Horoscopes for the week starting: Feb 4 2010


"For they sleep between term and term,
And then they perceive not how Time moves."
Shakespeare's As You Like It [III.ii.133]

    Fishing Guide to the Stars
    by Kramer Wetzel
    For the week starting: 2.4.2010

In Louisiana, a place close to Texas, there's a tradition of the King Cake. Aries? Pisces? One of those signs should get the baby in the cake. It's good luck.

astrofish.net Aquarius: I, personally, believe that children shouldn't be allowed to watch too much TV. However, for the sake of illustrating what's happening in Aquarius? Imagine a Saturday morning cartoon, from the good, old days.

Cartoon character. A caricature of an anvil drops from on high. If this cartoon followed the plot, that anvil should have an impact on the character. Since it was cartoon physics, no real injury would occur other than little birds and stars swimming around the character's head.

As I correlated your chart, though, I was getting a slightly different version of the this cartoon. Yes, you're there. Yes, the anvil drops. Stand still. First off, if it really did land on your (cartoon) head, there would be no permanent damage, cartoon physics and all. However, the way it looks to me? Just stand there. The anvil misses you.

astrofish.net Pisces: It's all about guilty little pleasures. In my favorite example, this week, I was listening to a CD. Really, it's pair of CDs, a "Rock Opera." Quadrophenia by The Who. This is that material that falls between selling out to TV and after critical acclaim. The movie derived from the CD set, really it was an album first, but the movie? Starred a very young Sting. Before the Police.
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Horoscopes for the week: 1.28.2010

"We may, each wreathed in the other's arms
Our pastimes done, possess a golden slumber"
Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus [II.iii.28-9]

    Fishing Guide to the Stars
    by Kramer Wetzel
    For the week starting: 1.28.2010

Aquarius: Microwave bacon is a heaven-sent. It's fast, the cooking is enclosed, and the product is one of the few radiated foods that's -- arguably -- tastier than the original version, in the frying pan. After a couple of household shuffles, though, I lost my old "bacon microwave dish." It wasn't much more than a hard plastic dish that could be used to roll paint, or make bacon. Or, in my case, any number of meat and meaty byproduct meals.

I went on a journey to acquire another "bacon maker." I had no luck at the big, fine, super housewares store. No luck at the Super Wal-Mart. Not Target, not HEB (local grocery chain), not at Fiesta (another local chain), nowhere to be found. I began to question my own motives, and I had to question the validity of the search. Which, if one considers that it's an item no longer available in the usual places, maybe, well, any good Aquarius will redouble the efforts.

With a backwards Mars opposing you? What's going to happen? I was in an electronics superstore in Austin, a place called, oddly enough, Fry's. I was looking for cables and computer hardware. My date -- and my ride -- she asked if I was still looking for a bacon maker. I nodded and she showed me one. In Fry's of all places. It's not what you're looking for, it's where you look. Especially under that Mars influence.


I was in a little taco place, not far from home. Literally, right around the corner. Great place, if a little short on traditional ambience. Not the most photogenic place in the world; however, the food is continually plentiful and tasty. Inexpensive, plentiful and really good. Filling and fresh. Maybe not the place you'd take your mother, I'm just saying. The other morning, the coffee tasted, not just good, but extra special good.

From my seat, as I looked up over a morning paper -- English paper kind of hard to find there -- I asked, in fluent French, "Quel coffee aujoudui?" (What kind of coffee today?") Yeah that's me, right thing to say, in the most beautiful language in the world, and all they think there? "Crazy (euphemism for pale -- anglo -- male)." In a version of Spanish vernacular. TexMex swearing in a TexMex place. I'm the one who's out of place.

But the coffee was just excellent. I'm not sure what the magic was, a clear palate? The aromatic blend of a hot griddle, bacon and deep-fried pork rinds? Perhaps there was a pecan blend in the coffee. I doubt it. Maybe it was early enough that the equipment was clean. I doubt that was it. Maybe a leftover hint of cinnamon. Maybe that was it. Maybe, just a working theory for Pisces, maybe it was a clear winter's morning, like any day now, and it was one of those mornings when your head is clear, the Pisces eyesight works better, and no one gets it.

Aries: My little March Aries are having a bit of a tough go with the planet Saturn, these days. Not getting everyone, but some of the Aries are at a point where there's a major amount of consternation and a distinct lack of concern from other people. Buried in the American Psyche, though, there's a simple, "I can do this myself" attitude, part of that is our pioneer spirit, and part of that just has to be genetically encoded over generations of Americans.

I just have that little belief in the population as a whole "Can-do" and will. This is a gentle kick in the butt, from me, to your Aries self. Do it. Yes, the odds are long. So are the hours. Long, hard hours, arduous work, and the promise is great; however, the immediate pay-off looks to be pretty slim. Doesn't mean it's not worth it. Look for that, "If it's meant to be, then it's up to me," kind of spirit down in your Aries soul. I know it's there. Use it. Yes, you're going to feel like you're all alone. No, you're not. But it might feel that way.

Your "ruling planet," Mars, is backwards. Just means it's up to you to get this thing done.

Taurus: A buddy of mine was delineating a recent foray into the medical side of life. At a point in her life wherein she needed to find out why her body was reacting the way it was reacting. After a collection of tests and blood work, the doctor, or team of doctors, or the person who probably really did all the work, the physician's assistant, probably, she was told that she was "Lactose Intolerant." Which evoked a reaction, "How can I be 'lactose intolerant?' I don't even know what lactose is!"

As Mars makes his way backwards in Leo, a fixed sign, and as the Sun, Venus, Chiron and Neptune slide through Aquarius, remember that you're being acted upon by forces you might, or might not, want to acknowledge. However, that doesn't stop the interaction between all those fixed planets and your Taurus self.

The solution, though, just like the medical prognosis for my little friend? Just stop. A simple dietary change, just an adjustment to her lifestyle? Everything was better. Almost immediately.

Gemini: "I always tell them, 'It's on aisle 11,' and that answers the question." Buddy of mine was working in a grocery store. I got to asking him about customers and questions, and what was the normal drill. "Doesn't matter what they're looking for, it's always on Aisle 11," he was explaining. I haven't checked, but I wouldn't be surprised to find that there would only be 10 aisles in that store.

I wouldn't put it past my Gemini friends. Sounds like a usual, flippant answer. The problems, though, we're facing these days? You're looking for something that is lost. Could be a person. Could be an idea. Could be the car keys. Ask the right person, and you'll get a real answer. Ask the wrong person? Or if you're Gemini answering questions? Bet the person, the place, the thing that you're looking for? Probably on Aisle 11.

Cancer: I used to order a green tea in the afternoon. Hot afternoon, an iced green tea is good. I like mine well, the brand name is obvious, but I like mine strong. I'll sip at it while the ice melts and waters down the green tea to its normal mix. I was ordering some the other afternoon. "Extra strong," I said. "Oh, no water?" the clerk asked. "Right, no water," I said. "Oh, okay, extra strong?" The clerk asked. "Right," I said, and this begins to look like a comedy routine. Which, I couldn't tell if the clerk was serious as he had that earnest look in his eyes. And it wasn't my usual location. Order should be the same.

I like the place I usually trade, as this wouldn't turn into a comedy routine. Makes it much easier. The bigger problem, in my mind, though, was gauging whether this was humor, what passed for humor, or if it was merely a counter person making an effort to appease a surly customer.

I don't know if you like your iced green tea extra strong. I do. That extra large size, too. Ice and strong tea. Works well on hot afternoons. Might not be warm weather everywhere, but it was just last week, and the tea was the right concoction. Only, either me, or the clerk, was having a hard time. Which was it? Does it really matter?

In the Cancer slice of sky, there's going to be an ongoing, maybe a running joke, kind of feeling, only, the problem is, you're not sure if it's a joke or the other person is serious. Even after thinking about it for the duration of that ice tea? I still don't know the right answer. Be careful. Never a good idea to offend the people who serve us food stuffs (and beverages).
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Horoscopes for the week: 1/21/2010

"Hark! Hark! The lark at heaven's gate sings,
And Phoebus 'gins arise,
His steed to water at those springs
On chalic'd flowers that lies."
Shakespeare's Cymberline [II.iii.11]

    For the week starting: 1/21/2010
    Fishing Guide to the Stars

Mercury, Mars, Mayhem, ahem, omen, amen. (Well, it did make some kind of sense at the time; special thanks & notation here.)

astrofish.net Aquarius: In the sign that precedes you, I've admonished the Capricorns to look at the holes, and see if there isn't information there.

    "Be still, be quiet and look where there isn't anything," that would be the message for them.

As an Aquarius, the message is totally different. Be loud, obnoxious, and in the way. Between the two retrograde planets, especially Mars, there's a problem. I'd suggest that your little Aquarius self is going to be horrifically wrong about something, very soon.

In the next couple of days. That's why I suggest you enter talking, make a big splash and let it all fall where it might. No big deal. Under that torrential output of Aquarius words, there will be a right answer, but the wrong answers outnumber the right by a factor of 3 to 1. Three wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

This isn't about simple and easy stuff, this is about harnessing the apparent confusion. Understand that you're probably going to make a mistake or two. Just hope that one of the words winds up being correct. Last time I bought a lottery ticket, the guy at the service station told me that all the numbers will win -- eventually.

astrofish.net Pisces: "La Santisima Muerte" -- she (or he) goes by many names -- is a recent addition to the pantheon of saints. I doubt it's a sanctioned saint, either, although, the last time I checked, the candles and memorabilia was readily available, right next to St. Jude and St. Christopher.
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1.14.2010 Weekend Forecast

Fishing Guide to the Stars
For the week starting: 1.14.2010

"Superfluity comes sooner by white hairs, but competency lives longer."
Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice [I.ii.8]

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Jupiter enters Pisces this week. Mars is retrograde. Mercury is almost not retrograde.

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astrofish.net Capricorn: Scene from mall life? Sure, best way to give an example of what this week will hold in the land of Capricorn. I was in the mall, obviously, and I was -- as is my style -- patiently observing some humanity. Heavy-set woman, girl to me, walked by. She had on leggings of some sort that were too tight and too revealing -- not in a flattering way -- and her legs were then stuffed into a pair of knee high cowboy boot looking footwear. Boots.

    Snakeskin boots.

Snakeskin boots that were knee high, and those boots? Four-inch heels. I live in a world where four-inch heels on snakeskin boots is okay. That bothered me more than any of the associated visuals. However, after I thought about it, I mean, it's the middle of January, it was characteristically cold, and the outfit? It sort of fit. In a strange way, it fit right in.

I'm guessing, just a hunch, but I'm guessing that the odd attire vote goes to Capricorn. Weird, strange, unhinged and a little unbalanced? Sure. I've told you that it's the case and since the situation is dictated by the stars? I'd go ahead and suggest that this is the time to embrace that "inner weirdness," and go ahead, wear it like it's high fashion. You can pull it off, easily.

All about attitude.

astrofish.net Aquarius: "So I got to meet the new daughter-in-law this last Christmas," a fishing buddy was explaining.

How'd that go? "Well," my buddy drawled, "she's a keeper, for sure. She shot the turkey herself -- took it with a bow. Cleaned and cooked the bird." Shot it, cleaned it, cooked it. Me? I was fine with all that until it came to bow part.
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Fishing Guide to the Stars
For the week starting: 1.7.2010

"His brains are forfeit to the next tile that falls."
Shakespeare's All's Well That Ends Well [IV.iii.185]

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astrofish.net Capricorn: In the older astrological texts I've consulted, the medical term is "nerves." That's a generalization for what wasn't too well understood at the time. It can be a biological condition, a neurological condition or it can be a mental condition. I like the term "nerves," much better. Sort of a graphic, catch-all expression that implies the condition might be any of the above reasons, biological, physical, mental, neurological, even environmental. That's the "nurture versus nature" argument, too. Can't say which one is more important. Genetics or learned behaviors? This can encompass a whole spectrum of ailments.

The biggest ailment, as I see it? Nerves. The nerves situation is made a whole lot worse by the Pluto position especially with it lined up against the Saturn placement. Then, too, there's the Mars (RX in Leo) and Mercury is retrograde in Capricorn. All adds up to a situation where you're not able to put your finger on the ailment. Not this week. You can be a nervous wreck, or you might start exhibiting some signs of an unknowable illness, or it might be stress, or it could be many influences.

Personally, I'd prefer to call it "nerves." Your nerves are shot. Way it is. Blame what you want. Me? I'm a professional, so I can blame the planets. Now, the solution? I'd just use a tincture of "Kramer's Mercury is RX medicine." That ought to help settle your nerves, a little.

astrofish.net Aquarius: Proper planning can lead to "Plausible deniability." Good concept. Think ahead. Do you have an excuse? A perfectly rational, logical, perhaps even time-stamped for the legendary iron-clad seal of approval. Yes, that's what we're looking for in Aquarius land. Good planning and proper execution of the plan, that's how this works for no problems in the land of the Water Bearer (Aquarius). Got to have a plan. Got to be thinking in advance. Got to have some semblance of an idea, an excuse, a valid excuse, one that is without reproach. Got all this?

You did have a plan, didn't you? No plan? Then here's where I earn my money, a second time, first, I warned you that you needed a plan, and a good alibi. Failing at that?
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