Week of: 4/12-18

    “No; that same wicked bastard of Venus that was begot of thought,
    conceived of spleen, and born of madness,that blind rascally boy that abuses
    every one’s eyes because his own are out, let him be judge how deep I am in
    Rosalind in Shakespeare’s As You Like It (IV.i.254)

Aries [3/23-4/20]: What a nice line up we have this week for the lucky sign of Aries! Go fishing, now. Mercury slides on into your sign and that lends a little bit of help, as does having some of the big boys here, also lending a hand, so to speak. With this nice line up of planes in your sign, you just absolutely have got to do something good with it. That means, this week, do something nice. It would be swell if you did something nice for your astrologer, but maybe I’m pushing my luck. If not me, then do something nice for yourself. Look on the bright side of things, this week. And look after business, too, because a little work in the work area of life will reap you some decent profits.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: With Ms. Venus moving into your solar second house, there is good news around the old trailer park. And some of the early morning fog has lifted. Yes, you were confused last week about everything, and especially about business. This week, you’ve got a degree of clarity. The old “shopping” Taurus is back again, and this time, for a change, it is NOT like a bull a South Austin China Shop. To be fair, I don’t really think that there are many South Austin China shops, but it’s a as good a metaphor as any. The only problem this week is the “yearn to earn” and the “shop till you drop” energies in your weekly chart don’t seem to line up. Aren’t you glad there’s plastic?

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: Shall we look at the good news first? It sure makes it a lot easier when I just concentrate on good news for the Gemini portion of the sky, and that little slice of heaven is gong to get a welcome boost as Venus finally makes her annual visit. Remember what it was a like a year ago? Good. It’s time to rehash some of that material, concentrating on the good news. In fact, as long as we are dealing with Venus, let’s just consider it all good news this week. There is one small problem, tough, and it’s like a perfect day fishing when you accidentally get a hook caught in your finger. Don’t worry about the minor drop of blood this week, just consider it an offering to the ancient gods of fishing, and get on about your business. It’s a good week, just about any way you slice and dice it. (And that’s why every good tacklebox has a little medication and a box of band aids.)

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Have we talked about the Fixed Signs? You know, the signs which might cause you some major headaches this week. It’s like a fishing partner who just can’t ever seem to get anything together on time. Not that most Cancer’s are known for being exceedingly punctual, but this week, you’re going to feel like you are always a little behind schedule and some of the fixed signs — I’m not naming names, but that would be Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius — at least one of them is out to get you this week and you need to pay extra special attention to getting everywhere you’re supposed to be on time. No reason to arouse the ire of the fixed ones.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: There are good days and there are bad days. I’m sure some form of Eastern Mysticism has a cute way of addressing this issue, but you’ve got them both. This week. Not much I can do about making the eternal precession of the heavens this week, but you’ve got both good and bad. The awful stuff is going to involve an endless parade of details which are too boring for you to deal with. The upside is that the big picture, for you, at work, is pretty good. Just be a little careful with sharp objects, like new fishing hooks. Those little barbs can get you this week.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: You know, perhaps this is a good time to review the Mercury Retrograde notes. No, Mercury is NOT retrograde, Mars is. And it’s affecting you like that other pesky kind of a phenomenon. You’re discovering that people just don’t seem to understand you this week. It’s like you’re speaking English in Texas. We find it amusing, but your accent has us completely baffled. We just don’t quite get what it is that you’re saying. Not that this is a problem, but you might try taking it easy on the rest of us. Creaming and yelling probably won’t help the comprehension factor. It might make you feel better, though.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: I sold my truck, my old, faithful truck, because she was getting a little too expensive to maintain. I was spending more time putting parts back on her, and I was spending more time working on her than I was riding around. This is one of those weeks when you need to decide whether you want to keep working on the old truck, or if it’;s better to put it out pasture. I’ve got more than one friend with a veritable used car lot in front of their trailer right now. Sometimes it’s just easier to retire the old vehicle. You’re going to be thinking along these lines this week. Time to hit a construction site for some new cinder blocks, maybe put that old truck on blocks for a spell.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: I don’t want a Scorpio as an enemy, not ever. It’s just not a pretty sight. In fact, with my limited Scorpio experience, I might never see a Scorpio enemy coming at me until it’s way too late. See how you are? Now, I’m just telling you that Mars is doing this to you, not me, not other astrologers, not the guys in the Star Chamber or Area 51. And as long Mars is doing this to you, it’s time to rest up. You’re going to feel you can’t beat the odds. You can beat the odds, but it looks like the house is winning right now. Go easy on far-flung gambles right now. And as far as romance goes, remember that the Roman God Mars can heal, too, and he can stand for Fertility as well as War, so there is hope. Just not a lot of it right now.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: When I last saw Shakespeare’s “Troilus and Cressida” on stage, I made note of a couple of good lines. One comes to mind right now, it’s dear Troilus (Hamlet ain’t got nothing on this character) as he says, “Brother you have a vice of mercy which better fits a lion than a man” [V.iii.43-4]. Now, as much as you feel like a tortured character this week, with all the winds of fate blowing ill against you, act noble. Old Troilus, he’s got a trick or two up his sleeve, and so do you. The deal is this: it ain’t the right time to trump this week. Play it cool. Mars is making for some bad times, so relax. Be merciful. You’ll thank me for this advice. Besides, a line from Elizabethan Literature works better than live bait this week.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Three steps forward, two steps backwards. Repeat. It reminds me of being in a military establishment — you feel like breaking with the tradition, the way people do things because “it’s the way we do it.” Old rules, old habits, old ways of doing things just don’t seem to work this week. Time to look at some good changes. Most Fishing Guides will tell you that the good Bass are still deep right now, but you might want try a top water lure this week, just for a change. You’ll be surprised what sort of good results you can have from challenging convention.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: The beginning of the week is full of the last of the details which need some attention. The later part of the week, though is a good time for an afternoon nap. Now, the afternoon nap, especially at work, is frowned upon; however, if you fish for a living, like some of us do, a good position is one where the pole is in our hands, the line in the water, and the hat pulled down low over our eyes. It’s a stealth nap. The way this week is working though, even while you doze at the lake, some pesky little fish will come along and nibble at your bare hook. It just seems like someone is always disturbing your rest these days.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: There’s nothing quite like having a little bit of fan mail from a Pisces to make me feel better. Of course, there’s always that one special Pisces who reads my material, and she inevitably takes great umbrage at whatever it is a I saw. A contrary Pisces? It defies the the rules of the universe. It’s like fishing without a pole, Bubba. This week bodes well for the sing of the Fish, though. Of course, you will say that I always say that, but Mercury is is leaving a lasting mercurial imprint on you as he makes fast tracks out of your sign this week. That, and the last sliver of the Moon combine to make for this to be a good time to wrap up some loose ends which have come unraveled. And this isn’t a fishing yarn, either.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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