Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 11.12.2015

    "To whom do lions cast their gentle looks?"
    Lord Clifford in Shakespeare's Henry 6, part 3 (II.ii.11)

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 11.12.2015

ScorpioScorpio: You're Scorpio, right? Reading this, think about birthday wishes, yet another trip around the sun, a new year unfolding? All moving forward, right? Yes, we're all moving forward. The biggest obstacle, the largest issue facing most of my fine Scorpio friends? Slow down and pause, maybe come to a complete stop. Mars and Venus are in Libra, the sign before Scorpio. As such, the two "love" planets, they are stirring up hidden Scorpio depths of passion and imagination, some happy thoughts, some dark thoughts. Some good, mostly bad. Wait. Pause, like I suggested. Those negative thoughts? That's luxury that you, as a Scorpio can ill-afford, this being a birthday time and all? Negative thoughts yield negative results. Positive thoughts yield positive results. Stop. Pause. It's your birthday. Time to think about good results, as Mars and Venus conspire to make it a little weird.

Sagittarius:

There's a strange push in Sagittarius. It's like a gentle breeze on the lake, pushing the Sagittarius boat in a one direction. The only issue, and for some of us, this isn't really an issue, but the only perception of a possible problem? We think we want to go the other direction. Reminds me of a recent bay trip, wind was pushing us one way while the current was dragging the fishing lines the other way. Very confusing.

As a fisherman, this isn't confusing. Or maybe it is, as the situation takes a little getting used to. I'm used to this, now. However, when this kind of fishing situation presents itself, I have to stop, think about it, then figure out which one is pulling stronger, the tide, the current, the wind. Three different forces, each pushing or pulling in a different direction, and us, Sagittarius, stuck in the middle, unsure of a direction. What I do, and remember, this is a tone for the next week? Adjust. I toss out about three lines with floats, bobbers, and see which one goes which direction. Then, as the winds, tides and currents shift? Adjust my poles' position. We have to, as Sagittarius time and tides dictate, we have to be adjustable. Time, tides and Saturn.

Capricorn:

Candy Bacon. That's the cure. It's that simple. Not "candied bacon," although, I'm sure such a thing exists. I only know one restaurant that really has "Candy Bacon" on the menu, and even then, it's only occasionally, depends on sources and seasons. This is a Capricorn season for Candy Bacon.

The recipe is simple, sort of, cup of brown sugar, the darker kind is better, then -- way I read it the first time -- three-quarters of a teaspoon of cayenne. Mix sugar and pepper, coat one side of the bacon strips, bake until the sugar caramelizes. Sounds brilliant? It is good stuff. For my one Vegan Cap? Adjust this for some a similar food group, and for the rest? Don't just trust me, look it up yourself, "Candy Bacon." Personally, I'd coat both sides and I wouldn't use quite as much cayenne, less bite -- but that's me. While the original recipe I looked up called for thin bacon, I'd suggest the thick-cut instead. Again, variations on a theme, here.

It's sweet, it's hot, it's sticky, it has protein, and it tastes great. Sort of a pain to make, but then, it also works as a treat. I've seen it as an appetizer, a salad, and complimentary dessert item. Some type of combination of comfort food, dessert, sweet, pork, and sugary goodness. What Capricorn needs to help make it though the next few days.

Aquarius:

You know that Aquarius is an Air Sign, right? Main elemental for Aquarius is Air? Good. I looked at the chart, saw the beginning of something new, only I saw a kind of rough start. First image? Little bird, getting shoved out of the nest, maybe in a cartoon? Little baby bird, Aquarius maybe? Wings flap and the bird unceremoniously plummets to the ground, unable to navigate the air. Shouldn’t be a problem, as this is a cartoon image, or should be, and in cartoon physics, the little Aquarius wings beat and seem to work, for a few seconds, then there’s a sudden plunge. The baby bird represents the Aquarius new beginning, getting launched before Thanksgiving (US holiday). In the frames, as I see your week, you get pushed out of the nest, and fall, little wings beating dramatically, to no avail. Feels like you’re not making any headway, and it would appear so, as you seem to plummet.

Spread your wings and glide. As long you beat your wings, you’ll keep falling, as the little (cartoon physics apply) wings won’t support flight. But you can glide.

In the cartoon version? You start to fly. In my version? You glide forward by the end of the week.

Pisces:

I never can tell if these people are serious. I saw a mention of this on an internet thing someplace, so it might be true. It might, also be a complete fabrication. It was a hot dog, a supposedly gourmand hot dog, which was fixed with Fruit Loops. Hot dog, fancy bread-bun, relish, mustard, I would assume, and Classic Fruit Loops breakfast cereal. I should note, that this combination, while I enjoy all the ingredients, separately, I’m unsure that I’d like them all, mixed up together. At the same time. A hot dog — to me that’s “mystery meat” — then on bun, in a nice joint, one of those trendy places, probably in Austin or Portland, or something, and then, a kid-sized package of Fruit Loops on top? I’m unsure of the taste sensation, and while I have a fairly high tolerance for such mix-and-match combinations, that was one that just didn’t do it for me. I would prefer milk, or a reasonable substitute like almond milk, with my breakfast cereal. To be honest, there is one place in Austin that makes a fruit loop cookie, but that was just a basic cookie with knock-off brand “fruit-loop-like” cereal liberally sprinkled on top. Not exactly the same thing. Sweetness goes with sweetness, like chocolate chips on a cookie, but I wouldn’t put chocolate on a hot dog, either.

Is it real? Is it an internet hoax? That’s the Pisces question. I’m not sure, but I would bet it’s a hoax. That being observed by me, as a Pisces? You don’t have to prove me wrong, not this week. The line between what’s reality, and what’s a good parody? Gets thin to the point some of us can’t tell the difference.

Aries:

One of my favorite “winter” meals a Frito Pie. I do it the simple way: can of chili, big bowl, small (single serving) bag of Fritos. Most canned chili needs “spice,” so I tend to spike it with some cayenne pepper, bring the dish up to proper heat index.

Where is this kind of meal wrong? Every inch of the way, starting with the pre-processed corn chip, the canned chili (no beans), both items are nothing more than highly processed foods, hardly anything natural — or nutritional — therein. Then, to make this worse? Microwave the dish until the meat, or meat-like chunks in the chili (like) start to explode. This type of meal is wrong on so many levels, I can’t even begin to start with the problems. All processed, nothing natural, except, maybe the peppers. All GMO. Then, to make this worse? Microwaved. Radiated foods.

As a comfort food on a chilly winter’s eve, though? I’ll taker a hit for some comfort. As an Aries, a little junk food. A little comfort food in one form or another, helps. Personally, I think a Frito Pie is an excellent idea, but I’m biased towards my cooking.

Taurus:

“Man, if I’d only seen that coming, I could’ve been better prepared!” Sure, along with “Best laid plans,” etc. Here’s the deal, you can stem the tide of Taurus Troubles before it ever arrives by not engaging in the problem.

I was looking for a certain T-shirt of mine, old-school, death-metal kind of T-shirt. Flames, skulls, Mohawks, and I’m sure the rest of the image is pretty clear (poodles). Wasn’t exactly a Halloween thing, but very similar. Turns out, I couldn’t, not after the last move, find that one T-shirt. I dig around a little, found another T that would be equally acceptable in this situation, and I finally let it go at that.

This is a week about finding what you’re looking for, but not finding the exact item. Something close. Something that might work better. Something equally, if not better than the original Taurus Target for the week.

Gemini:

There are two Gemini that I’ve successfully out-talked. Not talking over them but stayed on the phone long enough to reach that point where the Gemini is bored or out of new items to talk about. Twice, it’s happened. To my credit, I am Sagittarius and as such, I am Gemini friendly. Love me some Gemini brothers and sisters. The other secret? In order to talk to a Gemini, I use a headset, but with only one earbud in. Think of it like a DJ with just one ear on the earphones, down on the ones and twos.

I do readings, personal consultations as a source of a livelihood. Been doing this a long time. I talk for a living. I’m trained, in as much as there is any kind of regular training for this kind of a job, and I’m practiced, from more than two decades of this. Very few people can out-talk a Gemini. I’ve, inadvertently, trained for this. I’m a single person, and there are at least three Gemini who would like to challenge me.

The trick, to this week’s Gemini energy? Realize that there are some who can talk longer, louder, more focused than your Gemini self. Hint? Don’t compete with us, not now.

Cancer:

I’ve long since given up on a wristwatch. I used to wear one, but too much time with a laptop keyboard broke me of the habit. One of my older model laptops has scratch marks on the lefthand side, from the metal band of my favorite watch. So, no more. Besides, after a spell, we all went to “Motorola” pocket watches (beeper), then, anymore, just the phone. Nothing else is required. Tells time, beeps or buzzes when required action is required. I got in one car, riding with a friend, and her dashboard timepiece was clearly set 10 or 15 minutes too fast. I was amused and she explained how it was fast, and she knew it was fast, but she got there on time, because she know it was set too fast. I’m thinking, it’s just easier to set it to the correct time and work with what’s there. But I’m not a Lunar (influenced) Moon Child. Wouldn’t be a big deal, but then, a day later, different Cancer driver, and her dashboard was set 15 minutes fast, too.

I am not advocating this type of chicanery to fool you into getting some place on time, but as an idea? Maybe set the alarm clock fast? Does that really work? If you know the clock is fast, then does it work to have it set to the wrong time, in the first place? I’m unsure of the correct answers but twice int he last few days, I’ve been with Cancer females who did just that. Once was a fluke but twice?

Are they onto something and should you go for the aggravation of such actions and the ensuing mental hijinks?

Hint: worked for them.

The (mighty) Leo:

The LeoOne of the design ideals I’ve followed? I’d like to suggest this to my mighty Leo friends? One of the concepts is to get everything together on the table top, then look at it all, everything that you need. All of it. Gather all the parts that are required. Every piece that you want to include. Every little piece that you, as The Leo, think is important. Stuff you need. Parts that play integral roles in the matter at hand. The elements that are all required. Get all the stuff together. Gather it all up and dump it on the table top. Got it? Good.

Start subtracting. Remove pieces that you may want, but might not be necessary.

“I really like this part, but, you know, it’s not required. But it looks good.”

I can look good, too, as a Leo adornment, but that doesn’t make me a required part. Leave me on the table. See what I mean about subtracting parts that might be pretty, but aren’t always useful?

Get it all together then start figuring out what isn’t really required for the comfort and ease of the majestic Leo.

Virgo:

I was headed out to fish with a buddy of mine, Virgo fishing buddy. He's recently got interested in strictly "artisan" coffee. Old news, I know, for some of us. Single origin, know the grower kind of stuff. Towards that end, for our overnight trip, he had to pack a grinder, beans, and a special coffee pot. Me? I bought a disposable cup of acrid brew at the convenience store. No sugar, no cream, just black and tar-like in consistency. My buddy, a recent convert to the "Church of Better Coffee" looked down on me. I shrugged it off. I've been brewing -- and consuming -- high-grade stuff for many years, and there's certain essence, it's a fishing trip, couple of guys out to fish in the fall, sort of coarse behavior. High-end coffee does not belong here. Syrupy tar from a convenience store? Gas station fuel? That fits, in my mind.

We were up early. Wanted to be on the water about the time the sun came up. He brewed up some of that 'artisan' coffee, offered me a mug full. It was amazingly good stuff. Almost blew my mind. Considering he was "Folger's Crystals" kind of a guy for a long time, especially when fishing, I was dutifully thankful.

Each morning, this week, as a Virgo, you have a choice to make. Cheap, dependable coffee, or 'artisan' coffee. Me? I tend towards cheap, but I was more than pleasantly surprised. As a Virgo, you have a choice to make. Which will it be?

Libra:

B.W. Stevenson, a Dallas-native singer/songwriter, and noted Libra, one of his great songs in performance? I can't find any reference to the title itself, not in the cursory online look, means Wiki doesn't have it, but the ear-worm this man has gifted me with? "Please come to (town name)," with its call/answer, "She said ramblin' boy why don't you settle down, (town name) is not your kind of town..."

The first warning, is this an early morning song remanent ear-worm. I might have the lyrics wrong. He was before my time, and he was also part of the improbable rise of the old redneck rock, although, for the life of me, I'd think of his music as alt-county-rock-folk. It's an Austin sound. The lyric, the way I recall them, the singer keeps wandering all over the states, thinking this is the best place. In a zen-like moment, though, the refrain, the "answer to the call," is "Where you're at is the best place." As a Libra, just up yonder, a new destination, a new place, a new location, is it really better?

"(Libra) ramblin' boy why don't you settle down?”

In a background check, it was a Kenny Loggins song, first. Not BW Stevenson, but the rest stands. Stupid internet.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

  • Cim Nov 13, 2015 @ 7:20

    Well, as an aquarius, I can confirm that the “little bird, getting shoved out of the nest”, wings flapping as falling and all, part of the horoscope is happening as I write…