Week of: August 5-11

Week of: August 5-11

You might be redneck if:
You think “recycling” means going home from work.
–Jeff Foxworthy

And speaking of Redneck chic, August 10th is Mule Day in Muleshoe Texas. Me? I’ll be doing readings at a hotel in Austin, and I hate to miss this momentous occcasion.

Aries: I love Aries, so forthright, so forward, so “in your face.” The problem we got this week is that your forward attitude needs to be a little more Inn directed, that is, work on yourself somewhat this week. Clean out the boat from the last fishing trip. Get your fishing gear in order. Get ready for some good things coming up. But be careful: if you are supposed to be working, and not fishing, don’t waste the time not working. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

Taurus: One quick caveat before we go any further: traditional astrology says that this is a bad week to spend money. Got that? Now, examine all them things around you, and you will find that this week starts out with your identifying more with your possessions. I’m not talking about you being materialistic, just that these items all hold special value. Bet you still have that lure which caught “the big one” back in ’82 still floating around in your tackle box. Hold onto it because items like that can bring you good luck.

Gemini: Say good bye to Venus this week, and get prepared to get some hard work done. You are going into a period of time when things just don’t work out like you want them to. That’s the downside. The better news is that you have some lucky little breaks, like one job gets canceled, only in time for a an even better gig to come along. If you don’t understand, wait until the end of the week before you fax me for help. (Kramer’s fax line is always open at 512/448-0970)

Cancer: Talk about dark before the storm! The weeks starts out with a true “Monday from Hell,” and lest you be worried that the week is going to continue like that, it’s not! The problem is that you feel like you are wandering around in large cave, devoid of light for the first few days, and then presto (nothing up my sleeve), the Moon moves into Cancer, and there is a light everywhere. You go from emotional instability to new relationship faster than most of the drag boats which disturb our fishing. Looks good for you, just watch out for Leo’s.

Leo: Stay away from old emotional Cancer’s this week. You don’t need to rattle their cages, except for a little fun. It’s like Bear Baiting, only with a Cancer, the results are a lot more entertaining. But it isn’t nice to tease the animals. So please don’t. You should be in the middle of a big party, and you should get ready for some good times of the next FEW weeks, because this week is merely precursor to what’s coming up with a big party headed your way.

Virgo: I hate to be sexist, and some folks have insisted that I’m more “Texist” than anything else, but this is a week for male superiors to spend more time with you, listening to your valid point of view. Doesn’t get much better than that. Your boss, employer, overseer, or other person in charge of your life is more willing to be swayed by your ample use of rhetoric this week. Crank up the talk box, because Bubba, this is the week for selling your dreams. You can be very persuasive this week, if you are truly right. Which you are.

Libra: The last few weeks, months, and it’s even to drag into the year category as well, have been more difficult than you would like. Of course, no obstacles is really a boring situation for you, isn’t it? Anyway, there is a certain charismatic charm which you can, and do use, from time to time. Polish it up this week, because you are going to need it. And, if you polish well, there will be a reward, kind of like a Scooby Snack.

Scorpio: Have you ever thought of being of service to anyone? I guess not. You ought to consider, more than any other time, taking some of your good fortune and sharing it. The minor players in the sky are lining up and pushing you into service of some kind. If you go willingly, you will find that you are much happier. Go help Bubba clean up the boat for the next weekend. You will be happier knowing that “you helped.”

Sagittarius: Every once in a while, I like to quote from great literature, especially at a time when you need some motivation. This what what Calvin says: “In my opinion, television validates existence.” That in Bill Watterson’s book, Scientific Progress Goes Boink (page 68). The message should be pretty clear: you are stuck between a rock and hard spot, don’t know whether you should fish or cut bait, and all I can do is quote cartoons…. take a look at the lighter side of life. Don’t be so serious this week.

Capricorn: Cappy’s ought to feel incredibly optimistic right about now. The problem being that a Capricorn Sun in a person’s chart usually indicates a certain lack of optimism. So how to resolve all these good feelings and the usual dour outlook on life? That’s why the Good Lord, in Her Infinite Wisdom, created fishing. It’s a good time to while away some time doing something that is both useful and fun. I suggest fishing. Just find a Virgo partner to help with the cleaning, and a good Taurus to help with the cooking.

Aquarius: “He was like an exchange student from Uranus,” is what Mick says in Count Gieger’s Blues (Bishop, Michael, p. 41), and that sums up this week because that’s what you feel like, and exchange student from Uranus. There’s that odd, otherworldly feeling that you carry around with because there are such odd things going on. It’s a pity to equate you to popular culture, but I’m sure you feel like Bill (or was it Ted) who said, “Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.”

Pisces: The good news is that you are full of many excellent ideas this week. The bad news is that no one wants to listen to you this week. What to do? Write all those ideas down, as if you were going to stuff them all in a real suggestion box. It ain’t going to happen because you couldn’t win a debate with a dead fish this week. But you can store these wonderful ideas for later use. Remember: as much as you want to, it isn’t a good time to argue because you almost assuredly can’t win. This week.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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