For the week of: 4/2-8/2001
“Better three hours too soon than a minute too late”
Shakespeare’s Merry Wives of Windsor [II.ii.311]
What are Shakespeare’s earliest published works? Correct answers go kramer (little at sign here)astrofish.net, good guesses, and chance to win a free [abbreviated] “FGS Planet Profile,” hand crafted in the Bubba Bait Barn, deep in East Austin. [You get one guess per e-mail, and all claims need to be backed up by documentation, please — or graft.]
Aries: Pay attention to the quote from the Merry Wives of Windsor. You’ve got the “oh so benevolent” Venus heating up matters of the heart. Or just heating you up. One way or another, it’s as if it is your turn on the BBQ Pit we all call love. And it’s just in time for your birthday, too. Isn’t that sweet? With all this astrological heat being applied to you, best you get up and do something with it. You can take this several ways, but the one caution which might be worth considering — even though it is your birthday time — consider pushing back from that table which is just heaped full of good looking food. The problem with food, which is so good looking, is just that, it looks great, tastes great, but you need to ask yourself (thank Venus for this hint), “Self, do I really need a third helping of birthday cake?” The deal is, you might be a little too indulgent with something sweet, and then that food, which looked so good on the table, it doesn’t look so good attached to your waistline. Hey, it’s just a hint, and it’s from that little planet of love.
Taurus: Okay, we’re definitely going for a spring time fishing metaphor here. I’ve got a good view of the lake from my patio. Cool spring time mornings, I like to sip coffee and watch the mist burn off. What I’d really like is to still be in bed, but duty calls, so there I am, watching what the day will bring. As the mist begins to disappear, as the sun begins to warm things up, I usually catch sight of this one, lone fisherman, out there, in his little dingy, slowly working his way along the shoreline. That should be you — my fine Taurus — up before everyone else, moving around in the dark, and as the mist slowly burns off, there you are, already ahead of the rest of us with a stringer full of fish. Get up, get out, and be the first one to the lake. Take advantage of the solitude, and do your best to be the first. So maybe your office doesn’t over look the lake. So maybe it’s just getting into your cubicle before anyone else. The idea is the same, try being the first this week — you’ll get a lot more done that way.
Gemini: I told you before, didn’t I? I warned you about this stuff with Jupiter? The planet is a gas giant, mostly hydrogen, but there’s a good bit of methane and clouds of ammonia swirling around it. Why are we concerned with the chemical composition of the King of the Thunder Bolt, the Bringer of Light to the heavens? See: he’s the lucky star, only luck has a funny way of working. It’s like the time my truck dropped its drive shaft. It fell out just as I was coming down a hill, and the truck coasted to nice stop, dragging its broken member, coasted right into the parking lot of a restaurant, and the nice hostess let me use the phone for free. I was mobile again, in a less than 24 hours. That’s the way the luck of the stars works, especially this week. You can’t count on the big lottery win, but you can count on finding a dollar bill as you walk into the store to buy that ticket. And if you turn out to be one of the very fortunate few, someone who does win big, as your astrologer, I’m only asking for 1% of the take. I’m not greedy. In case you don’t get that big win, then consider some of the events as a luck as you coast to stop in front of a safe haven.
Cancer: Ever feel like you keep trying and that your effort is met with no support? It’s like you’re operating in a void? I understand. I feel your pain. I know the loneliness that you experience, that sense that no one is going to ever come along and help you — or, for that matter, even notice what a good job you’re doing. So let me be the first to tell you that I like what your doing with [insert your project, task, job description, or latest style], and I think it will be a success. So much for the words of encouragement. I’m afraid that you can’t take this horoscope to your supervisor, boss or client and say, “Look: he recognizes my hard work, why can’t you?” I mean, it’s a nice idea, but I’ll wager it won’t work. So for the time being, and until further notice, let’s just keep this between you and me. Yes, you’re doing a good job with “it” [whatever “it” is], now keep plugging as this will pay off, sooner than you think, but maybe not right now. Vague enough, yet, there’s some real promise here. At least I’m noticing you’re hard work, and I think you should be rewarded.
Leo: I remember listening to the lyrics of an old song, went something like this, hum along if you like: “Put a lid on it.” [Old swing tune by the Asylum Street Spankers.] Now, why would that lyric have any meaning for you this week? Lots of reasons, Mars and Venus, maybe Jupiter, or even Saturn. You’re doing okay, only your Leo Mane (your hair) isn’t doing so good. Now, even if you’re feeling all right, but your hair is having a bad hair day, then you’re really okay. Get the drift of this conversation? Even if you don’t feel your absolute best, you’re still doing A-OK. So what the solution to the hair problem? I’m fortunate, in my line of work, a hat is part of the required uniform. My preference is to blend the best of both worlds, and I’ll wear my favorite “Shakespeare” fishing tackle gimme hat. I’d suggest you do the same thing. The hair may be unmanageable, but that doesn’t mean the rest of the week is also untenable. Do like I do, “put a lid on it.”
Virgo: You’re going to FEEL like your whole world is about to take one giant step backwards. You’re going to feel like you are on the edge of the cliff, that one over looking the lake, and sometimes this cliff like projection is referred to as “Lover’s Leap.” Or maybe I have the grammar wrong, maybe it should be “Lovers Leap.” Stop snickering, this is serious. But this is a clear image, you — your Virgo self — poised on the brink of chasm, looking down, forlorn and feeling like there is no hope. There’s plenty of hope, but you’re up against the wall this week, there’s just one too many pressing details, and in flurry of activity, you can’t seem to get it all done at once. Or even in the allotted time. All of sudden, taking a swan dive off that cliff like projection, all of a sudden, that looks like a good idea. Sailing through the air, describing a gentle arc as you fly…. The problem? There are several. At least two: One, the flying part is good, it’s the sudden stop at the bottom which hurts. Two, the water isn’t nearly as deep as it looks. Jumping is not recommended as this week’s activity.
Libra: Ever notice that the more successful you get, the more people also seem to envy what you do? Ever notice that the more successful you get, folks seem to take cheap shots at you and your success? You’ve got that to consider at this point. Sure, you’re doing okay, but the better you look, the more someone else wants to take a potshot at you. It’s easy for me to suggest that your detractors are merely envious of your good luck and fortune. Sure, that’s easy to say, but when you get one of those cheap shots this week, roll with it. Better yet, instead of rolling with it, let it roll off. There’s no reason to let the little things in life get in the way of the bigger picture, and if you can just concentrate on the bigger picture, you’ll be fine. Of course, trying to get a good glimpse of the bigger picture might pose a problem, but given the circumstances, the least you can do is try. Don’t forget about the apparent recalcitrant action of a certain Miss Venus moving backwards right now — usual cautions apply — like weather warnings on the lake of romance.
Scorpio: Simply put, your earning potential isn’t going to be so hot right now. Your ability to spend far outstrips your ability to bring the cash in. This is a problem. This is a big problem. It’s one that I’m more than familiar with myself, if that’s any consolation. So take it a little bit easier than you had planned with the credit cards right now. I know that you feel like you deserve the big break, but you need to stop and assess the “need” versus the “want” factors in your decision process. It’s like this, “I need a new bass boat,” because, as a fishing guide, this is an important tool, it’s what the customer sees. But a new boat, and matching truck to tow the boat, and the fancy pinstriping to go on it all, the custom paint job, is that all really necessary? Of course, in my mind, it is. I’m sure you’ll agree. But given what Mars is doing right now, I’m not so sure that it’s wise decision. I’d implore you to consider a little comparison shopping before you make that big ticket purchase.
Sagittarius: There’s something terribly symbolic right now, and I’m not sure what would be the best way to approach this issue. It’s Mr. Pluto, smack dab in the middle of Sagittarius. And there’s also an impending Mars going backwards scenario about to unfold. Mars, he ain’t moving so quickly now, and between these two red hot planets, life in Sagittarius land is mighty warm. Hot even. Hot under the collar, even, to borrow from the lexicon of tired expressions. But that’s also a clue as to what needs to be watched at this point, the relative heat index. Or the heat index generated by relatives. Now, it might not be a relative who pushes the buttons, but someone is bound to take a stab at getting your dander up. Careful. There’s no need to let this hot stuff generated by the planets get to you like this. Think about what going over some old material, looking up some of the stuff you’ve already done, digging out old files. It’s like going into the storage shed and looking over the records from last year. You get some fond memories that might help offer a cooling trend with this other wise hot time.
Capricorn: Cool it. For just a minute, would you please cool it? Chill out. Take a chill pill. Go easy on me, I’m only an astrologer, it’s not like I plan where the planets are, I just report the facts as I see them. Sure, it’s a judgment call, as to what is important, and what needs to be tossed out or even what needs to be ignored. And like my attempts to bring you a weekly message of hope, you’ve got to decide what is important — right now — and figure out what doesn’t require your attention at the moment. It’s not the best of times, although, all things considered, it’s not the worst, either. We’ll save the worst for times to come. In the meantime, consider this a good time to sort through your own, personal tackle box, and look long and hard at some of the tools of your trade. What is useful? What is no longer of use? What bait works? What lures are you holding onto for sentimental reasons? Perhaps it would help if you tossed some of the old things out right now — tools which are no longer useful. It’s like clearing a space on your workbench, and you’ve got one too many projects right now, and some of them might never get finished. Figure out what needs to be ignored, and then do just that.
Aquarius: There’s the most glorious and wonderful times, just up ahead. Well, almost. Sort of. Kind of. I hope I’m working in enough terms to soften this up, just a bit. It’s like things are supposed to be really, really good. And they can be. It’s up to you, though, to separate the good stuff from the bad stuff, sort through the mess and figure out what actually is good, and what might best be “recycled” right now. There’s also this delightful, dreamy quality you can have right now. It’s wonderful. Everything looks so nice. The spring time flowers (it’s spring in the northern hemisphere) are all over the place with a riot of color, the days are warm, it’s just getting to be so nice, you might just want to toss it all in the recycle bin, and play hooky. Maybe that’s not such a bad, but if you were to turn your attention to more important, mundane matters, you would have a chance of actually concluding something. I’m hoping my Aquarius self can get the taxes done. Even ahead of the deadline.
Pisces: Mercury is a very small planet, almost the size of an asteroid, according to some of the material I’ve reviewed. But for such a small planet, it can cause a pretty big influence — Pluto provides a lot bang for the buck. Mr. Mercury spends part of this week making an escape from your sign. He doesn’t do this without a wee bit of mischief, like some kind of sprite or wood nymph, destined to make you a little more agitated than usual. It’s not all bad, but the real secret is to make note of what is happening, and then act on it a little later. In other words, carry around a pencil and a paper notebook, write stuff down, and then make plans to take action later. The purpose of this exercise is to curtail your ability to eloquently speak what’s on your mind — while it’s good to vent your spleen, it’s not always the best idea if the audience isn’t ripe for your commentary. And as much as you think the listening public is ready for you, I’d like to suggest that they might not be on the same wavelength, not quite yet. Carry your notes home, and prepare your statement — but save it until later. Those two planets are up to something.
(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001
