Horoscopes for 11-14-2019

    “Slander, whose sting is sharper than sword’s”

Paulina in Shakespeare’s
The Winter’s Tale 2.3.86-7

This week's horoscopes have been updated to include bug fixes and subtle improvements over last week's horoscopes.

Horoscopes for 11.14.2019

Scorpio

ScorpioHappy birthday. Glad we got that out of the way. Now, onto more important matters. More important Scorpio matters: Experts in Extracorporeal Existence. There’s a weird sense, this is like leftover Halloween material, really, and that might be where I picked up the idea. But the idea is that we need an Expert in Extracorporeal Existence. Personally, I would tend to believe that my friends — my Scorpio friends — are just such experts.

Most of the good Scorpio that I know understand haunting, spirits, the undead, and all of that. It’s part of being born around All Hallow’s Eve, the sign born around the time when the veil is the thinnest. The rest of this is merely a drill, but you understand that the heavenly influences are predicting that there’s a strong sense of connection with the other side, the spirit world, the voices in my head.

How you deal with that? Got to be a little careful, these days, “A ghost told me to say/do this thing,” that usually doesn’t hold up well as a defense.

Sagittarius

Cheetos are a favorite nasty food. Look: the ingredients are all pureed chemicals and refined flour, “bad for you” corn starch and basically, all chemicals. Nothing terribly natural, but Cheetos, especially the hot ones? They are favorite “nasty” snack. Like a Diet Dr Pepper, another beverage that probably does more harm than good, still, every once in awhile, it’s a refreshing beverage, a little treat. Previously, I’ve alluded to “Mexican Coke,” which, despite the onerous title, it’s really just old school Coca-Cola made from the original — not updated — recipe, and that includes regular cane sugar, nothing processed.

I just polished off half a bag of Cheetos. With coffee.

Cheetos with coffee is a rather strange breakfast combination, but I just needed something — not much. As a condiment, the flaming hot Cheetos are really useful. Dusted across a bowl of soup or included as a layer in a sandwich? Be surprised how well that works. Adds much-needed “crunch” to a number of meals, although, these are usually “casual” meals. In this setting, there was a half a bag of Cheetos leftover, possibly from a fishing trip. I started eating them and they were gone. For the record? They really don’t go well with that morning pot of coffee. But I tried. That’s what this is all about. Some are successful, like flaming hot Cheetos on a winter bowl of tomato soup. With morning coffee? Maybe not so much. But I tried. Go ahead, Mercury is Retrograde, what’s the worst that could happen? Epic fail?

“Cheetos aren't that bad with coffee, you know...”

Capricorn

I’ve been in this business for a long time. Seen promoters come and go. One outfit I was allied with, the company changed hands three time, no, four times. That stretches across Texas from the hinterlands — now the oil patch — to current day Austin and San Antonio. Covered a lot of ground. When Mercury is Retrograde, there are minor upsets. I very carefully placed some banner advertising with a certain website. I was working in collusion with that promoter, and what happened? “Mercury is Retrograde, no?” Banner ad ran the week after the show. While, on a larger scale, this is OK, as it helps with branding and image, for the show itself? It did me no good whatsoever. On the larger, “big picture” canvas? Sure, mistakes happen; this is OK. On a smaller scale, this is my life scale, though? Really pissed me off. Miscues with media, and this is what happens. Triple check the details, still, or get tripped up.

Aquarius

Go back to the “Last saved position.” While I got the term from a gamer, s’up dude, I started to use it in reference to my own work, and now? Perfect while Mercury is Retrograde. Current software usually saves as I go so there’s no need to stop and save, along the route. When I first started writing these horoscopes, I would have to pause and save periodically, or risk losing all my clever words.

The old way I did this, was to save after I wrote each sign’s passage. Current software/hardware kind of does that, and I don’t have to hit “save” along the way, so the idea, the term itself, it’s a bit archaic, by more current standards. Might not translate as well, across several more modern layers. Still, the idea is sound, the way to approach this is start at the last saved position, and move forward. When obstacles, or the computer, breaks, we’re back at that same starting point. That’s the “Last saved position,” and I use this in more than one form.

Mercury will cause a momentary holiday panic. When that happens? Revert back to the last saved position. Consider, too, that this action, “reverting back to the last saved position?” That might occur more than once with striving to find a way out, a way through, or a way around the problem — the Mercury is Retrograde problem.

Pisces

I was headed into Austin, early one winter morning. Stopped at a diner for some road food fare. A certain, stereotypical country song was coming through the speakers, “… and then she got run down by a train…” It’s possibly the ultimate country song, by an outlaw, or he was, at one time. The song and the diner, not unusual, but parked in a booth, there was some “Tour de France” bicycle riders, all geared up with the pants, the matching shirts with surprisingly useful pockets in the back, bright colors, and “Wheels over Texas,” or something logo. His and hers. Cute couple.

I glanced a second time. She was mouthing the lyrics to the song. Still dark. Still early. Me on the way to work, and the bicycle couple, I guess, on their way for a ride. The gear for the bicycles and the old-time country song is the disconcerting element, and knowing the lyrics, again, not that odd, but European bicycle gear? This kind of jarring situation? Just what this week holds, for Pisces. “You mean I’ll run into bicyclists?” Groan. No. It’s about two items, two scenarios that seem like they don’t belong together, yet, oddly enough, cold winter morning, before the sun is up even?

Aries

Eagle Claw hooks are a local favorite. When Mercury is retrograde, and I know I will be fishing along the bays and bayous of the Gulf Coast, I’ll buy several extra packages of the Eagle Claw hooks with a short, less than a foot, steel leader wire. So I’m not just buying a couple of hooks, I’m buying packages of hooks with steel leader. I’ll get into a routine where I catch “hardheads,” a kind of “tourist trout,” as it is frequently called. They are catfish, or catfish-like critters, and they are bottom feeders, plus their flesh is not really tasty in any way. One buddy suggested her old family recipe that was nothing but butter and garlic would make it palatable, but I doubt that. Not good as bait, not good to eat, and best use? Back in the water, cleaning crap off the bottom.

The hardheads have a spike that’s loaded with neurotoxin of one sort or another, on that dorsal fin. Having been stung a time or two, I’m extra cautious when Mercury is retrograde, watching out for that spike. Why I go through so many of the hooks, as I’ll catch two or three of those tourist trout, and rather than risk damage to myself, it’s not debilitating, just majorly inconvenient, I’ll clip the wire and let the hardheads go back to what he was doing. One of my fishing buddies thought this an expensive way to handle catching bad fish. For me, the packages I’ll use in a day, say two or three, cost less than a trip to the ER, or even just the doctor, or even just over-the-counter meds to cover up the pain of one brief interaction with that poison. I’m not wrestling with someone, or something, that can cause me pain. Simple solutions to a difficult week.

Taurus

Recent fishing trip, couldn’t help but think about a certain experience I had. I caught a “Ray,” a Stingray that was at least two, almost three feet across. On the larger size, while not that big, still, a big monster to hook and reel in. I could feel somethings gnawing on the bait, picking it up, spitting it out, picking it up again. I waited and bided my time, and when the moment felt correct? I give a sharp tug to set the hook. Epic battle, pole bent over, line stripping out then me reeling it back in, felt like a huge fish.

The stingrays along the Texas Gulf Coast have a nasty, poisonous barb at the base of their tail. Not “kill you” poison, but “make sure you have a very nasty day and a trip to the ER” kind of poison. Besides, usually requires a surgeon to dig out the barb. All my fishing buddies use a pair of pliers and snap their barbs off being throwing the rays back. This big one I caught? His, hers? The barb had been cut off. The connection between catching the ray and Mercury in its position? I hooked that ray under its belly, not in the mouth. In other world, think Mercury Retrograde Mistake, I got the job done, just timed it incorrectly. I pulled back and set the hook after the guy was finished with chewing the bait. Made for an interesting proposition, that big ray flopping around in the bottom the boat. Finally grabbed its tail and heaved the sucker overboard. If I catch something I have no intention of eating? Back it goes, preferably alive. But this isn’t about fishing or catching bottom feeders with dangerous barbs, this is about hooking something, timing is wrong, action is right, and what happens after that. Got the big feller, and got it into the boat. Cool. Set it free. Cooler.

Gemini

I was reading an online piece that was popular myths and news, and it examined some of the current astrological weather. With the modern events as a backdrop? There’s always historical perspective; however, I’m reminded, most of the history we have today? Written by the winners, so there will be that spin. My stories always have me as the hero, and I’m little taller, a little thinner, a little younger. Better looking, too.

With Mercury doing what he’s doing, where he’s doing it, in such a fashion as he is? Some of this material all needs to be more straightforward, especially now. With that nod? Instead of screaming at other people to just get to the point, instead of haranguing those of us who seem more verbose? Instead of harassing with an endless torrent of Gemin words, instead of all that? Instead of obfuscating and equivocating when a plain, simple answer will work best? When a plain, simple answer from Gemini will work best?

A simple, “Yes,” or a “no,” and a possible, “maybe,” all work much better.

Got that? This week? Simple answer from Gemini works best, a simple, “Yes,” or “no,” or, if you really don’t know? “Maybe.” Got that? What’s your answer to my question about the best way to respond to this week’s questions?

Cancer

An old girlfriend’s kid got ahold of me. Not like I’m difficult to find, contact info is plainly displayed. After a short round of introductions, her question, the kid’s question, was about a rare book. “Kramer always knew a lot about books,” was her comment. Not really, but I can fake it. However, our interaction lead to social media connections and in the ensuing time, kid’s grown up to look a lot like her mom. I did have an ability to pick out devastatingly attractive female mates. Leftover college day flashbacks, and seeing the kid’s images scroll through the feeds brings up the “Coulda, shoulda, woulda,” and bad case of the “what ifs.”

With this moment of recollection and living in the past is brought to Cancer (Moon Children) by the current planets? It’s a perfect example of what not to do. Don’t get stuck thinking about what went before us. Different times require different attitudes and adjustments. Getting stuck in the past is a temptation — especially now. Doesn’t work. I can’t — don’t want to — unfollow the kid on the feeds. But I don’t have to linger over the image, either. Don’t spend too much time in a past that might not even be real.

The Leo

While much of my work is spent trying to interpret symbols, one would think I would tend to be “visual.”

Fact is, I’m “textual.” I learn better with a text, be that on a screen, maybe a note on a phone, or from a book. Give me text. I don’t want a video. I don’t want a screen full of emojis. Don’t send me a “happy face” symbol, unless that’s money, yeah, don’t send me a happy face symbol, send me a message with the words, describing how you are, and what is that makes you happy, and why I’m happy that your Leo self is happy. Next few days, maybe not so happy, I know. No need to send me a note about that. One of my early teachers suggested that excess punctuation was a waste, that the weight of the message should be carried by the message itself. As we slowly progress towards holidays, and hopefully a fresh start? Think about messages that are simple, and direct, and just text. No emojis — try it — just for the next few days. Got it? And your Leo answer?

“Right.”

Virgo

I’ve sent Xmas cards, maybe two or three times as an adult. While I receive a few, my constantly shifting addresses means I’m lost from most lists, like friends’ mailing lists. One distant cousin, “Hi Brad,” used to send out a complication CD, and I did that, too, one year. The problem with my Xmas playlist, I’ve got a few hits for it, and then? Yeah, not much more. I’m also, not a Virgo, but an enemy of Xmas before T-Day. The days are shorter, there’s been a cold snap, but it has, or will, warm back up, and football rules.

Yes, it’s Fall, but that doesn’t excuse — in my mind — the existence of Xmas crap. But this is what this is about, while the planets are in their current non-Virgo disarray. Time to get ready, and the Xmas Card list is the best place to start. If you’re really that curious, my mailing address is still on the contact page, and although I’ve shifted around, the address has stayed the same. “So I should be getting an Xmas list together, even though you are vehemently opposed to any Xmas before Black Friday?” Yeah, pretty much this week’s message for Virgo.

Libra

As a guideline, I have long suggested that places, ostensibly restaurants, with marginal health code ratings, those places tend to be the best food. Recently, a local diner was shut down for a few days, just a few steps north of downtown proper, and that diner has a long and storied history. TV shows, rock stars, pro athletes, all of them dine there. Along with the luminaries, so close to a not-quite-yet revitalized area of town? The marginalized eat there, as well. As one buddy stereotypes them, “The dwelling impaired.”

Makes for a colorful, fanciful setting. Some famous, same infamous, outlaws, and law enforcement, all under one roof. It was a brief moment in the hectic holiday news cycle, but the place was shut for about three days. Old family business, and since this place has been featured, repeatedly, in national media, the notice that it was closed for health code violations, while that might detract from its appeal to some? I think that just goes to show, my original hypothesis was correct: places with the marginal health code ratings can have the very best food.

Still struggling with the week’s onerous energies? Remember, “bad” sometimes indicates “good,” even though it doesn’t always seem logical. No, really, that place has excellent food.

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#horoscopes
#kramerw
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About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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