Monthly News of the World 4/94

Monthly News of the World 4/94

copyright Kramer Wetzel, Austin, Texas

April is the cruellest month, breeding/Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing/Memory and desire, stirring/Dull roots with spring rain. -T.S. Eliot, opening lines from The Waste Land

And what better was to start the month than think about some comic, gallows humor to launch this spring-time off with some real energy? As if this hasn’t been an interesting enough year already. No big news, just some gentle reminders for gentle readers, from a gentle man.

Aries: the Sun rolled into your sign last month, and now your Ruler, Mars comes rolling along as well. Enjoy the new found energy, but be prepared to take an inward look as well. You will find that you are overflowing with classic spring fever, as opposed to hay fever, and you want to play, play, play.

Taurus: while you’re not normally a spring, outdoors kind of a person, you will find that this is the month you will be most drawn to rejuvenating walks in the park, idyllic strolls down leaf encrusted lanes, and other such poetic pursuits. Enjoy any new-found intellectual pursuits, too, as this is a great time for mental energy, too.

Gemini: there is a seamy side to every reality, and life is not always rainbows and bunnies. You might feel unattractive this month; perhaps your spring time clothing is a bit too tight. While you may be feeling that these restrictions are going to be lasting for a long while, it doesn’t mean that you are not unattractive. Now is a good time to plow ahead with spring cleaning and similar chores.

Cancer: you have some very uncharacteristic anger flaring up at this time. Make an effort to stay away from potentially volatile traffic situations: if there is a snarl up ahead, trying a new route to get home. In fact, try a new route to a new vacation spot: you will feel much better if you’re on a beach, preferably on a secluded island. You know, deep down inside, you belong on a tropical seashore.

Leo: tough month for the party animal. You would do best to avoid all strenuous exercises. Avoid hard work, too. In fact, you might want to crawl in bed this month and not come out. You will probably notice that you are putting on a little extra weight. This is, no doubt, just a summertime roll resulting from too much beer. What’s a summer without a little beer? Party on!

Virgo: this month feels like a bad hair day, a whole month of them. One right after the other. No one can adjust your attitude but yourself. If you choose so, you can direct some of these negative feelings into a positive route. This is a good time to work on theoretical quantum mechanics. Or space time donuts. Surely you get the picture. This is a good time to be pounding out some hard-won mental work.

Libra: perceived authority figure provide you with consternation. Questions about your physical beauty and appearance weigh heavy on your mind. Unfailing obstinate, which others may call headstrong, as well as a tendency towards outrage on your part, mark this particular passage of time. It’s not glum, just keep plugging away.

Scorpio: your seemingly great forward action has hit a wall. No matter what you try to do, headway will feel like it is impossible. Old relationships from the past will come back to haunt you as well. Fortunately, you are a strong person, and your own inner strength can provide a solid guide through this trying month. consider wearing more black and less floral prints.

Sagittarius: keep looking forward to a great summer. In the meantime, try not to be too discouraged because you have some undertakings which are beginning to fall by the wayside. Some of the challenges you face right now include learning what you do need to hold onto, and what is no longer valid.

Capricorn: this marks the beginning of a business cycle which has a definite upturn to it. That means increased profit for you, increased responsibility, and more income. The other side of this golden coin is that there will be more worry associated with your new found responsibility. You already knew that responsibility is a two-edged sword.

Aquarius: your normal, humanitarian outlook has changed, if only briefly. Face it: the world is not a pretty place, and the real problem is people. You want to help, but in the face of overwhelming odds, you find it difficult to continue on. Having survived some fairly remarkable changes recently, and these have left an imprint on your memory, you can continue on, even in the face of the odds.

Pisces: fleeting bursts of energy are over, possibly leaving you feeling burned out. While you started out burning with great ideas and new inventions, the thought process will leave you cold by the end of the month. What is left is the rolling waves of psychic energy you will feel as the month unfolds. Work is a big issue, again this month.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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