From: seeker@bestweb.net (Diane Kearns)

Reply-to: seeker@bestweb.net To: KramerW@aol.com (Kramer)

: : AN ANNOTATED THERMOMETER (degrees Fahrenheit) :

+50 : ~ New York tenants turn on the heat : ~ Mainers plant gardens : :

+40 : ~ Californians shiver uncontrollably : ~ Mainers sunbathe : :

+35 : ~ Italian cars don't start : :

+32 : ~ Distilled water freezes : :

+30 : ~ You can see your breath : ~ You plan a vacation in Florida : ~ Politicians begin to worry about the homeless : ~ Mainers eat ice cream : :

+25 : ~ Boston water freezes : ~ Californians weep pitiably : ~ Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you : :

+20 : ~ Cleveland water freezes : ~ San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA : ~ Patriots fans put on T-shirts : :

+15 : ~ New Yorkers plan a vacation in Miami! : ~ Mainers go swimming : :

+10 : ~ Too cold to snow (HAH!) : ~ You need jumper cables to get the car going : :

0 : ~ New York landlords turn on the heat : :

- 5 : ~ You can hear your breath : ~ New Yorkers plan a vacation to Hawaii : :

- 10 : ~ American cars don't start : ~ Too cold to skate : :

- 15 : ~ You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo : ~ Miamians cease to exist : ~ Some Mainers lick flagpoles : :

- 20 : ~ Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you : ~ People in Skowhegan think about taking down screens : :

- 25 : ~ Too cold to kiss : ~ You need jumper cables to get the driver going : ~ Japanese cars don't start : ~ Red Sox head for spring training : :

- 30 : ~ Chicagoans plan a two-week hot bath : ~ Mainers shovel snow off roof : :

- 38 : ~ Mercury freezes : ~ Too cold to think : ~ Mainers button top button : :

- 40 : ~ Californians disappear : ~ Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you : ~ Mainers put on sweaters : :

- 50 : ~ Congressional hot air freezes : ~ Alaskans close the bathroom window : ~ UMaine Black Bears practice indoors : :

- 60 : ~ Walruses abandon Aleutians : ~ Mainers put gloves away, take out mittens : ~ Boy Scouts in Madawaska start Klondike Derby : :

- 70 : ~ Bangor residents replace diving boards with hockey nets : ~ Rangeley snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Berlin, New : Hampshire : :

- 80 : ~ Polar bears abandon Baffin Island : ~ Girl Scouts in Madawaska start Klondike Derby : :

- 90 : ~ Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles : ~ New Hampshirites migrate to Maine thinking it MUST be warmer : :

- 100 : ~ Santa Claus abandons North Pole : ~ Mainers pull down earflaps : :

- 173 : ~ Ethyl alcohol freezes : :

- 445 : ~ Superconductivity : :

- 452 : ~ Helium becomes a liquid : :

- 454 : ~ Hell freezes over : :

- 456 : ~ Massachusetts drivers reduce speed to 90 MPH on Rte 128 : :

- 458 : ~ Bill Gates admits Windows 95 = Mac OS 2 : :

- 460 (Absolute Zero) : ~ All atomic motion ceases : ~ Mainers allow that it's getting a "tad nippy : :

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