Week of: 9/28 - 10/4

"He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under the presentation of that he shoots his wit."
Duke Senior in Shakespeare's As You Like It [Act 5, sc.4, 110]

Aries : "Alas, poor Aries, I knew him well...." I realize that this is a sort of bad take on a line from Hamlet, but it might help set the mood for the week. It "feels" like a dark and foreboding week, one fraught with dangerous and moody overtones. It feels like something bad is about to happen. Nothing could be further from the truth! I promise. Unless, of course, you have a bit of bad luck with officers who take your driving a little too serious. In other words, make sure your hunting license is up to date. And be careful when you throw your truck in reverse.

Taurus : I was reminded of what some folks liked to regard Mr. Saturn as, not long ago, calling him an "old devil." Somehow, the terms Saturn and Satan seemed to get confused. But it's not like this at all, see: Saturn will bring you Taurus types some rewards, you just have to be willing to work for them, and guess what? This week sort of helps with this idea, sort of like getting a sneak preview of what this whole work thing is going to be like. It's going to feel a like Monday, all week long. And the weekend might wind up feeling a like a weak end instead, but you will survive, nay, dare I suggest it? Even triumph.

Gemini : While every other sign is dealing with an earthy imagine, I was going to hail Gemini with a stout, "Ahoy Me Mates" and act like a brave privateer on the Gulf Coast. The good news is that there is some buried treasure about to wash up on your personal beach of life. So much for the good news. The bad news is that this treasure has been buried and it's going to take a gale force storm in order to shift the sands away from your prize. Weather the storm and look for the hidden treasure.

Cancer : Forget all the usual stuff I say about how things aren't too good for the ever-suffering children of the moon. Forget all the things that other folks say about you guys being moody and emotional. Forget all that this week. Here at FGS World HQ, we are, easy now, predicting a good week on your horizon. To be sure, the first part of the week has a few minor irritations, but these are minor, and I don't think getting a little sand in between your toes is really going to slow you down too much. Get ready for a fun weekend coming along.

Leo : There's nothing like a good party to warm the heart of the mighty Lion. And if there isn't a decent party in your neck of the woods this weekend, then make one. A lot of people seem to be mighty unhappy right now, but you don't have to let their misfortune get you down. As always, there's a good time on your horizon, and I don't think that you are going to let the other 11 signs ruin your good time. Mars is still making his merry way through the last little bit of your sign, so you know the rules.....

Virgo : My sweet and ever-put-upon Virgo friend. So much maligned, abused, and put out by this whole mess! I promise that things are starting to go your way, in a big way. Well, maybe I won't promise because it seems like Virgo's all remember everything I ever said, but I do suspect that your week is looking up. It all looks like it has something to do with money, as in there is more of this money. Now, I can't say for sure, but it looks like you have enough money to go out and pamper yourself a bit. Somebody's got to look out for you, and you are the best one.

Libra : The little Libra corner of the sky is really a happening place right now. Lots of stuff is going on there. Venus and Mercury are all around to help you celebrate this Libra time, and there's even an odd little hint from one of those dirt balls in the sky, a lucky little asteroid that rings you continued good wishes for the following year. What's all this mean? Any way you decide to cut it up, it's going to be a good week. Just be careful with the excesses right now.

Scorpio : There's not much in the old Scorpio Sky that is bad this week. In fact, there are some things which could be construed to be good. Of course, I wouldn't want to give you an idea that everything is going to work out great, but there's a good chance, even a great chance, that some unsettled problem will find a happy resolution. Of course, I'm not sure I should be giving you too much hope right now. I still find that the approach of the full moon is making things better and better for you. Good luck with live bait this weekend.

Sagittarius : Wasn't it Claudio, in Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing" who suggested that we "bait the hook well: this fish will bite"? And that's such an apt metaphor for this week. Just get your proverbial ducks in a row, get the right bait on the right hook, and watch what happens. Between you and me, the planets might not be lining up well for everyone, but they do seem to have a good opportunity for you, the lucky archer type. Of course, be wary of any Scorpio with a nice gift for you this week.

Capricorn : Mystical revelations can come in the weirdest of places. I know of a special grease spot that looks just like Elvis. Rather than turn this into a tabloid bit of trash, though, I keep my kingly grease spot's location a secret. You're going to encounter something much like this in the coming week. Maybe it's a tortilla with an imprint of some holy visage on it. Maybe it's a special message when you open the refrigerator. Maybe there will be a picture of Gomer Pyle on the ice box. Whatever form it takes, pay close attention to the message because, yes, it's really there, and it's just for you.

Aquarius : There's nothing like a decent little challenge in order to keep you on your Aquarian toes these days. And it looks like you are going to get just such a challenge. I'm not worried about you being able to face this minor difficulty with characteristic aplomb. You'll do just fine. Remember to exercise caution when you are exercising, though, because there's no need to exacerbate a bad situation. Teamwork is the key word for the week. Or, if you are on AOL, the keyword is Astronet, but that might be circular reference.

Pisces : Good things can come in small packages. And this is a week for good things in small packages. In fact, the package is so small, to me, it looks like one of those check sized envelopes. You know what I mean, the type of envelope which is big enough to go via postcard type mail, but because it's an envelope, the postal service gets to charge full price? Yes, it looks like one of those. In fact, be careful when opening the mail this week, you don't want to toss out what might be the big piece of information you've been waiting on.

Week of: 9/21-27

O! vengeance, vengeance;
Me of my lawful pleasure she restrain'd
And pray'd me oft forbearance; did it with
A pudency so rosy the sweet view on't
Might well have warm'd old Saturn; that I thought her
As chaste as unsunn'd snow. O! all the devils!
Posthumus in Shakespeare's Cymberline [II.v.8-13]

Aries : It's another day in paradise, another week, and the Land of the Aries is feels a little like the land of the lost souls. You feel like someone has come along and cut you loose from you anchor. In other words, you're kind of drifting on the lake of life, stuck out there in a bass boat with no particular direction? Suggestions? Grab the oars, crack your knuckles, and spit on your palms a long haul to the shore line. Worse yet, you're going to feel like there are fish out here mocking you right now. In this case, I mean a Pisces or two. However, once you lay a course in, you'll find a gentle breeze picks up and helps push you along.

Taurus : I slapped a tape in the the old CD player, something to wake up the morning a bit, and I think you will approve of my selection: Wagner's greatest hits. It starts with that "Ride of the Valkyries" piece, and you know what, my fine Taurus friend, that's just what you need to hear this week. Something that speaks about destiny, purpose, vision, and so forth. Saddle yourself up, and get ready for a quick ride with the Valkyries. Saturn is here for a spell, so we had all better get used to the destiny idea. It's your turn, now. Posthumus had a nice way of looking at it, you know, and I'll bet you can warm up an old devil, your sweet Taurus self.

Gemini : Is there an echo in here? Did you hear that? Your chart for this week speaks about echoes and duality. Reminds me of a trip to Echo Canyon. Actually, let's face it, unless you've got a really good set of lungs, those natural echo spots don't seem to work that well. But you get this persistent recurring notice that things are temporarily good in Gemini Land. For some strange reason, by some twist Mutable of Fate, you've got all the energy, and clarity to follow through, this week. I look at it this way: Mars is in your Solar Third House, which is the Gemini House. And that's why I like the echo idea as opposed the duality so often associated with the Twins. There's three this week, not just two.

Cancer : Nothing bad is going to happen to Cancer this week. At least, not much bad is going to happen to Cancer this week. With your propensity for worry, though, you'll worry about the "not much" part. Relax. Lighten up. Pause for a moment. In fact, on the video game of life, hit the pause button and walk away for a second. I want you to think about direction, goals, and dreams. Do you really want to be a high-paid executive? Wouldn't you rather have your own fishing show on Saturday mornings? Imagine, you and a camera crew, out with a video camera, shooting you reeling in trophy sized fish. Isn't that a much better idea? As a water sign, you know you should live near water. Better yet, work ON the lake, not next to it.

Leo : Mr. Mars is still flaming his way through Leo. Speaking of flame, can't you guys be a little nicer to me? Come on! I love Leo's. Hey, I'm a fire sign too! I understand! Now, Mars is energy, see, and you are even more energized than before. No, you're not unstoppable like the Bunny Archetype, but you do get a chance to use your charm to entertain some people. And where does a Leo really belong? Right there in the spot light. With Mars doing his thing to you, I'll give you a better than average chance of winding up in the spotlight this week.

Virgo : Gallant Virgo! Forge ahead! I keep hearing the words of Henry V in my ears, and you should hear them, too, as he does his little speech in Act III, Scene I, you know the bit.... it's that "Once more into the breach dear friends..." Kind of funny, about that speech, it's also framed as a sonnet. But despite the idea that sonnets are supposed to be love poems, and despite the fact that Venus is all over your sign right now, I'd urge you to go after the bigger prizes in life, and hearken to what Young Prince Hal was urging us to all do. In more modern terms, Virgo, Just Do It.

Libra : As the Sun continues on its merry way, it finds itself coming on around to your sign, the Sign of the Loving Scales, and all that it balanced in the world. Or, as Pa Wetzel always refers to himself, a "loving Libra". Ma Wetzel approves. Why sing praises for Libra this week? Mercury is doing a fine dance with the sun, bringing you lots of good stuff. Venus is getting ready to crawl up on your shoulder and make the world a better place, and even relationships with all those folks at work have the promise of going smoothly for a change. This all sounds a little too good, but it's there, so enjoy the ride!

Scorpio : One of the little problems with being a Scorpio is that you are a just a tad too much in tune with the "other forces" or whatever you wish to call it. These unseen forces are certainly working in your life right now. This isn't a bad thing, just a little hard to control. Now, if you'll just take a deep breath, and relax that tense neck of yours, and realize that there is no way to control some of this, you'll feel a lot better. Besides, things are just fixin' to start going your way. Which, in hindsight, is the way it should be in the first place. Please be patient while the rest of us catch up with you and your plan.

Sagittarius : Once again, you feel like there are some great opportunities, right about the middle of the week. But wait, curb that usual Sagittarius impetuousness, and examine this from more than one angle. Check it out, as they say. Make sure this is the THE deal that you want. Nothing is worse than accepting an assignment at the foreign desk, only to find out that the "foreign desk" is some place like Eden, Texas. Which, in case you're not up on it, is spot where it's so flat, you don't have to be psychic to see into next week. In other words, make sure that the deal which looks so good is really the deal that you want. And yes, Eden (Texas) does have industry, a correctional facility.

Capricorn : As long as we've got all this stuff in Virgo, you're in fine shape. The deal is this: the planets make a nice, non-combative angle to you. Life is good. Maybe not great, but hey, is ever that good? No, probably not. However, this is a single little hint of something kicking up from that thing you call your mind... something is bubbling to the top. Great ideas are on their way. Get out a pen and a piece of paper and write down these good ideas. Now, in that piece of paper, what you've got is a solution to certain problems which have been troubling you. That's why I suggested you write it all down because you'll forget it by next week, and, as long as you have that paper, you can refer back to it. Crib notes for life.

Aquarius : This is one of those times when you're supposed to slow down for the week. After what you've just been through, a little rest and relaxation is good idea. Now, R & R means taking it easy for a spell. Extreme vacations are out. No mountain climbing. No scaling huge peaks this week. Besides, it out of season, and you should know that. What you need is a little time out on the lake, drowning some poor bait. In the interest of being humanitarian, try using plastic bait this week. You never know what you'll turn up.

Pisces : Brain power. Two words for this week. Imagine yourself like a giant academic library. What you need to do is update your card filling system. Come on, it's the end of the millennia, time to consider using a computer to keep track of all that information. Ever thought about getting an updated computer system, something to track all those wonderful ideas and useful information that you've got stored in your brain? It's a worthwhile idea. Now, just do a little research into what works best. After all, you're going to need a fast processor this week. And lots of storage. Just remember Kramer's First Law of computer buying: before the ink is dry, after the charge card is debited, but certainly before you get that new computer out of its box, that new machine is now worth one half of what you paid for it. Isn't technology great?

Week of: 9/14-20

"Never shake thy gory locks at me"
in Shakespeare's MacBeth (III.iv.49)

Aries : This is a weird week. Not weird in a bad way, actually, weird in a good way. You feel like you've stepped into a time warp of some kind, and no, we're not all going to do the little dance number that used to associated with THAT song. But you are going to find yourself dancing to music in your head that no one else hears. It's not bad, just different -- like "techno-dance-punk-country & western". You're not used to this sort of melody, it's one that you can't seem to put you finger on. I would suggest fashion choices for you right now, as well. Try to be the leader that you are, as opposed to being a follower this week.

Taurus : You know, if it's not one thing, then it's another. There's this sense of impending doom that some of you are reporting to me. I really don't see it as "impending doom," but as Saturn, making his first little aspects to your sign. And it's not all bad, just time to roll up your sleeves and get back to work. Nose to the grindstone and all that rot. And there are a few of you feeling the less than wonderful effect Mars over in Leo, forcing issues which need to be dealt with. Finally, a few lucky Taurus are feeling the benign influence of Venus as she makes her last pass through Virgo for the year. What will it be? The virtual mail vacuum tube is always open.

Gemini : It's bell curve time again for Gemini. Of course, the bell curve doesn't really apply to Gemini too well because it implies a "median average" and there is nothing median average about any Gemini. But it does mean that this week will be a giant roller coaster ride on the bell curve of life, up at the beginning of the week, down in the middle, and up again by the late weekend. So it goes up and down and up again. Altogether, it's not a bad week, but it's a good thing you're a Gemini this week, because you're going to need to be adaptable to some of the changes coming along.

Cancer : Lucky week for the Cancer Moon Children, the sign that is "deeply introspective and contemplative" and that's right, I get tired of hearing you guys called moody. In fact, since I deal with this all the time, I'm even more tired of hearing it than you are. Besides, moods aren't bad this week at all. In no way shape or form, should you be in a bad mood all week long. The Moon begins this week in your sign, and really late in the weekend, slides on into Libra, covering a lot of ground during the time. Almost all of this territory is good for you. It's a week of fun and merriment, at least, it's supposed to be, all due to the miscellaneous meanderings of the moon.

Leo : If it's not one thing, then it's another. And there is a lovely dark sky coming along pretty soon, the dark of the moon is late this week, and you get a chance to shine during this dark period. While money isn't all-important to you Lion types, it's still sort of a consideration, and this little window of time coming up is a chance for you to do something to make work a better place. And a chance for you to make more money, too. Now what are you going to do with this little opportunity? I suggest you get ready to seize even the smallest of breaks that are going to come your way. It's not in your inimitable style of grand gestures, but it is a chance to make a buck.

Virgo : Remember the old Star Trek? I think it was the one with a thing called "impulse engines". You're moving on impulse engines this week. The deal is that Mr. Mars, the celestial activator, is moving along in your 12th Solar House. That's fancy astrology talk for your subconscious. In other words, you're getting motivated by forces you don't quite understand. Add a little Mercury influence, some Venus, and sprinkle with a New Moon late in the weekend, and you've got a new recipe for action of some kind. Because Venus is stirring things up, I'll warn you about relationship issues which are going to crop up. Or maybe that's crop circles. It's not bad, but there you have it.

Libra : You're on the opposite end of the Bell Curve, like Gemini, only it seems that everything moves in different directions. The week starts out with a few problems, gets easier, then this nasty old New Moon hits you square in the backside. Time to relax, enjoy what ideas come bubbling up from underneath your scalp, and watch while other folks freak out. Now, the real secret to riding out this fast-paced roller coaster of a curve is to let the other folks around do all the hard work. Sit back and enjoy the fruits of their efforts. I just hope that your bell curve doesn't turn into a Mobius strip.

Scorpio : Things which have gone so well for most of the summer, despite the oppressive summer heat, all seem to be standing still right now. The deal is this: Jupiter made fast tracks to make you happy. Now, you're going to feel like you are going over old ground, sort of like reviewing material. As long as you approach this week as a review session, and not as some punishment for something you didn't get before, you'll be okay. Truth be known, it is hard for you to get something that wasn't really covered before so it's not your fault, at least, not this week. Besides, I'm sure we've covered this ground for you before.

Sagittarius : There are good weeks and then there are weak weeks. While this wouldn't fit the definition of being a good week, it doesn't really look like a weak week, either. It just sort of is. It's neither good nor bad. And what is that Shakespeare quote about that? There's dark stuff stirring up your subconscious mind right now, but a subconscious mind in a Sagittarius is kind of like one of my old neighborhoods, not exactly a safe place to venture alone. The New Moon Weekend approaching is a good time make some serious assessments about directions in your life. A Sagittarius get serious? It could happen. But I recommend planning future adventures into that place you call your "brain-zone" with friends, not alone.

Capricorn : I think it's an old AeroSmith line, "I'm like a loaded gun...." (Back in the Saddle Again?) And why would I be singing some kind of strange rock lyric to you at a time like this? Because you're just like that loaded gun right now. You've been carefully primed by the Moon, and the energy is there. Now, all we need to discuss is how to "acquire" a target. Before you go through the "lock and load" drill, you need to make sure that you've gone after the right person, I mean, the right thing. With Deer Season right around the corner, I need to warn you about Buck Fever, and you don't need to go shooting off at just anything that looks like a target. Be selective this week and watch you not miss the target at all.

Aquarius : Air Signs and monster roller coaster styled bell curves are the central conceit this week. And yes, you're on that same ride with the other air signs. The good news is that this is going to be a fun ride for you. Your anticipation mounts as you get closer to the peak, which is late in the week, just like sitting on that roller coaster which is getting cranked up to the top. You can feel the fear in the pit of your stomach because you know that bottom is just fixing to drop away. And yes, it is going to go away, but you'll have enough centrifugal force in order to keep you firmly planted in your seat. Put your hands in the air to show us hat you're not afraid this week, and enjoy the ride!

Pisces : I told you it was good this week, this month, this year, and you doubted my word. I know better than to lie to a Pisces, so I won't. It is good, but you have an unusual configuration which is going to sharpen up your mental process this week. Imagine that, a Pisces with a brain that is acting razor sharp. It could happen. Now, before you fire up the poison pen word processor, consider what else you can do with this high degree of mental ability right now. Outline the business plan for the next six months, write it all down, and don't panic. For most folks, a business plan is pretty much useless, but given your Pisces gifts, it will actually help you.

Week of: 9/7-13

"Where we are,
There's daggers in men's smiles...."
Donalbain in Shakespeare's MacBeth (II.iii.139-40)

Aries : Like a cool and refreshing rain, something to cool off the summer heat, there's a brief bit of a storm which showers you with relief this week. So much for the good news. There was a leak that you didn't fix last time it rained, I mean, I understand, it only leaks when it's raining and you can't fix it in the rain, and once again, you feel like you are a little caught between the proverbial rock and hard spot. When the weather lets up, or whatever the problem is, get after that leak. If you don't, there will be a persistent "drip pause drip pause drip pause...." annoying you next time.

Taurus : Energy is a good thing. At least, usually, it's a good thing. And after a lethargic summer, this is a good time to feel energized. Unfortunately, you're not going to be like that archetype the bunny with the battery. Well, sort of: you have the tenacity to see the job through, and keep on going, but you lack the even-handed way that the bunny works. In other words, your clockwork is screwed up this week. But your energy, albeit erratic, is still there. Words like "frenetic" and "frenzied" come to mind, which are in sharp contract to the normal, well-paced Taurus.

Gemini : Here in Austin, there is a certain amount of the population which is concerned with environmental matters. You too, will feel like aligning yourself with these people this week, as you want to turn your attention towards more mundane matters about what you can do to help the cause. Doesn't matter what the cause is, just pick one and go for it. Of course, the old adage, "think globally, act locally" is bit too much for you because this is the week that you feel like making a grand statement of some kind. Think twice before you chain yourself to the earth moving equipment, though, because that is such a permanent statement for a Gemini.

Cancer : There are only two areas of your life where you are going to have trouble, and you can rest easy with one of these: fiance. I can't work miracles and romance is a going to be tough this week. But the money picture is quite bright, almost as nice as a shiny -- freshly minted -- penny. I know you've heard it before, "money can't buy love" but in certain states, or so I've heard, you can rent love for a little while. Perhaps it would be better if you just gave up on the romance idea all together this week, and stuck to the money thing. Love will be along sooner than you think.

Leo : I always did like the way Shakespeare's characters invoked Mars as they would all go marching off to battle. And Mars is still a prime move and shaker in your life right now. Does this mean a battle is imminent? I sure hope not. You're in a opposition where you can use some of this Martian or Martial energy to get your own troops all lined up and ready. It's better to be prepared and not need it, rather than to be unprepared and be in dire need. I might lose my standing as a peace person with this bit of advice, but Leo has Mars, not me.

Virgo : Dear sweet Virgo. Happy Birthday to that one special Virgo who was upset because I always forgot her birthday. See? I finally remembered! So much for the felicity for this week. Venus is acting like its Aztec heritage right now, inciting a war like spirit amongst you Virgo's this week. I feel sorry for the rest of the signs because a "party animal" Virgo "on the war path" is destined for greatness this week. I just hope you don't chop too many heads off of unsuspecting by-standers. I'm not suggesting that they don't deserve to lose their heads, I'm just suggesting that you do it neatly, like a good Virgo.

Libra : Love is in the Libra Air again. Actually, dreams and visions of love are dancing in your head, but love itself is still unavailable. But you've spotted the target, identified it, and you have a lock on the them. Your poor, and unsuspecting, target of your affections has this little red laser dot on his or her heart right now. You've got some high tech help from a laser sighted crossbow loaded with Cupid's arrows right now. Be careful about squeezing the trigger, though. Timing and breathing is everything, exhale slowly and then squeeze gently.

Scorpio : One thing that upsets a Scorpio is a surprise. Even if it's a good surprise, it still upsets the Scorpio demeanor. And let's face it, some Scorpio's are meaner than others. Still, you have a good surprise or two coming along this week. Don't be upset if your "associates at work" have rigged a party of some kind. Sure, it will interfere with the rest of the work week, but we are merely trying to show you how much we care. Ever notice that it's difficult to show a Scorpio that you care? We're just trying to be nice, that's all.

Sagittarius : I'd take a lesson from a Virgo right now: fastidiousness. A little bit of time spent cleaning up messes is time well-spent this week. You need to exercise some caution about getting into trouble right now, and that's why the idea of cleaning up old messes is a much better way to deal with the week. As a good Sagittarius, you usually leave the mess for someone else, but just for a change, try tackling it yourself. It's like a knotted-up fishing line, one of those horrendous messes which needs a little time and patience to undo, but the results might just be worth the effort. Especially this week.

Capricorn : There are some weeks when it's really nice to be a Capricorn. This is one of those weeks. You've got opportunities for love, travel, money, even the odd chance at a lottery win. Of course, if you're a good Capricorn, you've read the fine print, and you know that the odds on that lotto win are pretty abysmal, but hey, "you can't win if you don't play" as the old tag line goes. So try and be a little bit of a player this week. In one sense or another. Doesn't much matter, because you've got some chances to win something big. It is almost guaranteed. And if you do win, something besides romance, it would be a really nice idea to cut me in for a mere 1%.

Aquarius : Close your eyes and work with me, Aquarius. Of course, it's going to be hard to read the rest of this with your eyes closed, but you get the idea, I'm sure. We're going to take a mythical journey, back to high school, maybe even a little before, it was that first romance. You saw him or her sitting there in your classroom, and it was love at first sight. Or infatuation. It's happening again, now, the same thing. So open up your eyes and make sure that your crush on someone isn't much more than mere infatuation. I'm not saying that it's not true love, but you'd better give this one a week or two before you pop the question. I heartily don't recommend a Las Vegas wedding this week, no matter how you feel. Puppy love isn't for the big dogs, you know.

Pisces : It was the famous English poet and satirist Alexander Pope who once wrote, "And yet, believe me, good as well as ill,/Woman's at best a contradiction still." (Pope, Alexander. Epistle 2. To a Lady, lines 269-270). In these politically correct times, I would suggest updating the phrase "woman" to "significant other" all though then the meter won't scan as well. But the message is the same, your romantic partner, significant other, or whatever you call them, is going to be a contrary this week. Don't worry about! Take it in stride, like the good Pisces that you are. Their worries are not your concern this week. Don't let them get you down right now. And remember that updated version of Pope's line, and hopeful that will work as a way to get through the week.

Week of: 8.31.1998

    He speaks plain canon, fire, and smoke, and bounce;
    He gives the bastinado with his tongue.

in Shakespeare's King John (II.i.462-63)

Aries: Other than little echoes of romance, sort of like past remembrances of long-lost summers, there's not a lot that is going on with you right now. This isn't altogether too bad, either, after this last summer, you can look back and be refreshed by the fact that you don't have a lot going on. I remember how I used to always look forward to school each fall, if only for the fact that there were new faces, new people. You have a similar reason to look forward to this week, some new faces, and then, suddenly, a recurrent image of an Ex pops up, just to shatter the dream like trance you've been enjoying. Sweep him or her (or it, as the case may be) from your mind right now. Of course, there's a recurrent C & W theme song right now: "All my ex's live in Texas...."

Taurus: Ever dream about owning a big piece of real estate? Maybe you do own a grand estate some place. Perhaps it's time to look into developing. Of course, around these parts, the word "developer" is considered a bad word. However, you do have an opportunity to develop something. And I'd urge you to look into the land deals you can work on right now. It's time for you to start building new stuff. Mr. Saturn is here to lend a hand, such as it is. Put them dreams into action. Make things happen. Activity is a "good thang" this week.

Gemini: Ever get that feeling that you are taking about 43 steps forward and then doing a little two step backwards at the same time? Fortunately, for a Gemini, this dance step and the apparent forward and backward motion at the same time isn't too hard for you to do. Of course, all this coming and going will leave the lesser signs (that's the rest of the 11 signs in the Zodiac) with our collective heads spinning as we try to watch just whatever it is that you are doing. Now take a deep breath because you get a chance for some relief in the very near future. As the week comes to a close, all this activity finally becomes clear. The rest of us will eventually understand just what it is that you're doing. Sort of.

Cancer: Dear Moon Child. The approach of the full moon leaves you with a degree of happiness because it's not going to "get" you this time. That's the good news. Now, in typical Cancer fashion, you are waiting to find out when the bad news is going to arrive. That would be in the middle of the week. The positive side of the bad news is that you get to resolve and old problem and then this weekend is good. Not even good, it can be great. Get ready to go and play. And remember, the weekend doesn't end on Saturday, not for you. For you guys, even this approaching Sunday is going to be a party time.

Leo: You know, my fine Leo friends, most folks figure that once the birthday time is over, that the parties are supposed to stop. But with the new school year beginning to unfold, and the Sun being in the sign of Virgo, and Mars still floating along in your sign, I would suspect that the parties have just started. Or maybe they never ended. Now, you need to be careful with any late season fishing because Mr. Park Ranger, or similar authority figure is going to come among and check your fishing license. Just make sure that you've got the insurance papers up in the glove box of the truck, and you know what? Everything will be okay. You did pay the insurance, didn't you?

Virgo: Virgo's have always been near and dear to my heart. The problem with this week is that the approach of the Full Moon makes things untidy, and no Virgo likes things unkempt. Relax the cleaning attitude right now because we are all smack dab in the middle of Virgo time, and you should be having one whale of a good one with birthday parties and what not. And as the Moon fills out in its orbit, getting fuller and more beautiful, give yourself a chance to relax a little and enjoy the serenity. There's a quiet calm which can fill you right now. Okay, enough for the pause and reflection stuff. Have a good party this week!

Libra: This week is firmly divided into two parts for Libra, and trying to get some sense of balance out of the two parts, well, it's like being the chain at a tractor pull. If the stress doesn't get to you, and I know you're strong enough to take it, then things are going to work out just fine. It's that age old battle between work and romance right now. Which one is more important? The one which seems more important this week is the one that you are not currently working on. In other words, no matter where you go, it's going to feel like you should be doing something else.

Scorpio: This happens a few times a year, one of those weeks when you feel like they are attacking you. "They" are not really attacking you, it just feels that way. What it is, astrologically, is Mars is making a somewhat less than wonderful angle to you right now, over there in loud and boisterous Leo. What are going to do with it? Be cool, calm, and act like you've got it all together. Internally, you might feel troubled by this charade, but externally, you can fool all of us. The rest of us might be a little worried because you're acting so calm, but hey, we're not Scorpio, we should worry when you get that look in your eye.

Sagittarius: Party on, my fine Sagittarius friend. Despite the seemingly overwhelming influence of Virgo right now, there's still enough planets floating around in Leo to make this a good week. And the approach of the Full Moon fills you with merriment. Or it fills you with a component of fertilizer, but you can pass that off as merriment. Or maybe that's "you're filled with an integral part of the fertilizer equation this week" but you get my drift. Spread this stuff around wisely, and don't lay it on too thick, even though, being the good Sagittarius that you are, you could get away with it this week.

Capricorn: Don't plan on getting out too much this week. Keep your head down with the incoming fire so you don't get caught by a piece of shrapnel. Do look forward to a good week, as the opportunities go from closed doors, doors which look like they have a few deadbolts and security alarms on them, suddenly, as the weekend gets closer, these same doors go flying open. Of course, you might want to check through the peep hole first, and make sure that you don't get hit with friendly fire this week. Life isn't always a battlefield, but the first part of this week, it sure feels like one.

Aquarius: And how do you spell relief? That's a good question. At the beginning of the week, there is no hope in sight whatsoever. This changes fast, like an old lover's attitude, one of those apparent shifts in the universe, and even though this change makes no sense to you, it does shed some light, and bring with it a degree of hope. In fact, things get downright good by the time Friday gets here, even a little ahead of schedule. So you go from no hope to wonderful in the span of less than a week. Granted, it's not like "0-60 in 3 seconds" but those claims on TV are never accurate anyway....

Pisces: You've got this terrific Lunar Phase swinging your way this week, and I'll wager it has you just all in a dither. Now, you're going to feel a little bit like a Sagittarius right now, because you're going to be a little less graceful than usual. This isn't too much of a problem, however, because, just like that other sign, you're also going to be inordinately lucky this week. But please be careful about the emotional issue right, that is, make sure your emotions don't run you over. Keep a tight rein on them, and all will be well.

Week of: 8/24-30

"There comes a time in ever rightly constructed boy's life when he has to go digging for hidden treasure."
Mark Twain in his epic juvenile adventure book (but good for adults, too) Tom Sawyer, chapter 25.

Aries : The idea, as put forth by Mark Twain, that there comes a time in everyone's life when the goal is to get out and dig for some treasure is good for you this week. You've overlooked something in your everyday life, and this could use some undercover work. Or work at uncovering the little gem which is hidden there. You stand a chance of finding a strongbox full of about $6000 in gold coins, if you are willing to put out a little effort this week.

Taurus : Well, dear Fixed Earth Sign, the quote from Mark Twain has a lot to do with the Hard Work you've got ahead of you for this week. Sorry to use such harsh words, but that's about the sum total of it. Roll up your sleeves and have a go at it, and you will be pleasantly surprised when you actually do strike gold. It might just be silver, but we are still taking about a hidden treasure and we are still taking about things which pay off. Of course, all this nonsense about hard work might offend your delicate Taurus sense of taste, but I'm sure you can work with me on the definition of what hard work is. It's just Saturn, and he's here for a spell.

Gemini : I was going to use a terrible joke to tie into that quote from Mark Twain, something like, "Can you dig it?" but I realized that I would receive numerous complaints about my sordid attempts at making a pun. And I'm sure that the Gemini's out there would want to punish me for such humor. Still, there is a element of truth in this quote, especially this week. You've got an area of your house, apartment, or trailer home which could use a thorough cleaning. And, if you are willing to do this, you'll find that it is just like digging for treasure. I just hope the bright, shiny objects that you discover along the way to cleaning everything doesn't distract you too much.

Cancer : Delicate Moon Children are greatly influenced by the passage of the Moon, on her course through the evening sky. And with the route of the Moon passing through Virgo, Libra, Scorpio and then, finally into Sagittarius this week, you will find that the Mark Twain quote makes no sense to you. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but I wouldn't worry about spending time digging for treasure, this is not a week for trying to undercover hidden assets. In fact, you will find that you are a remarkably jolly self these days, and this week is a good one to get on about the business of having fun. Some new fishing gear might help. I suggest Wal-Mart or Sears as the place to acquire this new equipment. Of course, Bubba's Live Bait & Tackle on the road to the lake might also be the best place shop.

Leo : In your case, and your case is a special one, my fine Leo friend, because every Leo is special, this treasure hunt metaphor this week just doesn't really seem to apply to you. In fact, with the all the little Love planets all lined up in your sign, I don't think that you are going to be forced to sully your paws with tarnished dirt. Work, like that, is best left for the other, less regal signs. Of course, you should be paying attention to some details right now, and this attention to detail will help others as they search for the buried treasure. If anyone knows where that treasure is buried, I'm sure it's a Leo. If you want to clue me in, well, you know my email address.

Virgo : New Moon, New Sun Sign, and everything is coming up roses. Perhaps not in the strictest definition, but you get the idea, or so I hope. The New Moon which starts out this week, is a good time for you to begin a new endeavor. Like digging through that morass of details and getting to the bottom of things. And starting a new project. The little, love planets are lined up in the sign before you, so I would be extra careful about impulse buys this week. I know it's Virgo Birthday Time, but still, watch the compulsive over spending this week. At least, watch the spending until you uncover your own, personal hidden treasure.

Libra : Forget the hidden treasure allegory for this week. In fact, there's a another story from within Tom Sawyer, one about white washing a fence. Tom became very rich doing this. You have an opportunity to do the same thing, all you have to do is convince your neighbor, co-worker or similar person that it's what they really want to do. It's for their own good. In some circles, I believe this is referred to as "Marketing" but Mark Twain was writing at a time when that term was largely unknown. However, a little effective marketing can get someone else to do all the hard labor for you. And you'll both feel richer for the experience.

Scorpio : One of my famous allegories for explaining how a Scorpio is prone to behave involves digging. So this week, as I encourage you to dig for hidden treasure, remember that I'm serious. You've got something, a real clue, right under your nose. Now, if you can just follow that clue, I'm pretty sure you will find what it is that you are looking for. And remember the accolades you will receive when you uncover that treasure, all by yourself. Scorpio's are known for being great self-imposed taskmasters. You expect a lot out of yourself, and I feel like you will not let me down this week.

Sagittarius : Late in the week, we get our monthly Pluto/Moon thing. So put off any efforts at finding that hidden treasure until then. That's the best time to dig. While every other sign is puzzling over treasure maps, and lining up tools to work with, you are best off loafing in the shade of a leafy oak. (Any tree will do, but I like the Oak this week.) As the weekend approaches, and as the other signs are dropping their tools in despair, you hastily grab one shovel and go to work. And look at what sort of great secrets you can uncover.

Capricorn : The problem associated with digging for hidden treasure this week is that you are more apt to attempt to "plumb the depths" in the wrong place. Now, here's an astrological hint: while everyone else is looking for treasure in haunted houses, and under the branch of an old tree, you have an opportunity to actually do a little research and discover exactly where that sunken Spanish Galleon is. So while everyone else is out sweating in the hot sun, get your Capricorn self to the library and do a little research. Okay, maybe it's a lot of research. But the AC in the Library works fine, and that's the bet way to go about getting this work done. It's the tired old adage, "work smarter, not harder."

Aquarius : Alas, my fine Aquarian friend, it looks as if the hidden treasure will stay hidden this week. No matter what you do, it seems like everything evades your grasp. Neptune is up to its usual camouflage techniques, and what this does is dress everything up so you can see the forest and all the trees. Perhaps it would be better to look at it this way: stupid fish, not even bright ones, will come up along side your boat and spit your bait back at you. It's not a pretty sight. Avoid trying to do anything that requires subterfuge this week. Aquarius is not sublime this week.

Pisces : Hidden treasures are such a noble cause. And think about all the good things you could do with that money, if you really did recover a hidden treasure. So what's stopping you from getting out and doing a little bit of hard work right now? It's really pretty simple, the harder you work, the more you sweat. I'm sure there is some other reward for hard work, but I haven't seen it yet. And I'm sure you'll agree that this actual "digging" exercise is vastly over rated. Let the other signs do the hard work right now. You can take a break. You need a break, anyway.

Week of: 8/17-23

"Give me mine angle; we'll to the river: there
My music playing far off, I will betray
Tawny-finn'd fishes; my bended hook shall pierce
Their slimy jaws; and, as I draw them up,
I'll think them every one an Antony,
And say 'Ah, ha! you're caught.'"

Cleopatra in Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra, II.v.30-5

Aries : What feels like it is going to start out as a rough week, quickly, and I mean quickly, turns itself around. Faster than you can say, "Road trip," you find yourself heading out with a bountiful new kind of energy, sort of like all of a sudden finding a shiny new quarter, and placing it in a slot machine, and then suddenly hitting a jackpot, and then, turning that jackpot into more money at the craps table, and lucky play on a roulette wheel, and you see how all this can multiple. The real trick this week is knowing when to stop.

Taurus : You might find yourself struggling with friends, relatives, and other people of that ilk this week. These aren't major problems, and there sure is a silver lining to your own, personal rain cloud that you feel hovering overhead. Look on the bright side, a little shade in the August heat is a welcome thing, I hope. And this minor struggle with those folks who keep trying to exert control over you won't escalate into a full scale tug-of-war, even though it feels like it will. Your mental ability, your innate mental ability to address problems gets you out of this mess. I'm not worried about you, and I don't reckon you ought to be too worried either.

Gemini : From a vacuum which felt very much like you were stranded on a desert island, you jump right into the center of attention this week. This should be a welcome relief. By the end of the week, all your troubles and past little difficulties ought to be behind you, and things should be going much better. That little Mercurial Wobble thing has taken care of itself, and you will find that a giant cruise ship is headed your way to let you escape from this island. Better yet, you'll be able to do some trolling on that cruise ship. Who ever thought you could fish from the Love Boat?

Cancer : The unstable, but certainly fun, influences in your romantic life gets better this week because that old trouble maker Mars, moves his bad self out of Cancer and into Leo. Breathe a sigh of relief, and turn your attention to clean up your mobile home. Don't have a mobile home? I find that very unlikely. Most Cancers travel with a little bit of everything, like the concept of "if I can't stay home, I'll take my home with me" (or have you heard this all before?) So this week settles in a little as those two romance things head on over to the next sign, and that means you are going to be spending time at home this. However, it looks like you might be "entertaining" at home this week.

Leo : Let's see what we've got for the Mighty Leo this week, no more Mercury Retrograde, Mars coming in, Venus hanging about a bit, and all that stuff over in Aquarius, exciting you. Now, just because the birthday month is over, doesn't mean that your party atmosphere has changed. Nor does it mean that you are any less likely to want to play. In fact, with the Sun finally heading off into the next sign, you Leo's can get after some serious fun. All that, and the lucky little love planes, too. What Mercury put on hold earlier, is now off the hook, and ready to go!

Virgo : At the very end of this week, or the beginning of next week, depending on your location on the planet (one can never be too exact for a Virgo), the Sun itself goes into your sign. It's a dawn of a new day for Virgo. The problem is that the Sun is a little messy and we know how the Virgo archetype abhors a mess. To confuse matters, there is a still that pesky planet pile up back in Leo, and as a Good Virgo, you still have these deep, dark suspicions about what the immediate future might hold. Relax some because it's really not that bad. Relationships are going to be a bit troubling this week. You feel like you've locked yourself up and you can't seem to get free. Like many aspects of life, this locked up feeling is merely an illusion, but you might want to wait and find that out for yourself.

Libra : Libra's are known far and wide for their excellent taste in art, cuisine, music and theatre. This distinctive quality is further enhanced this week by a gentle, fortuitous arrangement in the morning sky as the Morning star makes a benevolent angle to one of those pesky little asteroids. Turn your attention to matters that matter this week, and seek to help your fellow fishing buddy this week. You have exceptional taste when it comes to picking lures that really work. Here's the hot tip: get the pretty ones. Visual appeal works on fish, too, you know.

Scorpio : I was hoping I could generate a nice a quote for this week, but my online database just couldn't come up with the appropriate metaphor for what you are looking for. See, it's both good and bad. Good, if you are wiling to take some steps at resolving an old conflict. Bad, if you try to ignore this conflict. The conflict itself looks like it is of the romance variety; however,there is no guarantee that this is the case. it could be a work-related thing. But my money's on Scorpio and Romance this week. Which, for a Scorpio, can be both good and bad. And it can be twice as troublesome for the other sign, too.

Sagittarius : Just when you thought that things were warming up, there is a sudden cold draft, running down your spine. It's as if the AC had been broken, and the Repairman has arrived, and now the unit is blowing really arctic air. So much for the good news. And if you did see the AC guy this week, you're probably going to have to see him again, later in the week, because he didn't quite get everything fixed. Remember that cold blast of air which is raising the hair on the back of your neck? It's happening again, sort of a cosmic deja vu....

Capricorn : Sweet escape! Neptune, that large and undefined mass of "something" in your life is back. Just when you thought it was safe to venture forth in the cruel, hard light of the summer sun. There is some nice news here, though, this little visit from Neptune is merely giving you a chance to wrap up some old business, personal business, along the lines of a relationship which was once failed, and probably still is, but you can always give it another whirl. We call this the Neptune effect, here in Austin. Happens all the time to us. It's in the water, don't you know.

Aquarius : Most of he Aquarius folks I run across all have a clear purpose in mind. And most of them know exactly where they are going, and what they are doing. This week, however, the rest of the 11 signs have no clue as to your actions or direction. In fact, you may feel like you have no clue, either. Now, I'm not about to suggest that you are clueless, but it is a good time to spend a few hours alone, staring at a computer monitor or TV gathering your thoughts. Next week? Turn the monitor on. Astrologically, you really do know where you are going, it's just not obvious to us. Nor does it really need to be.

Pisces : I've got a (hopefully) interesting analogy for you guys this week. I was smoking a nice cigar last night, and drifted off to a pleasant reverie. Now, this next morning, I found this half smoked cigar in my ashtray. This is one of those "ten dollar" type of cigars, all-natural, long-leaf filler, hand-made, and so on. When you come face to face with a remaining bit of last night or even last week, don't hesitate to fire that remaining bit of whatever up. It will taste almost as good. And a good cigar will keep the mosquitoes away, too. In fact, some of my cigars will keep just about everything away except Bubba.

Week of: 8/10-16

"From Alexandria
This is the news: he fishes, drinks, and wastes
The lamps of night in revel;"
Octavius Caesar in Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra [Act I, Scene IV]

Aries : It'd time for you to consider delving into your own, deep, personal and dark abyss. There is something lurking along the bottom of your own personal ocean, and whatever creature from the deep that is there, he or she needs some attention. This is another week that evokes memories of long forgotten B-Movies, ones with bad monsters. Shows that these days would go straight to video. Watch out with the flammable liquids this week. If you can actually find a Full Service gas station, I think it would be best if your let some one else fill up your tank. There's no need to mix a Fire Sign with potentially combustible fluids this week. Or Scorpio's.

Taurus : Take a brief hiatus from work. It's a long summer, and the impending Mercurial action this week bodes no well for your poor, much put upon sign. Now, in the immortal words of famous British author Douglas Adams, "Don't Panic!" And you'll discover that this expression is always best delivered at a tone several decibels higher than your normal speaking tone, maybe half an octave off, too. This would be a good week to schedule yourself a brief, if somewhat impromptu, vacation. Take a long weekend, trust me on this, the problems will all wait until you get back. Since the problems always seem to wait, so give them a chance to simmer and stew in the summer heat.

Gemini : There is no good news for 80% of the Gemini's out there. With this unfortunate, but inevitable planet thing, no one seems to understand a word you say. You feel like you are operating in a vacuum. And that's not a pretty sight, because, in a vacuum, no one can hear you scream. Or, in the case of the Gemini, even talk. However, there is some relief coming soon enough because even before the week is over, you turn the tide on this whole retrograde thing. Maybe. Well, you're supposed to, anyway. I've got it right here in one of my astrology texts, I know I do. Since I can't find the reference, maybe you can. Make sure you take note of everything, so you can refer back to it later, when the planets fall back into place for you.

Cancer : By now, I'm sure, you have consulted my Mercury Chronicles, and you are aware of the usual rules about Mercury going retrograde, and just what you can expect. It's not going to be a problem. Well, it's not going to be a big problem. Maybe it will, but I doubt it. There will be the usual communication upsets. You did pay the phone bill, didn't you? Nothing is worse than picking up the phone and finding that the line is dead. Worse yet, is when the phone company decides to terminate your service, halfway through a message then you never know what to

Leo : I fear I will not be popular with Leo this week. But please don't beat me, I don't think I'll enjoy the whips and chains this time. Mercury is working its way backwards through your sign right now. Now see here, and listen up good: this is a natural cycle in the normal chain of events. Nothing to get all worried about. But I kept telling you to plan ahead, and did you listen? If you had paid attention to me, you wouldn't be in the big mess that find yourself in right now. Okay, enough browbeating. Get ready to be a lot more adaptable than usual this week. There are going to be a lot of little problems, nothing major, and you just need to be able to erase your schedule on a daily basis to adjust for the new changes. When "they" say "pencil us in," I'd suggest a real pencil.

Virgo : It's "crystal ball" time for you guys. Look: gazing at a crystal ball is called "scrying" and it is high time that you spent some of that brain power of yours on things which were not so tangible. Like crystal ball gazing. I'm suggesting this exercise because it's simple but not ordered, and some would say unscientific. While that sort of ordered thought process is usually good for you, this is one of those weeks when ordered thought processes are not a good idea. Don't really on things like "reason" and "logic" this week. That merry prankster in the sky spreading a little bit of disbelief, so go with what bubbles up from the other side. Try something that's not logical, like crystal ball gazing.

Libra : Just when everything was supposedly looking up for you, just when all the right stuff got back on track, we all run into a major derailment by the smallest planet in the system. Ain't that just the way it goes? So, what to do for Libra this week? There is still that weak, but very good, influence wobbling around in your sign that means love. Too bad she (it's a feminist asteroid) doesn't also mean business. So business will be mean, but you'll feel all right. You might want to try some antics this week to amuse your co-workers. They could all use a good laugh, too.

Scorpio : The odds aren't good this week for Scorpio because of that nasty little planet doing its thing over in the other fixed sign. Doesn't look good. But lest I leave you with a bad feeling, try this one on for size, despite the bad odds, there is a long shot which you can bet on this week, and you'll certainly surprise the odds-makers when you pull it off. Now remember, this is a long shot, and your mileage may vary. The usual warnings apply. See fine print for details. And don't let other people influence your own thinking. Especially this week.

Sagittarius : The good news this week, and being an Archer, you're really only concerned with the good news, is that this untimely Mercury Retrograde isn't going to be that bad for you. I always remember the Amy's Ice Cream slogan, "Life is short, eat desert first" at times like this. But you do need to be careful with the desert tray in that fancy restaurant. Being a good Sag, and Mercury playing its usual tricks, you don't need to dump the tray into your date's lap. That just won't do at all, although it does present a fairly amusing image for the rest of us.

Capricorn : With Mercury heading down the tubes right now, it's a good time to step back from this headlong rush into a new business arena. In fact, this new business arena has all of sudden become a Wrestling Arena, and you are about to be faced off (more than one way to take that comment) against some guy who weighs in at at close to three hundred pounds, and has a likely nickname of "Killer" because he has left so many of his opponents in the morgue. Now, the secret to remember is that a little guile and trickery will go long way. Use that big feller's weight against him. You don't want to end up on the ropes this week.

Aquarius : Work, toil and trouble. I was thinking about quoting you a little bit of Middle English, say something from Chaucer this week, just to make sure you understood. Then, after realizing that Mercury was going to be retrograde in Leo, I realized that Middle English would seem like old Norse to you. Carry your dictionary this week, or get one of the new fangled hand held computer things, and use its dictionary because words coming from other folks' mouths are all going to sound like Middle English. You can understand them, but it takes a might bit of learnin' to get the real meaning.

Pisces : Now ya'll just wait a cotton pickin' minute here. Just because this feels like a truly big break comin' down the highway of life right now, doesn't mean that it is all that it appears to be. You don't want to buyin' a pig in poke right now. Or insert ya'lls own, favorite expression. Use some of this exciting stuff that is going to make sure that you've looked into all the inner workings of this deal that looks so darn good. Make sure you do more than kick the tires, as if you were buying a car. Look under the hood, Pull out the dipstick and smell the motor oil. Make sure that there is no sawdust in the transmission right now. But don't let me stomp on your enthusiasm, either.

Week of: 8/2-9

"Hear'st thou, Mars?"
Coriolanus in Shakespeare's Coriolanus (V.v)

Aries : It's not a time for you to engage in wild speculations. I know you've got some great ideas, but a little penny pinching, and some pecuniary measures right now could help save you a lot. And, whatever you don't spend this week, and stick into the old sock under the mattress, pays off really well in the future. I'm no financial genius; in fact, when it comes to picking stocks, I can always get that one which will "show" rather than "win". You're going to emulate my ability in this area, especially this week. So lower your expectations, and don't be too critical of yourself. Money isn't everything. Well, maybe it is, but we'll say it's not, especially this week.

Taurus : It's summer time. School hasn't started yet. Everyone is on vacation. And I'm going to tell you to get yourself to the cleaners and get all of the high-powered business suits all cleaned and pressed. Break out them "Dallas" white shirts, the ones with all the starch in them. Get dressed up and get ready for war. I don't mean war in the conventional sense, but it is a time to start paying strict attention to the bottom line. Some one has to do it, and that responsibility now rests firmly on your shoulders. Better get used to it because this is a weight that you are going to bear for a while. I guess that's why they put them shoulder pads in suits, to help ease your burden.

Gemini : "Chop wood, carry water" is what the Masters say. Maybe that's a bit too esoteric for you. I know you have information in one of those books you've got, all about this concept. Since you don't seem to have the time to figure this one out, what it means is that it's time for you to roll up your sleeves and do a little bit of manual labor. Not anything heavy, just something to keep your idle hands busy. I know, I know, you claim you don't have time for yard work, or mowing the lawn, or even cleaning the kitchen floor, but it really is a good idea right now. Take a beak from mental exercise and do something mindless for a bit. Your brain will thank me. And this mindless work will clarify a persistent brain teaser -- after you get done.

Cancer : I know you are getting tired of hearing about romance but with the love duet doing a minuet in the sign of the Moon Child, Venus and Mars are bringing all sorts of nice and wonderful thoughts and visions dancing in your head. Of course, these thoughts and visions dancing in your head are a little early for Christmas, but you get the idea. Imagine yourself in a Winter Wonderland, and consider this a mental vacation from the summer heat. This vacation package is sponsored by FGS World Headquarters, on the South Shore of Austin's Town Lake. Enjoy the ride, Bubba. As soon as the mental vacation is over, you're going to find yourself back in reality, and even that's going to be a pretty good thing this week.

Leo : We should all be having a big Leo birthday bash this week. This sign is ready for some good things to happen, and it's set to happen now. Or pretty soon, anyway. On the one side of the emotional meter, you're doing pretty good. On the other side, this whole "another year older" thing is getting to be a bit tiresome. Here's a hint: you're not any older, just more chronologically advanced now. And with age, a little wisdom comes. In other words, you're getting smarter. I'll wager that you are getting much better at getting around those young ones. Age and guile have their uses.

Virgo : Look at a little Sagittarius this week. It's not bad, it's just this almighty fate thing that's got you down. If I could get you to shut off that fabulous Virgo mind for just a moment, you might feel a lot better. Your mate, or your significant other, or your intended, or your prey, or whatever you want to call that romantic interest, is going to come under a lot of close scrutiny this week. Lighten up on him or her or it. You don't need to pick on us so! We're doing the best that we can! I promise. Just because it looks like they are spending too much time in a boat, away from you, doesn't mean that they don't think about you, maybe once in every ten minutes.

Libra : No impending doom this week. No problems with annoying asteroids. No problems with big planets, either. No problems at all, well, except, perhaps, maybe there's this one little problem that you will experience this week. It's like, I don't know, maybe it's like being out in a bass boat, along the edge of the lake, in some overhanging tree branches, and there just isn't anything biting except the horse flies. Still, you look at the scenery, hear the hum of the trolling motor, and you know, deep in your Libra heart of hearts that all is well with your world. It could be worse, you know, remember the old adage: a bad a day fishing is better than a good day at work.

Scorpio : There are good weeks, and then there are weak weeks. And this is one of those that is sort of stuck in between. And you feel like you are sort of stuck in between, too. There isn't one particularly nasty astrological influence this week, just a number of little one which don't seem to be very nice. All of this is compounded, like interest on a credit card, by the whole structure of things. Now, before you think I'm picking on poor, much-maligned Scorpio's again, consider this: there is a fleeting, but good, influence as far as the love interest things goes, so its either compound interest on a loan, or love interest in the romance section. You make the call.

Sagittarius : It's time for your monthly "date with destiny" and this isn't some sort of infernal XXX spam from somebody called "Destiny at Hotmail 4 U" either. No sirree bob, this is the real thing. It's been happening every month for years now, about every 28 and half days, and it's this week again. The usual warnings apply, you know, watch out for Scorpio's, Gemini's, Aries, and the odd Pisces making life your life miserable this week. And whatever you do, do not let the evil gnomes who live under the bridge get to this week. They are there, gnawing away at your foundations of reality, but this really shouldn't trouble you all week.

Capricorn : This is not a good week for using strong medicine on weaker opponents, as much as you want to. It's not a good week for railroading your way through the business meeting. You lack a certain degree of finesse this week, and don't make up for that by trying the shotgun approach. Scatter guns are useful for Dove Hunting, which is a religious experience in the Texas Hinterlands, but that same approach won't work too well with your business buddies. Since you lack the usual aplomb this week, try faking it. Works for me, and it should work for you, too.

Aquarius : The good news is supposed to be something along the lines of "You will win the Texas State Lottery this week" but alas, according to the fine tuning I've done to the astro fish finder, I'm not sure that is actually going to be the case. But it could happen. Now, I don't want to appear cynical, but I've seen so few people actually win the lottery that I would wonder about the odds. However, it's another week in Aquarius Land, and you should have some surprising, unusual, and unusually good, news fall into your lap this week. Be ready for a lap dance of some kind, if you know what I mean.

Pisces : You are going to have a good week. Starts great, tastes great, and this week has 30% fewer calories than the regular week. We did have that little talk, last week, about watching your intake and digestion of high calorie foods, didn't we? No? Well, I meant to have that talk with you. I would exercise a just tad bit of caution in the middle of the week, though, because you might be tempted to take the good news about the fewer calories and tend towards over consumption. That's not a good idea this week.

Week of: 7/27-8/1

"My lord, I aim a mile beyond the moon;
Your letter is with Jupiter by this."
Marcus in Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus Act IV.Scene III.

Aries : Don't you just love Monday mornings when you wake up and feel like some army has bivouacked in mouth over the weekend? And doesn't this just sort of set a tone that you have the unshakeable feeling which will be with you all week? I'm not trying to set a mean tone here, unless you consider this "mean" in the way of average, like a standard deviation, plus or minus about two percent, to allow for error. It's going to be one of those weeks when nothing gets quite right. Best recourse is to head on down to the lake, get in a boat, and start drowning worms. You don't have to worry about any fish interrupting your reverie this week.

Taurus : It's not getting off to a good start this week. Nothing you do can make up for that feeling of impending doom. Remember, though, that feeling of doom is just that -- a feeling, like a disembodied spirit who floats around nagging you about a situation at work. Maybe it's like "A Christmas Carol" and the ghost of long past bosses are here to nag you about something. Of course, since ghosts aren't real, you have nothing to worry about, and you'll be able to shake this feeling before the end of the week. That much is something you can look forward to.

Gemini : It's definitely not spring, but there is that unmistakable sense that "love is in the air". For some of us, we might look at this idea of love in the air like an "ozone alert" day in a big city. It's one of those times when the standard warning is not to drive too much. I wouldn't warn you about driving right now, other than to suggest that you get out of town, and head get your happy self out to a large body of water, formerly known as the lake, and get ready for a some close encounters with a some fish. Just think of the tales of the tails you can tell, and it beats suffering from the "ozone alert" and "Mexican BBQ Fog" of love that's in the air.

Cancer : I expect an unusual amount of horseplay from you this week. Most folks with a traditional astrology background would assume that the reference has to do with either Sagittarius, or, at the very least, Jupiter, which is over in Pisces right now. I was thinking more about the Mars/Venus relative actions which is heating up nicely in your morning sky. And as that tag team of planets gets closer to you, I expect to see one of two things: Three Stooges horseplay, or a general football kind of "high-five" and "fanny-patting" activity from you this week. Feel like a winner? You are, Moon Child, you are.

Leo : At the beginning of the week, we are going to need to stop, pause, and reflect about the number of Leo's who have all gone before us. What has been their great contributions? See any Leo's missing from my list of great and famous Leo's (besides yourself, of course)? If so, drop me a note with their names and birthdays, and I'll correct this as soon as possible. So much for the hitting the "pause" button in life, let's get back to work, and get about what is important to a the Leo contingent in the universe, time to party on.

Virgo : When I sit down to answer my email, first thing every morning, my cat wanders around the house and sings to me. At least, I think she's singing. To my untrained, tone-deaf ears, it sounds more like a cat hollering. She gets happy as soon as I put some food out for her. After her delicious breakfast, she pops under the couch for a long nap, usually six to twelve hours. Now, as soon as you get done singing this week, you get to pop under your couch for a nice, long nap. You're just trying to observe one of the laws of physics at this time, the "conservation of mass" or something like that. You and the cat, asleep under the couch.

Libra : The little stuff, that odd and nagging feeling of doom and dread, is past you. Now, the only obstacles, if there are any obstacles at all, are much larger. Ever feel like you are trying to run one of those races where they have all those hurdles in the way? You run, you have to stop and jump over a hurdle, and then you run some more, and then, whoa, there's another one! Stop, look both ways, jump over the little thing. You might feel like that week, and I realize not many runners actually stop to look before they leap, but in your case, I think a decent little look-see will help you. I don't want to see you blindly leaping off into a some new, and unknown project without doing a quick background check. Trust me on this one, a little research might save you a pulled hamstring. Or you could say, I'm just trying to save you bacon.

Scorpio : Landlords, the scummy, money-grubbing, lawyer threatening, evicting, eviscerating, pond scum types are going to be after you this week. That's the bad news. Now I wouldn't come across with a tale of woe for the Scorpio if I didn't see a good side to this. Being a Scorpio, though, you might not take a shine to what I'm about to say. Some Scorpio's are so skeptical! That landlord, or similar authority figure who seems think that he or she has dominion over your life, will not be able to go the best of you. I'm so grateful, and you should be too, that Scorpio's has a sneaky, crafty streak. Use it this week, and watch how those authority figures slink away from you.

Sagittarius : There is a common mistake which I frequently try to rectify in my practice as an astrologer. All too often, I find the person seeking my professional help has confused "love" with "lust". While this isn't too bad of a situation, it can create problems. Now, you've gotten yourself wrapped up in a relationship, of sorts, this summer, and you are beginning to wonder just what the true story is. I can't help but think about those immortal words, "Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind; And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind." (Helena in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream [I.i.234-235]). Which means, use your brain a bit to explore the ramifications of your actions.

Capricorn : Your own, personal, desert is upon you. The long, bright days of summer are baking your brains. You know not what to do. You know not which way to go. You are confused about some personal problems. Stick to business and stick to basics. If you can't figure out what is going on at home, don't worry too much about it. This isn't a week for worrying about problems which clearly have no clear solution and clarity is going to be a rare commodity this week. However, the money making side of things looks really good. Money won't buy love, but, according to some Texans, it can be rented for a little while. So work on the income side of things this week.

Aquarius : The movement of the outer planets gets to be pretty hard to account for. Neptune moves retrograde 10 Astrological Minutes this week, or about .7 Minutes in a day, or about .029166667 minutes in an hour. Why is this important? Why should you drag out the slide rule to correct me if I'm wrong? Why should you care? Because you might miss a great opportunity this week if you are spending too much time worrying about infinitesimal details. Hey, that's what the Virgo Characters in life are for. You don't see me giving them any numbers to correct, do you? Know why? Tired of the questions? Don't worry about the details this week, let them sort themselves out. Look after the big things, and you'll be okay.

Pisces : This is one of those weeks when you start out with the very best of Pisces - type of intentions, but somewhere, along the way, things begin to get muddled. You go to the post office, but forget to bring the mail you had to send off. Or, you go out to eat, and forget to bring your wallet. Nothing is worse than having to solicit your date just so you can pay for the dinner. I'm not saying this is a bad week, it's just one of those times when you might feel better if you don't leave the house. And if you do leave the trailer, make sure you remember to go over your pre-flight check-list. Now where do you put that list of things not to forget?

Week of: 7/20-26

Hail, many-colour'd messenge that ne'er
Dost disobey the wife of Jupiter;
Who with thy saffron wings upon my flowers
Diffusest honey-drops, refreshing showers,
And with each end of thy blue bow dost crown
My bosky acres, and my unshrubb'd down,
Rich scarf to my proud earth; why hath thy queen
Summon'd me hither, to this short-grass'd green?

Ceres in Shakespeare's "The Tempest" (Act IV, scene i)

Aries : Here is the ultimate love affair, sitting in your lap, and all of a sudden, nothing is going right. In all honesty, lots of things are going right, you just don't realize it. And if you didn't have me to remind you, you would feel like there is no hope and you would think things are pretty desperate. Actually, they're not bad at all. You've just been thinking too much. Leave the thinking to other, more cerebral signs. You're a fire sign, keep making an effort to go with your gut instincts, like looking for that one sweet spot on the lake, where all the bass are hiding. You know where it is, you can feel it. Just don't think about it. In some other lines of work, this is called a hunch. Go with it.

Taurus : We've done the shattered dreams routine. Have we done reality check? How about the work check?> I can't decide which one is more important this week. So maybe both need to be addressed. Reality is this thing which results from a lack of adequate coffee in your body's blood system. And it does need to be checked in on, occasionally. Work is one of those annoying things that you are supposed to do every day, or, at least, a few days a week. Most bosses and similar authority figures have some kind of ridiculous expectation for what you're going to be doing this week. This reality/work thing is going to interfere with your plans for a relaxing week. Sorry about this.

Gemini : Multi-faceted Gemini, the ones who are always accused of being two-faced, you poor dears. Your Monday starts out with one too many things which demand your attention. Fortunately, for you, this isn't too much of a challenge. Then, as the week goes by, you are able to deal with this sudden rise in your popularity. I can't promise you fame and fortune this week, but I can see that the astrological fish finder holds some decent gains for, especially in the work place. Plan on juggling those projects and working on time management skills to get by. You'll actually pull it off after Monday.

Cancer : As this week draws to a close, all my fine Moon Children are going to take a giant leap: from romance to finance. Get ready to put your summer of love on hold while you suddenly roll up your sleeves and tackle a big project which will, I'm sure, earn you some decent money in the next few weeks. Or even months. The pay off may be miles away, but this dollar thing is going to turn into mega-dollars. And I always thought megabytes meant the fish were hitting pretty good. You heard it here first, so remember me when the big bucks start rolling in.

Leo : "In like Lamb, out like Lion..." and no, I'm not talking about some sort of strange sacrifice or bizarre Texas BBQ customs. Or, for that matter, I'm not talking about Texas Weather. This week starts Leo, and that is the biggest, baddest (in the good sense of the word) month there is is. The next thirty days or so are going to be a major party time for you. Now, there is one little problem I associate with this: excess. You're not always given to excess, but this next week, you need to watch the wretched excesses. And let some one else chauffeur you around. In plain language, they are called your designated driver.

Virgo : The Good news is that Mercury is just fixin' to come and visit you. The bad news is he ain't here yet. So with that, what you're going to want to do, despite the best of intentions on your part, is bide your time. Adopt that poker face this week and don't let anyone know what is in your hand. Are you bluffing? Or do you really hold a super-killer hand which will rake in the pot? Being a gambling sort, I would almost bet the ranch. Of course, after they call that Virgo bluff this week, you're going to wind up with a new ranch. How are you with horses and cattle?

Libra : It's going to be a good week. Wait, it's not going to be a good week. Well, maybe it will be a good week. Then again, maybe not. Of course, this sort of back and forth behavior is pretty common for a Libra. Sometimes. And that's also a decent appraisal of what this week will be like. Yes. No. Maybe. There are some really strong, good influences this week, and a few that are not so good. One way or another, and I trust your true Libra colors will show right now, you are going to make the best of this situation. You've got a few old problems which really do require your abject object attention at this time. Get after it.

Scorpio : "It was a dark and stormy night...." is the traditional beginning for a time like this. Of course, you have some fairly unconventional wisdom that I'm sure you will impart to me at a later date. With what you've got going on right now, the big secret for Scorpio for this week is to go ahead and try to balance all the little affairs that you have been secretly lusting after. This doesn't mean they have to be affairs of the heart -- there is also an element of money coming at. Of course, I'm reminded of that great Country singer who was cut when his fans showered him with quarters at a concert one time. It's not like there aren't a few things you should be careful of, but I'm sure you're willing to examine all the details.

Sagittarius : You get a cute little tickle from a romantic interest a little later this week. This isn't something big, but it is enough of touch to make your life a little more interesting than it has been. Ever reel in that odd fish? Like a gnarly old cat fish with three eyes? The result of some weird stuff being dumped in the river? Happens around here all the time. And that's what this new romance thing tickle is all about. You catch someone who has been after you for while. Or you let yourself get caught. Don't be surprised if they treat you like that three-eyed catfish after they catch you. "Would you lok at this one that I just caught?"

Capricorn : It's a good week to be a Capricorn. More or less. The more part has to do with a certain harmony that you've worked hard to establish. The problems this week only stem from romance, and even then, this isn't too major, as far as romance problems go. Imagine yourself as a professional fishing guide, and then imagine yourself with a special map to the lake where all the good fishing spots are highlighted. That's the way the week can go, if you just stick to the plan. You've got the map; now use it; X marks the spot.

Aquarius : I'm sure, at one time or another, we've talked about that great MLM plan. I'm sure you've got a friend who is willing to put you in under him or her. The problem is, that you should have taken advantage of this a while back. Like any good marketing scam, you're going to find out that you're too late this time. Maybe you'll pay closer attention to what I say next time about getting rich quick. Of course, I've heard that you are supposed to work hard in order to get rich, and that might explain why we're all so broke these days.

Pisces : You're going to feel like it all comes crashing down around your ears this week because that old lucky star is doing backwards boogie now. From being almost stationary in the very late degrees of Pisces, then apparent backward movement, this bodes a time a rest and relaxation. Actually, you're going to be pretty frantic right now, trying to tie up loose ends that you were supposed to tie up last week. Or last month, when every thing was going so well.

Week of: 7/13-19

"'T is a lucky day, boy, and we'll do good deeds on 't."
The Sheperd in Shakespeare's Winter's Tale (Act III, scene iii)

Red Alert: Monday the 13th (far worse than any Friday the 13th)

Aries : I sure hope you're the skeptical type who doesn't put a lot of faith in what every astrologer says. However, what I see coming up in your chart is some shattered dreams. Before you panic, how about we address this thing and call them shattered illusions? Some dream-like, trance-like idea is going to turn up different from what you expected. It's all a matter of perspective. And this new-found insight which clears up an old misconception is going to make life much easier for you. It's all a matter of looking at this week the right way.

Taurus : It's coming up on old family week for you. Long lost and distant relatives that you haven't heard from are supposed to drop you a line this week. And I don't mean "drop you a line" in a fishing sense either. You could get a fax, an email, a note, even just a postcard from the edge, but you're going to get something pretty soon. And I'm not talking about one of those post cards from Library, informing you that you owe a some astronomical amount on an over due book. Nope, it's time to get out the quill and bottle of ink, and be prepared to return these notes.

Gemini : Venus goes sailing out of your sign late this week. That's the bad news. Or the good news, kind of depending on your philosophical bend. You might want to add some dead German philosophers to reading list for the summer. In fact, a trip to the bookstore seems to be in order. Of course, I'd be a little wary of over-spending in a bookstore right now, you might be tempted to buy a whole library, and then never get around to reading it all. Stick with them dead German dudes this week because your brain is ready for a philosophical upgrade.

Cancer : There's something strange that's going on, and as this week unfolds, you get a chance to unlock whatever secrets of the universe are, the ones that have been preventing you from having a decent relationship lately. It's not that you haven't been without offers, it's just nothing seems to fit right. Take heart, dear Moon Child, because your are swinging into a time when your trailer house will literally rock back and forth with good vibrations. I just hope I haven't mixed too many metaphors here, but you can dig it all.

Leo : I want to say something nice for the mighty Lions this week. I once went to a high school where the football team was named the Lions. If you can guess the name of that high school, I'd be more than happy to send you, via email, an FGS "El-Cheapo" report. Maybe that would brighten your week. You've got Mercury still on top of you, but the problem comes from the fact that both Venus and Mars are now in the sign which comes right before you. As is the Sun. Makes for an interesting week. Don't you just hate it when they call something "interesting"? Keep planning that birthday bash.

Virgo : Old time astrologers, the really old ones, consider this to be a bad time for Virgo's. Fortunately, we've done a lot of "in your face" research, and have added to the present canon of astrological lore, and we've determined that this isn't such a bad time. Just be careful with your razor-edged wit this week. Just because you're so sharp, you don't have to cut the rest of us into ribbons. Slicing and dicing your astrology fishing buddy isn't going to help matter right now.

Libra : We have diminutive minuet going on, overhead, in the heavens. Three little clods of dirt are conspiring to make you think extra hard this week. To exacerbate the situation, these little clods of dirt are not particularly important in the grand scheme of things. But this heavenly dance is really important in the minor scheme of things. Now, to execute the final steps of this little dance, there is a some romantical interest type of thing which is serving to further complicate this little mess. Try to remember, this week, that this is all done in a minor key. It's really no big thang.

Scorpio : I'm not pickling the Scorpio's again. I know better. All of ya'll have beaten me into submission, the way it should be. However, this week, I humbly submit to you that there is some difficult business dealings about to transpire. This doesn't mean that you will lose, it's just a harbinger of hard work ahead. And while we're discussing hard work, this isn't like that stuff where the highway construction crews all stand around leaning on shovels, either. This looks like hard work of the kind which challenges your brain. Fortunately, it won't be too much of a hardship for you.

Sagittarius : Time to turn to the lighter side of life. Of course, you are going to be screaming about problems at work, the house that has suddenly become too small, and how no one ever treats you right. Get over it. You're a Mighty Archer, you can get over it. Your little emotional side is going to be a bit on the raw side early in the week. Don't fret about the details. It's not your problem. Minor and insignificant irritants fall in the realm of other signs. Act like that bow and arrow which represents your sign, and you'll go flying over your troubles this week.

Capricorn : Nothing could be finer for you right now. You are locked up in a surreal environment which is actually going to make you look pretty good. Of course, you are facing the week with the usual amount of fear and trepidation that is inherent with a Capricorn, but wait, there is a lot more on the horizon that looks good. All of us Capricorn's are going into a period of time of relative ease and grace. Of course, this doesn't mean that the relatives will be easy or graceful, they never seem to abide by our wishes. Still, this is a good week due to a number of nice little aspects in your chart.

Aquarius : Reality, met dream land. Shake hands. Get to know each other. There's an issue which you've been avoiding for a while, and I alluded to this particular issue last week. At least, I think I did. Maybe I'm dreaming, too. And this issue is back. You might want to call it a reissue, like old TV shows which get made into movies, or worse, cartoons which are portrayed on the big screen by real world actor people. In fact, you may feel like you are caught in one of those movies this week. Is it real or is it just an illusion? Hint: TV is not the real world.

Pisces : Don't say I didn't warn you about Monday the 13th. Don't come back and haunt me and say that it is all my fault; I was out of town, on the road some place. Must've been. I wouldn't have been there in the first place. Anyway, this Monday is sort of like a trigger for you, and it sets a tone for the rest of the week. No Pisces is really that superstitious. Except for one or two of you, I mean. And that means that this is actually going to a be a good week. I hope you have some special revelries set aside for Monday, we all know you deserve a big break this week.

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