“I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou art, born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral medicine to a mortifying mischief.”
— Don John in Shakespeare’s
Much Ado About Nothing I.iii.7-8
Aries
A slow, inexorable march of time seems to work on you like a mysterious fishing hook. You bait the hook, toss your line out, and then that dang ol’ fish steals the bait. You reel your line back in, empty. Every time. Whatever. I suggest that you think smaller and more like that little larcenous critter. Use a smaller hook. Fish smarter, not harder.
Taurus
Everyone is having a tough time the way it looks to you. When you compare your insides to their outsides, things, metaphorically, look
pretty good. Of course, comparisons to other peoples’ plights isn’t always the best way to determine what’s happening. Weather forecasters
know this all too well. You feel like you are all dressed up but nowhere to go. That’s more real than anything. Start looking for fun this
weekend. Preferably in the sunshine.
Gemini
Once upon a time, I had a very special Gemini flame in Texas. A Gemini gem. She’s gone now, having decided to join the rodeo circuit, but I
think about her from time to time. Chances are, she’s thinking about me this week. A lot. It’s something all Geminis are doing this week,
drifting back in their minds and thinking about old relationships, old flames, and what might have been (but ain’t anymore). Rather than wax
despondent, Gemini, try taking action. Get out of the house. Look for adventure. It will find you if you’re ready. While you’re at it, you
might pick up the phone.
Cancer
Occasionally, there are days and weeks in the life of the Crab when nothing goes your way. It looks like this is one of those weeks. I can
make one simple recommendation: escape. You need to be near the water this week, to absorb the calming influence of the waves gently lapping
at the shore, the boat gently rocking on the surface, the rosy glow of the sunset. In short, a vacation. See what you can do about it. Walk
into that travel agent’s office and sigh wearily, “Bubba sent me…”
Leo
Stop howling for a minute and we’ll get something done. Yes, you’re facing some frustrating problems. Since I work like an astrological
tech-support line, it’s time to do something about this, right? So, fax me with your complaints at (512)445-2850 but remember: As a medium, fax paper disintegrates quickly. Like that fax paper, your problems will fall apart quickly.
Virgo
Good news, bad news this week. The good news: You will be uplifted soon. The bad news: It comes in the form of Mars being opposite you. As Mars moves into mysterious Pisces, you’re accelerated to a speed close to that of sound. Close, but not quite, so don’t worry about sonic booms. Too bad because with Mars doing this number, some of us will wish we could outrun your mouth. Be careful you don’t engage the mouth before your brain is in gear.
Libra
A lingering feeling of affection is floating through your quadrant of the sky. An event left over from the past, like a leftover pizza, needs attention. With proper handling and a minute in the microwave, old pizza can look good. The same is true for this other event. A few minutes’ attention to seemingly minor details will make everything alright. And that lingering feeling of affection? It’s time to reach out and grab someone’s butt. In a nice way, mind you.
Scorpio
Look on the bright side: It will be over soon. Just when you think that this is the week which will never, ever end, suddenly the weekend will be here and you can sleep. A lot. Rest up; you’ll need it. As the old saying goes, “You’re not out of the woods yet.” As my addendum to that saying goes, you’re almost there. As long as we’re using cliches to describe this week, let’s talk about the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. No, it’s not an oncoming train. Check to make sure it’s not a car.
Sagittarius
Things on Planet Sagittarius have been so good for so long that that I really hate to warn you about what’s approaching. A volcanologist knows to look for small fissures growing in the rocks as the portent to a giant volcano spewing hot, burning, molten lava. This week, it looks like a thin vent of steam, just the barest of cracks in the bedrock of your life, shows up. Best be careful because this vent will crack open into a giant and raging torrent of hot material. Look on the bright side as you always do: This is going to build a new mountain.
Capricorn
While world peace and harmony are lovely ideals on a global scale, they don’t fit into the agenda of the military-industrial complex, which
really runs the world (besides Bill Gates). While I don’t necessarily condone acts of defiance or rebel behavior of any sort — not like I
used to — it’s a good week to take one last stab at a windmill. Maybe Cervantes and Don Quixote were right. Maybe some mercurial and quixotic actions at a local level is the right idea. Perhaps it’s a good week to make a statement through action or civil disobedience. This could also be a passing moment, too, and next week, you’ll feel differently.
Aquarius
Welcome to the Age of Aquarius. Ever since the 1960s, every astrologer has bounced along and hummed that tune. I think the Age of Aquarius is every year at this time. Mars is moving into your House of Making Money and with this, you get an added boost. That’s good news, I hope. So get out and do your best. The time is right for a business decision that will net you a tidy profit in the coming months.
Pisces
Activity is featured as a prominent motivator. To exacerbate this, Mars is joining you in your sun sign. Mr. Mars has good and bad sides. Watch the driving. Your ability to steer a boat and navigate rough seas is suspect. Think Joseph Hazelwood. Actually, it’s not your own personal navigation skills, it’s everyone else. Think Joseph Hazelwood. So watch out for the other guy.
