Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars 1.17.2013

    “The self-same sun that shines upon his court
    Hides not his visage from our cottage, but
    Looks on alike.”
    Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale [IV.iii.403-4]

Capricorn Capricorn: “50 ways to drive your man crazy!” The lurid front of a common magazine. “27 sure-Fire Sex secrets!” and my old favorite, “33 things he wants but won’t tell you!” I always imagined that the typography and the presentation of that information was more important than the content. The headlines, though, they grab, enchant, and sell magazines. Which, in turn, sell advertising. Besides, this is an homage to the oldest line in the game of marketing, “Sex sells.” Always has, always will. Venus, Moon, Mercury, Pluto and so forth? All in Capricorn. All winds you up. You have a choice, this next couple of days. You can be like me, and just react to those lurid headlines and enticing promises, sure be the monkey that the marketers like. Or, you can follow a different path: write your own headlines. I mean, adjust as necessary, but you get the idea, right?

11aquariusAquarius: The common astrological term, “Mutual Reception,” means that one sign’s ruling planet is in a sign that is associated with the planet that is in the first sign. Wait, no, it’s like this, when Mars (associated with Aries) is in Aquarius and Uranus (associated with Aquarius) are thusly arrayed, we call it “Mutual Reception,” for Mars and Uranus. Mars is in Aquarius, now, and Uranus is in Aries, now.

Means that this is going to be a good week. There’s a kick to it, but this can be a good kick. There’s an edge to the emotions. Edge can be good. That edgy, jittery sense? In part, that’s due to Mars. In part that’s a Martian influence. Mars is going to wind you up a little. Perhaps less sleep. My usual suggestion is to cut back on the caffeine, as it’s not really needed, at least, not now. The other point? When Mars was last frying me, as he does, I was fishing, as I frequently am, and I had a nibble on the line. I did an epic hook-set, yanking the rod back, making sure the hook was sit firmly in the monster-fish’s mouth. Snapped the line clean in two. Tried too hard. That’s the problem. Mars. That mutual reception will bring the fish. Don’t use too much force.

Pisces: I looked back through my archives and dug up an old horoscope I’d written some years ago. I’ve been doing this long enough, and I don’t have the personal bandwidth, so I can’t recall what I’ve written. I make an effort not repeat any metaphors, but that’s not the issue. I stumbled through some material from a trailer park in South Austin, and I was marveling at the inventions, imagination, and factual material I used to convey that stuff.

I found it quite clever, but I didn’t remember writing any of it. Some of it, sure, my byline. In part, this is about the artistic process that I use, but in part, it was the sense that my subconscious was doing to talking. I’m in favor of that. The artistic process works, and works well for Pisces. The intuitive parts, use them. I’d suggest you start by looking back over old material, but that’s not all of it. Just a start, glance back at some earlier work. Plot your forward direction based on where you’ve been and then, what feels best for your next move.

Aries: Two, three years ago, the hottest app on the market? Austin. Not really an app, but have to admit, for weirdness quotient alone, Austin is the killer app. Was. Is. Some enterprising soul made fistful of dollars with that T-shirt, “Austin the killer app.” I admire the pluck, but as I gradually drifted further southward, I wonder how much of that is hype and how much is fact. Austin, I was there for the first, great digital divide. “What’s your email address?” As in, that was more important than a phone number for making a connection.

That dates me, I suppose, as it was before so-called social media and the ramifications of such. “What’s your blog, URL, My Space, FaceBook, Linked In, Twitter….” As much as I love Austin, and as much as I can attribute my growth to its influence, there’s a frantic and frenetic kind of energy there that I can’t always take. With Mars where he is, and Uranus where he is, and the plethora of small (and yet influential) planets in Capricorn, there needs to be a definite destination for you. As an Aries, there’s either an Austin of the mind, or the town, for real. That kind of energy, and your current state of mind? The two would get along just fine. Austin is your killer app this week.

TaurusTaurus: This is a rant I borrowed from a client who is also a college teacher, and the complaint seems valid enough. Research is not just looking up something on WikiPedia. However, as a starting point, I’ve found that very source to valuable. For ideas, background, birthday of certain celebrity status type, that kind of thing. Quick, superficial data. But that’s not real research. Real research is going to multiple sources, trying to gather up data from several streams and then synthesize a coherent thematic element out of the disparate pieces.

Gather up a lot of loose ends and tie them together. Find some common thread that runs throughout. Tie it together.

Next couple of days, for Taurus? It’s all about gather up the odd pieces of data. It’s about research. That’s research that goes a little bit deeper than just a cursory glance at something on a web page.

Gemini: I was with a fishing buddy and he needed to pick something up from the warehouse store that carries building supplies, one of the largest retailers in the world. As we wandered in and amongst the acres of lumber, I reached out and let my hand trail alongside one of the fence-post pieces. I caught a splinter. Not a problem, I reacted as as soon as I felt the pin-prick of sharp wood, realizing my mistake.

This is a week about rough edges. As we wrap up Capricorn, and with both Mars (in Aquarius) with Mercury and the Sun soon to arrive, heading into Aquarius even now, there’s going to be rough edges. As a Gemini, you like smooth edges. You like to run your hand, like me, along the stack of lumber, or whatever it is. Doing so, like me, you’ll catch a splinter from the rough, probably as of yet, unfinished edges. Tip one? The rough edges are like for the next seven or ten days. Tip two? Don’t let your delicate Gemini fingers — or other parts — dance along those edges where you can pick a splinter. We’ll get this all smoothed over once we get into full-blown Aquarius.

Cancer: I kept scanning the ‘after xmas’ ads, thinking there was something that I was looking for, some particular hardware that I needed. Wanted. Want or need, there was something that I was looking for. Flash drive, memory, USB thing, software, something. I can’t, as of yet, recall what the specific item was. Is. I’m still looking. I scanned the ad circulars, the in-box I keep reserved for advertising and special deals. Nothing. There was some item I was searching for, and I couldn’t remember what it is.

What makes this worse, in Austin, there are couple of rather good computer supply warehouses. The problem I was having, still am, and the problem with Cancer is the same: there’s something you want (need/desire) and you can’t remember what it is when you’re in the right place to get it. Here’s the problem, in another way of looking at it, you have a grocery list and that list is at home when you’re at the grocery store. I can’t make any of this line up better, not yet. The frustrations, these aren’t major problems, but there’s little, nagging voice in the back of the Cancerian brain, “You’re forgetting something.” Next week, as soon as the new scopes roll over? You’l remember. So will I.

The (mighty) Leo: I abhor physical violence. However, there’s a point that needs to be made to the Mighty and Majestic Leo. It’s like a swift kick, under the table, like, at the dinner table. Or in fancy restaurtant, where you’re having a nice meal with family. You start to talk about one topic and someone, you know who this is, right? Someone kicks you under the table. Trying to derail the might Leo? Yes. Conversationally, you’re heading down a path that we see won’t be productive for your Leo self. We’re just trying to give you a heads up.

I’m seeing that you’re going to pull a very “Kramer (me) Sagittarius” stunt. Open mouth. Insert foot. Insert feet. It’s winter, I’ll get two boots in my mouth. It’s not a good idea. So, when you open your mouth to start talking about something, and you feel something brush against your leg? Think back, one of us is trying to send you a message that your choice of topics might not be best right now.

Virgo: While this more along the lines of my typical Leo advice, as I spun around the Virgo chart, I figured, especially now, this is worth passing on to you. Ask. Ask nicely. One Virgo will get real grouchy and try to carefully explain that she always does ask nicely. She’ll be telling me that in one of those tones of voice that indicates serious displeasure laced with irritation and contempt. Which just goes to show what I making the point about in the first place. Ask. Ask nicely.

“Isn’t there a better way you can put that?” As the Sun joins Mars in Aquarius, there’s a level of Virgo frustration that gets ratcheted up a notch or two. Not bad frustration, but there’s a certain level of anxious, undisposed energy. I like giving a helpful hand to Virgo. Ask. Ask nicely. Frame the Virgo demand as a question, then ask it in formal and polite manner.

In other words, Virgo dear?

Ask. Ask nicely.

Libra: Last week was a bit deft — or daft — sympathetic magic. I asked Libra for a total of nine items, part of the Libra wish-list. Goals, maybe, like new year resolutions that are oh-so-quickly forgotten?

Of the three batches of three, what seemed most important last week? The way all of this “crappy Capricorn” energy plays out? There’s a single goal, of the immediate three, there’s a single goal that you can achieve. Easily. This week. Take on step towards getting that done. Please, one step, one action, anything, something. One action.

No comments until after you’ve taken the step. Steps.

Scorpio: It’s a strange reaction, as far as I’m concerned, when I get a quasi-hysterical, knee-jerk “NO!” This time, what I’m thinking about, it’s when my supposedly open-minded New Age friends are faced with certain religious practices, nominally, Christian practices. The New Age fruits stop and scream, “NO!” Wait, I am a new age fruitcake, but I’m less of one than some. Then, too, I’m a little more open-minded about certain aspects of the various brands and sub-cults in the Christian arena. Raised in Texas, like I was, there’s distinct divides amongst the various genres of churches.

When I traveled extensively through the little towns, typically, each town has a United Methodist church, a Baptist (of one stripe or another) and finally, there will be giant Church of Christ, with varying degrees of less popular faiths and churches scattered throughout. Increasingly, there’s a Cowboy Church, which is a non-denominational group that caters to, well, cowboys. In parts of Texas, especially the German flavored areas, Lutheran plays a big part in the cultural backdrop. As does putatively Roman Catholic (the second wave of immigration). These religious lines, and the way my “spiritual but not religious” New Age buddies balk at the definitions amuses me greatly. Not so very open-minded after all? As we get comfortable with Saturn, here in Scorpio, consider if your dogmatic reactions need to be adjusted. Like so many of my new age buddies.

astrofish.netSagittarius: One of the greatest pieces of advertising I’ve ever seen — this probably qualifies as art — in San Antonio, there’s a billboard with a certain lady lawyer on it, and the question, “Ever argue with a woman?” Yes, it’s sexist. Yes, it plays on a number of different levels, and yes, I’ve been stupid enough to argue with a woman. I’ve lost, and even, the times I’ve won? Still lost.

To me, that’s a hilarious piece of advertising. Toys with my emotions. Works and works well. I think it’s a defense lawyer, might be family law, I don’t know. I don’t really care. With a certain kick that will be coming along, something to help aid and abet the fire signs, I was thinking about an ad tag line like that one. Something that’s smooth. Something that people talk about. Perhaps a touch irreverent, as well, but the main message is good. Sound. As a Sagittarius, this is a good week to experiment with sound bites. Play with a tag line or two, but as important? See what it sounds like. We’re testing, as next week, we’ll need what we tested this week.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • jose quinones Jan 17, 2013 @ 2:00

    It so simple for us libras…most of the time, it’s about two steppin’.

    • Kramer Wetzel Jan 17, 2013 @ 15:03

      Some of us are not graced with rhythm …

      I’m just saying…

  • Rhubarb Jan 17, 2013 @ 22:31

    Sometimes stereotypes, though politically and socially scorned, have more than a grain of truth to them. I’m a member of a liberal religious community, and if I were to watch everything I say for possible offense to someone else, I’d be rendered dumb. Maybe that would be for the best, eh?

  • Wendy Jan 18, 2013 @ 1:32

    Thank you for linking the RICHARD SLEIGH blog …he reminds me of Bob Ross (happy tree painter) whom I adored…

    • Kramer Wetzel Jan 18, 2013 @ 7:50

      Richard is Sag., and he writes about art, music and the intersection of technology really well. I adore him and his work.

      (Met him at an unSeminar.)