Week of: 2/8-14

Panthino: I think your lordship is not ignorant
How his companion, youthful Valentine,
Attends the emperor in his royal court.

in Shakespeare's "Two Gentlemen of Verona" (I.iii.41)

Sunday is a good day, almost a great day, a wonderful day by some folks standards, and diaster by others. It depends on well target acquistion is on your end. Do you have your sites all lined up? Drawing a bead with Cupid's little arrow?

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Aren't you the lucky one this week? Just as it feels like Saturn will never, ever get done with you, along comes Jupiter, or, as some prefer to call him, Jove. And "By Jove!" as the cry goes, you've got a bit of the luck with you this week. The only problem that you will experience, if you have any trouble at all, is that Venus is in your Solar 12th House. Not exactly a great place, but there are some definite possibilities with a Pisces lurking. So I guess it depends on what your fishing for.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: An old Taurus friend used to insist that lovers should also be friends, and when they were just "friends" that would be okay, too. With Romance playing a big question in your mind right now, I suggest you surround yourself with friends because there's a lot of friends around to help ease any sorrow you might feel right now. And the company of good friends might help ease that sorrow, much better than a bottle and an old jukebox down at some dive, listening to old Patsy Cline songs. That's not what you need to do at a time like this. No walking after midnight for you this week.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: I know it's romance time. I know I have to write something about that gooey stuff called "love" for you this week. The deal is that there are a lot of varying influences operating on you right now. It makes for an interesting time. Aren't you glad you're Gemini? Any other sign would go to pieces because you've got some juggling in your schedule coming up. I usually joke about "bulk mail" valentine or buying a gift in bulk that says, "to the only one I ever loved...." However, this isn't at all a bad idea this week. Strike a deal with a florist and you'll be okay. And yes, it's okay to send guys flowers these days.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: One way or another, it's going to get you this week. And the antecedent to "it" means a romantic entanglement. In fact, it will feel pretty good to be gotten. But being bitten by the love bug doesn't always mean good things. Sometimes, nothing is worse than a doe-eyed Cancer individual, crooning love songs and mooning around the house. So, if it does get you this week, make sure that the weekend includes some kind of active activity. I might be repeating myself a little bit, but this is a gentle nudge to get you out of that Cancer shell, so you can enjoy the bug bite.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: I'll promise you that the big Valentine Day celebration is going to be good. It'll be a party. Sure. The only musical thematic equivalent I can think of for this week, and especially this weekend, is a song written by June Carter and Merle Kilgore. Made famous by The Man in Black Hisself, Johnny Cash. Know which one I'm talking about? Ring of Fire. And what could be a more appropriate title for this week, or a musical refrain for the big weekend? Lots of folks cover this song, so get one that fits your musical taste, but I'm sure you'll agree, before the week is up, that you've fallen into "a ring of fire" (and so will your target).

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: Venus is going to work on you this week. She's opposite your sign, over there in Pisces. And because of that single little fact, a Pisces will seem like the most attractive proposition this week. Careful what you fish for, you might just land one. And because the influence of Venus is so fleeting, even though it's opposite you, the romance this week might turn out to be fleeting, too. But that's not all bad, now is it? It's like fishing, at least you're getting some nibbles, right?

Libra [9/24-10/23]: You get to rest your hyperactive mouth this week. You get to feel good, enjoy the finer things about romance, have a great Valentine's Day, everything. It looks that good for you. But watch the overactive, hyper speaking thing. The good news is that your "special friend" that one person you want to be with, is more inclined to understand this new, somewhat pensive mood you're going into this week. A candlelight dinner, a single rose, staring longingly into your lover's eyes, you get the picture. Tone it down a little this week. Valetine's Day is meant for a wild keg party, like you used to do in school.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: I've always enjoyed that Scorpio smoldering sensuality, and this week, you guys are sizzling, with it. It's like a frying pan, just before you put that fresh fish filet into it, the grease is a-popping, and so are you. Now, be careful with that hot skillet full of love that you've got. This is brought on by a number of astrological configurations, but the most notable, according to my astro-fishing chart, is Mars slinking his way across that frying pan you call love. Or Scorpio. Doesn't much matter, and I can mix all the metaphors I want. You're hot this week, and it only looks good. Just make sure you use a pot holder to handle the hot stuff with, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Mr. Moon (or would that Mrs. Moon? Miss Moon? Ms. Moon? And why is the Moon always female?) makes a quick pass at you, and during that brief interlude, you are going to acquire a target. And with the same military precision you learned in Junior R.O.T.C. (or the Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, wherever) you will mount a successful raid and capture a heart. As of late, though, I found the best thing to do was plan a long expedition during this time so I could avoid all romantic raids like this. But it looks like you've got the target, and looks like you'll win your objective this week. Good luck, Captain.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: While everyone else is worrying about romance and stuff, I'm going to take a minute to lecture about cigars: the love of a fine, hand-crafted pleasure, a delicious moment to pause and reflect, a chance to savor something exotic from a strange place, evoking thoughts of stolen moments on Caribbean beaches. Might be the Dominican I'm smoking right now, but it could also be the hint, the aroma of love that is just fixin' to slap you silly this week. It's like that cigar, you try to stand up after smoking one of these babies, and you quickly sit back down again. A little chocolate milk will help, so enjoy the buzz this week.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: There is actually a calming influence in your neck of the woods this week. So relax a bit. Take a load off, quite worrying about this romance thing. You've got a long period of wonderfully productive introspection coming along. And, like me, you'll probably agree that there is way too much marketing hype surrounding this St. Valentine dude, anyway. Besides, the real secret for you this week is that you don't have to "look" for love. It's like the true message from Dorothy, in the epic thriller, "The Wizard of Oz": it's in your own backyard. Try hanging close to the house and see what happens.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Good news from the heavens this week: Mercury comes into your sign. Better news from the heavens this week: Jupiter moves into your Solar Second House. Best of all news from the heavens this week: Venus is here, all week, in Pisces. So, as far as the romance thing goes for you, because that's foremost on your mind right now, you're in very good shape. But you knew that. All those planets, and Mars over there in a compatible Water Sign, and you're sure to be the most lucky sign this week, at least, romantically.

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Kramer Wetzel