1.4.1999

ban

Week of: 1/4-10-99

“I got up, made a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows, and sipped it as
I smoked a cigar in the semidark living room. People who’ve never had hot chocolate,
marshmallows, and cigars together ought to give it a try.”
Kinky Friedman in The Love song of J. Edgar Hoover, p. 40

There’s a slight change, a little
bit of cosmetic tinkering going on, drop us a line here at HQ
and let us know if you have problems with the website.

In Times Square, they drop a ball
at midnight on New Year’s Eve. In Austin, on historic Sixth Street, we raise
a Lone Star at midnight. I was down there, hanging with my homeboy Bubba, when
he observed, "There’s nothing more frightening than a drunk white girl."
Happy New Year.

My ears are still ringing. We
were making our back from Bobalu Cigar
Co
., because I had to pick up supplies for my trip to El Paso. I can’t show
up in West Texas without a cigar for Grace.

I clipped this from an online news
source, from the Associated Press newswire. Interesting note:

    Poll: Shakespeare Is
    Greatest Briton LONDON (AP) — A British Broadcasting Corp. readers poll has
    chosen playwright William Shakespeare as Britain’s personality of the Millennium,
    the organization said today. Britain’s World War II leader Winston Churchill
    was second, with England’s earliest typographer, William Caxton, in third
    place. The poll was organized by Radio 4’s “Today” news program.

Elizabethan playwrights still make
the news — movies, too, if you ain’t seen Elizabeth or Shakespeare
in Love
, both are well worth it.

The trivia this week was inspired
by a gift from an Aquarius, a special gift from West Texas. What’s the
Texas State Fish? This game is not without a few warnings, though, perforce,
any one named Bubba has to be exempt. But for the rest of you? Drop me a line
with the official state fish of Texas, and win yourself a quick overview of
the year ahead, an "El-Cheapo" transit report for the year. Or something
like that.

Aries [3/23-4/20]: I get tired of quoting “Grateful Dead” lyrics
at a time like this, but it’s been a long and winding road, now hasn’t it? The
truly upbeat way of looking at this week, and every Aries tries to be upbeat,
is that this week with a break. Not much of a break, but a little break that
helps you along. Insight, a moment of deep thought, a quick chance to advance
yourself through your hard work. In fact, I would hazard a prediction that early
in the week, you get some long sought after recognition for some hard work.
Of course, it’s still going to sound like that song lyric I can’t get out of
my head now — I hate it when that happens, now I’ll be humming that song all
day.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: Remember when casual day meant nice clothes, but no tie?
In parts of Austin, “casual day” means clothing
is encouraged
. In fact, around here at the office, we consider every day
casual day. That’s the advantage of living on the South Side of town. The truly
wonderful aspect this week leaves you feeling like every day is casual day.
The only problem is that casual day for Taurus is not supported every day in
this week. You might encounter some folks who would really like you to put your
clothes back on. Try to dress the part, even if you are feeling like you don’t
need to. It will help this week.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: I’ve got this Gemini “special friend” and she has been
able to determine that anything that happens on Gemini time is, on the average,
three to four times faster than regular time. Which, of course, makes good sense
because Gemini’s are always moving at a speed which is a lot closer to the speed
of light, and as you approach the speed of light, all sorts of theoretical things
happen. Time becomes malleable. Which is the way it’s going to feel in Gemini
Land this week. Imagine one of those books for the layman about the Big Bang,
Black Holes, the Physics of Star Trek, and related technical
stuff. You’re going to feel like you’re living in one of those texts this week.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: I know that you know that I know that you want to get out
and play. Alas, it’s not meant to be this week. This is a week filled with a
recurrent kind of mental energy. In other words, it’s all in your head this
week. Now, telling a good Cancer like Bubba that it’s all in his head can have
a deleterious effect, especially when he’s editing my column. But like the good
Cancer that he is, this will work out before too long. You guys ALL
need a week to cool your heels, chill out, and recuperate from the holiday season.
It looks like the stars will provide just such an opportunity right now.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: It’s really not a bad week at, if you can pull yourself together
a little. It looks like the weather might break sometime soon, and you can get
on about some of the things that you want to do. I know you think, you feel,
like you should be cleaning up after the
big party weekend
, but you know what? That’s what other, less royal signs
are for. This week, let some one else look after the details. You need to concentrate
on the big picture stuff. That’s what’s important for you. Step back, and take
a grand view of the situation before you take any action. Act like the mighty
Leo that you and act like you are in charge of everything this week. It might
annoy a few people, but who cares?

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: There is nothing, absolutely nothing, untoward that is going
to happen in Virgo land this week. That’s the good news. Now, that being said,
there’s this one Virgo I will hear from, and she’ll have a long list of complaints
about what is going on. But this is far from what will be the norm this week.
Nope, it’s all supposed to be good. There is one or two astrologers, however,
who do complain about Virgo’s who complain. Not me! I’m telling you that things
are good. Except, of course, for that one. But she’s already been forgiven.
Ain’t this stuff great
?

Libra [9/24-10/23]: There are good things looming on your horizon. You can
feel it. You know it’s there. There is a sense, a pervading sense, like a light
on the lake’s fog, shining through this week’s morass of daily stuff. Maybe
fog is a wrong word because it suggests that you can’t see something clearly.
But the last few weeks have been like a dirty pair of sunglasses. Reminds me
of of the time Bubba was wearing dark glasses on a foggy day–he almost ran
over a little old lady. I think he just nicked her, though. You need to make
sure you’ve got the right glasses on this week.
X-ray
specs would be the best.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: Have we recently discussed your appetite? And when I’m
talking about “appetite,” I don’t particularly mean the typical “all you can
eat” buffet thing, either. Nope, it seems that one, or more, of you appetites
has gotten a little out of shape lately. Now, if you can use that good Scorpio
sense of self control, I’ll promise that things are going to work well for you
this week. The whole key is learning when, and when not to, push yourself away
from the table, so to speak. At the risk of running into typical Scorpio satire
and derision, learn when to “just say no” this week.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: We have an interesting influence in this week’s
Archer sign. See, it’s one of those objects in the sky which we don’t really
know what to do with. I mean, we’re still observing the effects of this planet-like
object. Rather than fabricate a some fiction about what is happening, let’s
just face some facts: we
don’t really know
. Doesn’t mean it’s going to be a bad week, but I’ll promise
that it will have some interesting results. The good news is that Venus is now
in Aquarius, and that’s going to lend a happy air to it all.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: It’s that time of year, a time when we celebrate a
few different Capricorn events. One of them is “Epiphany
and the other is the the birthday of the King. One of them is Christian, and
the other is from Mississippi. Seeing as how you’re a good Capricorn (a bad
Cap wouldn’t be reading this), then you know that it’s time to celebrate one
of these events, such as your preferences dictate. There’s a third reason for
you to party this week, besides those first two. It’s a play, by the Bard himself,
Shakespeare. And what play is that? 12th Night. With the way things are shaping
up, you are certainly face to face with comedy this week.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: Say “howdy pardner” to Venus this week as she makes a
grand entrance into your sign. Venus is supposed the bring love, and light,
and lots of new age gooey-eyed feel good stuff. Unless, of course, you subscribe
to some of the older forms of astrology. There are a few folks who would argue
about the benevolent form of Venus. But hey, as far as we’re concerned here
at FGS World HQ, we’re going to go with the “feel-good” version of Venus, at
least for this week. So enjoy the ride. Or shut up and then enjoy the ride.
Try cigars and marshmallows,
with a little hot chocolate. Works for some of us in Texas pretty good.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: This week begins with a really weird thing happening. Now,
I’m not going to be too specific, but this really strange event occurs early
Monday morning. And then?
And then it’s up to you to do something with the really weird stuff that’s floating
around at that time. Nothing will stop this inexorable chain of events. Now,
after these dire warnings, you should realize, though, that I’m talking about
a positive thing happening. And guess what? It involves romance. One of those
“significant other” type of things, you know. And you know the drill, too.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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