Week of: 12/7-13

Aries : I just love it when the Moon starts the week in a Fire Sign, like it is right now, over there in Leo. Gives as nice, combustible edge to everything. And since you are a fire sign, too, this is a lucky little break. Sort of. Mars is going to be opposite you for the duration of the holiday season, and that’s not exactly a flattering position for it; however, there is a break coming. The pesky Mercury thing is about to go away, and that means relief, like a cool swig of Egg Nog, laced with some nice Nutmeg. There’s some extra spice in your week.

Taurus : It’s never too early to start having an Xmas bash. In fact, even if you aren’t getting into the spirit of the holiday season, you will find that there is an infectious tune which keeps playing through your head this week. I just need to caution you about Santa Claus because he’s watching you this week, and I don’t want to introduce any paranoid fantasies causing you to spend time looking over your shoulder. Just be nice. Of course, every Taurus I’ve ever known has always been nice. Bear in mind this is not a true, representative statistical average, just my experience.

Gemini : Your holiday season has gotten of to a less than wonderful start, or so it would seem. Now, the good news is that the same planet which has caused this untimely beginning is going to lend you some extra strength, dare I suggest, even a planetary reprieve, coming up? This is the last of the “bad stuff” that’s going to happen. In fact, by the end of the week, the holiday season will finally arrive in your sign, and you will be a much happier person. Or persons, you know how Gemini’s are.

Cancer : “Hey little sister, what have you done?” Nothing like a quick allusion to some rock and roll from Billy Idol to start of what should be a White Xmas season for you. Or is that a “White Wedding”? Remember that lovely sneer Billy Idol had for most of the last decade? You’ve felt like you’ve had that same sneer frozen on your face for a while now. The good news is that, just like the song says, “it’s a nice day to start again….”

Leo : I don’t care what other astrologers tell you. I don’t care that gloom and doom and has been written all over the Leo sign for the last few weeks. I’ve been in the astrology business long enough to know that media hype helps stem the tide of unwanted (and unwarranted) prognostications of dire consequences. By the end of this week, you will certainly heed my advice, and get yourself into the party mood because it’s going to be a fun Xmas season for you.

Virgo : I can still hear the words of Richard III, echoing in my ears, as he charged off to battle, invoking Mars. Didn’t work for him. Remember? He’s the guy who did the “kingdom for horse” bit. What’s a failed, semi-mythical English monarch got to do with your week? Be careful about enlisting the assistance of Mars this week. He’s in a good position for you, but thee are other things that are lining up against you. Rather than try to beat the odds, take a break this week. Time to consider house-cleaning. The old trailer needs a bit of a holiday spruce up, if you know what I mean.

Libra : Let’s do the “Libra thing” and look on the bright side right now. Mars imparts energy, sort of like a cattle prod imparts high voltage to stubborn cows. And you’re going to feeling like Mars is herding you along this week. So much for the good news. When that 50,000 volt Mars Charge hits you, make use of the “get up and go” juice. Do the get up and go thing. Get up and be gone. Mercury doesn’t do much this week, not in relation to anything else in the sky, a little backward motion, a little stationary motion, and precious little forward motion. So, the usual reminders about that planet’s behavior is still in order.

Scorpio : I warned you guys, at least once before, about the problems associated with having Mars, that trusted Scorpio planet, in the 12th House. It ain’t a pretty sight. Now, because I have a Scorpio Mom, I’m going to benefit plenty from this: all the Scorpio’s are making early, last minute decisions about Xmas gifts. I can only hope that I’m high on the list. Of course, as usual, I’ll wind up with 14 Elvis dolls that all look alike. And all I wanted was a Hooter’s Calendar. Be careful with the impulse to buy strange astrologers gifts this week. As much as you think you acting of your own, free will, it might all turn out to be a Mars encouraged thing.

Sagittarius : There is one, small, minor, not very big, itty-bitty welcome relief this week. But other than that, it’s pretty much the same as it has been for the last few weeks. This is nothing new, and it’s certainly not anything you’re going to have to worry about. At least, you’re not going to worry any more than you have been. Mercury slows down its backwards pace and begins to get it right before the end of the week. Regrettably, though, my fine Sagittarius friend, you’re not out of the woods yet. You’ve got miles of to go, and and there’s a lot of digital ink which still needs to be corrected from the Mercury problems of the last few weeks. Put the parties, except for the odd b-day, all on hold this week.

Capricorn : About the time Mercury begins to shove off in a good direction, Venus comes crawling into your sign. This is a little harbinger for what rest of the month is going to be like, getting better, a little bit at a time, and you’ll notice it before the end of the week. Of course, being the kind and sensitive soul that you guys are, you’ll notice this gentle uplift in spirits early on. In fact, I predict that you will feel a nice little uplift in your own spirits later this week. Check to make sure that it isn’t from something that somebody slipped into your holiday Egg Nog.

Aquarius : I know that most Aquarian don’t believe in the “Mercury Retrograde Myth” because they stubbornly refuse to acknowledge the existence of planet which can wreak so much havoc. This is not a problem. In fact, while Mercury is busy seeking self-help in the other signs, Mars is doing a VERY interesting thing to Aquarius this week. What you do with this sudden jolt of good energy is up to you, but I would get out and participate in the holiday madness, and enjoy the fun of doing so.

Pisces : Because it’s the long, dark, cold winter, most of the fish are at the bottom of the lake, hanging out and waiting for spring time. In fact, most of the bass are patiently sleeping the cold days away. Now, due to certain perturbations in the orbit of some planets, there is an unusual event occurring this week for Pisces. Against common fishing lore, you should try topwater lures this week. In other words, flying in the face of conventional yield some pretty spectacular results.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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