Week of: 3/2-8
“Yet have I fierce affections, and think
What Venus did with Mars.”
— Mardian in Shakespeare’s “Antony and Cleopatra” [Act I, Scene V]
Aries
Mars, the ever-faithful pizza delivery planet, is making a delivery to your sign. Or will, by the middle of the week or so. What does Mars deliver? Confusion, especially with gas-powered implements. Careful with the Weed Whacker. Don’t get that sucker all fired up then trip on all that monofilament line. You should also know this: Pick your destination, but be careful about just running off in any particular direction. Modulate your energy. Pay attention to your work. Any lapse in attention can result in a tangled mess of Weed Whacker strings.
Taurus
Do a little victory dance right now. Get up from your desk or the restaurant table and do a touchdown dance. You can score, just like the monster football players. Your big play comes in a work-related arena (there’s always a downside, isn’t there?) Romance is weird this week. You’re fine but your significant other, wife, husband, pet cat, pet dog seems out of sorts. Don’t forget that your optimism might upset them; tread carefully with this new-found hope.
Gemini
Dream lovers are a good thing but to an acerbic Gemini, the idea can get carried away. Don’t put much stock in the dream world. Yes, you have dreams and fantasies but don’t let them infect the real world with too much rose coloring. Scrape the thin veneer of high hopes off the dinner hutch of reality. That old furniture underneath is still useful and solid; it just needs a little refinishing.
Cancer
This is the tail-end of a week-long party for you. I can’t say that you’ve actually been partying all week, but that’s a good idea. The celebration doesn’t matter, just get after it. Some days, you don’t need an excuse to play, and that’s the theme this week. Just play. By the weekend, have your inner child take a nap. Not everyone appreciates the raucous, puerile behavior you demonstrate. Just tell ’em you’re gearing up for spring break.
Leo
“Responsibility” is an ugly word to a Leo, but this is one of those more serious weeks when you need to think about responsibilities. While other folks are getting ready to play, you should tend to business. It looks like the weekend will bring a breakthrough. Formulate your plan to make millions, and work your way to the top of the heap. Consider making plans for taking over the world. If not the world, at least for taking over the trailer court. You get the idea.
Virgo
If I were in a Virgo’s boots right now, I’d get them shined up nice and spiffy. Why? A good Virgo is on the prowl right now. The eyes are squinty, even beady, and the look is half feral. Not completely wild and untamed, though. Heavens, no Virgo would let that happen! You’re a little bit on edge, tense around the corners. Good Virgos have adopted a look that resembles a Scorpio stare.
Libra
Last week I suggested you prepare for a big fight this week. Romantic explosions. Romance isn’t everything but to a loving Libra, it can mean a lot. Here’s stuff to know: Guys like toys, computer stuff, sports equipment, and best of all, fishing gear. It’s been my experience that women like jewelry, flowers (roses ALWAYS work), and large bank accounts. Have something on hand for the kiss-and-make-up period that’s coming later this week. If you manage to avoid a blow up, give the gift anyway. You’ll be the miracle worker.
Scorpio
You experience a certain light-headed feeling this week. It’s a certain feeling that an ex will rebound back into your life. I know you want that ex to come back just so you can teach him or her a thing a or two. Problem is, it’s not a good time for it. Enjoy the light-headedness for a spell. You’ve been too serious lately, and you can take a lighter, more enjoyable look at stuff around you.
Sagittarius
You’ve been working hard lately, and you have a few too many chainsaws to juggle. Sooner or later, something will drop, and the order and symmetry you’ve maintained thusfar will come crashing and thrashing down in a loud and flesh-tearing… ah, never mind. That’s the problem with a being a Sagittarius: when things crash, they usually make a lot of noise. In the Big Top known as your Romance Circus, a fine sideshow is underway, and that’s something to be grateful for.
Capricorn
You might feel a bit stuck these days, stuck between a Sagittarius and Aquarius. Although this can be painful, we’re pretty sure this will not require the fire department to be called out with the Jaws of Life. That old planet of love (and other nice stuff) has just moved into Aquarius, so you have a fighting chance with relationship errata. I like Avocado Green for the appliances and Burnt Orange for the shag carpet. Yes, you’re going to redo the trailer this week.
Aquarius
A particularly idealistic alignment of the planets is featured in your little corner of the sky this week. This tasty morsel of of planetary energy is good for dreams. Dreams can also mean illusions. Is Bill Clinton a family man? Yes. He may also be a family man among other families, too. See my point? By the weekend, though, you’ll be sitting well because that old love planet is happening all over you. Get ready for something nice, like your ex catching up on her alimony payments. It could happen.
Pisces
An old movie offers some sage advice. When times are tough, what you really need is a road trip. Scream after me, brothers and sisters, like an unholy mantra: “Road Trip! Road Trip!” Look at it this way: You’re not running away, you’re running toward something. Like New Orleans. It’s party time, time to answer the call of the open road. Get the truck off the blocks and hit the highway.
