Week of: 3/15-21

"Get you to bed again; it is not day.
Is not to-morrow, boy, the ides of March?"
Brutus in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, Act II, Scene i.

What with the highly charged Ides of March starting this week, I have to mention something about it.... And what better tragedy to deal with the middle of the month that Shakespeare's Julius Caesar? It's a play full of soothsayers who keep telling the truth, much to the chagrin of the characters. And it's darned bloody play on stage, too, having seen it a time or two. With the new Moon in Pisces, on Wednesday, though, maybe it's a good week to schedule an extra afternoon nap. All that blood letting can make a body drowsy.

The weekly quiz is buried in Taurus. Again.

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Close on the heels of the new Moon, the golden chariot of the sun goes sliding into your home sign. So much for the good news. Mercury and the sun swap positions, too, but seeing as how the errant little planet is still doing a backward upside down boogie right now, it's like a one of those rides at the carnival right now, one of those rides that almost guaranteed to make you lose your appetite, if not your last meal. Fortunately, after this new moon thing, you regain some composure, and the sun brings so much need light to your life. That's like those old Light beer commercials, you know, as long as Mercury is retrograde.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: In "The Devil's Dictionary," there's a very appropriate comment about Fate. You might want to look that one up, but be warned, since I've used it before, I know what it really says about astrology and fate. Send me the proper citation and quote, and I'll send you an email "el-cheapo" Astrology report, if you can get the right quote. Fate is a big topic this week because there's a dance in the heavens that helps you along a path of destiny. The problem with this little jolt (like a cattle prod), is that your romance arena is supposed to get a good, swift kick in the pants. This action can either be really good and motivating, or it can be really painful and incapacitating. This week, it's up to you to decide what to do with your stellar (cattle prod) kick.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: The early part of the week, we're doing a special little trick for the Gemini's out there, our favorite sign, it's the Dorothy Dance, and it's where you wake and realize that you're not in Kansas anymore. Now, this starts out like a bad trip on some uncontrolled substances, but there's a happy ending to it. By the end of the week, you're going to be saying to yourself, "there's no place like home, there's no place like home...." Of course, red slippers and bestial traveling companions are strictly optional this week. Work on your Dorothy Dance steps.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: There's been a strange and omnipresent sense of foreboding that has plagued you for the last couple of days. It's as if everything is going just a little too well right now. You know that it can't possibly be this good, not with the little errant one doing his Last Tango in Retrograde Land thing going on. And now the Moon, your favorite heavenly object, is doing a quick Moon Dance with Mercury to exacerbate the conditions. The deal is this: it's still okay for you, as long as you watch the usual Mercury Retrograde stuff. You know, not too much in the new department, wrap up the old projects and get ready for a little extra work headed you're way before the end of the week.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: Look here, oh majestic Lion, the mightiest of the signs, I know that this Mercury Retrograde organic fertilizer situation has got you down. But I'll promise that there is some good news coming Just as soon as the Sun and Mercury swap positions, just as soon as the Sun slides in Aries, just as soon as the trite little Venus and Saturn thing gets over with their duet. See? None of this is personal. Judging from the mail I've been getting, though, you seem to take it pretty personal. So just relax a little bit. It's not you, it's them darn planets playing a little bit of a game with you. And like other forms of amusement, a gently bemused expression will help you best this week.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: "We (the Virgo's of the world) are not amused." That's your message this week, plain and simple rather than working at some planned obfuscation which would only serve to further occlude matters at hand, this is a week to let every one know that you are not being entertained by the planets' little dance. Now, that the statement of mission is out of the way, let's take a look at what's on your personal horizon: romance. But that could be a few days off, just yet. Even though you're not amused, you should have a sense of humor about it all, especially this week. And if you don't have that sense of humor, better develop one real quick like.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: By the end of the week, the good news is pretty simple because the worst of the nasty little Mercury retrograde is over for you. But that means that's there's a concomitant part coming -- as the sun gently eases into the Sign of the Ram, the equinox and all, it's time for a little decision making process, you know, tough calls about what does and doesn't work right now. Look at the old boat, time for a new one? Now, as long as Mercury is still backwards, maybe it isn't a good time to make out a check for a new bass master craft, but it is good time to go shopping. Other decisions? Maybe it's around the garage, time to get caught up on your payments to the Tool guy.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: You know, there are a lot of other signs out there, the other 11, you might call them the "lesser 11" and the other 11 are having a tough time. Not a bad tough time, just sort of a mediocre tough time. Now, here in Scorpio Land, Mr. Mars is making merry. It's like you're on the Southern NASCAR circuit, and you keep piling up wins this week. Now, you need to be a little careful, through, because Stock Car Racing has a few problems. While most "officials" don't count it as a contact sport, you need to consider being careful about contact with other racers, the wall, the high banked turn, and whatever you do, don't flip into the infield. Nothing is worse than winding up in the pits when you're on a winning streak. Remember, it's really easy, go down the straight, hang a left, go down the straight, hang a left. Repeat as needed.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Welcome to our own, personal nightmare. It should be the lyrics to this week, it should be a lot of things, beside the theme for this week. Now, before you get bent about the theme for the week, realize that time is a rather fluid thing, and this fluid thing starts moving rather rapidly. So even though it starts out as a weird week, and it just gets weirder, there's a silver lining in here some place. Stop for a moment and gaze at the lovely Lupines growing along the highway of life. The Bluebonnets are still pretty good right now. Just make sure that you pull over to shoulder of the road, on that highway of life, before you stop. The people riding up on your backside might not understand.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Have we discussed your unabated appetite? No? I hope you're not waiting on some profound statement this week, not waiting with bated breath. Or, if you're close to a good bait shop, trying to catch what it is that I'm going to convey. It's really simple, don't let a good haul (this mid-week is really good for fishing) all go into the frying pan. You've got to exercise a little restraint -- especially at the supper table. So, you will catch a lot of fish this week, especially in the middle of the week, but you've got to remember to throw some of that good catch into the freezer. Trust me, you'll dine fine later.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Have we talked about frustration? Have we discussed the fact that you have been running headlong into the future, at a furious pace, while avoiding certain obvious little signs that you were running over some of your friends? I know it's not a nice way to look at things, but you've got to spend part of this week backtracking, going over old ground, and making an effort to renew some friendships that you seem to have "stepped" on. Of course, you didn't do this on purpose, but these things happens. I understand, no need to kiss and make up with me, but you've got a few old friends who need some reassurance right now.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: New Moon, middle of the week, late degree of Pisces. And? And call it a launch date, as opposed to a lunch date. I don't have a better way to address this. I know that Mercury is doing nasty little number on you right now, but you're not going to let a small, insignificant planet get in your way, are you? Of course not! Time to start considering what kind of action you're going to take to lead to one thing: Total World Domination. It's going to be a Pisces, ruled by Pisces, for Pisces, and this week begins the first of your plans. Of course, this all on a metaphorical level, of course.

Week of: 3/8-14

"No more than a fish loves water. Is not this a strange
fellow, my lord, that so confidently seems to undertake this business, which
he knows is not to be done; damns himself to do, and dares better be damned
than to do't?"

First Lord in Shakespeare's All's Well That Ends Well [III.vi.120-4]

I should use the tired old Ides of March quote, but I might save that for next week. Hold on tight and make the best use of the early spring time energy because it's all about to go away soon. But lest I sound like a Scorpio, be happy joyous and free right now, and confidently undertake that which needs to be undertaken, as soon as possible.

This week's quiz show question is buried in Taurus.

Aries [3/23-4/20]: There are many ways to spell relief. One of the best things that I've found is little nap after a particularly filling repast at a fine Tex-Mex restaurant. And that's what you're going to feel like doing. I realize that a nap doesn't work into everyone's schedule, but you might try to rearrange things so you can fit one in. A huge meal, and little shut eye will go a long way in helping you at a time like this. There are many, albeit dubious, benefits to having a little nap in the middle of the afternoon, especially after a filling meal. Don't spend time extolling the virtues of this nap, just do it. You get the picture. As busy as you've been, and as good as things are, this is a the week to plan a little extra sleeping time. We'll worry about romance and work, next week.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: There are certain, inevitable things in life. Like that pebble which works its way into your sock. You peel off you boots, and the rock is still there. No, it's gotten next to your tender flesh of foot. And you've got to peel off the sock in order to get rid of the sucker. Like this irritation in your boot, you are going to have to dig a little deeper than usual to uncover the root of the problem this week. And, in the final analysis this root problem is more than likely something that you just took for granite. A really small piece of granite, to be precise. At least, that what it looks like to the rest of us. To a sensitive Taurus, though, it is certainly a big deal. There's some fairy tale about that one, drop me a line with the moral of that tale, and the real author's name for a chance to win a free el-cheapo delivered via email.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: I want to turn the multi-faceted jewel-like Gemini brain of yours towards business this week. I know that work can be an ugly word, but there are opportunities just about everywhere. Ask Joe, the guy at the filling station and convenience store about bait this week. You will find that you get unlikely advice (live bait) from unlikely places (you didn't know he was a real fisher person). If you can bring this Gemini mind of yours back to basics, back to business, then you stand a chance of reaping great rewards. Or, at the very least, you'll have a good catch this weekend. You've got a clue sitting right under your nose, just make sure you ask the right guy about bait. Or for advice.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Good news about Mars, and there's even good news about the Sun. In fact, we've got Cancer good news busting out all over the place. In an effort to fly in the face of convention, I'm going to suggest that romance springs to the forefront again this week. Spring time, and all that, you know. The lazy wildflowers are erupting with their colors gracing the countryside, at least in Texas, and things couldn't be much better. There's just an odd little echo in your sign, despite all the good stuff, that suggests you might feel a little lonely this week. Snap out of it. Get over it. Pick your sorry self up, dust your lazy self off, and get out of your shell.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: There are no big influences that are running with you this week. I was listening to the radio, and I heard a weird song come on, something about "Leader of the Pack," and that made me think about Leo for this week. In all fairness, and one must always be fair with a Leo, there's some good stuff going on. Of course, most of this stuff that is happening is of a relatively minor variety. I still won't worry about it too much because it works out for you in a pretty good way. So whatever your week's plans are, plan on assuming your role as the leader of the pack. Just be forewarned that a few of your followers are going to question you along the way. That's why you're the leader, you know the answers this week.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: There's actually, I mean, basically, I mean, the bottom line is, that there some good stuff happening in your heavens right now. Of course, seeing this yourself might be a bit of a problem because you are inclined to put the Virgo hat on, and when you wear that hat, your cranial matter gets rather focused. Don't analyze it too much this week. Stop thinking. Or, as the Talking Heads would sing, "Stop Making Sense." This is not futile exercise this week. It's as if nothing is going to make a lot of logical sense. However, my fine Virgo, if you're willing to look on the bright side of things, the Bluebonnets are out in force, it's spring time, and the stars really aren't treating you badly this week. Of course, what do I know? I still suggest that there has been a heavenly movement which helps your week along.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Lots of astrologers worry about oppositions, and you've got a boatload of oppositions this week. Therein is the bad news. And the good news? That's up to you. Just when you feel like all the odds are against you, just when you feel like there isn't any chance of success, just when you're sure that nothing good will come of this week, a there's a flash in the sky, and one portal opens up. It's like you can't find the right lure to fish with, so you put on a special summer-only top water popper, and then you get a strike. Success is like that this week, it comes from the weirdest combination of rule-breaking exercises. The wrong bait can sometimes garner the biggest catch so bend a few rules to suit your temperament.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: I keep ranting and raving about Mr. Mars, the former solo ruler of Scorpio. Mars goes with BBQ like most good old boys in Texas do. It's a natural fit. And BBQ is the best idea right now. Besides, deep down inside, in that secret Scorpio place (some call it your heart), you have a hankering for some delicious mesquite grilled beef. I know that there is at least one Vegetarian Scorpio reader out there (Hi Mom), so think about vegetables done up on the grill. Why all the talk about food? Because it's most important right now. Of course, there's one little problem with Mars, and in your rush to get stuff on the grill, you might over do it just a little with the gasoline. Unleaded Premium might not be the best starter fluid. And several gallons might not be the best way to do this, so try a little moderation.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: It's about time we all had that little wedding talk. Soul Mate and Cell Mate seem to be recurrent themes to a normal Sagittarius brain. But like the commercials, remember the ones with the fried egg, Pluto has done a little number on you. Or a big number. Personally, I like mine over easy, but Pluto, and a few other influences, have determined that this week is a week for brains to be scrambled hard. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Repeat as often as necessary in order to get your priorities straight. There, you should be feeling better. And I'll promise that you are feeling better by the weekend. And if you really are going to push ahead with the wedding idea, then you need to make a serious consideration about the bachelor party thing. And you'd better consult with an astrologer about the date. Next year looks good.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: I love Capricorn weeks like this one because I can trust that your innate sense of foreboding will manage to turn all these positive influences into a negative one, just give you enough time. "Yeah, right," you say. In case you missed the point, there is a lot going on your world that is good right now. In fact, there is any number of beneficial influences at this point, it's just up to you to do something with all this good energy. And that sense of doom that's been lurking like a stealth bass boat in the corner of your vision? That's nothing more than the Department of Parks and Recreation. He's going to check your fishing license, but not until you have a big stringer of fish. It's okay, because I know you got thing updated, right? The license, not the stringer.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: The beginning and middle of the week are just sort of, well, sort of boring. It's like sitting in a boat on a hot spring day when, no matter what you do, nothing is happening. Not a thing. Of course, some of the lesser signs consider this sort of sport to be an excellent time for inner communications with one's self. However, you are feeling just a bit irritable because you did go there to fish. Okay, after sighting a sufficient sign of ennui, maybe you'll like the bit about the weekend better because all of a sudden, there is an explosion, and your mundane existence takes on new meaning. The fish start to bite, too.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: As a Good Pisces, which I'm sure you are because you're reading this, you will note that the phase of the Moon has been having a profound effect upon you lately. After all, tracking things like the lunar cycles is what this astrology stuff is all about. But before you go off and moon somebody this coming weekend, be aware of some subtle changes around you home. Now, I'm not suggesting that every Good Pisces lives in a trailer park, but this is one of the weeks when I'd get out of that trailer and check the tires because you might need to realign your home at a time like this. That means get some good cinder block to build up the foundation. Or bookshelves. Either one works with those cinder blocks this week.

Week of: 3/1-7

Ay, Greek; and that shall be divulged well
In characters as red as Mars his heart.
Inflamed with Venus: never did young man fancy
With so eternal and so fix'd a soul.

Troilus in Shakespeare's Troilus and Cressida, V.ii.312-6

March 7, 1901, the Bluebonnet is named the state flower.

And it's time to think about the spring wildflowers in Texas. So as long the blooming flowers are pretty, let's look on the lighter side...

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Old Mr. Jupiter usually makes writing a scope for a sign pretty easy. The only problem is that there is still a lot of water in the sky right now. I'm speaking astrologically, of course. And despite the benevolent influence of Jupiter, this water is winning the fight for your attention this week. Give in, feel the feelings, go with the flow. It's not a fast trip downstream, no, it's not really going to be like this. But it does remind me of the time I saved Bubba on the SchoolKill River. Ask him about that. Alas, I can't save Aries this week, so just don't let the soggy skies get you down. It doesn't have to be like that long forgotten adventure in East Texas, on a turbulent stream.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: A single thought entered my brain stem when I looked at your chart for this week. That thought felt all alone in there, and it finally made its way out after "knocking about a bit." (The cat seems to think it left via the my right ear.) But like that single thought, there's going to be a lot going for Taurus in the coming months. In the meantime, you had just better get used to the idea that Saturn is here, and Saturn is going to stay for a spell. He's not not unfriendly, but he might let you feel that way. And he's not without some good points, but once again, he might let you think that he's all bad. Handle the thought process with care.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: On one of my frequent trips to the British Museum, in London (U.K.), I found out that the classical definition of Circe was that she was a rather ornery goddess. Not so untypical because the Roman Pantheon of Gods and Goddesses has many characters with rather human foibles. And there's this Circe type of energy floating along in Gemini this week. You might want to pop around to the British Museum to look this stuff up. For the terminally detailed oriented, there's also another influence which is going to make you equally restless yet also homebound. Suggestions for the week? Clean house. Again. You will be surprised at what turns up in your own British Museum. [hint: start with the Reading Room.]

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Remember your Geometry teacher in High School? Mine was a babe I had the hots for. Didn't help me with the math, though. Now, if you recall, a triangle has three legs. The first leg of this weeks triangle is Mars in Scorpio. The second leg of the triangle is the Sun in Pisces. You, my fine Moon Child, yes, you, are the third leg. This is a good thing. In no other terms, it's a great week to be active. The only thing that I worry about is a certain Cancer playing Street Hockey on In-line skates. So watch out for flying sticks, and make sure you wear your helmet. And remind me to bet on your team -- you're a winner this week. With Mars, though, I worry about your broken bones.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: Last week, we were worried about Leo. This week, we are definitely NOT worried about the sign of the Lion because this is a week filled with fun events, parties and the like because it's just what you need, a chance to escape a little bit of the drudgery of the everyday existence, and not to worry about some of the more mundane details of life since the planets are lining up to give you a boost, and this little lift from the heavens is going to serve you well as the week begins to unfold -- what with a Full Moon as an excuse party, and nothing much to worry about which might lead you to worry some, but that's you're own problem because you really don't have many difficulties, at least, astrologically speaking.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: There's just a little touch of relief as Mercury moves out of your way, but there's still a lingering feeling, you feel like you've got something about half-done, about half-baked, about half of whatever it is that has been so time consuming lately. And whatever this is, it's still time to stop, pause, reflect, and put your keen Virgo instincts to work at figuring out what the problem might be. There's also a fun side to the "oh so serious Virgo" and with the full moon, you need to let this fun loving Virgo out to play. Then get back to the problem of half. You will feel fractionally better after the full moon. This is better than just being fractious, too.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: There's not a direct influence in Libra this week, not something that you can reach out and grab onto. It's not like that at all. In fact, you are going to be coerced into trying to tease some meaning out the very fabric of air this week. Of course, this is none too daunting of a task for you. There is some nuance that holds meaning for you this week, and after examining the interplay of the planets and such, all I can suggest is to turn over a few rocks. Some little grub has a message, and you want to be careful -- you don't want to miss the important news. And if you miss the message of the worm, then figure all those little bugs make excellent bait, too -- no wasted motions, this week.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: Mars -- the planet voted most likely to exemplify a Scorpio -- lines up with the Sun this week. In a good way. Make that last comment read "in a great way" and I really hope you catch the subtle idea here. Time to be moving along with some good news for Scorpio. There's a certain degree of emotional fulfillment that you get this week, and it's sort of like getting a new computer delivered to your door, something that you think is really useful and fun, delivered from a mail order place. I'm not saying this is the way it will happen, but you get the idea, you catch on to the sentiment of the moment. And this moment lasts all week, more or less. Just be careful when firing up the newly rebuilt boat motor this week -- make sure you have enough lubricant to make everything run smoothly. Or make sure you have the right wires connected. Smoke coming out of a motor is good, it's called exhaust. Smoke coming out of a computer is generally regarded as bad.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: There you have it, my fine Sagittarius friend, there you have it. One of the feminist asteroids is lining up with Pluto in a big way, and this making for some powerful energy in your life. Thinking about getting married? Haven't you ever listened to my advice about your sign, nay, OUR sign and wedding bells? I know, it the early spring, and the first hint of the spring is wafting in the air. Along with that first hint of spring, there's also a lot of pollen. Should have warned you. But this little asteroid influence, wedding bells notwithstanding, is a fleeting one, and it's impact is over at the end of the week. Just don't say "I do" to anything more permanent. A well placed "maybe" is much more expedient this time.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: There's a place, and I'm obviously borrowing a little bit of an idea from a Gemini cartoonist, but this place is called "relationship heck." It's not that bad, nor is it that deep, nor is it that dark. It's more like a gray area. And you're romantic relationship is entering into this place. Relationship Heck. The best news is that it could be worse. So buckle up, maybe drop a favorite Pisces a note, and continue on through the rest of the week This romantic heck isn't going to last very long. It's just a fleeting influence from the smaller planets, and it will all be over soon.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Like the good soul that you are, humor is your key element this week. In fact, do you best to get away from the office, away from the house, and, as sacrilege as it sounds, away from the fishing boat. You need to take a break and laugh it all off. I'll promise that it is getting better. You just don't realize it yet. And there's nothing like a good guffaw to relieve some of the stress you've been feeling lately. So get out and doing something that is amusing, and do something that is amusing AND funny. You need to shake it all out with a twisted mirth. And if you hear any good jokes, then send them my way.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: It's a special time for a special Pisces. Let dear sweet Bubbette Ann Marie know that you love her. Her email address is Textile@aol.com, and it would be real nice if all the Pisces got together and dropped her a note, wishing her well. The rest of the Pisces, for this week, well, there are some birthdays of note. And the usual item I admonish during a week like this is to exercise just a little bit of caution. If anyone can help, Ann Marie (and the rest of the Pisces) need a chauffeur driven limousine this week. Either that, or a ride in the truck -- but let someone else drive. Definitely let some one else drive.

Week of: 2/22-28

Enobarbus: I shall entreat him
To answer like himself: if Caesar move him,
Let Antony look over Caesar's head,
And speak as loud as Mars. By Jupiter,
Were I the wearer of Antonius' beard,
I would not shave't to-day.

in Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra [II.ii.5-10]

Jupiter is the big news this week, and it looks like, according to the old warrior Enobarbus, like it might be a close shave.

Aries [3/23-4/20]: In some of the more arcane studies of astrology, I've found that Venus can be an active little planet, bringing a lot more than just "love - lite" into a person's chart. And Venus is in Aries now, along with Mr. Jupiter, that old "By Jove" himself. So it's a good week to use that very exclamation, "By Jove" because it's going to have a pretty profound effect on you this week. It's all good, too. Just realize that a Venus AND Jupiter get together are going to further exacerbate the situation, and I'm sure you know just exactly what situation it is that I'm talking about.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: I like to put this to you in Latin, and we are grateful for the odd Canadian scholar who has helped with the translation: "Ibam ibi, feci id." Proof positive that Latin is not a dead language. Proof that stuff you say in Latin sounds erudite. And what does it mean? We're so glad you asked -- here at FGS World Headquarters and Institute for Languages, we have come up with a snappy way to talk about Saturn. Been there, done that. Saturn is making a slow entry, and his heavy boots are going to be all over you. Just when you thought you had finished up some old business, it turns out that the old business is back. And you will often repeat that phrase in Latin, just to help yourself along.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Stay home this week. I know it's not a pretty idea. Travel, trips abroad, far flung destinations -- they all look good to you. Anything to get you out of the trailer park. But there's some routine stuff at home you need to tend to, and this would be the time to do just that. I mean it. There's a romance thing that is kicking in some secret, dark corner of your life, and it's like a big fish, a grand daddy of all fish, and you can plan on how you're going to catch this one. But the actual fishing thing? Not this week. A trip to the lake will likely have no yield for you.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: I'm not liking this week for Cancer's, not one little bit. There's good and bad things going on -- good being a sun shining merrily in Pisces, along with Mercury there. Bad being Jupiter in Aries, along with Venus, making a "less than wonderful" tension in your life. So what's it going to be? Personally, I'd flip a coin. I kept getting heads, but I think that's more like a little "heads up" to the fine Moon Children this week. With Jupiter figuring into this equation, though, there's always the opening scene from a Tom Stoppard play that comes to mind, and you might beat the odds. Or, if you're my editor, you might beat the odd -- ouch.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: One of the strangest things I encounter in day to day travels and looking at charts has something to do with Virgo's who have a lot of Leo in their chart. Or, in this week's example, a Leo with a lot of Virgo in his or her chart. And even if there isn't even a dab of Virgo in your chart, you're going to feel like there's a lot of it. So don't fight the urge, get out there and do some yard work. Or house cleaning. One of those Virgo archetype activities will do the soul good this week. A little compulsive behavior, when properly directed cleanses the soul. Consider it your own special spring cleaning time.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: My fine Virgo friend, nothing could be better. ... actually, I'm sure you can think of any number of things which could be better. It's a half birthday, of sorts, and that can go several ways. You can be depressed all week, or you can rejoice and have fun. I prefer the rejoicing routine myself, but you can do whatever your fine Virgo mind suggests. You're dealing with a little bit of a problem right now, what with both the Sun and Mercury wheeling along opposite of you. So you can expect a few problems to surface during this week, problems which will require your undivided attention. It shouldn't be too hard, though, you can put the party aside for a moment, just for the fun of it.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: You know, just as soon as I get a little bit of good news going in the Libra section of the sky, there's always something else coming along, just in time to make you miserable. Maybe miserable isn't quite the right word, but with the aftermath of Cupid's little errant arrows, I have to wonder about it. Even the dusty old tomes I consulted suggested that it isn't that bad, it's just not as stable as you would like it to be. However, I wouldn't be surprised if something great falls into you lap this week. I'm just worried about the dry cleaning bill.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: I love Mars, and, as a Scorpio, you love Mars. You just have to admire a planet that is poked and prodded, probed and pillified, and keeps on ticking. Mars is getting the worst of it from other planets this week, and Mars is all over the Scorpio chart, too. So you're likely to feel like you're being poked and prodded, probed and who knows what else. In fact, you're week reminds me a South Park episode. You know the one. So if you run into any Aliens this week, cover yourself. I'll promise that you can avoid cartoon violence, if you're careful.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: I had a Virgo girlfriend once, and her son who was only 7 years old at the time he offered up this term. I liked it: "romantical". That word seems to resonate all over your happy little chart this week. There's a distant wafting of the gentle zephyrs which indicate that romance is blowing your way. Try using that word when speaking to targets, I mean, to possible people you have a stated interest with. The romance might be a little goofy, but it's a good idea this week. The influence is from one of those feminist asteroids. The hard part is getting Bubba to act like a sensitive and caring person without getting too goofy.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: There is a distant breeze blowing, and you can feel changes are a-coming. Now, are you going to be in charge of these changes? Or are you going to let that vile mistress Fate dictate what's about to happen? With a week like this, and a fortunate, for you, lunar cycle, you can make some decisions which will help you along. It's going to be a bang up spring and summer, so start getting the ideas in place. Like now. Don't put this one off. Make those plans, and look at it all on a spreadsheet. It never hurts to be a little calculating.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: This is a bit of a week to think about things like spring break. I mean, the usual conflagration, that annual rite wherein everyone heads on down to the beach to play, it's time for some good plans to be planned. Now, a lesser sign (like the other 11) wouldn't be so forward thinking. And, assuming you live in Texas, that means you're headed to the Gulf Coast. It's an event that you don't want to miss, it's a calling within your very nature, just like the way nature calls certain migratory birds to return to the same pond, year after year. Make some plans to go back to your favorite winter watering hole.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Happy Birthday to that one, extra special Pisces. After being on the road for many years, I often get accused of picking on this sign, or that sign, but according to my driving record, the only sign I really seem to avoid is a stop sign. And that's a good sign for you to consider this week, the red, octagonal one. I know, I know, I've been telling you how wonderful everything is, but this week, it's time to stop, take a rest, prop your feet up on the coffee table, and take a well-deserved break. You can then ponder my prognostication about how it's all good in Pisces right now.

Week of: 2/15-21

"Good morrow, friends. Saint Valentine is past"
in Shakespeare's Midsummer's Night's Dream, [IV.i.188]

There's an eclipse on 2/16 as well as the sad fact that the romantic interlude is now over. But it's not the end. It might just be the beginning.

Aries [3/23-4/20]: There's an eclipse kicking around in your 12th House. And what does this mean in less fancy talk? It means that there are some hidden aspects which are going to "present" themselves, sort of like getting know your trailer park side of the family. Or some other dark secret. We've all got cousins in Texas, maybe cousins in that thin strip of land called East Texas where the brand of humor is a bit coarse. And it's those kin folks, or a similar dark specter which will emerge this week -- from behind the Pine Curtain. Now, if they really are kin folk, you know you have to be nice to them. You never know when they might end up on daytime T.V. -- one of the THOSE talk shows.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: A place I once worked at was likened to the bar scene in the original "Star Wars" movie. And you're going to feel like you've stumbled into this same bar scene. Or its "end of the century" equivalent, and that takes a pretty fair stretch of the imagination. The deal is this: I worked at that place for over two years. And you're going to feel like this week is about two years long, too. And every place you look, you're going to be seeing spooky aliens talking gibberish. You haven't fallen into an inter-dimensional time and space continuum warp, no it's just an eclipse cycle, and it's going to have some fun with you. Just belly up to the bar, and order up one of those green drinks that smokes and bubbles.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: I know you guys hate the "Two-faced" and "Twins" allusions right now. Matter of fact, you just about always dislike such references because of the pejorative connotations. But let's move beyond the bad stuff, for just a second. There is a duplicity inherent to your very nature, and that mutable ability that you've got is going to be very much in demand this week. In other words, my dear Gemini, you've got to be in two places at one time. Hopefully, this isn't too much of a challenge for you. The important thing to remember is to stick to your commitments, whatever those commitments are. Doesn't much matter, just do what you said you were going to do. Or what you thought you said.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Eclipses, such as the one on Tuesday, seem to have slightly empowering effect on you. Now, as you feel more ennobled this week, be careful how you weld you power. Make a strong, Cancer type of strong, effort to conceal your glee. Don't appear to be over-ambitious. It's like sneaking up on trout in a mountain stream, a little finesse goes a long way. Trout have to be coaxed onto the the fly. The rest of us, we're like a recalcitrant trout in the stream, a little coaxing (and maybe a good luck charm) will help this week. You're not spin casting. You're not trolling, watch the elbow and land that fly right where we want it. Send me a picture of the trophy from this week.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: Austin seems to produce a unique blend of music, sort of a polka, folk rock, hill-billy, twangy, Texas thing. I used to like the term Pink Country, but that's become passe. But you get the idea. You, too, my wonderful Leo friend, will exhibit signs of that unique blend of seemingly disparate resources this week. Now, along with that weird Texas music thing, you need to be ready to go for a little more than your fair share of the spotlight this week. Of course, you're going to do just fine. Don't be too worried if you spend part of the week looking into the bright lights of the camera. T.V. news camera.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: You'll be breathing a bit of a sigh of relief as this week progresses. Venus has been troubling you, and now that the obnoxious Valentine's Day thing is over, you can back to important business in your life. I'm not saying that romance, or its apparent equivalent, isn't important, but I would suggest that this is a week to leave the old flames, new flames, and smoldering embers in the dust. n other words, put it all behind you. One of the handy things about driving a pickup truck, the Texas State Vehicle, is you can just toss everything it he back. That's what you're going to want to do, this week. And if it's something which needs to be removed, a good spin down the freeway will blow that trash right out of there.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: A while back, I was doing a little volley of electronic correspondence with a member of the FGS Faithful, someone on the witty little mailing list I run, and this correspondence had to do with a member of the family who won a new truck in some kind of special sweepstakes. To me, it looked like a lottery win, and in effect, that's what it was. The key? In the chart of the person who won, Jupiter was moving opposite the native sun. Now, as a native son (of Texas), we have the same kind of lottery luck running for you because Mr. Jupiter is moving into the same position, opposite you. Get ready for. What's that Texas State Lottery jackpot up to this week?

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: My fine Scorpio friend, I do trust that this week is going to be a good week for you. I know that it should be. Of course, appearances are always deceiving, and this is something you should watch out for. Use that inherent Scorpio ability that you've got, that wonderful sixth sense, to ferret out any problems that catch your perspicacious eye this week. Bet you didn't know that you had such an eye? I think it's the left one. So fix you steely gaze on the problem. In other words, it's high time you got to the bottom of this. Now, this is all due to a Martian influence, so avoid the heavy hand and move with caution. This tape will self-destruct in ten seconds.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: You think you're hearing wedding bells this week. And you have to admit, there is nothing so romantic as a marriage proposal on Valentine's Day. So much for the good news. Get a grip. Grasp reality for a moment, and look at it in the eyes, square in the eyes. "What am I thinking?" You ask yourself. "Wedding Bells? What the?" Of course, this strange and hypnotic sensation of true love is going to keep you in a fog for a little longer. It's like the winter fog which rises up from the wet Texas marshlands in East Texas, on cool winter days, and these fogs can obscure everything for miles. Even the airport traffic. But do consider making some contingency plans right now. France sounds good.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: I know that you want a rosy glow, and I was going to try to employ an "objective correlative" as a literary device in o order to evoke that feeling for you this week. But it seems the State wants to revoke my poetic license, something about some verse which rhymed. Still, that doesn't mean that there isn't a warm, tingling feeling left over from the big Romantic Thing weekend. I don't know how your individual romance worked out, but the over-all massage of the heavens was good, if not great. And you should be stuck with some sort of inner contentment, if not an outright silly glow -- all week long.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: There's strangely, eerily evocative music which comes to mind right now. Might just be the tune on the Boom Box, too, but I think it's a little more than that. It's like the opening scene from Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Part I, Part II, or Part III -- doesn't much matter), and you feel like the main antagonist is still lurking around the corner. If you're not careful, this weird musical allusion will quickly lead to the sound of a chainsaw starting up. And you know what comes next, don't you? Now, there's not really much to worry about this week, but while everyone else is having a good time, it doesn't hurt for you to be bit paranoid this week. And if you hear someone with a limp, or the sound of the chainsaw, don't say I didn't warn you. Aquarius is always a few steps ahead of the rest of us.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: There's always going to be that one special Pisces, and there's always going to be birthday that I will soon forget. Regrettably, those two seem to go hand in hand. and Pisces starts this week, with all sorts of strange things brewing. It's the day after. Or the day after the day after. And you feel a little bit of let down despite it being your birthday month, starting this week. So what are you going to do? For those early degree Pisces, here's a happy birthday to you. And for the rest? Don't let the little details bog you down this week. It's not another Foggy Mountain Breakdown, I'll promise that.

Week of: 2/8-14

Panthino: I think your lordship is not ignorant
How his companion, youthful Valentine,
Attends the emperor in his royal court.

in Shakespeare's "Two Gentlemen of Verona" (I.iii.41)

Sunday is a good day, almost a great day, a wonderful day by some folks standards, and diaster by others. It depends on well target acquistion is on your end. Do you have your sites all lined up? Drawing a bead with Cupid's little arrow?

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Aren't you the lucky one this week? Just as it feels like Saturn will never, ever get done with you, along comes Jupiter, or, as some prefer to call him, Jove. And "By Jove!" as the cry goes, you've got a bit of the luck with you this week. The only problem that you will experience, if you have any trouble at all, is that Venus is in your Solar 12th House. Not exactly a great place, but there are some definite possibilities with a Pisces lurking. So I guess it depends on what your fishing for.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: An old Taurus friend used to insist that lovers should also be friends, and when they were just "friends" that would be okay, too. With Romance playing a big question in your mind right now, I suggest you surround yourself with friends because there's a lot of friends around to help ease any sorrow you might feel right now. And the company of good friends might help ease that sorrow, much better than a bottle and an old jukebox down at some dive, listening to old Patsy Cline songs. That's not what you need to do at a time like this. No walking after midnight for you this week.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: I know it's romance time. I know I have to write something about that gooey stuff called "love" for you this week. The deal is that there are a lot of varying influences operating on you right now. It makes for an interesting time. Aren't you glad you're Gemini? Any other sign would go to pieces because you've got some juggling in your schedule coming up. I usually joke about "bulk mail" valentine or buying a gift in bulk that says, "to the only one I ever loved...." However, this isn't at all a bad idea this week. Strike a deal with a florist and you'll be okay. And yes, it's okay to send guys flowers these days.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: One way or another, it's going to get you this week. And the antecedent to "it" means a romantic entanglement. In fact, it will feel pretty good to be gotten. But being bitten by the love bug doesn't always mean good things. Sometimes, nothing is worse than a doe-eyed Cancer individual, crooning love songs and mooning around the house. So, if it does get you this week, make sure that the weekend includes some kind of active activity. I might be repeating myself a little bit, but this is a gentle nudge to get you out of that Cancer shell, so you can enjoy the bug bite.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: I'll promise you that the big Valentine Day celebration is going to be good. It'll be a party. Sure. The only musical thematic equivalent I can think of for this week, and especially this weekend, is a song written by June Carter and Merle Kilgore. Made famous by The Man in Black Hisself, Johnny Cash. Know which one I'm talking about? Ring of Fire. And what could be a more appropriate title for this week, or a musical refrain for the big weekend? Lots of folks cover this song, so get one that fits your musical taste, but I'm sure you'll agree, before the week is up, that you've fallen into "a ring of fire" (and so will your target).

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Venus is going to work on you this week. She's opposite your sign, over there in Pisces. And because of that single little fact, a Pisces will seem like the most attractive proposition this week. Careful what you fish for, you might just land one. And because the influence of Venus is so fleeting, even though it's opposite you, the romance this week might turn out to be fleeting, too. But that's not all bad, now is it? It's like fishing, at least you're getting some nibbles, right?

Libra [9/24-10/23]: You get to rest your hyperactive mouth this week. You get to feel good, enjoy the finer things about romance, have a great Valentine's Day, everything. It looks that good for you. But watch the overactive, hyper speaking thing. The good news is that your "special friend" that one person you want to be with, is more inclined to understand this new, somewhat pensive mood you're going into this week. A candlelight dinner, a single rose, staring longingly into your lover's eyes, you get the picture. Tone it down a little this week. Valetine's Day is meant for a wild keg party, like you used to do in school.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: I've always enjoyed that Scorpio smoldering sensuality, and this week, you guys are sizzling, with it. It's like a frying pan, just before you put that fresh fish filet into it, the grease is a-popping, and so are you. Now, be careful with that hot skillet full of love that you've got. This is brought on by a number of astrological configurations, but the most notable, according to my astro-fishing chart, is Mars slinking his way across that frying pan you call love. Or Scorpio. Doesn't much matter, and I can mix all the metaphors I want. You're hot this week, and it only looks good. Just make sure you use a pot holder to handle the hot stuff with, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Mr. Moon (or would that Mrs. Moon? Miss Moon? Ms. Moon? And why is the Moon always female?) makes a quick pass at you, and during that brief interlude, you are going to acquire a target. And with the same military precision you learned in Junior R.O.T.C. (or the Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, wherever) you will mount a successful raid and capture a heart. As of late, though, I found the best thing to do was plan a long expedition during this time so I could avoid all romantic raids like this. But it looks like you've got the target, and looks like you'll win your objective this week. Good luck, Captain.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: While everyone else is worrying about romance and stuff, I'm going to take a minute to lecture about cigars: the love of a fine, hand-crafted pleasure, a delicious moment to pause and reflect, a chance to savor something exotic from a strange place, evoking thoughts of stolen moments on Caribbean beaches. Might be the Dominican I'm smoking right now, but it could also be the hint, the aroma of love that is just fixin' to slap you silly this week. It's like that cigar, you try to stand up after smoking one of these babies, and you quickly sit back down again. A little chocolate milk will help, so enjoy the buzz this week.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: There is actually a calming influence in your neck of the woods this week. So relax a bit. Take a load off, quite worrying about this romance thing. You've got a long period of wonderfully productive introspection coming along. And, like me, you'll probably agree that there is way too much marketing hype surrounding this St. Valentine dude, anyway. Besides, the real secret for you this week is that you don't have to "look" for love. It's like the true message from Dorothy, in the epic thriller, "The Wizard of Oz": it's in your own backyard. Try hanging close to the house and see what happens.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Good news from the heavens this week: Mercury comes into your sign. Better news from the heavens this week: Jupiter moves into your Solar Second House. Best of all news from the heavens this week: Venus is here, all week, in Pisces. So, as far as the romance thing goes for you, because that's foremost on your mind right now, you're in very good shape. But you knew that. All those planets, and Mars over there in a compatible Water Sign, and you're sure to be the most lucky sign this week, at least, romantically.

Week of: 2/1-7/99

A mote it is to trouble the mind's eye.
In the most high and palmy state of Rome,
A little are the mightiest Julius fell,
The graves stood tenantless and the sheeted dead
Did squeak and gibber in the Roman streets;
As stars with trains of fire and dews of blood,
Disasters in the sun; and the moist star
Upon whose influence Neptune's empire stands
Was sick almost to doomsday with eclipse;
And even the like precurse of fierce events,
As harbingers preceding still the fates
And prologue to the omen coming on,
Have heaven and earth together demonstrated
Unto our climatures and countrymen.
But, soft! behold! lo! where it comes again.

[Re-enter Ghost.]

Horatio in Shakespeare's Hamlet [I.i]

That old ghost always remeinds me of ground hog day, same sort of apparition. For good of for ill? Ay, that's the question.

Tuesday is ground hog day -- but in Texas, we prefer to look for Armadillos.
Aries [3/23-4/20]: Venus seems to be moving pretty quick, and she's in your 12th House, at least, by Solar definition, and what does that mean? It means you need to rush headlong, like you always do, and get about your important Aries business. But as far as the Romance thing goes, just put it off this week. To be sure, there will be some romance, but it might not be the variety that you are looking for. You might feel like your Third Cousin, the one from the trailer park, shows up at your door step, and suggests that you play doctor like you used to when you were kids. It's not a good idea.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: You've got this one last little deal that you've been working on, okay, so it's a big deal, not a little deal, and that one little deal needs you to look over its paperwork. I hate to break it to you, but you've got a long week of work-related stuff going on, and it's like working on an outboard motor: it's something you have to do yourself. You can't get anyone to help you this week. Now, what's the reward for all of this solitary work? You will win some wide acclaim for your efforts, but right now, you feel like the Lone Ranger, out there, all by yourself, with nothing but a horse called "Trigger." I always did wonder what was under that mask.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: This is a better than average week. Of course, any week with a few Gemini highlights is going to be a better than average week. In fact, just about anything a Gemini touches is going to be better than average. But I'm digressing, and I wouldn't want the Gemini's to think that I was trying to curry favor with them. The deal is simple, see, the Sun is in Aquarius, along with Mr. Mercury, and that makes a nice, strong, beneficial angle to Gemini land. So the the real trick, this week, is to make use of all this wonderful Gemini energy, the old intellectual side is going to feel refurbished, like someone just gave you new seat covers for that old truck.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: This what is commonly called a "disaster" time for Cancer. It's not you personally, although, I wouldn't hesitate to suggest that you feel like it you personally. It's just an odd combination of morning planets. The easiest thing for you to do is to pick on old stuff which needs to be attended to, and stick to that. In other words, those taxes you didn't do last month really need your attention this week. Like I said, you're just doing a little clean up because that's what comes easiest this week. While everyone is rushing around, you should be attending to minute details, details like: which fishing lure earrings go best with this outfit?

Leo [7/23-8/23]: What wild lunar ride you have this week. It starts out, well, it starts out a lot like the way Bubba usually starts the BBQ grill: way too much lighter fluid. And then, there he is, with flames licking the underside of the clouds, calmly smoking a cigar as the neighbors call the fire department. Now, my fine Fire Sign [did I ever tell you Leo was my favorite fire sign?], it's time to get out there and tell the emergency workers who show up at your doorstep that yes, you do actually have everything under control. Just relax a bit. It's not anything to worry about.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Hello my fine Virgo friend. I'll try to be as nice as possible. But with the media hype surrounding us these days, it;'s hard for me to cover this topic for this week with anything but ham-fisted approach. It's like fishing with dynamite; it's not an exact science. And neither is the headache you're getting from the romance department, either. In fact, romance, for you--for this week only--is going to feel like a major painful operation. Now, I'll give you a hint: your head won't hurt as much once you stop banging it against that fixed, immovable object called a brick wall. That sums up the romance this week. Next week? Things look much brighter as the big day approaches. Have faith. And no pot shots at your astrologer buddy.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Libra land is good place to be this week. In fact, it's a great place to be at this time of this year. Nothing could be finer. All your Neurons are aligning with all the little synapses and everything is clicking along just fine in the "neck up department" if you know what I mean. Therein is the good news. The only problem you might encounter this week is that some folks seem to lack a degree of patience when you're explaining things, trying to make a point clear. Ease up on it a little. Cut the verbosity to a minimum. Choose them words with care. Act like a poet and trim away the excess, know what I mean?

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: Two degrees of Mars is what you get this week. That's the exact number of degrees that the little red one moves in your sign. This comes under the heading of "good thing" as far as I'm concerned. And it's a good thing for you, too, as far as you're concerned. Mars ruled to "rule" Scorpio, back before 1930. And, Mars still has a big impact on your life, especially this week. In fact, "big impact" might be a little bit of an understatement, but being the good Scorpio that you are, you can work with this brilliant juxtaposition of words. Mars might make you a little accident prone, but it still means you are going to have an energetic week.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Romance mean anything to you, my fine Sagittarius friend? It should. Now, does the term "compulsive behavior" mean anything to you? Let's skip the quiz part of this week's news and get to the point. There is romance blooming all around you, like Texas Wildflowers which are coming up too early in the season. And like those same wildflowers, you are going to experience a few chilly nights this week when you wind up alone, freezing your backside off, and wondering where all that sudden good romance went. So careful with the romantic entanglements this week. Don't act in hasty manner. Or a rash manner. In fact, a hasty manner could produce a rash. See you Medical doctor for details.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Other signs are having a bit of tough luck as we approach the big V. Day. You, how so ever, are not having near the trouble that some folks are. And this little streak of good luck looks as if it will continue right on through the weekend. You just have to remember that your good fortune doesn't always make us happy. I'm not naming signs, but you need to be extra careful about a certain Fixed Water sign who delights in other peoples' misfortune. Don't let this get you done. Just be extra cautious about touting you good point this week. It's like being in a boat, and you're the one who keeps catching all the fish -- your partner doesn't like it when you change positions, and yet you still continue to reel them in.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: I was watching a classic movie about Texas, and I noticed that, on the screen, the Texans all hollered a lot. Two night later, I was watching another movie, this time on TeeVee, and I noticed that the Texans, in the room with me, hollered a lot. So, if you are from the LARGEST UNFROZEN STATE, then I expect you to holler a lot this week. And even if you're not Texan, I still expect this behavior to be quite pronounced in you this week. It's because Mercury just make you more vocal than usual. So pretend you're a Texan, if you're not from the Great State, and go ahead, give in to that urge. Pretend you're herding cattle, or watching a rodeo.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Venus is supposed to be a calm and pacifying planet. It indicates things like love, perhaps that would be love on the most spiritual of all levels. Then again, you ARE a Pisces, so perhaps that's something a little different, perhaps it's a more mundane influence that you are feeling. Doesn't matter what the feeling is, though, Venus is going to have a very positive effect on your love life this week. There's one thing I will promise, you will not be bored. Nope, anything BUT that. No boredom here. And, to make this a better picture, some of the "less than wonderful" influence from the planets this week, well, they actually help you out. Enjoy the good times!

Week of: 1/25-31

"O my phrophetic soul!" Hamlet, [I.v.39]

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Breath a big old sigh of relief this week. Be careful you don't choke on the smoke coming out from under the hood of the truck, though. Even though you get this sweet little hand dealt by the Stars this week, you need to be a careful judge of human behavior to make sure that your opponent isn't just bluffing. And it's not a good week for you to bluff. Don't bet the farm on a wild chance, make sure it's a reasonable gamble, and you will do fine. And that smoke issuing forth from under the hooked of the truck? It's just an exhaust leak, and those little doughnut - like exhaust gaskets doesn't cost that much.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: This week has both positive and negative influences. Some are very good, and getting better all the time. Some are unsettling. One way, or another, though, you will survive this week, and if you're lucky, you will survive in fine style. The deal is this: you need to spend some time, working on that big project, alone. "The problem?" you ask. You also feel like socializing. Look at this way, fishing is not really a group activity. And this week, you benefit from working solo on that one big project. Much better idea. Plan to play, a little later, like this weekend.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: There's a thing called "Dog Years" where one year is equal to seven years, or some such mathematical equation. Then, there's "Gemini time" which is exponential, approaching infinity, and I'm not talking about a brand of car, either. Gemini time is wonderful, but you guys just move too fast for the rest of us. This is one of those weeks when you feel like the rest of the world is just moving too slow. If you're a smart Gemini, and there are really very few (none in my experience) "less than rocket scientist" Gemini's, then you will notice that, unless you are talking to another Gemini, then no one can keep up with your frantic pace this week. Like, this is anything new? Get over it and slow down, long enough for the rest of us to catch up.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Too often, astrologers seem to equate Cancer [sign of the Crab] with food. You know, usually, that's just not true. And, for the first part of this week, it's definitely not true. However, as the weekend approaches, all those New Year resolutions about weight control and losing that extra few pounds goes right out the window. Now, we can all delve into highly technical astrology talk, or we can try to plumb the depths of the Cancer psyche, but this all amounts to "collective naval gazing" when you just need a little bit of self restraint. However, despite my dire prognostications, this weekend looks like you're going to have a lot of fun, and it doesn't look like my diet plan will work.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: The way this week's Leo scope is going, it's going to take a decent "hecho a mano" device in order to get through it. And if cigars are not one of your little pleasures, then grab one of things in life that is. It's time to sit back. You get a chance to face a series of little frustrating events this week. I don't often advocate inaction, but this week, for the Leo, a little lack of direct action would help. Hence the cigar suggestion. A good cigar can take up to an hour, maybe more, to smoke. And while you're doing that, the faint of heart clear out of the way. Nothing helps clear the mind (or the room) like a good cigar. So do something you enjoy, and don't worry about our feelings.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: You've had a headlong rush going for a while now, and to some, you might even seem a bit scattered. You've been chasing one dream, right after another. Here at FGS World HQ, I have a cat. She has to turn around three times before she can settle down. It looks like she's chasing her tail, but I'm sure it's just her Virgo stuff exerting an influence. After all, she has to get the perfect spot. And that's what this week feels like, it takes an extra trip just to get out of the door. It's not all bad, but like a contemplative cat, you need to rest for a spell and do a little meditation. A nice long cat nap this week would be in order. Work it into your schedule. My main accomplice manages to work it into her busy schedule every day.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: I love traveling to England and the U.K. I mean, they talk funny, but other than that, it's pretty cool. Sometimes it's cold, too. Of course, they have this thing called V.A.T., or Value Added Tax. They tax everything with an extra percentage. It's kind of like the Texas State sales tax, only the British version is higher. But you're going to find, now that Mars has moved into your second house, that you are looking at what adds value to your life. And that can seem like a taxing situation. Hence the allusion to the British way of doing business. Question just about everything, and be careful with those credit cards which are still glowing from the Xmas season.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: If I were a Scorpio, on a week like this I regret that I don't have more Scorpio in my chart, you've got one of those miraculous little things going on right now. It's almost heaven - sent. Almost. Mars sneaks into your sign. This is a good thing. Mostly. The usual warnings apply about being extra cautious with sharp objects, like your wit. There's no need to pick on other signs which are less fortunate than you right now. There's also a small hint that someone, I'm not mentioning any names, but I'll bet you know who, is deceiving you this week. Go easy on them, for their sake, it's not an intentional thing. They just don't know any better.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Before I sit down to compose my weekly bon mots for the lucky sign of the Archer, I have o get up and run around my place for a little while. And, this week, despite all the good stuff going on, you are going to feel like you are doing much the same thing. It's like an exercise called running in place. Or, it's like working out on one of those dreaded "Satan's Friend: the Stair Mistress" devices at the gym. You're sweating, you're lungs are heaving, and you still feel like you aren't getting any where at all. Now, just reach up to the control panel, and turn the darned machine off, and you can make some real progress this week. Wasn't that easy?

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: I've been promising some relief, and you know what? It looks like this relief -- and I'm not talking about "relief" in the form of a marketing slogan either -- finally gets here this week. As Mercury slides on out of your sign, the Moon slides on into a better position for you. While these are seemingly fleeting influences from the planets, I'll promise that things are good. Few signs are as qualified as you are to tease some goodness out of this thin, but positive, situation. All I can suggest is that you go for it this week, the ice isn't nearly as thin as you think.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: I was getting excited about sitting down to write this week's Aquarius scope because it looks so good. But I couldn't decide which planet to concentrate on for you guys. Mercury creeps into your sign this week, but Venus leaves. And the Sun passes really close to Uranus, which, if you've ever studied Astrology, you know that it's your ruling planet. What's it all mean? Doesn't matter what it means for other signs, what it means for you is that this is a good week to finally cement some of those plans you had for this new year. Yeppers, we're still trying to pull a few things together here at the office, and this is a good time to put this stuff into action.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Every January, I get this wonderfully series of requests from Pisces Land, folks want an update for the new year. Personal readings, individual forecasts and yearly fish advice. And, you know, the new year just hasn't been all it could be so far, not over here in the Pisces quadrant of the sky. However, it is getting better. Why, just this week, Venus ("That's Ms. Venus, to you buddy") makes a grand entrance into your sign. With Venus traipsing through the sign of the scales (fish scales), at least for this week, there is nothing but good things ahead. There's been a lot of promise for the new year, and finally, this week, you begin to feel like it's going to work out for you. Ain't that just swell?

Week of: 1/18-24

"All is not well;/I doubt some foul play." Hamlet, [I.ii.254]

All you're going to get from me is some foul play on words, at least, that's what I was striving for.

Aries [3/23-4/20]: I tried, perhaps vainly, but I tried in desperation to warn you guys last week. The good news is that, as soon as we got past this Monday Morning Thing, as soon as the hands of time slip into forward motion, the little bumps in the heavens are going to smooth out. Things are going to be okay. I promise. In computer terms, this is called Real Soon Now, and you know how fast things can change in the computer world. So there are some changes up ahead, good changes. Don't get to comfortable with that one piece of mission-critical software this week, there's a new version next week.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: We all look a little sideways at folks who talk about alien abductions. And when I was in school in Roswell, NM, aliens meant something entirely different -- not the big-headed, hairless gray fellers we're talking about now. But Alien Abduction seem to be the only way to account for some of the activities this week. Perhaps it's the effect of the New Moon so close to Neptune, or the Sun getting together with Neptune, but if you have had to concoct an abduction story, now is the time. The funny part is, you might actually believe it all this week.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Two terms come to mind this week -- Wedding Bells and Wedding Spells. I wouldn't want to suggest that someone significant in your life was trying to trap you with either one, but there's a good chance that you fall under the spell of a wedding bell, or a bell has a spell for you. Something like that. Of course, you know to be wary of astrologers who try to rhyme without meter -- it just doesn't work. But one or the other will catch you this week. And I fully expect a proposal or two from a Gemini, or the Gemini section of the sky, one way or another.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: There's still a bit of heightened energy floating around in the heavens right now. Too bad this wonderful, dare I suggest heavenly, energy is not at a good angle for you guys. Doesn't mean anything bad is going to happen, at least, not bad in the strictest sense of the word, but there's a chance that something is coming down the old expressway of life to shake you up a bit this week. In fact, I wouldn't hesitate to suggest that your life feels like an old Jerry Jeff Walker tune, "If I can just get off this LA Freeway without getting killed or caught...." I hope you know the real author of the tune as well as the title of the first album it appeared on, and if you do, drop me an email, and I'll send you a free "el-cheapo" chart interpretation.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: My fine Leo friend. How we could all use some creative visualization right about now. In fact, and despite the dire predictions by other, less Leo-friendly astrologers, this is a fine week to dream about setting some wheels in motion. Get ready to announce to the world that your one great opus is ready to go. Tell them that you are ready for them to all listen to you, read you, and glory at your marvelous ability. So much for the dream. You see, there's a new moon on the far side of the zodiac this Monday, and shortly after it does the real New Moon thing, it starts thinking in Aquarius. Makes it a little tough for you. But if you can dream it, you can be it.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: You ought to be starting something new. I guess that's redundant, but with a good Virgo, you can never be too precise. And precision plays an important role in this "starting something new" cycle which the planets are going to launch into this week. Or launch you into. In fact, if you can just build a big enough fire, you can warm up lots of places. And that's the "new" thing you want to be starting right now. So get out the can of lighter fluid, take a long look at the BBQ pit of love, and think about how you can mesquite grill something special that will really help you start "something new."

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Tough decisions for the Libra tough guys make this a tough week. The good news is that by Tuesday, the tough stuff is over, and you can go back to being you're usual, delicate a reasonably well-balanced Libra that you are. The tough stuff involves a decision which probably involves an authority person, typically, in the modern vernacular, called "a pointy headed boss." If you understand the reference, then you also understand that the biggest myth about management is that there is a thing called management. Don't sweat this decision process -- you've got enough Libra to help you render a decision.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: Old Pink Floyd songs echo in my head right now. You, too, should be listening to the classic tunes to help sooth your fevered, Scorpio brow. Relief is right around the corner. In fact, you are like a time bomb right now, just a ticking away. Rather than delve into Classic Rock, though, perhaps a trip to the music store, and some of the truly classical type of music might help ease the trouble this week. Something soothing, like Mahler's 7th Symphony might help. And the more time you spend trying to figure out the meaning of the music, the more time you are not likely to get in trouble. Consider it a mission.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: There is a new romance stirring in your heavens. And there is a problem associated with this new romance. Being a typical Sagittarius type, you want to hurry up this process of romance. You message this week is simple: learn to play the waiting game. It's a bit convoluted, but then, getting to the best place to fish on the lake is sordid and twisted trail, too, so to speak. You've got unload the boat, park the trailer, then (for luck), you've got to take a wide tour in order to get to the target. This romance thing is like this, too. Make sure you've got the emergency brake set the truck before you motor off on the lake of love.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: This week looks like a day at Six Flags -- the greatest grand daddy of all amusement parks. For those who are less enlightened, it's between Dallas and Ft. Worth, deep in the heart of North East Texas. And the flags stand for the various countries who have laid claim to Texas. Now that the details are out of the way, which ride are you going to go on this week? So many decisions, so little time. It's like that giant roller coaster, and if you eat too much junk food this week, after the way this week looks, you might be seeing that food for a second time. But it was so much fun at the time....

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Other scopes for this week have references to Pink Floyd's music and Six Flags amusement park. For Aquarius, I'm kind of at a loss as to explain what the astrological events are going to be like. Dreamy? To be sure. With a hint of romance? That, too. Problems? Sure, a few. So imagine a week when there are a few little troubles which keep bothering you, like fish that nibble on the bait, but you can't ever set the hook. Of course, as the week unfolds at its inexorable pace, you'll find that your fishing suddenly improves. And to that one special Aquarius, happy birthday.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: If you're very quiet while you're reading this, you will be able to hear the faint hum of the fan in your computer. But that's not the noise that I was hoping you would hear. There's a hint, sort of like a faint aroma of spring, sort of like a beautiful day in Texas when, despite the idea that it's Winter, there is the faintest hint that spring is around the corner. Now look, it's going to get cold again, but you heard that noise, and you're thinking of spring time activities right now. So let your brain wander where it will right now. The noise I was referring to is the sound of spring buds pushing up through the frozen ground, and you know what? It's going to be blooming good soon.

Week of: 1/11-17

"Anyone who denies reason to the stars must himself be devoid of reason"
(attributed to Cicero)

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Hey, I don't like writing this stuff about you this week, but to be fair, if I didn't warn you, everything might as well just blow up in your face. I've warned you about high explosive bait. And you certainly don't need that. The problem has a lot to do with Mars, your ruling planet, and the fact that Mars moves into a position that is opposite Saturn, which is making a little, final pass at the late degrees of Aries. None of this bodes well for your temperament. Doesn't mean it's bad, just watch the temper because it can change just like the Texas weather.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: You may feel a bit of fear and trepidation as this week opens, but there are some unusual things happening in the heavens, and I mean "unusual" in a good way. In the middle of the winter, most bass fishermen try some deep water lures because nothing is stirring on the surface. But it looks like you're going to grab a nice Zara Pooch, or one of its derivatives, and watch things happen with "kickin' topwater action" this week. Maybe it's because I got my new Bass Master Calendar with all the lures in lurid color, but I think you get the idea: fly in the face of convention this week -- dare to do something different. Do something that goes against conventional wisdom.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: At least, a Gemini never has to be bored. And this one of those week's that I'll assure you, you won't be bored. I've lectured before about the problems of dating more than one person at a time. Or attempting to entertain more than one significant other. Usually, though, a good Gemini can do this, but not this week. Careful with the flirtation, excitations, and good vibrations you give off this week because it's not one of those times that you want to be entertaining notions. Pay attention because you especially don't want to entertain notions of entertaining notions this week.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Does the term "flame" mean anything to you? I'm not talking about the term "flame" as in searing heat of a BBQ lit flame. No, and I'm not talking about the pejorative use of the term of "flaming" as in respect to a person's apparent sexual orientation, either. Nope, the flame I'm talking about is reserved for a virulent form of written communication, oftentimes referred to as "flame mail." Flames get fanned into a roaring fires, and often as not, over some stupid little idea. So this is a week to be careful with that communication because I know you're right, you know you're right, it's just that third party who seems to be a bit obdurate. Don't fan their flames, if you know what I mean.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: Venus is over yonder, on the farside of the zodiac, stirring up mischief in Aquarius. As such, in strict astrological terms, we call that an "opposition", and while this normally an unkind thing, due to the benevolent nature of Venus, it ain't so bad. And speaking of The Farside, you've got a new romantic interest. Regrettably, you might feel like you are actually living in a Farside cartoon this week. It's not bad, just different. Besides, if we were to compare dating notes, I'm sure I've dated far scarier people than you ever will. So don't fret about it.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: One of the greatest movies of all time was filmed in Scottsdale, AZ. And it had one of the most enigmatic lines of all time: "Strange things are afoot at the Circle K." You'll notice as this week goes by, just when you thought you could sit down and enjoy a decent video game, or maybe some solitaire on the computer, there are some untimely interruptions as Fate decides to intervene in your perfect world order. This isn't bad, but it does mean that there is going to be some extra activity at the old homestead pretty soon. For extra credit and chance for a trivia prize, was it Bill, or Ted, who said that?

Libra [9/24-10/23]: I usually exclaim in great excitement, about how wonderful it is to be a Libra with Mars doing his thing in your sign. And, for the most part, that's true this week. But not all week. This weekend holds a thing that is none too comfortable for you. I'd say it's a surprise, but it isn't really. It's a little project you've been working on, like rebuilding a boat motor, only to discover that a double jointed monkey wrench with a special spherical hex head (metric size only) is required to finish putting it all back together. Good news: this tool can be ordered. Bad news: it will take a week to get here. Patience is the watchword.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: I took a few extra steps before sitting down to right about Scorpio for this week. A little mood lighting, a little incense, a candle burning with a sweet and delicate fragrance. ... just for you guys. The deal is this: Mars, one of the planets associated with that wonderful sign of Scorpio, is in the proceeding sign, and that makes you prone to some rather unusual behavior. But follow my lead here, if you go through the ritual of clearing away the work space, getting rid of some clutter, and getting ready for some good things to happen, it might work out well. All you have to do this week is prepare, and prepare properly. As a last thought, make that "prepare thoroughly," too.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: I was doing my humble duty and hauling the trash out to the back of my truck this morning, and I thought to myself, "Self, this is an excellent metaphor for Sagittarius for this week." Now, what you need to remember this week is to put a tarp over all that trash which is riding around in the back of truck. You might want to make a detour or two before you get to the dump. And nothing is worse than having all your trash, the stuff you were trying to throw away, get scattered all over the highway. Worse, is finding it on the mythical Main Street. I just worry that my garbage might wind up on Congress Avenue, here in town. So do a little follow up on your trip to the dump, and make sure you don't scatter too much trash before you get there. Some obnoxious person might find your address and then it's a scene from a song, just like "Alice's Restaurant."

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: More belated Cap Birthdays. It never ceases to amaze me at the number of wonderful Capricorns b-days which are coming along. My address book is arranged by sign, and so many Caps to choose from! This week Mercury is still firmly entrenched in your sign, and he is making you talk quite a lot. Be a little careful as the weekend approaches, though, and be prepared to take some work home with you, or, worse case scenario, be prepared to work a little extra on Saturday and Sunday. I know, I would rather be fishing, but this paperwork needs your attention and that means you get a chance to play, next week.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Full Steam Ahead as long as Venus is doing her thing in your sign. I mean, the love that just started, it has a chance to take off and rock your world, if it hasn't done so already. That's the wonderful news. The less than wonderful news is that you've put on a pair of Sunglasses, and like the singer who suggests "I wear my Sunglasses at night" would say, it might not be such a hot idea. Work on getting your feet back on the ground. Or a foot. I think the idea of being grounded is little too frightening for a good Aquarius. Just toy with the idea of reality -- no need to embrace it.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: There are no bad influences in the world according to Pisces this week. None. No problems, no hassles, someone will even let you cut in line so you avoid a long wait as you try to return that Xmas gift which was really cute, but just not your style. I wish I could have a nice, easy going week like you're fixin' to have. I could use one. But my problems aren't your concern right now. We do have some "unusual" influences working on you, and it's time to do something about that little bit of extra holiday weight you've got. No, seriously, you were so thin before, the added weight looks good on you!

Week of: 1/4-10/1999

"I got up, made a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows, and sipped it as I smoked a cigar in the semidark living room. People who've never had hot chocolate, marshmallows, and cigars together ought to give it a try."
Kinky Friedman in The Love song of J. Edgar Hoover, p. 40

Aries [3/23-4/20]: I get tired of quoting "Grateful Dead" lyrics at a time like this, but it's been a long and winding road, now hasn't it? The truly upbeat way of looking at this week, and every Aries tries to be upbeat, is that this week with a break. Not much of a break, but a little break that helps you along. Insight, a moment of deep thought, a quick chance to advance yourself through your hard work. In fact, I would hazard a prediction that early in the week, you get some long sought after recognition for some hard work. Of course, it's still going to sound like that song lyric I can't get out of my head now -- I hate it when that happens, now I'll be humming that song all day.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: Remember when casual day meant nice clothes, but no tie? In parts of Austin, "casual day" means clothing is encouraged. In fact, around here at the office, we consider every day casual day. That's the advantage of living on the South Side of town. The truly wonderful aspect this week leaves you feeling like every day is casual day. The only problem is that casual day for Taurus is not supported every day in this week. You might encounter some folks who would really like you to put your clothes back on. Try to dress the part, even if you are feeling like you don't need to. It will help this week.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: I've got this Gemini "special friend" and she has been able to determine that anything that happens on Gemini time is, on the average, three to four times faster than regular time. Which, of course, makes good sense because Gemini's are always moving at a speed which is a lot closer to the speed of light, and as you approach the speed of light, all sorts of theoretical things happen. Time becomes malleable. Which is the way it's going to feel in Gemini Land this week. Imagine one of those books for the layman about the Big Bang, Black Holes, the Physics of Star Trek, and related technical stuff. You're going to feel like you're living in one of those texts this week.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: I know that you know that I know that you want to get out and play. Alas, it's not meant to be this week. This is a week filled with a recurrent kind of mental energy. In other words, it's all in your head this week. Now, telling a good Cancer like Bubba that it's all in his head can have a deleterious effect, especially when he's editing my column. But like the good Cancer that he is, this will work out before too long. You guys ALL need a week to cool your heels, chill out, and recuperate from the holiday season. It looks like the stars will provide just such an opportunity right now.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: It's really not a bad week at, if you can pull yourself together a little. It looks like the weather might break sometime soon, and you can get on about some of the things that you want to do. I know you think, you feel, like you should be cleaning up after the big party weekend, but you know what? That's what other, less royal signs are for. This week, let some one else look after the details. You need to concentrate on the big picture stuff. That's what's important for you. Step back, and take a grand view of the situation before you take any action. Act like the mighty Leo that you and act like you are in charge of everything this week. It might annoy a few people, but who cares?

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: There is nothing, absolutely nothing, untoward that is going to happen in Virgo land this week. That's the good news. Now, that being said, there's this one Virgo I will hear from, and she'll have a long list of complaints about what is going on. But this is far from what will be the norm this week. Nope, it's all supposed to be good. There is one or two astrologers, however, who do complain about Virgo's who complain. Not me! I'm telling you that things are good. Except, of course, for that one. But she's already been forgiven. Ain't this stuff great?

Libra [9/24-10/23]: There are good things looming on your horizon. You can feel it. You know it's there. There is a sense, a pervading sense, like a light on the lake's fog, shining through this week's morass of daily stuff. Maybe fog is a wrong word because it suggests that you can't see something clearly. But the last few weeks have been like a dirty pair of sunglasses. Reminds me of of the time Bubba was wearing dark glasses on a foggy day--he almost ran over a little old lady. I think he just nicked her, though. You need to make sure you've got the right glasses on this week. X-Ray specs would be the best.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: Have recently discussed you appetite? And when I'm talking about "appetite," I don't particularly mean the typical "all you can eat" buffet thing, either. Nope, it seems that one, or more, of you appetites has gotten a little out of shape lately. Now, if you can use that good Scorpio sense of self control, I'll promise that things are going to work well for you this week. The whole key is learning when, and when not to, push yourself away from the table, so to speak. At the risk of running into typical Scorpio satire and derision, learn when to "just say no" this week.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: We have an interesting influence in this week's Archer sign. See, it's one of those objects in the sky which we don't really know what to do with. I mean, we're still observing the effects of this planet-like object. Rather than fabricate a some fiction about what is happening, let's just face some facts: we don't really know. Doesn't mean it's going to be a bad week, but I'll promise that it will have some interesting results. The good news is that Venus is now in Aquarius, and that's going to lend a happy air to it all.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: It's that time of year, a time when we celebrate a few different Capricorn events. One of them is "Epiphany" and the other is the the birthday of the King. One of them is Christian, and the other is from Mississippi. Seeing as how you're a good Capricorn (a bad Cap wouldn't be reading this), then you know that it's time to celebrate one of these events, such as your preferences dictate. There's a third reason for you to party this week, besides those first two. It's a play, by the Bard himself, Shakespeare. And what play is that? 12th Night. With the way things are shaping up, you are certainly face to face with comedy this week.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Say "howdy pardner" to Venus this week as she makes a grand entrance into your sign. Venus is supposed the bring love, and light, and lots of new age gooey-eyed feel good stuff. Unless, of course, you subscribe to some of the older forms of astrology. There are a few folks who would argue about the benevolent form of Venus. But hey, as far as we're concerned here at FGS World HQ, we're going to go with the "feel-good" version of Venus, at least for this week. So enjoy the ride. Or shut up and then enjoy the ride. Try cigars and marshmellows, with a little hot chocolate. Works for some of us in Texas pretty good.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: This week begins with a really weird thing happening. Now, I'm not going to be too specific, but this really strange event occurs early Monday morning. And then? And then it's up to you to do something with the really weird stuff that's floating around at that time. Nothing will stop this inexorable chain of events. Now, after these dire warnings, you should realize, though, that I'm talking about a positive thing happening. And guess what? It involves romance. One of those "significant other" type of things, you know. And you know the drill, too.

ban

Week of: 1/4-10-99

"I got up, made a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows, and sipped it as
I smoked a cigar in the semidark living room. People who've never had hot chocolate,
marshmallows, and cigars together ought to give it a try."
Kinky Friedman in The Love song of J. Edgar Hoover, p. 40

There's a slight change, a little
bit of cosmetic tinkering going on, drop us a line here at HQ
and let us know if you have problems with the website.

In Times Square, they drop a ball
at midnight on New Year's Eve. In Austin, on historic Sixth Street, we raise
a Lone Star at midnight. I was down there, hanging with my homeboy Bubba, when
he observed, "There's nothing more frightening than a drunk white girl."
Happy New Year.

My ears are still ringing. We
were making our back from Bobalu Cigar
Co
., because I had to pick up supplies for my trip to El Paso. I can't show
up in West Texas without a cigar for Grace.

I clipped this from an online news
source, from the Associated Press newswire. Interesting note:

    Poll: Shakespeare Is
    Greatest Briton LONDON (AP) -- A British Broadcasting Corp. readers poll has
    chosen playwright William Shakespeare as Britain's personality of the Millennium,
    the organization said today. Britain's World War II leader Winston Churchill
    was second, with England's earliest typographer, William Caxton, in third
    place. The poll was organized by Radio 4's ``Today'' news program.

Elizabethan playwrights still make
the news -- movies, too, if you ain't seen Elizabeth or Shakespeare
in Love
, both are well worth it.

The trivia this week was inspired
by a gift from an Aquarius, a special gift from West Texas. What's the
Texas State Fish? This game is not without a few warnings, though, perforce,
any one named Bubba has to be exempt. But for the rest of you? Drop me a line
with the official state fish of Texas, and win yourself a quick overview of
the year ahead, an "El-Cheapo" transit report for the year. Or something
like that.

Aries [3/23-4/20]: I get tired of quoting "Grateful Dead" lyrics
at a time like this, but it's been a long and winding road, now hasn't it? The
truly upbeat way of looking at this week, and every Aries tries to be upbeat,
is that this week with a break. Not much of a break, but a little break that
helps you along. Insight, a moment of deep thought, a quick chance to advance
yourself through your hard work. In fact, I would hazard a prediction that early
in the week, you get some long sought after recognition for some hard work.
Of course, it's still going to sound like that song lyric I can't get out of
my head now -- I hate it when that happens, now I'll be humming that song all
day.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: Remember when casual day meant nice clothes, but no tie?
In parts of Austin, "casual day" means clothing
is encouraged
. In fact, around here at the office, we consider every day
casual day. That's the advantage of living on the South Side of town. The truly
wonderful aspect this week leaves you feeling like every day is casual day.
The only problem is that casual day for Taurus is not supported every day in
this week. You might encounter some folks who would really like you to put your
clothes back on. Try to dress the part, even if you are feeling like you don't
need to. It will help this week.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: I've got this Gemini "special friend" and she has been
able to determine that anything that happens on Gemini time is, on the average,
three to four times faster than regular time. Which, of course, makes good sense
because Gemini's are always moving at a speed which is a lot closer to the speed
of light, and as you approach the speed of light, all sorts of theoretical things
happen. Time becomes malleable. Which is the way it's going to feel in Gemini
Land this week. Imagine one of those books for the layman about the Big Bang,
Black Holes, the Physics of Star Trek, and related technical
stuff. You're going to feel like you're living in one of those texts this week.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: I know that you know that I know that you want to get out
and play. Alas, it's not meant to be this week. This is a week filled with a
recurrent kind of mental energy. In other words, it's all in your head this
week. Now, telling a good Cancer like Bubba that it's all in his head can have
a deleterious effect, especially when he's editing my column. But like the good
Cancer that he is, this will work out before too long. You guys ALL
need a week to cool your heels, chill out, and recuperate from the holiday season.
It looks like the stars will provide just such an opportunity right now.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: It's really not a bad week at, if you can pull yourself together
a little. It looks like the weather might break sometime soon, and you can get
on about some of the things that you want to do. I know you think, you feel,
like you should be cleaning up after the
big party weekend
, but you know what? That's what other, less royal signs
are for. This week, let some one else look after the details. You need to concentrate
on the big picture stuff. That's what's important for you. Step back, and take
a grand view of the situation before you take any action. Act like the mighty
Leo that you and act like you are in charge of everything this week. It might
annoy a few people, but who cares?

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: There is nothing, absolutely nothing, untoward that is going
to happen in Virgo land this week. That's the good news. Now, that being said,
there's this one Virgo I will hear from, and she'll have a long list of complaints
about what is going on. But this is far from what will be the norm this week.
Nope, it's all supposed to be good. There is one or two astrologers, however,
who do complain about Virgo's who complain. Not me! I'm telling you that things
are good. Except, of course, for that one. But she's already been forgiven.
Ain't this stuff great
?

Libra [9/24-10/23]: There are good things looming on your horizon. You can
feel it. You know it's there. There is a sense, a pervading sense, like a light
on the lake's fog, shining through this week's morass of daily stuff. Maybe
fog is a wrong word because it suggests that you can't see something clearly.
But the last few weeks have been like a dirty pair of sunglasses. Reminds me
of of the time Bubba was wearing dark glasses on a foggy day--he almost ran
over a little old lady. I think he just nicked her, though. You need to make
sure you've got the right glasses on this week.
X-ray
specs would be the best.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: Have we recently discussed your appetite? And when I'm
talking about "appetite," I don't particularly mean the typical "all you can
eat" buffet thing, either. Nope, it seems that one, or more, of you appetites
has gotten a little out of shape lately. Now, if you can use that good Scorpio
sense of self control, I'll promise that things are going to work well for you
this week. The whole key is learning when, and when not to, push yourself away
from the table, so to speak. At the risk of running into typical Scorpio satire
and derision, learn when to "just say no" this week.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: We have an interesting influence in this week's
Archer sign. See, it's one of those objects in the sky which we don't really
know what to do with. I mean, we're still observing the effects of this planet-like
object. Rather than fabricate a some fiction about what is happening, let's
just face some facts: we
don't really know
. Doesn't mean it's going to be a bad week, but I'll promise
that it will have some interesting results. The good news is that Venus is now
in Aquarius, and that's going to lend a happy air to it all.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: It's that time of year, a time when we celebrate a
few different Capricorn events. One of them is "Epiphany"
and the other is the the birthday of the King. One of them is Christian, and
the other is from Mississippi. Seeing as how you're a good Capricorn (a bad
Cap wouldn't be reading this), then you know that it's time to celebrate one
of these events, such as your preferences dictate. There's a third reason for
you to party this week, besides those first two. It's a play, by the Bard himself,
Shakespeare. And what play is that? 12th Night. With the way things are shaping
up, you are certainly face to face with comedy this week.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Say "howdy pardner" to Venus this week as she makes a
grand entrance into your sign. Venus is supposed the bring love, and light,
and lots of new age gooey-eyed feel good stuff. Unless, of course, you subscribe
to some of the older forms of astrology. There are a few folks who would argue
about the benevolent form of Venus. But hey, as far as we're concerned here
at FGS World HQ, we're going to go with the "feel-good" version of Venus, at
least for this week. So enjoy the ride. Or shut up and then enjoy the ride.
Try cigars and marshmallows,
with a little hot chocolate. Works for some of us in Texas pretty good.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: This week begins with a really weird thing happening. Now,
I'm not going to be too specific, but this really strange event occurs early
Monday morning. And then?
And then it's up to you to do something with the really weird stuff that's floating
around at that time. Nothing will stop this inexorable chain of events. Now,
after these dire warnings, you should realize, though, that I'm talking about
a positive thing happening. And guess what? It involves romance. One of those
"significant other" type of things, you know. And you know the drill, too.

1 2 84 85 86 87 88 98 99