This is a good month in the Libra corner of the sky. The problem with this month is that it's going to set a tone for a tune that you will be humming for the next several months. There is a lot of activity going on around your household. Or trailer park, as the case may be. Time to turn your attention to spring cleaning, as we do in the Northern Hemisphere. I realize that you feel like it's a little early to be turning your attention towards such a mundane task, but your get up and go, just sort of gets up and leaves. You're going to find yourself less motivated to make the big trips, and more motivated to head down to the hardware store to pick up a few supplies for "home improvement" projects you've been meaning to get to. If I were a Libra, I would consider Pink Flamingos for the front yard as the first step in this beautification plan. In fact, after planting those pink birds, you might want to call it a month. The other question in the fore front of the Libra mind has to do with big Valentines Day ordeal. That looks good, no matter how you care to slice it up. I'd also like to take the time to remind you that a decent pair of pink birds for your front lawn (or back patio in my case) runs about the same price as an "El-Cheapo" relationship report from me. -- and both might prove useful this month.

Scorpio: I know this isn't your first rodeo. If it is your first, then I suspect you're not old enough to be reading this. Mars is coming along. The problem with Mars is attitude. I don't care if "attitude is everything," you're going to start out this month with a bad attitude. However, like most things, this attitude will lift soon enough. In fact, you might get accused of being a little manic this month because of the sudden shift. It's Mars, and he is riding herd through the early degrees of Scorpio. As long as Mars is herding you along, let me remind you about the real duties of the cowboy: very little of what a real wrangler does has anything to do with "busting broncs" or "riding bulls." You might want to make sure that you're not handing out to much of that bull byproduct yourself, especially later this month.

Sagittarius: It's too late. You should have gotten those bulk mail valentine's notes down to the post office in advance. It usually takes bulk mail three weeks to deliver. And more than one of my girlfriends has been upset with the format, "Dear [insert name here], you are the only one I ever loved...." "Why is there bulk mail postage on this?" as she screeched. With Jupiter, you might be able to save the day. But with the impending eclipse shortly thereafter, your ability to save the day may involve making promises that you can't, won't or don't want to fulfill. So be careful about what promises you make this month. And be extra careful about commitments made during, or following that eclipse. Try and reason through the promise before you just blurt it out. Empty words ain't going to do either of us any good this time of the year.

Capricorn: Good things are on your horizon. It's just a game of odds. Of course, if you are at one of the new casinos, you know that you are more likely to win because the machines are set to pay out a lot at first. Then, as the word gets out, the machines are gradually scaled back to a more reasonable p[payout. More reasonable, that is, for the house. So you get the picture, it's like being at one of the new casinos, and yes, it's just getting better and better, no matter what you do. This is a month to strike. Strike hard fast, and strike it rich. I can't promise that the slot machine in the sky will actually pay off in real, live money, but there's just a hint that you've got some nice financial reward coming. And about that other topic? It looks good, too. Real good, as a matter of fact.

Aquarius: As long as you are reading this, then you're aware that this is going to be a good month despite whatever I said about Aquarius and the lack of emotions. I would guess that it's going pretty good for you right about now. In fact, it's going to continue to go really good for a spell. Now, since you are a deep thinking person, can I suggest that you spend some of this good month getting ready for what's up ahead? Spend a little time this month getting ready for a bad month up ahead. Since you are an Aquarius, you might find a dire prediction for next month a little off beat. Think about it. This is a good month, next month, not so hot. Therefore, a little advance preparation is in order. Get the shelves stocked up, get the storeroom swept out. You know the drill. In the meantime, enjoy the romantic holiday coming along this month.

Pisces: I would never, ever try to go out and doing something extra special for a particular person of a particular sign. But almost as soon as we get done with the big holiday, the little hearts and cherubs with bows and arrows, as soon we get the eclipse over with and all the remaining debris cleaned up, just as soon as it all gets back into place, there's going to a special Pisces Birthday. I might be a little off because I'm not so animated that I have the machine spit out birthday cards to everyone. And it's a sure bet that I'll miss sending a card on this Pisces birthday. I'll grovel later. In the meantime, this is also a message about what's coming up for the sign of the Fishes. It's getting more and more interesting. And the closer we get to the Pisces Time this month, the better it gets. I'm sure you've heard it before, but there is a break headed your way. And I'm not asking for much, just a mere 1% of your gross receipts would be a nice way to say, "Thanks, Mr. Astrology Fishing Guide." It'll also give me enough cash to buy roses for the missed birthday.

(c) Kramer Wetzel 1999

Feel free to forward this stuff onto your friends, or enemies, we don't much care, but remember, it has to be kept intact right down to the signature to make the lawyer happy.

1999 Feb. 7, New Age/Whole Life Books, 1006. S. Lamar, Austin, TX
Feb. 20 & 21, Corpus Christi, TX
Mar. 6 & 7, El Paso, TX
Mar. 14, New Age/Whole Life Book 1006 S. Lamar, Austin, TX
Apr. 3, New Age/Whole Life Book 1006 S. Lamar, Austin, TX
May 15 & 16, Midland, TX
Jun. 5 & 6, El Paso, TX

--------------------------------------------------

Want more? Kramer's on tape now, "Caught Live" It's a funny look at astrology, with a serious intent, and no sign is left unturned.

http://www.astrofish.net

1999 Transit reports, for an accurate look at your future-- available now. Compare and save, all of 1999 for $24.95 and Y2K specials are coming soon!

Romance Questions? Try a Relationship Report....

http://www.astrofish.net

--------------------------------------------------