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From Lockhart, Texas--Top ten Worst Valentin Day gifts:
10. Year's membership in "Roadkill of the Month Club"
9. Any floral gift from a place whose name contains "outlet" or "wholesale"
8. Anything from the "Everything 99 Cent" store
7. Lingerie bought at a truckstop or convenience store
6. Anything that requires air holes in the box
5. Anything made of chicken (beef is okay)
4. Any embroidered fishing gear [c'mon, we don't want the guys to laugh at us]
3. Anything that contains camouflage AND lace--it's a nice thoughts [but she won't appreciate as much as you think]
2. Don't give her a Valentine's card that talks about chocolate being better than sex because it might make for a cold night.
1. Don't give HER a 1998 Hooter's Girls Calendar, especially if it's signed
Laete cenaremus quos nos subigant
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