Horoscopes for 8.15.2019

    Our stars must glister with new fire, or be
    Today extinct. Our argument is love,
    Which if the goddess of it grant, she gives
    Victory too. Then blend your spirits with mine,
    You whose free nobleness do make my cause
    Your personal hazard. To the goddess Venus
    Commend we our proceeding, and implore
    Her power unto our party.

Palamon in Shakespeare’s
The Two Noble Kinsmen 5.1.69-76

Horoscopes for 8.15.2019

The Leo

The Leo
“Tips for the Fall Crime Season!” I see things differently, don’t I? It was supposed to be an e-mail from a local constable, but the way I saw it? “Tips for the Fall Crime Season?” Yeah, I was wondering if it was what to look for, to steal, easy marks, what gadgets are easier to pawn, what items hold a high resale value on the illegal market? I think I got this all wrong. As The Leo, you’re like me. You’re going to read a headline, and like me, you’re going to spin this off into an amusing, funny, but ultimately, confused take about what the headline meant, and what it really means. Yes, we all need a gentle reminder about what to do to stay safe. Some of this is obvious, right? After getting about half the “back to school” shopping done, don’t leave all those packages in a locked car, in the parking lot, where anyone can see the stuff. New stuff can be easily “returned” for cash value. Part of my formative years included British marque sports convertibles, so I learned, then, never to leave anything in the car — ever. But that’s me. The real message, as this is still high holiday time for The Leo — the real message? Have fun, but don’t make yourself a target. The problem with being Leo? Everyone notices you.


Got to be the best — or worst — come on I’ve encountered. Bottom of the ticket for a sporting goods store, “How are we doing? Fill out the survey and get a chance to win a $1,000 gift card!” Walking home, looking at the ticket, I had some fishing lures, a few dollars in new gear, but thinking about that ticket? I was imagining me with a $1000 gift card to the sporting goods place. That new pole? New reel, some of the new, “hybrid” — and very expensive — fishing line? I spent that grand, in my head, before I ever got home. “Just go to our website, and fill out the survey...”

From what I’ve seen, the odds are better at wining the state lottery over that “survey,” and at the bottom, there’s the ubiquitous, “we will add you to our mailing list” box, already checked. By entering into the contest, one agrees to receive their marketing material. Odds on winning a shopping spree? 1 in 3 bazillion. Odds on seeing something “on sale” and the store wins? Dead even, if not tilted in their favor. Part of this was launched by that long walk home, a couple of fishing items in a small bag, and me thinking about how I would spend a thousand dollars. The rational side, though, reminded me, when I got home, the odds are against me, and I looked at my mailbox, it was already stuffed with various crap that I didn’t want. No, I didn’t enter the contest, and Virgo? Don’t fall for the sales game. “But a grand to spend on fishing gear? I could do that!” So could we all. In my best Clint Eastwood rendition? “Are you feeling lucky punk?


There’s a sense of community that I’ve enjoyed most my adult life. As a Libra, this is something worth looking for, that sense of community. One of my old neighbors was outside, and we started chatting. I’d suggest we were talking across a fence line, but there was no fence. He said something, and me, this is summer here in Texas, I was attired in shorts, barefoot, and a loud shirt. Normal, for me. He called me a cowboy, and I looked down, “Dressed like this? Cowboy? Really?” My buddy inferred that I was the “Willie Nelson” version of the cowboy. I’ll take it. For Libra, that sense of community, the threads that hold us together, the similarities, not the differences, that’s the key element. With the motion of the love planets, Mars and Venus, that sense of community might feel a little Libra strained. Still, that sense of community is required.


“Back to school special!” In this case, I’m thinking of my own home right now, offers a special, “Tax Free” weekend for purchasing school supplies. Again, this falls under the banner of “Back to school special!” Which applies to both sides of the Scorpio psyche at this time. Both sides. The buyer and the seller. As the buyer, you’re looking for those good deals, and in Texas, with sales tax almost ten percent of every taxable sale? Sure, that can add up over time. So a sale like this can shave percentage points off the price of certain items. Every little bit helps. Then, there’s the notion that the Scorpio could be the seller. While what you’re selling might not be tax free? Consider eating the sales tax on that item. Offer it as “no tax,” or what I used to do with online sales of astrology reports? “Shipping included!” I delivered via e-mail, it was in the fineprint. Some folks thought it was funny. Some folks thought I was disingenuous. If you get my humor, then please, we can move forward. If not? I still think there’s a Scorpio “Back to school special,” either as a buyer or seller. Use that.


There are obsessions and interests, and what I like being Sagittarius myself? I learned I don’t have to dive into one of these interests too deep, not any more. I got stuck behind a tool truck, and for those who work with tools, they would recognize the name. The trucks like that used to, I don’t know if it still works this way, but they used to call on each shop, and sell tools directly to the mechanics.

It’s how I accumulated a large collection of tools. Really more a medium size collection, but alas, lost in the great flood of — never mind. Washed away. It happens. Since then, over the years, I’ve been obsessed with the big tool cabinets, the smooth drawers for organizing one’s tools, the way the boxes have grown in size and complexity — one giant tool box I saw recently had speakers and bluetooth audio. Yeah, and these days? I have a screwdriver, two, actually, and that’s all the tools I need. No big boxes on wheels. No space hogging box full of perfect hardware for fixing something I have no business fixing. All of this started from merely seeing a tool truck and wondering if I could get the guy to swing by and let me look at some hardware I might buy. Part of being Sagittarius this week? Obsessions and interests? That whole tool, and tool box thing? I had to stop think about my personal limits, as a Sagittarius. What I can, and can’t, do.


Rehabilitation. “Rehab.” To some, this conjures up the “spin dry,” the detox centers, from bare bones, county-funded centers swarming with street urchins to celebrity centers for stars who suffer from “exhaustion.” For others, this conjures up the image of the workout room and wheelchairs, people learning to be physically active again. I always think of “Pilates,” and that always makes me think of IKEA meets bondage “dungeon.”

Never claimed I was right in the mind.

One buddy, a Capricorn, built a successful second career rehabbing houses. He finds a house that needs some love. Run down, trashed by years of neglect and abuse, usually a former showcase, abandoned, and, over time, growing more and more into disrepair. Despair. I got roped into helping paint one place, and I ran the big floor polish rig at another, those floors looked great, when I was done. I also failed to receive financial renumeration for my assistance, so I kind of backed away from his, “Hey, I’m working in a new place over by you, think you can swing by and help?”

Yeah, no.

But it is cool to look at before and after pictures. This week is about rehabilitation for Capricorn. For me? I’m standing off to one side, and I’ll admire the work that Capricron does, but I’m not assisting any. This is work for Capricorn, not anyone else.

With a nod towards another Sagittarius, and classic in American Literature? “Not anyone can paint this fence.”


Eventually, before the next horoscope rolls out? Mars and Venus will shift into Virgo — no longer opposing Aquarius. Still, with the other planets in Leo? That creates a sense of conflict that might, or might not, be real, especially for Aquarius. Conflict can be good or bad, depends, but being patient, a quality in shorter supply than ever before in Aquarius, being patient is what pays off.


Wait until Mars and Venus shift signs before unleashing that ire and angst.


What modern man has not encountered this conversation, in one of its various guises? “I feel fat. Do these jeans (dress, top, bottom, shoes, socks, underwear — some article of fashion) make me look fat?” While this appears rather dated and sexist, it applies across any number of variations, so, although appearing one way, it is most certainly not gender specific.

Besides, the idea translates across a wider spectrum of people. Does this (thing, condition, fashion) make me look (feel) then some kind of judgement call that may — or may not be related to reality. It’s that part where it isn’t really related to reality? That’s the connection we’re looking for with Pisces. While it is a perfectly valid question, and the way a Pisces person feels is perfectly valid, the cause and condition itself? Might not be valid comparisons. This is a “no win” situation, when faced incorrectly. Gratefully, you’ve got me. Deflect. Adjudicate. Dissemble. Misdirect, if need be. As a sage person once, suggested, there is a correct answer to that question. “Where would you like me to take you out to tonight?” If — when — faced with the “No right answers” question? Deflect. Adjudicate. Dissemble. Best, or worst case? Misdirect.

“Maybe we could go shopping?”


Two places, two organizations, have global headquarters in San Antonio: Bill Miller’s BBQ, and Rudy’s BBQ. See a trend in that observation? I did, in fact, live in the shadow of the old Bill Miller’s HQ (bakery, commissary, and corporate headquarters), at one time. Can’t say I’ve eaten there often. Not one of my preferred BBQ stops as I tend to favor single operator places, with a single pit-masters who really knows what he’s doing.

The exception to the rule is another San Antonio chain: Rudy’s. Over the years and intervening miles, I’ve sampled their fares from a number of stores. While every location advertises its own smoking pit, actual quality varies from location to location. Little late — or early — in the season, but I tend to favor one store along the Texas Coastal Bend, as their BBQ always tasted better. Might be the proximity and promise of fishing that adds something to that flavor. The question as to authenticity? This settles it, alone, with two greats in the industry located here, almost literally, in my backyard.

This is about roots. Roots, then taste, then, finally a simple judgement call. With two large, industry-standard operations based here, that skews the numbers in my favor. Also means I hold BBQ to a higher standard. What’s even better, for me? This applies to Aries — no matter where you’re located on the planet — what’s the local currency? What is local that sets a higher standard? What will skew your judgement, consider, too, that the source of this isn’t necessarily “bad.”


There’s a simple rule in aviation? Number of take-offs should have an equal number of landings. It’s a simple and direct, one-to-one corollary, right? Seems obvious, but after being around a few Air Force pilots, there was some kind of an inside joke. I thought it was wryly amusing, and that means I’ll trot this advice out for Taurus. Number of — some Taurus activity here — should have an equal number of — some corresponding Taurus activity here.

There’s a fancy Latin term, rhetorical expression, that covers this kind of statement. There’s that “unwritten pilot’s rule” that covers this kind of equivalency. Finally, there’s an obvious balance point. That balance point is what we’re looking for, as the energies conspire to offer up turbulence, unstable companions, and possible motivation problems. Still, the number of take offs and the number of landings should have a distinct one-to-one correspondence. That’s the balance point for Taurus.


Halo? Horns? Helmet? Which is the best for Gemini? How about a helmet with horns? Time to drag out the old opera allusions, I guess. The original idea was to find a couple of choices for what to wear, as Gemini proceeds through the next few days.

Halo? Yeah, little tarnished, but not a bad idea.

Horns, like devil’s horns? Or a more goatish kind of horn? Worried about another kind of horn? At least one Gemini I know should, is, a unicorn, which then launches into a different idea for a horned head.

Finally, the alliteration of a helmet, not really part of the original two-pronged question, “Horns or halo?” But a helmet, and that could protect against Gemini head injury, the Gemini brain being the singular characteristic that is so appealing, and that’s possible, given Mr. Mars and all, but not what I would look at. It’s almost a modern archetype for opera, the barrel chested female with a horned helmet belting out the part of Brunhilda, as one of the valkyries, the female messengers who scooped up brave warriors on the Nordic battlefield, and hauled the heroes off to Valhalla. But only the brave were hauled off. Had to die in battle, as well, bravely. Then one achieved that rightful spot in the kingdom of Odin, etc.

There’s a lot of material to cover, and the question I started with, “Halo or horns?” In typical Gemini fashion, though, this got sidetracked into opera and then the idea of something to protect that Gemini brain, and now? The question, and this week, it’s not binary, as in, can’t be resolved to just a simple, “Good or bad,” — “halo or horns,” answer.


Risk assessment and abatement? Way I heard it, males, typically, don’t fully calculate “Risk Assessment and Abatement” until they hit 27-28 years of age. That follows closely with personally held data, and strong anecdotal supporting evidence, plays to the obvious planetary cycles, as well. Sure, makes sense along several levels, in other words. What it’s about, see, males, typically, don’t fully find themselves mortal until we hit at least 28, or thereabouts.

While this is information drawn from pop-psychology? In terms of the ethereal Moon Children Cancer in a chart? Has to do with “Risk assessment and abatement.” Let’s call it by a snappy acronym, RAA. Risk Assessment and Abatement.

Is it dangerous? Is it possibly fatal? Does it hurt to proceed? Wherein is the pathway with the least pain, and the least amount of danger? Perceived danger, or real, and imminent threats? This week’s drive is best spent pursuing the path of least resistance. The easy way. Do it the easy way. No need to endanger yourself, or, for that matter, anyone else.

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“Nothing runs on automatic.” - L.W. “Bud” Shipley, Jr.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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