Week of: June 2-8
"what, no attendance? No regard? No duty?"

in Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew (IV.i.113)

Aries : I've been singing a tune about work and stuff related to work for a while now. And you're about as sick of those works stuff as I am. The good news this week is a that one of those e "darned feminist asteroids" (Vesta) is making the sign of the Ram a little bit more "in touch" with your feminine side. And it brings a little relief from this work-ethic thing, too, and I'm sure you'll agree with me, that work is a highly overrated experience.

Taurus : The new moon, a little later this week, brings a certain degree of flair o your homestead. Time to spruce the place up again. Ever thought about getting out and looking for some new furniture? Actually, if I were a Taurus, I would consider getting some new upholstery on the seats in the boat this week. Something with a certain flair to it, maybe a leopard skin print would be nice. Or a Texas State Flag motif for the new seat covers. Hey, with free trade and all, you can get some really swell deals down along the Mexican border these days.

Gemini : Ever feel like sending a Birthday fax to someone? How about a special someone? How about the FGS Sister, our very own archetypical Gemini? That fax number is: 510/834-4730. Let her know that the FGS Faithful really care about the sign of the Twins, and that this is going to be a rather good birthday week. In fact, this bodes well for the rest of the year as any home-based business looks like it will take off. Just be a little more careful than usual with the steering wheel this week as you have a certain propensity for error while driving.

Cancer : One Cancer, near and dear to the hearts of the FGS Faithful, suggested that marriage was a holy and totally insane institution. For the less "relationship-challenged" Cancers out there, though, this is a good week to start thinking about a serious type of romance which could lead to wedding bells. don't say that I didn't warn you, first, though, because this could be a passing influence. No going to Vegas for a marriage. Stop and think before you leap into something which is harder to undo than you think.

Leo : Starts out pretty bad this week. Doesn't look like it will ever get any better. Then, suddenly, the weekend arrives, and the party mix hits the right combination. Life starts to look up. Way up. Get ready for an awesome weekend, and keep that in mind while you trudge along during the week, and no, you don't really have all the burdens of the world on your shoulders, you just FEEL that way.

Virgo : I've tried to warn you dear, sweet, innocent Virgo's about this before, but here it is again. Read the long list of disclaimers on the astrology home page. In fact, maybe you should memorize that list this week. You are dealing with energy which could be just like a volcano and erupt all over your happy backside if you are not too careful. Imagine molten lava pouring all over everything you touch. Not a pretty sight? And, it is definitely too early to start playing with firecrackers.

Libra : It's time, once again, to direct your focus to the front part of the boat where there's a fishing partner, perhaps someone you've known longer than your spouse. And your friend up there, he needs to assist you through some tough situation. To me, it looks like it's just a little bit of troubled water. Could be something as simple as picking the right bait (live bait this week, go deep), or it could mean you just need to talk a little bit about what is going on with the situation at home. In any case, though, you need to have you friends around this week to help you out.

Scorpio : This week starts out with a Monday morning that you, frankly, would much rather do without. It's going to seem like everyone is taking a number just to come along and take their turn at having a piece of you to chew on. And that's only on Monday! The thing that I like, is that the rest of the week goes fairly smoothly. I, personally, feel pretty sorry for anyone who gets their nails dug into you Scorpio's on Monday because after that fateful day is over, you come out strong, willing, and able. And there's nothing worse than an angry Scorpio.

Sagittarius : It's time for a little bit of a summer time blues thing going one for you. You've just getting into the half-birthday time, and now you're looking at the long stretch of summer where there isn't a lot of activity. You just want to hole up in the comfort of the AC and not go anywhere. I still think the best thing is to get out o the lake, but you might want to try one of those Motorcycle looking wave boat things for a change. Maybe take a fishing pole on the back of it and see what happens.

Capricorn : Try a seance. Or try a medium. (If that doesn't fit, try a large.) This is about the very tail end of you being able to actually "channel" Elvis (Elvis WAS a Cappy). Go to church, or go to a reader, or do a reading on your self. Just do something that falls in the category of spiritual. If you are a rather cynical Cappy, perhaps the closest to spiritual we're going to get is a large donation to a Church. Have I told you about the First Church of Kramer, where we accept all denominations (preferably big bills).

Aquarius : This is shaping up to be one really nice summer. Despite the oppressive heat, you'll find that you have a number of truly innovative opportunities to do just about anything that you want right now. Seeing as how it's so hot in the South, I would consider taking one of thee opportunities as a chance to escape to the cool Northern climate. Go some place far away, exotic, and where the whether is a little nicer, even if this is only a summer vacation.

Pisces : The problem with the poor and delicate flower of a Pisces is that you might find yourself wilting under this oppressive heat. Get yourself into the swimming pool, the old "concrete pond" of television fame. You'll find that the soft and gently waves lapping the edge of the pool make everything feel a lot better. No real pool? Do what we do in Austin, get a kiddie pool, and use that! The effect is the same, and the price is a lot more in line with reality.

Week of: May 26-June 1

Nor can I fortune to brief minutes tell,
Pointing to each his thunder, rain and wind,
Or say with princes if it shall go well,
By oft predict that I in heaven find:

Shakespeare's Sonnet XIV

Aries : I don't care how you stack it up, we've got any one of a number of nice angles happening to you this week. The biggest one, of course, is that old focus on central authority in your life, but when I was in the military, I found there was something nice about always being told where to go and what to do. No questions to ask. Just do what you are told. So, this week, my fine Aries friend, do what those authority figures in your life tell to do. It's a good week to be a foot soldier again.

Taurus : Once again, I would concentrate on your focus on the way you earn an income this week. This is not the same as focus on the way you spend you income, wither. And no whining about this week's forecast: you've got some stubborn stars lined up overhead, and these stars will provide you with a great opportunity to show that you are worth something to somebody. Will you take the opportunity or not?

Gemini : The good news is that the Gemini party month is firmly in place. Flip side of the birthday bash is that you are getting a lot older now, and some people would have you believe that you are supposed to act more mature. The beauty of being a Gemini is that you don't have to act too grown-up, and now that it's you week or month, you're not going to. I would be very careful with big-city driving this week, though, because your stars are not in cars.

Cancer : Long, dark knight of the soul. Maybe it's just an evil specter from past life, or worse, an old flame here to haunt you. Whatever the case may be, you will find that you have some rummaging around the house to do, you know,m put on your slippers, and shuffle around in your threadbare bathrobe, thinking about how you really need to clean out the ice box. What you are doing this week is called "getting ready" because you've got a lot of activity coming up real soon, just not quite this week.

Leo : Poor old Leo. You're getting tired of me picking on you, but I'm not really doing that. All I'm trying to do is to warn you about the number one enemy this week: yourself. You're experiencing a great deal of unsettling change this week, and if you could just get out of the way, these changes will be very productive. You will found that friends and family will come along and be supportive of you, as long as you let them. The trick is being nice right now.

Virgo : In literature, there';s this great term called "epiphany" and it usually refers to a little awakening, a sudden realization of just where the plot is going, or just what it is that motivates a particular character. You enjoy one of these this week. It's a little thing, but with your exacting attention to detail, as a Virgo, you will find that it is a great event. Finally, some of the untoward events in your life will finally make sense. And, maybe, just maybe, you'll understand why you spend so much money on chasing some fish out in the lake.

Libra : Bass fishing: it's not for wimps. It takes an expensive boat, lots of high-tech gear, a wide assortment of fishing rods and reels, line, tackle, tackle boxes, lures, and the ever-present question of bait. Looks like the big fellers you're chasing after are hunkered down in the bottom of the lake. In other words, it isn't a time for working shallow water areas for fish -- you need to go deep. Make sure you have some extra sinkers this week before you hit the lake.

Scorpio : In traditional astrology, this isn't a good time for your luck. But here at FGS World Headquarters, our relentless effort to uncover the secrets of the universe has proven that you will be lucky this week. Now, you got to work with me on this one -- luck can arrive in many different fashions. In this case, it looks like a signed legal document, often referred to as a contract. In other words, the deal you've waiting for, well, it should come through this week. At least you'll get a break in negotiations.

Sagittarius : It's one of THOSE weeks when the giant whiffle ball in the sky comes sailing in on its erratic course and leaves a bit of good luck with you. The one thing I can tell is to be ready for some unprecedented changes in your lifestyle this week. If it means a new boat? Go for it. New fishing friends? Go for it. New kind of bait? Go for it. New romance? Give it a whirl. Weddings? Just say "no" because I don't think that's a good idea this week.

Capricorn : You'll actually, as a good Capricorn, experience a certain degree of joy this week. Sort of like being on the lake and having a big old "hawg" of a fish jump into your boat. Now, remember, in this case, the fish is a metaphor, but it's like you've landed something really sweet without ever having to do anything about it. I would recommend as much action as possible, though, because you want to make sure you're in the right place for this fish to land in your boat.

Aquarius : There's this type of fisher-person you do not want to imitate this week -- a weekend warrior with too much money and not enough sense. He goes careening around the lake, not watching where he's going, fooling around with and electronic fish finder, and never stopping long enough to give the fish a chance to bite. On the VCR of life, try (please, just try) to hit the "pause" button. You don't want to look too much like a loony bird all scattered over the lake.

Pisces : Pisces are usually such sweet and dear old souls, which means you feel like you shouldn't be experiencing any trouble whatsoever this week. Doesn't mean it won't happen, though, because the world is spinning a new net for you. And with this new net, you will be able to catch just about anything that you want. Remember, dear Pisces friends, you heard it here first.

"The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd
And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven,
The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth
And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change"

-- A captain in Shakespeare's "The Tragedy of Richard the Second" (Act II, scene iv)

Howdy, Bubba, and welcome to the ASTRONET home of Kramer, Fishing Guide to the Stars. Speaking of Shakespeare's lean-looking astrologers, if you would like an expanded and accurate reading based on your personal chart, see the order information in the Kramer area.

You and I know that things are bad right now. Despite this, you are at a turning point where you can actually SEE the signpost up ahead. The next stop is not the Twilight Zone but a halfway mark as Saturn makes his trip through Aries. In plainer English, you are halfway to getting things in life that you really want while some of the trash is being removed from your life, even as you read this.

The last of the Taurus birthdays are this week and after that, you should feel relieved because of the commotion in your house lately! The bad news is that the coming-and-going frenetic energy isn't gone yet. But you will do more than survive: You will thrive on the attention you're getting. Look for a little surprise, an astrological bonus if you will, at the end of the week.

In another direct but very Gemini-like about-face, you are stuck this week singing those same sweet love songs that you've been singing for a few weeks. You might be in trouble if your life, especially your love life, is starting to resemble a country and western song. It's a sure sign that trouble is headed your way if you can identify with any (or all -- you are Gemini after all) the characters in a decent Country and Western song. Let me know which song you feel like in a week, you old songbird, you.

Get ready for too much work and not enough time to get all those tiny details taken care of, especially at work. You know you belong on a boat this weekend, but you can't seem to get everything at the office tied up. Or the workshop. Or the garage. Wherever! Loose details drive you nuts, like getting out to that sweet spot to fish the Southeast side of the lake, only to discover you forgot the bait.

The problem with being a Leo is that you're always dependable. That's one of your finer qualities. I know I can depend on you for criticism, coercion, and most importantly, completion. Your problem lately involves unscheduled flights of fancy. While this isn't a problem for the usually grounded yet artistic Leo, these little daydreams might lead to a certain amount of inattention, especially at the wrong time. Could be a problem if your BBQ-ing on the outdoor grill. Pay more attention to the details at work. Daydream a little less and check your ego at the door.

I want you to think about rodeo, especially bull riding. Imagine an animal that weighs more than a compact car. This fetid devil of an animal has a brain smaller than the average astrologer's brain, perhaps even smaller than that of a house cat. Now, torture this animal a bit to ensure a bad attitude, then hit him with 50,000 volts of electricity to make sure he's really irritated, then sit on top and try to hold on for eight seconds. Bull riding isn't for wimps and this week, being a Virgo isn't for wimps, either.

Somehow I got started on a rodeo metaphor this week, and you're stuck with it, too: This week is like barrel racing. You need a high degree of finesse as you negotiate the course, looking for beer in the barrels. The worst part is that you have to hurry. This week is a race to hurry around obstacles faster than anyone else. Look on the bright side: barrel racing isn't nearly as dangerous as other rodeo events. You could be on top of a very angry bull who'd just had his tail plugged into the electrical socket. You're lucky this week.

For some odd reason, Scorpios from Arizona think I have it out for them. In fact, I'm grateful for many of the lessons I have learned from various Scorpios, like 1) Stay at least 100 feet away at all times and 2) A court order is a court order -- obey all law enforcement officers. Your lesson this week is about patience -- it looks like you don't have any. This is caused by a difficult angle from a couple of Chris Farley-sized planets. Don't worry about it much: Life without adversity for a Scorpio is just plain BORING.

Ever try your hand at calf roping? This is the week to wallow in the sawdust and dirt of the rodeo arena and try. Calf roping requires Wal-Mart-sized quantities of finesse, and most Sagittarians don't always possess that amount of dexterity. It doesn't mean you won't succeed, and it doesn't mean this isn't a good time to try something new. All I'm saying is that you might not meet with the success you want.

While other signs are receiving rodeo sports suggestions, the only advice I can give you is to watch yourself around the old Rodeo Arena of Life because those critters with the long horns, the bulls, are liable to gore you good this week if you're not careful. Watch out for long, pointed objects, whether it's on an animal, the hood of a car or the front of a train.

The week starts out well and finishes strong like Panhandle wine: fresh, changing, and with a surprising good taste, too. Just like that stuff that comes from grapes grown outside of Lubbock. I know, it's hard to believe, but this information is direct from reliable sources.

One week, I'm telling you to clean house. The next week, I'm suggesting you clean your hard drive. Now I suggest you clean your car or boat. I don't care which one because if you are like most Pisces, everything could use your attention, but you only have the presence of mind to do one task at a time this week. Then again, you might just blow it all off and go fishing. Sounds good to me.

Week of: May 12 - 18

"Yet cease your ire, you angry stars of heaven!"

Pericles in Shakespeare's Pericles (Act II, scene i)

Aries : Life is definitely on the upswing again. and although Saturn's influence might affect some of your apparent upward mobility, old Saturn himself won't really affect this in a bad way. Nope, Saturn ought to wind up giving you an added boost. It's just that, this week, you feel like there has been a certain feeling much like watching the air go out of tire. And yes, you are going to feel a little flat this week. But just like that tire, you'll only feel flat on one side.

Taurus : Look for a wild ride for the Birthday Taurus folks, and for the others, look for a strong influence from Mercury. Now, I realize it was just last week, maybe the week before, that I was lecturing you about the deleterious effect of Mercury. Now I'm telling you how kind this little harbinger is going to be. What gives? It's time to put everything back together that the little planet pulled apart during the apparent retrograde action. Does that makes sense? Unlike some things in life, though, this reassembly process will be much easier.

Gemini : Last shot at some romance, right now. I mean, if I were a Gemini, I would be running around proposing marriage to just about anybody and anything right this week. Such behavior is bound to turn up a few people who are as interested in you as you are. The romance effect of the feminist asteroid Juno is a documented fact around here at FGS World Headquarters. And Juno is "just fixin' to" get conjoined with that "ole love planet" Venus, and now that Mercury is not direct, looks like your ready for some action. Being that your a Gemini, I would see a jeweler and get a bulk deal on little gold bands.

Cancer : I've been accused of picking on Cancers before, and I will patently deny that. And this is the first week that there is nothing tremendously untoward in the heavens pointing its finger at you. The only thing to watch out for is the "all you can eat" fried catfish buffet. This is one of those weeks when your physical appetite and your ability to burn calories just don't match. If you start gaining weight, don't blame me. I tried to warn you.

Leo : You'll find that this week is going to be marked by problems left lingering from an errant Mercury, bits and piece of communication which have broken down and need to be repaired. The big question mark, besides the obvious "why me?" for this week is what can you do to help forge a new alliance in the work place to help overcome some of these communication problems.

Virgo : You'll find that you have enjoyed a certain amount of an "artist's creative rush" of ideas in the last few weeks, but due to one misbehaving planet, you haven't been able to get any of this down on paper, or, depending on the medium that you choose, you haven't been able to get any of the ideas across to the general public, your employers, or even just you mate. The good news is that planets are lining up to make this a much happier time for you so get after that one special project now.

Libra : The darkness which was spread by Mercury is suddenly turned into light. Unfortunately, you don't get to see the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel" until a little later in the week. Monday still feels like a Monday, but by the time the weekend gets within site, you will find that your spirits are suddenly, almost magically, lifted.

Scorpio : You are face to face with all sorts of UNUSUAL energy this week as romance temporarily fills your world with bliss. That's the good news. The problem with becoming all-consumed with romance is that there are other areas of your life which could use a little attention right now. There is some trip coming up, sorry but it looks like a business trip, which could certainly use some attention because the previous plans now have to be modified.

Sagittarius : The good news is that you are entering into a lucky streak. The bad news is that this lucky streak probably won't involve lottery money. In fact, despite the apparent look of success, I would try to stay away from games of chance right now. That's not the kind of luck I was talking about, it was more a fate is on your side kind of luck wherein you get a late start on Saturday to to the bass tournament but wind up reeling in the best catch of the day because you just happen to be in the right fishing hole, the place passed over by so many others, and I told you that you would have good luck this week, albeit a little strange.

Capricorn : The really nice feature about Cappy's is the way ya'll thrive under pressure. And this is a good thing, too, because this week is filled lots of pressure, kind of like a high front which settles over an area and keeps the rain out, turning your own home county into a miniature pressure cooker. Bet that's just how you feel already, and the summer isn't even all here yet. Just wait a bit and then things really heat up. But this week is a bit of a chance to see what the summer heatwave is all about.

Aquarius : This week is brought to you by Sagittarius because the old Sag ruler, Jupiter, is really making its presence felt in your sign. You'll find that you have a lot of that Sag type energy, unfortunately, unless you really are a Sag, you won't know what to do with some of the clumsy stuff that accompanies most Sagittarius types around. Jupiter is certainly pushing on you to expand; I just hope it isn't your waistline that is expanding.

Pisces : Last week was hard drive cleaning time. This week? How about looking at your tackle box? Whatever it is that use in life for work and play, there is a dark corner, a deep recess of your mind where you hear this little voice (it's your own voice) telling you that "it's time to clean up some of this mess." Best bet for this week is live bait and cleaning out the old minnow bucket before the weekend gets here.

Week of: May 5 -11

"My stars shine darkly over me; the malignancy/of my fate might, perhaps, distemper yours; therefore I shall crave of you/your leave that I may bear my evils alone."

Sebastion in Shakespeare's 12th Night (Act II, scene i)

Aries : Well, Bubba, for the next week your principle influences will be a certain lack of motivation, kind of like some one came along and left you a little present on your front doorstep, of the rude [flaming] variety. The trick is to put the fire out without getting anything on yourself. If you grew up in a small town in Texas, you would certainly understand this allusion. If not, then just beware of folks who *seem* to be bringing you gifts.

Taurus : There is some good news on yonder horizon: the pressure from the relationship "issue" is going to ease up this week. After all the trouble you've been through lately, that's a nice note. And it's a birthday time, too, so look for unexpected surprise parties this week, denoting your birthday. I would be extremely wary of dark areas, myself, given that the fact that people like to jump out of closets and generally act foolish on such an occasion.

Gemini : That old Mercury guy will no longer be retrograde by the end of the week. See my note about about Mercury RX for more information. The deal is this: despite no more backwards actions, this has been a tough time, and the pieces ain't fallen into place yet. It's a good week to think about cleaning your your tackle box out, straightening up your old lures -- Venus is coming round the bend soon, and you know what the old love planet herself is going to bring to you....

Cancer : The week starts out rough, but it gets better. Sure it does. Long about Saturday, the week feels a lot better. What that means is you will probably leave (late, no doubt) for a fishing trip on Friday night. That means it won't be until either late Saturday or early Sunday morning that you will feel the fishing starting to bite, and then, all of a sudden like, the fish start jumping into your boat. To be so lucky!

Leo : No that there is no more retrograde action in a fire sign, you can get on back to the important things in life. Once again, life is going to be good, at least, in respect to what you do for fun. Work, on the other hand, is still problematical this week. Nothing I can do will make that any better. There are the remaining vestiges of that ole Merc RX thing still lingering. For you, at least, it wasn't as bad as it was for some others. You should see the email I got about this one!

Virgo : According to certain Eastern philosophies, life is represented by a giant wheel, and this wheel keeps on turning. I realize that you want life to be like Boethius' Wheel of Fortune, but to me, this week looks more like the TV version of the Wheel of Fortune. Same kind of deal, at least, it looks like the dame kind of deal: a big wheel, lots of numbers, and one bad place on it. On the TV version, you lose a turn. That's sort of what this week feels like, you lose a chance to play a round.

Libra : Well, we're just not ,moving ahead this week, are we? Looks like there is nothing but trouble on all fronts right now. Just as much as you feel like the walls are closing in, though, you will find that the latter half of the week begins to being some much needed relief. Sort of like an 11th hour reprieve, all though I'm not to sure that a death row analogy would work to well. I mean, it fits the situation, I'm just not sure it won't bother your delicate sensibilities.

Scorpio : With this tremendously difficult Mercury RX no longer applicable to you Scorpio types, you are probably coming out from underneath a nice big rock, and you're asking yourself, "Self, is it really safe to be in the daylight again?" Probably not. I would give this whole thing a few extra days to blow over and settle down. In fact, I would try to give it a whole week, but I don't know if you've got that kind of time.

Sagittarius : The one constant that you can bet on this week is change. And, being a gambling person (the luck of the Archer is legendary), you will find yourself face to face with a few gambles. The latter part of the week is better for such ventures, and I would avoid lottery tickets, slot machines, and friendly card games which turn into high stakes shouting matches because everyone is upset with your run of luck.

Capricorn : It's a difficult time to undertake new projects, but I'm sure that you will work with this energy and try you get off on the right foot. In an effort to be helpful, let me suggest you try it differently this time, like maybe putting your left forward first. If you can just launch yourself correctly, and not leave your truck and boat trailer behind at the boat ramp, you can get off to a great start right now. The energy is there for you to succeed but you have to be willing to move forward.

Aquarius : You guys are the most irrational characters right now. In part, you are reacting to the pejorative influence of a minor thing like a Mercury Retrograde situation, sort of like sitting in a boat and watching all the other people reel in fish, and wondering, since I keep talking about good luck, you just wonder "Where's mine?" One word might help this week, one simple word: Powerbait. Try some of this stuff, it's like an MBA on a hook.

Pisces : By now, your homestead should be thoroughly clean. Ever thought about cleaning up the computer desktop? I don't mean the desk your computer sits on, I mean that little bit of virtual reality that exists someplace between the modem and the screen. It would be a good week to getting around to cleaning out the system, looking at the various drives you got hanging off your computer and making the whole package a little bit neater. Call it virtual housecleaning.

Week of: April 28-May 4
"Do I look like a cudgel or hovel post, a staff, or a prop?"
in Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice (II.ii.65-6)

Aries : I wish I could write flowery language and make everything sound like the world is a wonderful place for an Aries right now. But I can't. I mean, this is one of THOSE weeks wherein everything that can go wrong will surely do so. It's like you out on the lake, an early dawn is breaking, and as you fire up the outboard motor, you smell something funny. As you go tooling along to your favorite spot, you notice that there is a slimmy trail of oil following you. Looks like you'll have to row back so don't forget the oars on this trip.

Taurus : If it's not one thing, then it's another. Looks like the usual amount of mercury mischief is up right now. The smallest amount of relief can be found in the fact that Mercury moves backwards into Aries this week thereby giving you a little relief. All you problems seem to be compounded by the fact Venus is in Taurus right now. Remember? Venus rules you. She is supposed to bring a delightful influence but with the other stuff that's going on, all can say is watch out for old lovers who surface at the wrong time.

Gemini : If you were a more rebellious sign, I would encourage you to push ahead with that new romantic fling you've gotten started on. Despite my dire warnings, it looks like you've begun a new "relationship" with a "significant other" which means that you are definitely not heeding the usual Merc RX caveats. Oh well, that will be your problem, and it will show in a few short weeks.

Cancer : Despite what is normally thought of Cancer's this isn't a week for you to be around children. I can see it now, some one asks, "Do you like kids?" And you reply, "If they're young enough, and tender enough, or if you can get them slow roasted to make them tender again." Then you will launch into a discussion about various smoke flavorings and the relative merits of Mesquite versus Oak for BBQ. I do believe your wit will be missed, but this is only a modest proposal.

Leo : Last week was cleaning house. This week is cleaning the mind. In fact, there's a new product on the market called "Mental Floss" which, this is just what I understand, you stick one end of the floss into one ear, and pull it out the other ear. This is how you can sharpen you brain, and get a few mental cavities this way, too. sounds a like a great tool for some of the therapists I've seen. Now, this is a good week to hone your razor like intellect and get a few more pieces of the mental picture in order. I would still advise caution when trying to deal with other folks, though, because the planets are still in an uncomfortable position for you.

Virgo : There is a slow, processional piece of music which would be the best thing for you to listen to these days, and I really mean right now. You've just been thoroughly rocked by the universe, and you you feel like now is the time to rock back. I would exercise caution, though, because you will want to quietly consider your options before striking out blindly. Ask yourself, "Self, do I really want to start down that same trail which leads to oblivion?"

Libra : I'm sure you've got kids, and if you you've got kids, you will notice that this is one week when they have a way of showing up a the worst possible time, with the worst possible request: money. I can't tell you how much this means to me, as a son, that we can sure use the bread right now. However, as an adult, I must caution all you Libra parents from forking over too much dough to the restless young ones.

Scorpio : The problem with being a Scorpio is that you guys rarely, if ever, do anything halfway. And that idea of a halfway romance is good for you for this week. Doesn't look like much more than a serious flirtation, but it does look like there is a romantic offering in the start up. After what you've just been through, this last few weeks especially, I guess I can't start lecturing you about "tall dark handsome" cliches. Too bad, too, you could use the lecture.

Sagittarius : It's getting real close to a time when you need to consider getting incorporated. You've seen a steady decline in your business, and then there is this sudden upsurge, and now, I'm telling you, go big time. Go for the brass ring, whatever that means. You've got a strong sense of direction now, and you have strong sense of where you want all this to take you, so I would seriously consider getting one of those "corporate" umbrella things to hide under because there is always going to be a little rain.

Capricorn : Have I warned you about compulsive behaviors yet? Did I tell that habits like smoking and drinking too much whiskey are bad for you? What else can I warn you about? How about Golf? It's a dreadful disease, it starts out so simply, too. Just a few holes a day, and then this disease slowly takes over. Golf pants, golf carts, better golf clubs, silly hats, and so on. You get the picture, I'm sure. Just say "no" to a detrimental activity like this. Your propensity for the compulsive anything right now is pretty bad. I would suggest bass fishing as a good alternative, now that not a bad sport at all!

Aquarius : This is a critical week for you because you are about to see some of the rewards which you have labored long and hard to receive. There is a small percentage of you Aquarian's out there, though, who haven;t labored long and hard to accomplish anything and therefore, you aren't getting any rewards, just an overwhelming sense of frustration. While we're at it, you might want to reconsider your position, and see what steps you can take to making it a little bit better. Of course, talking about hard work offends me -- I just hope it doesn't offend you.

Pisces : While the planets have been in disorder, you have blithely gone tripping along. Now that the planets are headed back to some semblance of order, you are starting to scratch your head and wonder what the fuss was all about. It's like the time when you dropped the fishing hook overboard without any bait on it. You managed to snag a decent trout on a bare hook. That's what you're feeling right now, that same sense of wonder (and confusion).

Week of: April 21-27
"The multiplying villainies of nature
Do swarm upon him."
from Shakespeare's MacBeth (I.ii.11-12)

Mercury Retrograde in Taurus is like them Pancho Villa's of nature, huh?

Aries : It starts out as a tough week, and there's just no way to call this one nice. That's the problem. You are face to face, on Monday morning no less, with some problems which have been bubbling around like a bad oil leak on the old truck. And, it's one of those seals which is hard to fix, in other words, motor oil is cheaper than a decent mechanic. The good news is that car problems and unfortunate situation all begins to clear up as the week rolls by.

Taurus : I couldn't help but be reminded of an old Beverly Hillbilly's episode when I saw what you chart looks like for this week. There's Jethro, trying to act "citified" and it just doesn't work. You can take the person out of the country, but no matter what, you just can't take the country out of the person. With Mercury doing an evil tap dance on your head, I would wager you feel just like Jethro, and it's all so confusing. Fortunately, you will find that your hearty constitution will help you make it through this time of unease.

Gemini : The problem with Mercury is that this is a normal cycle, and it is made worse by two for you. Just the way it goes. If you can imagine a "double your pleasure" ad right now, and then imagine that everyone in the ad is out of synch with the rest of the world, then that's pretty much how you feel. I would hope that bizarre astrology talk wouldn't put you off because the Sun and Mercury enjoy a minor confrontation this week, and after said confrontation, the effect of the retrograde is a lot less. Still there, but not as bad.

Cancer : You really feel like there is something up this week with romance, that old "love" thing, but there's not much in the way of action on the "love thing" scene. I would hope that you realize, what with the planets all making for unusual energy, that this isn't the time to embarking on any new journeys in the "love bass boat" because the timing just isn't right. Delay that departure for a little longer and see what better rewards there are.

Leo : Imagine that you are planning a party. Now imagine that you getting the old kegs out of the garage. Imagine that you are setting up lawn furniture for the party. Now think about what you really have planned for this week, and remember how the neighbors reacted to the LAST party you had. Remember when the cops came at three in the morning because the music was still too loud? While you are feeling very frisky this week, it isn't a good time to actually have the party. Just get the supplies in order for right now.

Virgo : Mars goes direct on you next Sunday, but I ought to warn you you, there are some astrologers who believe that the period of time following a planet's apparent turn-around and comeback campaign is just as bad as the other times. Just thought I better let you know that. However, in true FGS Style, here at World Headquarters, the observed phenomena is that you are well on you way to a speedy recovery from the apparent backwards motion of Mars. In theory, you feel better. In theory, you're driving is improved. In theory, you will catch lots of fish this weekend.

Libra : The approaching full moon leaves you a little overwhelmed. I mean that in good way, too. It leaves you feeling like you know what is destined to be for the coming few weeks. The problem is that you are still a little humorless right now. The incessant pressure from the boiler room at work has left you a little out of it. I wouldn't worry, what you really need is a an extra long weekend away from it all--grab some buddies and some beverages, and head towards the lake. I would set a goal of fishing in mind, but hey, if you never actually get around to the fishing part, who cares?

Scorpio : The moon makes a fast swipe at you during the middle of the week, but this a fleeting experience at best. You have more long range and troublesome problems you are dealing with right now, and no pesky emotions are going to get in the way. It's not a good week to either buy a new car or buy a new bass boat, although, lord knows, I sure could use one. Nope, I would even suggest that you put off some of those chronic repairs on the old fishing rig right now, too. Stuff that crops up this week is like last week's bait: smelly, disgusting but still useful.

Sagittarius : "Think big" is the operative word this week. Now, remember that the little evil one, Mercury, is making trouble with getting thoughts into actions, so just concentrate on the idea of "think big." Don't start anything new right now, just jot those ideas down on piece of paper, run it up a flagpole and see if anyone salutes. It's a great time to arrange for some planning sessions, especially strategic planning, but it isn't a good time to get around to the implementation.

Capricorn : I'll bet that you feel yourself getting reved up for something, but the only problem is, no one can tell just what it is that's getting you all so wound up. I mean, I can see in the stars, but what are you going to do with this energy? For once, I'll try to deviate from the normal and predict that there is a sudden change in your personal direction, sort of like a Bat-Turn, from the old TV series. Now, if you could just reach into your tool belt and whip out a little gadget that make everyone else understand why you are changing directions, all will be well.

Aquarius : As an Aquarius, you've already experienced all this disruptive energy, sort of like a ski boat going across your fishing lines, and now, you've got this inquisitive insight stuff kicking up, too. In other words, you really want to 1] get that ski boat dude who ran over your fishing lines, and 2] you really want to see what was about to strike when your trolling was interrupted. I would warn you about dealing with drunk ski boat captains, they aren't known for having a lot of reason or logic in their little heads when talking to fishermen. Just a word of caution.

Pisces : There are a few pesky little dirt clods in the sky which are hanging around, pestering you. These two little asteroids bring a whole lot of Virgo-type cleaning energy with them. They mean business. Time to roll up your sleeves and get to work straightening out various aspects of your life. It's like doing a thorough reorganization of your tackle box, you know, with all its little compartments, and then there's that one corner, real or imagined, which seems to be collecting lots and lots of dust. It's like a bad movie B-Movie: attack of the killer dust bunnies.

Week of: April 14-20

"Ha, ha! he wears cruel garters." in Shakespeare's King Lear (II.iv.7)
Tax day. Too bad. Mercury Retrograde. Even worse.

Look on the bright side, though, if Mercury is retrograde for you, it's also retrograde for the IRS.

Aries: Things are finally going to start to settle down for the Aries. After all your activity in the last few weeks, a little settling down won't be too much of a problem, now will it? Maybe the course of true love never did run smooth, but you will find the course of your romantic life finally hitting a smooth stretch of the lake. And as the Sun gently eases on into Taurus, you'll find that your financial woes, such as they are, get a lot easier to bare. Just about any way that you look at it, this is a good week for Aries.

Taurus: The good news is that it's your birthday, but the downside of the beginning of Taurus is that good old Mercury starts his hermetically sealed backslide in Taurus right now. Yes, it's the dreaded Mercury Retrograde time again, and a few of you Taurus folks are going to complain and ask, "didn' t this happen last year?" All I can say is, "Yes." Apparently, there is a an odd stellar god who wants all Tauruses to learn something about communication and now is the chance.

Gemini: Poor Gemini, at least you know that you an count on me for sympathy because I do understand what it is that you are going through with this unsettling time. You'll find that all that sweet and gooey romantic stuff I was spouting last week has just suddenly turned your life into a sodden mess because you feel like you are really bogged down by burgeoning relationship stuff. Kind of like tossing a line a out and having it get caught in the weeds.

Cancer: Remember when your arguing with your present employer, that this situation is kind of like arguing with a spouse or a wife, you maybe right, but just being right doesn't insure success. In fact, no matter how right you are this week, it still doesn't pay to argue because this quickly degenerates into one of those pointless yelling matches in which no one benefits, unless you can get it on tape for something like "America's Funniest Home Video" because you're boss/employer/spouse will either say or do something stupid in the argument. But it doesn't matter how right you are., you still loose.

Leo: I've been telling you just how nice everything is for Leo, especially the last few weeks. Now I have to gently break some bad news to you: the coming week, despite an uproariously good start, plummets to new lows as this retrograde thing kicks in. What can you do to protect yourself? Doesn't look there is a whole lot of protection available, and the good energy runs out shortly after dawn on Monday. Look on the bright side, though, if Mercury is retrograde for you, it's also retrograde for the IRS.

Virgo: The way this week starts out,m and the way it's going to continue for a while, it's like one of those fishing stories, the one that got away stories, which you keep hearing from rime to time, throughout all eternity. Shoot, even old Noah himself had fishing tales like that, "Should've been here yesterday, they were really biting them." Can't you just see old Noah on his floating zoo talking like that? I predict that you will come this close to landing the biggest fish you have ever seen this week, only to have the line snap in two, right before you get the fish in the net.

Libra: With your good Libra sense of smell, I want you to step outside and take sniff of the air. Supposedly it's spring time, and Love is in the air, but I just want to get a nice, balanced Libra opinion on this. What with the planets floating backwards, and few other odd happenings in the sky, I was really wondering about this. Is it really love that's on that spring time breeze, wafting its way along? Or is it something a little different, like maybe last week's catch of the day, starting to ferment a bit.

Scorpio: I'm worried about the Scorpio's this week because you guys are going to be pretty hard hit with the planes in the next few days.... first, there's the Mercury thing, and then a Sun things, and then a Uranus/Jupiter thing, all these guys add to a *challenging* period of time. Look, lesser astrological sign would not be able to cope with this strenuous astrological conditions, so I guess that means that you are more than ready for whatever comes your way. I would wonder about taking a long trip at time like this, ever thought of trolling off one of them big ocean liners?

Sagittarius: Mercury retrograde won't bother you too much this time because there is nothing that you haven't already experienced in your meager life. See: Sag is used to chewing on shoe leather from saying the right thing at the wrong time. So when little communication problems arise, like they do with Merc RX, this is nothing new. As an Archer, you can handily take it all in stride. You've got other fish to fry this week, don't sweat the small stuff.

Capricorn: Looks like the Real World is trying to exert an influence on you again! Sorry that I have this to report, but work is once again the highlight, and watching out for what is going on in the workplace is a big challenge. You want to make sure you don't wind up like that one "Gilligan's Island" episode, you know the one where they almost get off the island and then Gilligan blows it at the last minute. You don't want to look like Bob Denver, do you? And you do EXACTLY which episode it is that I'm referring to, don't you?

Aquarius: I took one look at the Aquarius chart for this week, and all I could do was hum that old song, one more time," It's is the dawn of the Age of Aquarius, Age of Aquarius...." I sure hope you don't have the same tune stuck in your head for the rest of the week. But looking at your chart again,. I'm sure that you will humming along, although I'd bet that the music you hear is substantially different from what any one else s listening to.

Pisces: This is a good week to be of service to your fellow man. Try to do one nice thing for someone else, and try to remain anonymous. Good luck on your mission. Other than that, I'd get the boat ready for some real kicking action on the lake with some nice top water plugs because that's where it's all at this week. And nope, it's not a week for catfish.

Week of: March 31-April 6

"April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain."
-- Thomas Stearns Eliot's opening lines from the epic poem, "The Waste Land"

Howdy, Bubba, and welcome to the ASTRONET home of Kramer, Fishing Guide to the Stars. It's spring and before all the Geminis start faxing me lines from Tennyson, I wanted to head things off at the pass with a wee bit of the fertility imagery from "The Waste Land." Happy Spring. May all of your seeds take root.

For a few of you, this is like a really, really big week for you. A relationship thang has finally come to this: he/she vs. you. You've been biding your time, waiting on the best opportunity to strike. Watch out for work interfering with your night-time plans.

Say goodbye to that old, miserable romance and say hello to the hyperactive child of the sky, Mercury. This means that in the next week, you'll feel highly energized, more so than usual. Remember the tee-vee show "Little (Out)House on the Prairie"? Bet you feel like you're living in one of the old reruns, right now. "Shore is pretty, pa." Remember, just like those old tee-vee shows, things always end happily, just like this week, shortcake.

My dear Gemini friend. Friends. Whatever. You have a new romance on the horizon. It's like an instant replay from last summer, all that wonderful romance energy filling you full of "sweetness and light" and the little wedding bell asteroid starting to influence you with her power. It's a good time to consider the big picture before you get Love Tunnel Vision. That's where you can't see anything except what is going on in your own life. Your tall, dark, handsome stranger is about to come knocking on your door.

Ever notice that life is like a cattle pasture? Lots of fertilizer. Life is like that, too, because between the green blades of grass, there are plutonium-like brown cow patties, and you can't seem to walk across the field without getting some on the outside of your boots. Life is like that, isn't it? Can't seem to get to the gate of the pasture without stepping in it.

A Far East philosophy talks about the need to "chop wood, carry water." This metaphor illuminates the possibility of hard labor as a way of freeing the mind. The motto of a favorite Austin restaurant is "that which burns the lips, frees the mind." Either do some kind of mindless manual labor for awhile, or go eat hot Mexican food. One way or another, your mind can soar to new heights.

Ever been to a rodeo or watch one on tee-vee? None looks as painful as bull riding. Imagine this: take an animal that weighs more than a compact car, put a tight rope around his private parts, jolt him with some high-voltage pain, and then set yourself down on his back and see if you can hang on for a mere eight seconds. I can think of many things I would much rather do than try to wrestle a really, really pissed-off bull. His brain is smaller than a pecan, and he weighs more than a ton. This week, you will remember that it's much easier to get on the bull than to get off.

It's not like life has been some sort of cakewalk lately. But, this is your half-birthday time which, unfortunately, means that everywhere you turn, you face certain opposition. Persevere this week and you will earn your just desserts, like chocolate-fudge pecan pie. That's the good news. The problem is your partner: He/she catches the biggest bass ever caught in the lake. C'est la vie.

An unfortunate configuration in the night sky is destined to make you irritable and unresponsive. An irritable Scorpio can be dangerous and may require medical care for anyone in your way. The best way to approach this week is to remember that something has pissed you off and that your best revenge is to do nothing about it. Mutter loudly to yourself, "Someday, my little pretty, I'll get you." Plan nothing of the sort; the threat alone works well.

"Shine on you crazy diamond" is a line from what song? E-mail me an answer, and I'll send you a basic astrology report for free. That line is your line this week because you can shine like it's your chance to wind up in the custom-made Las Vegas Elvis spotlight. Remember to pay homage to the King since you're having such a good week.

If I were to write a nice Sea Goat horoscope, none of the Cappy's out there would believe it. So I'll sling a bit of dirt instead because Cappy's need a bit of trouble and strife to keep harmony in their world. Work is under pressure once again this week. That's the strife. And your partner is not helping things move along, either. That's the trouble. Solution? Work alone or close to being alone. Now that the all-important money question is out of the way, how about a little romance this week? That could be good as wood -- provided that the partner causing problems isn't the same as the romantic partner.

There's a whole lotta shaking going on, and it doesn't calm down until much later. That's the good news. Or the bad news. The long-range plan looks sound. Even better news. But the short-range focus, especially this week, is out of kilter. Not that being out of kilter, or kilts, is anything new for an Aquarius.

Dear sweet, benevolent, kind, ever-suffering Pisces. Just when you thought is was safe to go back in the water, along comes another sequel, and guess what? The water isn't safe anymore. I don't plan this stuff, I just report what the stars mess up for you. Caution, especially around water sports, is advised this week.

Week of: March 24-30

It is the stars,
The stars above us, govern our conditions;

Kent in Shakespeare's version of King Lear (Act IV, scene iii)

Aries : Happy Birthday to all the early Aries! And what a nice birthday it is, too, because the benevolent rays of the planet Venus are shining down on you. Yes, Venus has started her annual trip through your sign, and unless you support Maya Astrology, this is a very good time for you because Venus will conjunct your Sun and bring her sweetness and light into all your relationships. There is also a little lingering effect left over from Mercury, too, so you are able to communicate with ease and grace this week. The single problem stems from Saturn, but that just means get back to work, sort of a dull echo on a bright a week.

Taurus : The unsettling news is merely addressing the relationship issues. I remember when I was a part of a large a community, and we weren't allowed to have girlfriends. What we had instead were "issues," although the word "girlfriend" was synonymous with this. You are face to face with "issues" and in this case, it has to do with some unusual romantic entanglements. You might feel like you've cast your line into the lake of life, but all you caught was massive snarl. A more traditional astrologer might tell you about wedding bells, but I think you just find the snarled mass of fishing lines.

Gemini : Gemini's have never been known for their great depth of character. The better word is "breadth" rather depth. This doesn't imply that you are shallow, just well-versed in a number of different subjects. This week, as spring is in the air, perhaps the best thing to to is stick to the topwater lures and plugs because that's where you will find the best fishing. The big bass haven't gone into the deep water yet, and neither should you.

Cancer : This can start out as a most difficult week. That's the problem. Now, as the week unfolds, there will be few unhappy events at work which can put you in a bad mood. If you are careful, though,m and that means to move with a certain degree of stealth, you might find that these little obstacles are miraculously transformed into situations which can resolve themselves in your favor. The question you face this week, with everyone else doing surface flashing, is: "Am I ready to to start working in the deeper water, even if it's ahead of the season?" The answer is yes.

Leo : My dear Leo friend, it's spring and love is in the air, or so that would be the good news. The problem is that everyone else is feeling a bit peckish these days, and even though you feel all right, the rest of the world is draggling you down. It's not that you don't have problem, it's just that you r attitude has been spectacular lately. Work is cruising along doing just fine, as is the romance stuff. Best bets for this week is to stick really close to the astrological home, and find plenty of of other Leo's for a mutual admiration society.

Virgo : Don't you just hate it when astrologers talk in riddles? How about when the stars send you mixed messages? You've gone thing which is slowing down your pace of work, creating whole mountain ranges out of what had been molehills, and then, there's you social life, which, by certain stellar indications, ought to be blowing, and yet, by other indications, ought to be wilting. Which ever choice you make this week doesn't matter. You will feel like you are making the wrong decision.

Libra : Top water plugs or sinker? Spinners or live bait? You know what? It doesn't matter and you don't care. You will be buoyed along by a fresh wave of optimism and this heady crest of water will wash you ashore in a most flamboyant and productive way. In other words, last week's troubles are now, miraculously, transformed into this week's pleasures. Careful with the dietary intake on Wednesday, and that is the only thing to watch for.

Scorpio : Ever thought about working alone? Being a Scorpio, you probably have. This is one of those weeks where concerted, concentrated effort can have a high yield, but only if you do the bulk of this work alone. And you have to be wiling to look at the bigger picture when it comes to addressing this work thing. In fact, it looks like a special assignment or project that you will be working on, and you need to go it alone.

Sagittarius : The Sun makes a strong aspect, strong and POSITIVE angle to you this week, and that means your subtle little plans (okay, so an Archer doesn't usually do anything subtle) will come sharply into focus and fruition this week. Best bait is to stick to topwater plug and artificial bait this week, too, since the deep water fish aren't biting, at least, not for you. But, I do predict that it will be a good week for your own personal fishing plans, wherever that might take you. Look for an opportunity to reel in some trophey-sized fish.

Capricorn : Ever thought about fishing alone? The problem with fishing alone is that no one will EVER believe the stories you tell about the "one that got away" or just how good that one particular spot in the lake was. The good news is that, if you work alone this week, you will have a long stringer of fish to show for your efforts. Nothing is better at proving them wrong than being able to pull that huge stringer of fish up and laughing at them. When you get back to the marina, make sure that some one gets your picture with all those fish.

Aquarius : It is time for you to start making plans for your summer. As a professional prognosticator, I can tell you that there will some rather unexpected turns in your wheel of Fortune, but which way that wheel turns, that is up to you. In other words, start making some big plans, but don't be upset if the plans don't come though. Personally, I would start looking for a new lake to fish in. You are about due for some new horizons, and that minnow pond on the back forty, it's really not big enough for you any more.

Pisces : Pisces, got to love them, you poor guys are so much maligned at time, and after what you've been through, it's no wonder. The problems you are having this week are really rather minor irritants, and some of this comes so close to after your birthday that you shouldn't be having trouble at all. But you are. Get out the old fish finder, dust of the transducer, and get it operating this week because you could use a good fish finder by the weekend.

Week of: March 3-9

These are stars indeed;
And sometimes falling ones.

The Seond Gentleman from Shakespeare's Henry VIII (act IV, scen i)

Aries : You have a special treat this week, a special emotionally charged, almost new moon playing a close game of catch with great cause of work in your life, Saturn. I would look for an upturn in some events at work, in fact, I would expect Monday morning, a traditional day of morning, to be filled with lots of activity, in fact, much more activity than usual. I don't want to scare you about the amount work involved, but remember that a herd of a thousand cows began with a single bull. That's you this week.

Taurus : There is a strong little relationship thing going on in your personal sky. The problem is that the idea of romance is far more attractive than the actual romance itself. This creates some trouble. In other words, while dating a second cousin might be legal, her/his husband/wife takes sort of a dim view of sharing. That's a problem. Like I said, the idea of the romance looks and feels like it could and should work, it's just the picky little nuts and bolts that usually hold a romance together that are getting all rusted with some planets in water signs.

Gemini : Remember when we discussed anger reduction techniques for Gemini? No? I hope that doesn't make you mad. The best thing to do is run about five or ten miles, but given the shape you're in right now, that might not work. Maybe some basketball? Ever try contact basketball? Might be worth it. You will certainly feel like SOME ONE is making you jump through hoops at work, and I wouldn't buy into that mess. A little bit of solitude would do you well for the weekend. Solitude in Gemini terms means three or fewer people.

Cancer : The problem with young love, or old love as the case may be, is that every once in a while we get to looking at our lover and wondering, "what am I doing here?" You will find that you asking the same questions over and over as you examine your new love. Is that person everything you expected? Are there some problems? does he or she want you to make some fundamental changes in your life? And can you live without having that trophey-sized bass on your living room wall? Think about it, and get back to me.

Leo : This week, dear Leo, we study the bell shaped curve--you start the week with an emotionally charged high point, it degrades into a screaming match and then you go back up the other side of the curve to a high point. This is a good thing. In fact, there will be an extra kick at the end of the week from some sort of business/financial partner which just makes the whole problematic week seem ever so much better. Leo's are always right, so I'm not too worried about your hump day slump. Maybe just call it "slump day."

Virgo : I always like the intro to Henry V: "Now for a Muse of fire...." (Prologue, line 1)... all the little dots mean that thee is a lot going on after those simple words. Mars is doing a number on your sign, now transiting backwards onto YOU. What this means is that your physical health is in jeopardy. Not in a bad way, just words of caution that Virgo's need to be extra careful this week. The other thing to watch out for is added stress in the marketplace. Average daily transactions need a little extra scrutiny--fortunately, this is something you're good at....

Libra : I've been going on and on about Mars for the past few weeks, and the negative effect of the backwards planet on your sign. Now for the good news--Mars goes traipsing into Virgo so it's no longer a concern for you. Watch as car problems mysteriously clear up this week, computers start to run the way they are supposed, and significant others become less grouchy. If only your siblings were similarly effected, life would be just great. If you've overextend yourself physically, now is a time to see the massage therapist for a little relief.

Scorpio : As fate would have it, this week you've got the beginning of another one of those unusual cycles wherein you get a chance to right some past indiscretions. The only reason I would remind you about this is because it would really help you in the future, not the immediate future, but in a few months, if you were to take a hard look at your own history. Remember borrowing that lure and never returning it? It's been in your tackle box for a long time now, and the owner would definitely appreciate the gesture if you were to return it now.

Sagittarius : It's not a good thing to come between a Sag and his or her food, but I would take this week to momentarily suggest that you Archer types out there watch your eating habits this week, especially as the week opens. I don't want to sound like anal, but perhaps there's a little too much fat in your diet, and maybe you should do something about that. Don't worry too much about this because most Archer's are "healthy as a horse."

Capricorn : I have liked being the foreteller of doom, especially for the happy Cappy crowd, but this week looks like it is the the end of the line for the new boat. You will have had just about all the trouble you can take from that new outboard motor, and I'll bet, by the time the weekend gets here, you just drop the old outboard motor overboard, right where it quits, and you wind up using your tolling motor to get you back to shore. Either that, or you might have to row your boat.

Aquarius : It's time a for a little astronomy lesson--Uranus goes around the Sun every 84 years and Jupiter every 12 years, so this is the beginning of a wonderful new growth cycle for you. The only difficulty this week (these two big guys are ganged up on you) is that you can't seem to find a direction. You'll feel a lot like Gemini because you'll wish you could just clone yourself, and send some of the clones off to do all the things you want to do. Modern Science isn't that modern yet, so you'll have to wait. Better yet, just pick one direction and watch yourself really go.

Pisces : What an exciting week to be having a birthday, what with all the nice stuff lined up for you--Venus and Mercury all cozy in there, next to that beneficial Pisces Sun. What's it mean? The next year bodes well for Pisces Birthday boy and girls because the stars say that romance and an ability to talk about that romance are both set for the next year. The tone for the next year should be "talk show romance."

Week of: February 24 -March 2

"Whose phrase of sorrow
Conjures the wandering stars, and makes them stand
Like wonder-wounded hearers?"

Hamlet hisself in Shakespeare's Hamlet (act V, scene i)

Aries : Look here, dear Aries, I've been warning you about confrontations, raging ego, your-will versus the universe sort of thing, now, it comes to triumphant victory this week or it all comes crashing down around your ears. What will it be? How carefully did you prepare for this week's examination? The other influence this week is heady sense of destiny, and I';m glad your an Aries because I don't have to remind you to keep your feet on the ground even though you've got all these high fallutin' ideas kickin' around in your head.

Taurus : Does the word "eviscerate" mean anything to you? Or, better yet, does it describe what your feeling this week? It could. Just remember that you are not really going to be stuffed and mounted on on the wall like a trophy fish, or have your head cut off, like a prize buck. You may feel like this this week, though. If you can just get out of the way, and don't take any obvious bait, you'll be okay.

Gemini : Have talked about your exercise regimen yet? I don't want to sound like a nag, but this is a good time to consider getting a new fitness program working. It will help you reel in the big fish which are certainly coming your way. In fact, you have the ability to land a few trophy catches coming up so the best thing to do is get into shape. While other astrologers might recommend Yoga or Tai-Chi, I would suggest pumping iron. Join the fitness center, maybe a gym.

Cancer : You have a great mind. Too often, though, you ignore this great mind and lose track of the obvious. I would suggest that this is a good week to cut to the heart of the matter, look at some work-related situations and DEAL with it. This much easier said than done, though, and therein is your challenge for the week. You do realize that your work is a big issue for you this week, and you need to employ every bit of your brain power to get you through.

Leo : There are some good vitamins to take when you are stressed and feeling run down. I don't even think that run down is the correct choice of words. Bet you feel like you've been run over this week. Sorry about that impression. Now, start eating the right food, maybe include a little less carcinogenic beef in your diet, try to work in some vegetables and greens, and you'll be feeling much better. And fish--it's a brain food, try some of that too. Consider this: Sushi, it's not just a bait.

Virgo : I get mail from lots and lots of people. But I never get any mail from Virgo's. I wonder why this is? Is it because I pick on you guys for being too neat and clean, for being too Virgo like with all your refined qualities? Is it because you can be so difficult to get along with? Did you not like the last round of transits? Or, have you fallen madly, passionately in love with a "tall dark stranger" this week? Didn't I warn you about the stranger types, some of whom are stranger than most?

Libra : Time to consider where you are in life, what is going on, and where you want to be, say, five years from now. Look at it like a five year plan,. which, of course, goes against everything that is near and dear to our political heart in America where we all work on the four year plan. So this is the case, you are feeling a bit put out, almost as if the weight of the entire world is on your shoulders. The good news is that, with your normal Libra calmness and maturity, you can see the other side. And you know, in your heart, that the events will change and stem the tide of apparent problems. Perhaps it won't be this week, but there is hope.

Scorpio : I am often accused of picking on Scorpio. Even my own mother makes this statements. Nothing could be further from the truth, either, just because Scorpio's are always mean and vindicative, doesn't mean that I pick on you guys, that would be inviting disaster. Besides, as the week unfolds, you Scorpio's have a chance to be a little more open, a little less reticent, and you make such nice partners this week, it makes me feel absolutely grieved that I ever said a bad word about this sign. So you're having a good week. Live bait works best this week.

Sagittarius : The dark side of you is clawing to get out, just a like an action figure in a bad horror film. This character, an integral component of your soul, is desperately seek some outlet. The best thing to do is head out in the country, take some old tin cans, and set up a target range some place far away from civilization. A little target practice, blasting a few things with a high-powered deer rifle, maybe running a few rounds through the pistol you keep in the glove box of the truck, anything that is moderately violent brings a deep sense of satisfaction. Now you can go back to being your happy, helpful self.

Capricorn : Romance is in your air. Call up your old high school sweetheart and ask her/him out. I know you're married now, and so is she/he. Doesn't matter. Just run on around to the coffee shop and have a cup of joe. Catch up on old times. Say things like, "We ought to get together again sometime," and then, when it's over, never call back. You will have done your bit. Besides, old high school flames look more like charcoal these days.

Aquarius : I've been struggling a lot with Aquarius for this week. First off, you guys make it a point to be unpredictable. Then, with all the planets, big and small, lined up in Aquarius, you are REALLY unpredictable this week. Whatever this new course of action is, the one you've been thinking about but haven't told anyone about yet, whatever your goal is, then just go for it. It will work out okay. You might feel like one of those e little rubber boats you see out at the lake, you know the type of boat which really doesn't have too much of a direction. Your sense of focus returns, and that little boat develops a rudder.

Pisces : It may not actually be spring time, but it feels like it here in the sign of the fishes. It feels like it's spring and that love is in the air (who said that?). I would encourage as many romantic interludes as humanly possible. That means every where, and with everyone, and take all offers because there is a lot going on--much of it can be good, too.

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