Week of: Jan 15 - 21

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Well, by now, you will realize that there seems to be some divine and ultimately untimely (for you) design in the sky. You often feel like you can't seem to get ahead, no matter what you do. The good news is that this little time of trial and tribulation is over. The small errors which seems to leap out and attach themselves to you are going to be gone pretty soon, off to bother another sign. The brief period of relief is right around the corner, literally. Get ready for some sweeping changes soon.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: The good news is that you are especially sharp and incisive this week. On the other foot, waiting for the next shoe to fall, as it were, the rest of the world does not understand one bit of your wonderful insight right now. In other words, as smart as you are, you can not communicate what criticisms you have with out appearing like an overbearing blowhard fool. Best course of action? Keep those sharp and wonderful observations to yourself this week. The time will come, later, much later, when you will want to call upon these bits of knowledge.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Talk about your winds of change! The good news is that you are a mutable air sign therefore you can adapt. The big promise for this week is that nothing at the end of the week is going to be like it is at the beginning of the week. No tired old work routine. No tired old home if routine. No tired old vacation routine. No tired old sex life. Not tired old mate. No tired old, well, by now you get the picture. Just watch, though, because it could be your own frustrations which trigger some of the problems.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: If you weren't a Cancer, I would tell you about all sorts of mystical revelations and great spiritual insight that you gaining this week. But you don't believe in all that "metaphysical claptrap" anyway, so it doesn't matter. Look at this: Mercury is opposing you right now, so keep your head down at work. You will probably want to tell the boss to try an anatomical impossible procedure. It isn't a good idea to be giving such commands, not this week.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: We all know, and we all acknowledge that Leo's have the best taste. Usually. The problem is that week, your taste seems to be a bit off. In other words, your sense of style is out of date. While that may appear fashionable to some folk some of the time, it doesn't work right now. This is a good time to keep your self and your big mouth out of trouble. Watch out for the pesky, annoying, but ultimately minor Mercury thing. Look out for daily minor annoyances. It's bound to happen, and your royal patience is going to be tested.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: There's a bait place in Bransom, MO that has the lovely name of Salty Sucker Bait Co. You can find them at http://www.usa.net/branson/salty/salty.htm. Why should this be a concern of yours? You need to look at what bait you used last year. Remember, not everything last year worked, and I think you would do much better if you spent this week looking for some new fishing supplies. Don't fish? Then get out the catalogs and start looking for some new something. It is high time that you refurbished your old lifestyle. Begin the research this week.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Stop me if I've lectured you about this before, but there is a ball of ice in the sky that both astronomers and astrologers don't know exactly what to do with. It's called Chiron, and the name is derived from a centaur. The current astronomical thought is that Chiron is an old comet nucleus, four miles or so of ice and mud. For just old ice and mud, though, it is playing an important role in your life right now. Health and healing moves to the forefront with you. Especially this week. Get the fishing gear ready for the season coming up.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: After innumerable years of ill fortune and bad luck, I have managed to incur the wrath of just about Scorpio on this planet. Well, at least the ones who read this stuff, anyway. It wasn't intentional, I merely look at the stars and the signs, and after a profound analysis, I come up with serious prognostications. What's this week hold for the Scorpion? Put off short term happiness in the short run for a long term satisfaction in the long run. You'll be happier. This really applies in a relationship situation.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: The way things are going right now, it looks like that new romance has turned sour. Get over your silly self and get on with the real matters at hand right now: new fishing gear. This is vitally important to your upcoming fishing season, unless, of course, you were like those brave souls who fished on New Year's day at Lake Abeline. 30 degree weather for fishing indeed!

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Poor old Capricorn! There is at least one astrological writer who suggests that all Capricorn's are old souls. I'll wager that statement pretty well sums up how you feel this week. No, the world is not out to get you, although, a little paranoia wouldn't hurt too much. The problem is that pesky Mercury takes you for a backward tumble right now. Introspection, navel gazing, and wool gathering are highlighted for the week. Don't attempt too much right now because it could backfire. This is a good time to be "collecting your thoughts," like collecting butterflies. You'll be a little more scattered than usual.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Oh dear me. Oh dear. Oh. Relationships always pose a special problem for the Aquarius because you Aquarius types insist on being unusual. Open relationships, serial monogamy, polygamy, all seem to appeal to you. For some strange and almost inexplicable reason, you feel like settling down this week. Please remember that the planets merely indicate a cyclic direction, but do not indicate anything absolute resolve. What does it mean? You want to get married this week, but the feeling will pass, just like other bodily functions. And trying to tie down an Aquarius is an equally repugnant idea.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Aren't you the social butterfly this week? All of a sudden, all the doom and gloom is a bright spot! Every other sign is suffering the slings and arrows of an outrageous Mercury Retrograde and you are enjoying better everything. Your social calendar fills up this week, you feel like dressing up and going out, you attract a lot of attention and bask in the warm glow of your friends' spotlight. Enjoy the cool influence right now, it's too good to last very long, but it is a welcome respite from the boring work routine. Just a little bit longer.

Week of: Jan 8 - 14

Aries [3/23-4/20]: While everyone else is suffering, my dear Aries friend, you are going to be doing ever so much better. This is, in part, due to your ability to deal quickly and decisively with problem which arise. And the problems will arise, you just happen to have an effective way of dealing with this little hassles. Okay, then, the deal is this: be prepared to have an inordinate number of small and inconvenient annoyances crop up, especially in regards to work. Since you can usually deal with these in a straightforward manner, do so. Life gets easier for the next week for so as long as you don't wait around.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: It's just one of those weeks, you know? Well, of course you know, you're right in the middle of it all. What's going wrong is that nothing you touch or say seems to come out right. Now, I wish I could make this all better, but I can't. I wouldn't advise this for many people, but in your case, you might want to consider just hiding your head in the sand for a few days. The progressive degradation of the planets, though, is going to make this feel like everything is just worse all the time. It is. Wait a few weeks before you come out.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: The way, and you can certainly feel it right now, the way for big changes in your life is being cleared. Are you ready? Can you adapt to some new events? I'm talking about something major like a possible career change. If you've been wearing a monkey suit for the last few years, consider getting a real suit. If you've been in the world of business suits, maybe it's time to change to a leisure suit. I hope you understand the concept here: it's time for some serious thinking about what you want to do in life. Don't out anything in action yet, but get started thinking about it.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: There! Across the room! Your eyes lock onto each other! You're sure it is the soul mate that you have been searching for, all your life, there is that person! Sorry, but it isn't so. Sad but true. You need to be wary of fast infatuations right now. If you are already involved, be careful that it doesn't get too deep at a time like this. With the mercurial nature of the planets right now, you are not doing too good. I wouldn't plan much of anything right now because work is going to wind up taking a lot of extra time. Forget the eye lock. Plan on staring at a work screen for a while.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: after such a long time when things have been going along so swimmingly for you, I have a little bit of disturbing news: there is some rain headed for your parade. If not today, then tomorrow. The advantage of listening to an astrologer is that you now know that it might rain so you can take a rain coat. And an umbrella. And maybe some plastic bags. In other words, you are looking at a torrential downpour which has the capacity to slow you down. What's worse, you being to think you know a way around all of this meteorological disturbance. You might have a clue, but I would strongly urge you to hold you cards close to yourself until the rain has stopped.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Poor old Virgo. Everyone is always picking on you, aren't they? Neat freak? Retentive? Always too critical? Well, in uncertain times like these, yours is a job that no one likes, but some one has to do it. Thank God, Goddess, whomever, that you are here to worry about these things. The good news this week is that everyone else is suffering the slings and arrows of an outrageous Mercury retrograde, and it is sliding right on past you, almost as if there was nothing there at all. Poof! Just like that! No big deal. Just watch out for irate Capricorn's who want to get in your face.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Romance is considered a big issue this week. You will find that romantic overtones are compounded, perhaps in a less than wonderful light right now, by the Aquarius/Capricorn Mercury thing. What does that mean? You will feel more loving and kind this week, but your attempts to display your affection might be misunderstood. Be careful in your decisions about love. Be careful in communication with other Air signs, like Gemini and Aquarius.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: go and let an evil and maniacal laugh. This is especially good is you are at the office. Actually, there isn't a whole lot going on this week for you. The laugh is just to upset anyone who is close to you. They will know, absolute certainty, that you are up to no good. Which might be the case, but it's not due to an stellar influence. In all actuality, you are probably beginning to recover from the holidays, and this is a good time to consider getting rested up.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: The last time a small, insignificant blue ice ball was introduced to the sign of Sagittarius, just a few short months ago, Astrologically Aware Sagittarius types were complaining about lower back pain, lower Scorpio pain, and how rotten the world was. Now, there is one word for what is starting in this luckiest of all signs: transformation. It also is deeply symbolic of change on many levels. The question you have to ask yourself, my lucky Sagittarius friend, the big question, is: how willing am I to accept these new changes?

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Well, the week starts out with numerous celestial events really making some interesting changes for you -- you are going to be cursed with the windows 95 bug -- that means every old fashioned computer you touch will need to be upgraded after you get done with it. Every computer you even look sideways at is going to need some expert help. This is because of a couple of electrifying planets which give you the ability to fry electric's. And then there's that pesky and slight mercurial problem associated with that pesky and slight planet Mercury. Oh well, with a week like this, nothing is going to be big deal.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Good news/bad news this week -- the world will appear to be an increasingly difficult place to understand over the next week. That's the bad news. And Mercury begins its little backward journey in your sign, that's even worse news. All of this bad news might have you wondering, "Kramer, is there any hope for us Black Leather Jacket Types?" Yes, there is hope, just because you are a rebel in some strange ways. While all of this bad energy might play a holy havoc with other signs, you will seem to thrive on the chaotic effect it has on your life, especially this week. Just don't touch any computers that I use.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: The time seems to flitting by at a very rapid pace -- the best way to define this is like vacation time, you know, it's as if you are living in FAST FORWARD and everyone else is just stuck in regular time. The good news is that the work problems, that ugly word "reality", seems to be the stuff that is slipping past you so fast. For this next week, despite the usual Mercurial Caveats, your life is in high speed motion forward. Just watch out for the other people who think they belong in the fast lane.
© Kramer Wetzel ´ Austin, Texas ´ October 1995 ´ rodeo voice mail: 512/209-2200 ´
fax (Bubba's fax line is ALWAYS open): 512/448-0970 ´ http://www.io.com/~fgs/ ´ fgs@io.com

Week of: Jan 1 - 7, 1996

Only 11 more signs until Xmas!

    Aries [3/23-4/20]: I sure hope you had a fine night of it, what with all the parties, the coming and going, and maybe just a little bit too much cheer. What a way to bring the new year in, huh? How's the head? I hope you didn't make any foolish New Year's Resolutions which you haven't a chance of remembering. No, the cosmic new leaf turning over doesn't happen until a little later this month, so just nurse yourself back to health over these next few days. You will be feeling better soon enough.

    Taurus [4/21-5/22]: If there ever was a party that you did enjoy, it should have been last night. The one thing to watch out for, and I sure hope this doesn't set a precedent for the rest of the year, is a certain Jealousy you felt last night. Some where, in the Great Work of Kramer, it is written, "Thou Shalt Not Be Overly Desirous of Thy Neighbor's Bass Boat." Well, it may be a shiny new pick up instead of boat, or the new trailer house, but you need to move past the pangs of jealousy because that really is unhealthy for you.

    Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Well, almost as if by magic,. The terrible burden that you have been carrying around with you gets lifted -- the extra weight is gone from your shoulders and you can stand tall and proud again. You might find yourself in a position to start making some serious money, too. That money thing is dependent upon what you have actually accomplished what you were supposed to do last year. If you got in behind the scenes and studies, like I told you to, then this year starts out with ease and grace. And it only gets better.

    Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Frustrations run high right now. Real high. You might trey ice fishing only to get out on the lake, and discover that you don't have the correct hardware to cut a hole in the ice. And that's the easiest example. I would think twice about ice, because you will find that you are (I love to mix metaphors) you are on thin ice in two areas right now: at the office, and on the homefront. It's a double lose situation unless you check your equipment before you head out on the water. So to speak. And watch it, because the winter water is very cold.

    Leo [7/23-8/23]: Talk about the hang over fit for a king! The holiday was good, but now your mood is beginning to sag. Just like the lines under your eyes. You look like you've played just a little too hard, and I'll bet you could really use some rest. If it were possible, the best course of action is for you to take the rest of the Month of January off, and go rest. This week is a troublesome only in that you either need to rest up from the holidays, or that you feel like the holidays never stopped and you want to keep having a party. Either way, work does not figure prominent in your plans.

    Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Look, my Virgo friend, things are not what they seem to be. All you see is the inky blackness and the fiery pit of despair. No, that's not all there is. By the time the Fishing Season get really cranked up, by the time the Big Ones are hitting, you will be in better shape. The trick right now, the trick is to trick yourself into thinking that things are getting better this week. Avoid foolish and improbable resolutions. Let's face it, no one can keep up with that list you made. It's not human. Of course, it can be argued that Virgo's aren't human, but that's a horse of a different flavor.

    Libra [9/24-10/23]: Well, dear Libra friend, we've got some unexpected changes occurring in your schedule at the very last minute. These little challenges are here just to see if you can adapt quickly to the new order of things. The Universe is constantly evolving, but you knew that, and it wants you be more adaptable. In order to effect this change, there will be some last minute, unexpected delays. Nothing you can't accommodate, either, just be warned. And carry an umbrella.

    Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: If I run into one more pessimistic, downtrodden Scorpio, I am just going to SCREAM LIKE A WOMAN. The deal is this, and you Scorpio's listen up good: the bad stuff is over with. Quit complaining. There is nothing but smooth water ahead for you. You ought to be feeling this new and calming effect, even as you read this. But do you let the water stay calm? If you encounter any turbulence WHATSOEVER you had better figure out why you caused it. Nobody else is foolish enough to disturb Scorpio's anymore.

    Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Well, it is time to get down to work. There is a big fishing season coming up, the first of the tournaments are scheduled, and you, my fine Sagittarius friend, have much work to do to get ready for these bass fishing tournaments. The boat needs the motor over-hauled. The boat needs a fresh coat of varnish. Your gear needs to be cleaned and sorted. (Virgo's are handy at a time like this.) You need to get the proverbial ducks in a row. Line them little guys up. Now's the time.

    Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: You, my fine and wonderful Cappy friend, have so much good stuff going on you might not know what to do. Now is the time -- all of the upheaval in the last couple of years, all of the work, all of the development is coming to a head. Do something. Anything. Just take some action. Movement is required at this time. There's no two ways about it: you are energized and ready to act, so don't sit there on your hands: JFDI! (Just Do It, the F is silent.)

    Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Well, you know, everyone else is concerned with the holiday, the new year bash, the economic climate, and global warming. You are concerned with deeper psychological issues which are burning in your brain right now. You have much to think about. Give it a chance. We already know that you are the most analytical of the bunch, the best brain wave power sign, so use it. Everyone else is off with false hope and false promises. You,. however, spend the week in deep mediation. You are charting a new course for what is on the horizon.

    Pisces [2/19-3/22]: There's a brave new world awaiting you. Really. You just can't seem to get away from this work thing. It looks as if work will stretch on forever. Especially right now. Don't despair, please, because I know that relief is literally right around the corner. Keep a stiff upper lip until then.

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