“It’s not easy being green”
(attributed to Kermit the Frog)
The silly season is upon us. I got hit with an idea, and I’m not sure I can pull it off. I was listening while a client described a series of dreams that involved certain cartoon characters. It started a little like this, “Did you know that Kermit was a Libra?”
Aries: Until a marketing person got a hold on him, I always liked the Roadrunner. He was quick, usually depicted as a blur of action. His legs would spin around like a set of wheels, and he was off. His blistering speed is what invariably saved him. That, plus there always seemed to be an element of luck involved, too. The Roadrunner makes a good emblem for Aries. Skip the new marketing hype, and step back towards the old kind of cartoon. You want to be like that Roadrunner, always escaping the clutches of the antagonist, the Coyote. Usually, you can bet on your speed to facilitate this kind of maneuver, too. However, it’s my job to point out that, while your Aries brain is running just like that character, the rest of your Aries fundament might be a little more anchored to one spot. That’s the problem, and the results? Don’t bet on your lightening fast reactions to save you when an anvil falls from the heavens.
Taurus: I was drowsing off to sleep the other evening. Been kind of a thin day. An image popped into my sleepy head, and I couldn’t shake the idea. At 3 am. I had a hankering for a tuna sandwich. In my little icebox, there was a fresh batch of tuna salad, basically nothing more than ranch dressing and canned (dolphin safe) tuna, mixed up together. That and some generic white bread? Works great. But at 3 AM? I don’t know how healthy it to eat something like that in the early dawn, especially when I want to be asleep. Both Venus and the Sun are in Taurus by now. So what if you wake up in the middle of the night and desire such a sandwich? Know what? It’s your birthday time. If you want it? Go ahead and go for it — not that it’s required — but a three AM sandwich is perfectly all right by me.
Gemini: Familiar with the way the laws of physics are bent, altered and otherwise modified to make cartoons more effective? For example, a character will be suspended in mid-air until such a point as that character looks down. Only with the dawning of the realization that there is no support, and only then, does gravity start to exert its force. This is a form of comic fiction. The rule with Gemini? This next couple of days? As much as I’d like the cartoon law of physics and the real law of physics to work in similar fashions, I doubt that it will. See, the Sun is in Taurus, along with Venus. That’s one sign in front of Gemini. When the planets are located in front of you? Betting on something like cartoon physics, although it’s greatly amusing to the rest of us, the end result is splattered Gemini. That’s not something I’d like to see. So perhaps a little more caution is a good idea.
Cancer: I believe there was one character called, “Oscar the Grouch.” What I remember about the character was he really wasn’t that grouchy. But that’s such a good image for Cancer, these days. You’re, like as not, going to be considered a grouch by some folks. Most folks. Lots of folks. Not much I can do to deter their ways of thinking. However, I’d like to pint out, that cartoon grouch? He was really pretty happy in his place. He knew what he was, who he was, and his existence was a good one. Maybe his lifestyle and choices don’t do too well by our human standards, but compared to the other characters on the set? Oscar, even though he was labeled a grouch, he was a (relatively) happy person. For a cartoon character, right? So when folks start accusing you of being a grouch, just remember that’s their judgment, not a final word on what’s going on with the internal mechanisms in the Cancer world.
Leo: Trial balance. I was doing a quarterly run-through of the business account Because of the nature of the business, and the fact that my business model doesn’t exactly fit in most accounting roles, I have to be extra careful with record keeping. Duplicate isn’t enough, almost every financial transaction is triplicate if not quadruplicate. Just the way it goes. When the government wants records, I got ’em. All of ’em. By the bucket. So when exactly two cents showed up wrong, missing, or some place incorrect, I saddled up with a box full of receipts, the ledger, the computer, a pencil, a marker, and I paged through every item, line by line, receipt by receipt. Took more than an hour, and the problem? It was two cents entered incorrectly, the total on one bill $35.83, and I’d put down $35.85. My bad. Two cents for two hours seems like a waste of time, but when accountants cost hundreds of dollars for an hour, I’d rather do the work myself. Plus I feel like I have some control over the business. So look: you’re coming up two cents short, or two cents over, and that’s not usually a big deal to a mighty fine Leo. But there’s still the amount of time you’re going to spend trying to track down that itty-bitty error. Is it worth it? Yes. Go ahead, it beats the alternative of someone else tracking down your error and making fun of you — plus charging you for the time spent finding that tiny, little mis-numbered number. That 5 could’ve been a 3, you know, given my handwriting.
Virgo: One of my buddies, a client, actually, sent me a new fishing hat. I love this stupid hat. It’s not like I need any more hats. I’ve got a lifetime supply of hats, as it is. I don’t need any more hats. But what I liked about this one hat? It has a replica of fly on it, a fishing fly. Not one that I would really use around here, but close enough to look like a fly. The hook’s not real, so it’s not a deadly emblem on the hat. The feathers on the fly were made out of a few strands of bright thread, so it looks real, but it will take years and years of abuse, and a good machine washing, from time to time. The best part of that one hat? No logo. No brand, no advertising for anyone. It’s a brand with no brand. Look around at what you’re wearing. Examine your attire, your day-to-day libations, the in-and-out normal activities, and ask, “Self, you good Virgo you, what doesn’t have a brand, trademark, or name on it?” Are you advertising for some one else? Is there some company that you’re pushing for, only, not doing it on a conscious level? Wearing a name where we can all see it? That’s what I like about that hat so much. No brand. Just a fishing lure.
Libra: I have no preconceived notions as to how Kermit came up as a Libra. Even-handed method of dealing with any situation perhaps? That works. Forever doomed to be chased and chaste? I’m sure there’s a Libra or two who understands that sentiment, especially these days. Could be a couple of other personality traits that I’m not familiar with, as well, because I’ve never performed an in-depth astrological analysis of Kermit’s chart. All I know was it was suggested to me that I make Kermit a Libra. You’re going to find that your Libra self is getting tagged in a similar manner, too. In the coming few days, you’re going to get labeled with one such tag, and you’re not going to be able to shake it. Instead of cowering under this tag, though, why not enjoy it? Jupiter is still moving in backwards direction, the Full Moon promises some fun, and between the two, there’s my fine Libra friend, and you’re just not sure what to do with it all. Sometimes, trying to shoot for the middle is the best way to go. Try Kermit’s even-handed approach.
Scorpio: One of my friends suggested Miss Piggy was a Scorpio. Frankly, I didn’t see it. I could see the character of Miss Piggy with a Venus in Scorpio, but I’d a pegged her for another sign. But look at her hopeful outlook, and the dogged determination that she pursues her goal. Scorpio qualities. I tend to find that most Scorpios lack the snout of Miss Piggy, but those long lashes, the strangely evocative and captivating eyes? Scorpio. A case could be made for just an argument. This kind of allusion is going to raise the ire of one or two Scorpio girls I know, and remember, this is about behaviors, not body types. The Scorpio chart suggests that there are some plans you keep hatching, and that these plans keep meeting with obstacles, obstinate people, and folks who don’t bend to your will. But like that cartoon character, nothing will dissuade a good Scorpio from her — or his — mission. Go ahead and pursue, but do it with a sense of humor. Setbacks aren’t really setbacks, just chances to evaluate what works and what doesn’t work.
Sagittarius: I watch as little TV as possible. Just the way I am. I’m more based in text than visual material. So according to the dream sequence, Big Bird was a different sign. But I applied my astrological analysis to it, and I came up with a slightly different idea. All legs, and a goofy attitude? Big Bird as a Sagittarius? Sure, it fit with my way of seeing the world. It’s all good, all the time. Always hopeful? Sure, that too. Long neck? Not so sure about that, but as I was flipping through the planets for our week, I came up with a simple phrase, you know, like Big Bird, we need to be careful that we don’t stick our neck out too far. It could happen, and it would be an easy task for some other sign to consider our Sagittarius neck a likely target. Cartoon violence is usually comic, and cartoon physics defy normal, rational behaviors. Realize that before you stick your neck out.
Capricorn: In a cartoon, especially the older cartoons, dust seems to settle pretty fast. I suppose, with a just few short minutes to package a plot and a story, plus plenty of cartoon violence, that dust has to settle pretty fast. Can’t have it getting in the way of the action. Unlike real life. Here in real life? Dust doesn’t settle so quickly. The little dust devils stirred up by whatever action takes more than a second or two to settle. It doesn’t occur in the blink of an eye. This isn’t like on TV. This isn’t an animated short of dubious quality. This is real life. Then, there’s the after-effect of the dust settling, a thin layer of grim all over the furniture, your Capricorn self, the floor, the entertainment center, everywhere. You can either take time to dust yourself, or you can hire a person to come in and do the cleaning for you. But there’s a little housecleaning that needs your attention, and there’s also a few extra minutes you should take, to let the dust settle. Someone else stirred this up, but how you deal with it is up to you. Since this very un-cartoon-like dust, might give it an extra few minutes before you embark on the clean-up chores.
Aquarius: There was an early 1960’s cartoon that involved action and adventure, and I loved that cartoon. I used to watch it in reruns when I was growing up — it’s not like I saw when it aired the first time. I got to cruising around on the internet, looking for information about that one cartoon, as lead-in for this scope, and I discovered a stranger connection. Same name as a punk-metal-rap band. There was some connection with some sampled music, too, and from what I can — or can’t — recall, some group had sampled some of that theme song for specific musical elements. Tie all of this up, what do you have? Three disparate elements that all lead nowhere. With Mars trailing along at the tail-end of Aquarius, you should exercise a little caution, too. See, Mars? He’s all about action and adventure, like that cartoon I started looking for. Strictly G-rated, too. From G-rated, aging comics to punk to techno music, that spans a great deal of information with just one name. Mars, remember him? Late in Aquarius? He’s like that, trying to get you to stretch your mind — and body — to go a little further. Not always a good idea.
Pisces: I always imagined that Shaggy from Scooby-Do was a Pisces. It has a lot to do with his somewhat disheveled appearance, his love of good food, and the way he looked after that dog. Plus, he had a knack for stumbling into — and out of — trouble. Plus, my favorite, I loved the way his feet would spin when he was in a hurry. Which was most of the time. Looking through your chart, I was wondering about that hurried attitude you’ve got. In a big hurry to get from “here” to “there”? What’s the big deal? You know that the “monster, like that cartoon, is usually a bad guy done up in some costume. Not really that bad, just scary, but not too scary for a good Pisces. It’s just those darn, meddling kids.
