8.4.1997

Week of: August 4-10

“Do amend thy face, and I’ll amend thy life.”
in Shakespeare’s Henry IV, part uno, III.iii23

Aries : Last week was a killer. Last week, you felt the threshing machine of life go rolling over your naked backside. Last week, John Deere let you know what it was like to be a farmer’s field, and just what sort maniacal energy there was in the universe. This week, there is nothing of the sort. all you have to do is picked the shards of your life, and soldier on, like the good Aries that you are. Even you vitality is beginning to come back. Little by little.

Taurus : Keeping with the farm implement idea this week, it’s a good week to get out the hand-operated device, a tool called a “hoe” and do some prodigious hoeing. It’s backbreaking work, but remember, you are working in the garden of life, and what you sow at this time, you will reap many rewards from. In other words, Bubba, you are getting ready for some good things down the pike. Kind of like cleaning the old bass boat for the weekend.

Gemini : You will wake up one day this week, look around you around you, and think, “strange things are afoot at the Circle K.” That was Bill (or Ted) from the first movie. And just like them, you will soon discover that you, too, can travel through time and space in a telephone booth. Pretty neat, huh? Just avoid antagonizing any other sign this week because a lot of folks still feel a little edgy.

Cancer : It’s about time to have a talk with you about cars. Certain vehicles are okay. Trucks built before 1980 are fine. Automobiles but before 1960 are nice, too. In fact, there are few models of American cars built in the very early 1960’s that are also okay. Fins and round taillights which make the car look like a rocket are good. New cars made in Japan which all look the same are not good. Consider wisely because I’ll bet you buying a new car this week. Or getting married, but personally, I think the car is a better idea.

Leo : New Leo Moon in your solar first house on a Monday morning. What’s that mean to a layman, such as yourself? Party time! Remember the old Monopoly game? You just got your “get out of jail free” card this week. Now, what you want to do is plan carefully because not only is your birthday time, you are also building a foundation for a brilliant future, i.e., for the rest of the month. Also means a good birthday.

Virgo : if I didn’t know Virgo’s better, I would suspect that you would have a round of tears this week at some point, probably early in the week when a computer at the office (you were warned about Microsoft products) decides to become a little “balky” which means, it doesn’t want to do what you want it to do. Reminds me of an ex-wife or two. If it’s not your computer, it might be the electronics in your car. In any case, you are feeling pretty rambunctious by the weekend, and all of these problems will be behind you.

Libra : The giant threshing machine of life has just recently harvested you. That’s the good news. And the icky Saturn thing isn’t quite so icky this week. And Mars, that little red orb in the sky, is still lending you a certain amount of energy, but you’ve got to be *martial* about the way you use this energy. Careful with athletic activities which involve sticks, sharp objects, or high rates of speed. You might wander out of control this week.

Scorpio : Every great once in a while, Scorpio’s get a moment of clarity. You get one such moment this week. There’s a problem, though, Bubba, this moment of clarity, while you can see for miles and miles, you won’t be able to communicate just what it is that you see. In other words, you know where to go, you know what to do, and no one is willing to listen or follow. I’d tell you not to take it personally, but you will.

Sagittarius : Some other folks are having a mighty rough time of it this summer. You have been feeling a little under the weather but as of late, like this week, you have started to feel better. The sun is shining, that’s true (okay, it’s hotter than hell), but you can look on the bright side of all of this: the dry summer days making it easier to make hay in the fall. This isn’t cryptic astrology, I’m talking about farming principals here. Think about bailing hay. Then think about something better.

Capricorn : Cappy’s can be a lovely sort, if you just figure them out right. And most cappy’s are wonderful, one just has to dig down through that gruff exterior. You might try helping us dig through that gruff exterior this week by shedding some of your protective layers. Not a promise that it will yield anything substantial, but who knows? It just might. {There’s one Cappy out there who never seems to understand, and for here, let me put it this way: drop your guard, i.e., get out of the armor-plated suit, please.}

Aquarius : Going someplace this week? If not, then you should be. But I would consider looking at a decent Rest Area for a vacation spot. I mean, every one else goes to Europe, or the Far East (the Far East is New York City) so what I suggest is that you pull off the highway in scenic rest area, and watch the other travelers go by. Shoot, they got all the amenities you need, regular trash service and flush toilets, what else do you want?

Pisces : Housecleaning again? I swear, if I have to suggest that you clean up you mess one more time, I just know you are going to shoot me [metaphorically speaking, of course]. But getting something ready, getting prepared, or being prepared for the unexpected is a good idea this week. I still like the word housecleaning, but lord knows, not many Pisces know a thing about it.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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