Horoscopes starting 3.3.2016

    So flies the reakless shepherd from the wolf;
    So first the harmless sheep doth yield his fleece,
    And next his throat unto the butcher’s knife.
    What scene of death hath Roscius now to act?
    King Henry VI in Shakespeare’s
    Henry VI, part 3 act V scene vi, line 6-10

“Lambs to slaughter,” as the old saying goes. Have you seen the stars tonight?

Horoscopes starting 3.3.2016



The Fishes

Pretty sure my actions causes a warp in the Time-Space continuum, since I mixed the elements so badly. I was using a Starbucks branded coffee mug, came as a gift, and the mug, since I tend to drink left-handed when I’m my desk, I don’t always see the amended logo. The mug is a heavy ceramic, and holds whatever that medium size drink is, 16 ounces, I think. I put tap water in it. Zap it in the microwave for a minute, then I drop in some rare, rarified, refined English White Tea, I lovingly refer to as “China White,” which is kind of a joke, but not really.

The stuff is persnickety to brew, as it needs 2 minutes. No more. No less. It’s a white tea from the East. After I nuke the water for a minute, I pull the mug out, drop a tea bag in, rare and refined “Purveyors to the Crown since…” China White, and then I zap it in the microwave again, for 2 minutes. Exact timer. Pull the mug out, discard the tea bag, and I have a perfect afternoon libation. The Starbucks-branded mug, the microwave, and the excellent tea? I’m sure this causes a rift in the normal balance of reality and non-reality. The Time-Space continuum, there’s a rift, and I’m taking credit by combining too many elements that don’t belong together. However challenged I might be? That is one spectacular cup of tea. To make this work, even now? Combine elements that might cause a shift in your consensual reality. Makes a darn near perfect mug of tea, although purists are all rolling their eyes and predicting the end of civilization because of my action. A little tacky, a little tasteless, some really nice components, turns out a perfect blend. I’m using that microwave as an almost exact timer, too. See how this works for you?



The Ram

I’ve always considered getting a real set of formal “Tails.” Twice, once in the UK, and then again, in a once-famous costume shop on South Congress (Austin), I’ve weighed this decision. Therein is the problem. The last time I lifted a set of real, regal tails? Formal jacket with the long flaps in the back?

Weighed substantially more than a regular sports coat. Part of that was the velvet colors and trim, part of it was the padding, and I’m sure some of it is the extra bolts of cloth required to make the tails. I wear long pants, jeans usually, maybe two months or so in the year. I own, mostly marrying and burying, a couple of dark suits. Couple of sports jackets, and that is where this tale ends. While I’m enthralled with the idea, weighing the decision, seriously, the two times I’ve tried them on, those tails have been rather heavy, heavier than a light sports jacket, for sure. Something heavy is weighing on your Aries soul. What I did? I skipped buying the tails. Something that would hang in my closet most years? I don’t know if I would ever wear it, except for a dates in January. Weighing heavily on this decision. I’m not always right, but this is one I skipped, and I’m not worse off for having taken a miss on it. “You’ll regret not doing this?” How about, “It’s more of problem is you do it.”



The Bull

There’s a distinctive noise, metal-on-metal click that a round being chambered makes. I live in Texas. I don’t own any guns. I’m not a big guy with firearms. My neighbors, both sides, hunt. One of them has a fairly extensive arsenal of “sporting” weapons, and I’ve never quite figured out why a semi-auto 5.56 mm rifle with a banana clip is a sporting weapon, but I also feel fairly secure, if there was an armed rebellion of some sort? My buddies got us all covered.

It’s that distinctive metal-on-metal click that we have to be careful about. Taurus, it’s a Mars thing. It’s a warning noise. Not a warning shot. As one of my buddies says, “Ammo is too expensive, can’t afford a warning shot.” I was going to use the idea of warning shot, for Taurus, but I got a note from a fishing buddy, with that tag line appended. So maybe it’s a not a warning shot, but there is a distinct noise that warns you that there can be trouble. When you hear that noise? My first reaction is to pause and look around. Ascertain the location of the noise. One of my Taurus buddies looked at me, “What?” He then showed me, he was merely checking the slide on 1911, making sure the chamber was empty. The warning, it’s not always bad, my buddy was just making sure it was empty. Doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be on alert to the noise, anyway. “Situational awareness,” or personal space, goes a long way in making this week’s Taurus energies good.



The Twins

There are a couple of authors, I’m willing to buy their books as e-books and hardbacks. I’ve extolled the virtues of both, in long-form, elsewhere. For me, a tablet is more convenient for some types of leisure reading. Then there’s the question of what works best for me, and while I no longer have an extensive library, as I’ve pruned and expanded and pruned over and over, I still have some books that I value greatly. Some are books I’ll reread, and some have particular margin notes that I might actually refer back to at some future date. This is what works for me, a combination of hard copy and digital material. What works best for the Gemini brain? I suspect a similar arrangement works best for you, too. All of you. Some digital ephemera, some printed out, books, magazines, fluff that contains hard data, all of it matters. Do not be limited by what others suggest. “You have to read this as a book,” or, “you have to see this in a movie theatre.” There’s a new line of Gemini intellectual inquiry about to unfold. The best use of Gemini energy is to not limit that inquiry into a single format.



Moon Child

There’s a local charity that I just adore. In part, I know some people who have been helped by the charity, and I’ve witnessed the good work, the help that is available. While, on the outside, it looks like just another homeless shelter, they have programs, education, benefits, health, and help for those who seem to have slipped through the cracks. The other aspect I adore about this one charity? They take ANYTHING as a donation. It is recycling at its finest. Goodwill and Salvation Army have turned down some items, but not this one, local group. They start by having the patients clean and assess the materials that are donated, then sorted, then headed towards recycled uses. I got started thinking about that one charity because this is a time for the Cancer (Moon Children) to think about getting rid of stuff. I had one piece of furniture that I no longer found useful. Loaded on buddy’s truck, pulled up the donation platform and suddenly? There was more in my home. Less is more. Consider this is a time to take something away. Makes the Cancer domicile, trailer, whatever, feel better. Personally, I like that charity, too, because I’m aware of the amazing good work they do, plus, as a bonus? They will really take anything as donation. Take something away, donate, do something to lessen the Cancer load, and watch that grow.

The Leo:

The Leo

The Lion

Bequeathed to me in my father’s will, I was left a folio edition of Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Curious, fragile, interesting, and with dubious provenance, it was both a curio, and a lasting will and testament thing. The problem being, as such, it’s a very rare piece of paper, not really a book, more like a printed notebook. Facsimile editions are available online, and much better for studying. I held onto that manuscript for a little while, as it was a bequest, but ultimately, I donated it to University of Texas Special Collections. It gets better care, proper care, and it gets studied, there. That was the best use of that gift. As Leo, think like I did. That manuscript, Shakespeare Folio Edition, it’s too old and too rare for me to really read. I’d be freaked out to just handle it. Still, as a gift, it has a place, and as a historical trinket, it is of value. As the majestic Leo, what’s the best use of your gifts and talents? Sometimes, giving it away is the best use. Certainly freed me from the anxiety of having something potentially that valuable hanging around my home. Can’t you see it? “Kramer, dude, what’s this?”



The Virgin

There are two kinds of music that I’m not really fond of, Pop Country and variations of Rap. Both might be surprising. The Rap Music, in details, is often much like Shakespeare’s work, the language, the rhythm and rhymes, all of it combines, but no, as far as current music goes, not one that I’m fond of. Same with the Pop Country, which, to me, is more like manufactured music, less heart, and more hooks that work to make the listener want to like it. All about a sound bites and too much of it sounds the same to me. Not real twang.

That being said, old-school, Americana, Texana, all of that I like. There’s narrative thread in the songs, each lick tells a story. What Virgo is looking for is that narrative thread. That element might exist in the Pop Country and Rap, as far as I know, but I haven’t investigated it, so I can’t say. I’m being really upfront with my prejudice and attitudes, tastes and directions, so it’s not like this is a surprise, not to the observant and awake Virgo, no, my eclectic tastes are pretty clear. Again, that’s not the question, the the element we’re hunting for in Virgo? That narrative thread. The story that holds the tale together. In this case, it’s a Virgo thing, we’re looking for the story’s line. Figure that out, as it’s time to get fresh start on seeing where this tale will go. Or see where the tail will go.



The Scales

“Check to make sure it’s on.”

At least one Libra will look at me, “That’s rather simplistic advice, now isn’t? Why hasn’t my phone been ringing, I’m expecting another call.”

Back to my suggestion, a little snarky but then the planets are a little snarky, too. Check to make sure it is on. Make sure the switch is flipped. Make sure that the ‘go button’ is pushed.

“I keep pushing the button but nothing happens!”

Check to make sure, there is a battery, make sure it’s plugged in, make sure the key is in the ignition, whatever needs to be aligned, fired, touched, tagged, or, in the simplest terms? Make sure it’s “on.”

As Mars shifts signs, out of Scorpio and into Sagittarius, thank-you-very-much, as Mr. Mars makes his shift? Make sure the button is depressed, the gears are engaged, the motor is running, or whatever is supposed to be operating? Make sure it’s operating. Old story, I was troubleshooting a buddy’s desktop, “Here, this is an Apple, you know more about these, why won’t it boot up?” I reached around and plugged it into a power strip, then flipped the switch on the power strip. It started working. As a Libra? Check to make sure it’s on before you call for tech support, or my support, or… Oh, just make sure it’s turned on.



The Scorpion

At the check-out counter, at the grocery store, the clerk obviously knew the woman in front of me, and they were talking about a certain item used Mexican cooking.

“I got it seasoned, most of the way, then gave it to my brother. It was fine until he started seeing this white lady.”

There was knowing nod, kind of like, or the way I interpreted the sly glance and subtle snicker, “It’s not as good, now.” It’s a cultural thing, and one of the reasons I love living where I do, as I am — forever — a tourist. I might be native Texan, but I’m not originally from South Texas, and the pervasive Latin culture forever fascinates me. I’m sure there are points where I some of the “white” aspects of my cooking prowess are visible. I may not know how to season that thing they were talking about, but with enough southern roots, I can fry with the best of them, given a heavy, black, cast-iron skillet. I know how to season one of those. Scorpio, dear one, this is about being aware of the strengths — and potential weak spots — that might be. Don’t hazard a guess when you’re not invited. As Mars moves out of Scorpio, this isn’t a time to take running leap at a new and untried process. “It’s just not as good anymore.”



The Archer

Mars tends to be an active principle in a chart. Mars slinks, creeps, slides sideways? Mars is slowly moving into Sagittarius where he will camp out for a little longer than usual. Mars only gains about a degree of Sagittarius in the next week, but relative to his usual pace, Mars is moving slow. He’s about to “Turn East,” as the astronomers would say, and what I would call, “Retrograde Mars.”

It’s not necessarily a bad event, and it does call our Sagittarius attention to some matter that really does deserve our attention. One of those items I’ve been putting off for considerable time? Well, this isn’t about me. This is — more than likely — a business piece that we’ve been resoundingly ignoring. Ignoring with a penchant. Ignoring as if there was no other way. It’s not always the fun stuff, but sometimes, there’s routine maintenance that is required. Oil needs to be changed. Filter needs to be changed, too. Database needs to be backed up. While some of this is usually automated? Never hurts to double-check the hardware and software. “Won’t be a problem I looked at that, last week.” Which is why, with the onset of Mars and the very beginning of this new pattern of old stuff back to haunt us? Check again. Pop the old and pull out the dipstick. Never hurts to be a little more safe than usual.



The Sea-Goat

Between now and the end of August but let’s just concentrate on the next couple of day, between now and then? There’s a freaky, internal Capricorn monologue. All I’m trying to do is stem the flow that comes out of your mouth. When I walk into one of those coffee shops where they write a name on the cup? If it’s someone I don’t know? “My name’s ‘Kramer,’ spelled K-R-A-M-E-R, no relation to the guy on TV.” He looks at me, smiles, then, “You sure? Didn’t I see you on COPS?”

I laughed. As he made me a medium-sized Americano, he realized, “Wow, some people don’t like you, if you ask if you saw them COPS.” I told him I thought it was funny, and no, I wasn’t on COPS, but I had been on Wife Swap. The joke, it’s an old one, about me being confused with a either character or pundit, depends on what kind of TV one watches, but I was confused with characters with the same name. Kramer is my first name, and the part I was stressing to the guy behind the counter? His little joke was vastly amusing to me. I’d like to think that I looked sketchy enough to be seen on COPS, but no, it wasn’t me. Between now and the end of August? Just such a joke, while I think it’s funny? Maybe, not for sure, but maybe? Maybe, as a Capricorn, we want to just think of these expressions rather than spit them out.



The Water Bearer

For a brief, tense moment, Mars and Venus make a tight, tension angle that leaves your Aquarius self “less than thrilled” with the behaviors of other people.

“Less than thrilled” is my understatement. However, as nominally reserved and relaxed Aquarius, understanding that this weekend holds a few tense moments? Knowing that it could happen should make it easier for the Aquarius parts to pretend it doesn’t bother us. One of the best arguments I had with an ex-girlfriend was when she went for the jugular, tried one of those comments that used to render me speechless, seething with anger, unable to make a coherent sentence.

It happens.

However, as that was a relationship that had run its course, when she went for that emotional trigger point on me? It didn’t work. Oh sure, it bothered me on some level, but I saw it coming and I didn’t react like she wanted me to. I didn’t get angry. I didn’t turn into a monster. “But it worked before!” So? I saw it coming along, and I didn’t react. Like me? You see this coming. Don’t react. Someone goes for the button that used to work. Realize that the Mars/Venus tension passes in a day, and reacting with anger? Time and place, time and place, what for the next or week after, maybe. Not this week, not out of anger. Aquarius — think: I’m lover, not a fighter. Works wonders that way.

    “Your mother dresses you funny!”

No, much to her chagrin, I picked these clothes out myself.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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© 1993 – 2022 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net &c.

  • anita dudek Mar 2, 2016 @ 22:58

    Hows come Leo gets a direct article and the rest of us don’t ? I’m not trying to pick a fight , just wondering ? I’m jealous I guess.

  • Cim Mar 4, 2016 @ 5:51

    Think I’m gonna pretend this week’s (Aquarius) horoscope is my weekly horoscope for the next 50 weeks ahead. Might do the World some good…