4.26.1999

Week of: 4/26-5/2

“As yonder Venus in her glimmering sphere.”
Demetrius in Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream (III.ii.83)

Aries [3/23-4/20]: Aries is not known for being an inactive sign. Politely put, this is not the sign of the couch potato. The problem is that there is an alluring sense to this idea of being a couch critter this week. It’s not really a good idea. I mean, the idea looks good on paper, but it doesn’t really work with the Aries mind set. Jupiter and Mercury do a little two-step right now, and even though this dance isn’t considered fashionable in some circles, it does have a good metaphor for you this week. Are you the dance partner who is being lead around the floor by Mercury and Jupiter or are you going to get off the couch and lead this little quick two step?

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: This week is going to start with that ever present sense of dread. It’s not you, it’s Saturn and the Sun swapping positions because the Sun moves ever so much faster. Now, there’s also Mars, on the other side of the wheel, and Mr. Mars is still back spinning; however, he’s about to leave you alone. So, even though the week gets off to a rough start, one of those Mondays when there is a fog on the lake and you really, really don’t feel like moving from your home position, the week starts to brighten up as it goes along. You’re going to get a chance to put some of those Saturn ideas to work, a little later in the week. I know, work is a vile word, but it plays an important role this week, in your little soap opera.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: If you are an adept Gemini, and I can’t think of an example of a Gemini who is not adept, then the little stuff going on this week will far outweigh the big stuff going on. The big stuff is Saturn and and the Sun stirring up trouble in Taurus. The good news, and there’s lots of that, includes Venus and Mercury, and Jupiter, all making things good for you. Now, there’s just a little hint that some of this might seem to be too good to be true, and it’s only fair to warn you, that yes, my fine Gemini friend, some of this is too good to be true. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t take advantage of it right now. So when Fate, as decreed by the planets this week, offers you an opportunity, I want you to grab a hold of that break and exploit it as much as you can.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: There’s a bad moon on the rise this week. And rather than sound like some musical allusion to an era gone by, I would suggest that you exercise a little bit of caution with this Big Moon thing going on. It has a few “extenuating circumstances” which surround it, and that’s what going to affect you. As a Lunar Child, this Moon thing is full of promise, but there is a few stray bits of celestial gravel which makes this less than wonderful. Remember the last time you were at a Karoke Bar? Remember what happened that time? Both you and I know that this might not be a good week for that scene again. I know I promised never to bring it up, but there’s no sense in making a fool of yourself like that last time.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: It wasn’t long ago that I got to see one of the aging rockers from the early 1980’s get back up on stage and do a show. In fact, I was amazed at this performer’s ability to keep moving even though his body parts are bound to wearing out by now. Now, just like watching the geriatric rock and roll shows touring around, you are going to get some second life, and it’s time for you to jump back into the fray, so to speak. Leo likes attention, and like that aging rock icon, you get to claim a little more time in the spotlight. Just be a little careful, and plan this as best you can. It really looks bad when you forget the lyrics to a song that you wrote 25 years ago.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: I would gamble on a Virgo this week. Of course, using that fine Virgo intellect, you have already figured the odds and you don’t like the way it looks. But the gamble could pay off, it you are willing to stack the deck. My poker playing friends don’t like it when I start shuffling and grinning. Work on developing your poker face this week. You don’t need to have your outside appearance letting on that you know that the cards are in a perfect order for you this week, if you just play them right. Appearances are important this week — try to keep a straight face.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: Just when it looked like you about to get a nice big break this week, just when it looked like all the loose ends would look after themselves, just when it seemed like that one special Scorpio was going to actually be genuinely nice you, just when…. I think you can logically deduce what’s going to follow here. Just when it looks like it was all about to come together, you open up your briefcase (or back pack) and discover that there’s something missing. Ever put a jigsaw puzzle together, and discover, when it’s all assembled, that you’ve got one piece that really was missing? That’s what this week feels like, there’s something just not quite right. Don’t let it stop you.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: The next couple of days are really a time of high activity. Regrettably, my fine Scorpio reader, it also means that this is a time of high anxiety. I know, I know that you have been through a lot this week. And I know you are really going to feel like cutting loose soon. In a big way. Think Rodeo. I mean, it’s that big. A huge arena filled with sawdust, the smell of fresh wood chip and horse sweat. Mars backs down the last degree of your sign, and this will bring a little bit of welcome relief. I still might warn you when you draw a name from the hat, though, I don’t know if you’re going to like the animal that Fate herself has selected for you to ride this weekend.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Out romance on hold this week. Now, I just hate it when I call up a date on Friday night, and she says, “Can you hold a sec, hon?” But that’s what this week is going to feel like. I’m looking forward to a few emails that suggest Mercury is retrograde because Sagittarius will be experiencing the usual amount of delays attributed to Mercury times. But it’s not Mercury — it’s something else, but it is related. Romance need to upgrade the hold message on her phone this week. It looks like it’s going to be a little frustrating.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: I know that you have had a few problems, despite my wonderful overview and outlook for your Sun Sign, I realize that a few of you are just not getting what it is that you deserve. The perspicacious reader will note that there is no antecedent to the “it.” Whatever it is that you have been working for, will, however, materialize. It’s just too bad that the rest of the world doesn’t seem to adhere to your schedule. In other words, there will be a problem with timing. It’s not like it’s the end of the world, but there are some last minute delays in getting what it is that you deserve. Or, in other terms, maybe it’s a problem on collecting that big win I promised. it’s coming, just not on its expected date.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: You are a cool, calm and dispassionate sign. Usually. You remain calm in the face adversity. Usually. When someone else rocks the boat, you calmly start bailing the water. Usually. This is one of the weeks when someone else is rocking your boat, and you’ve had just about enough of this behavior. Now, go back to the earlier notes, about calm, unflappable behavior in the face mounting odds. If you can just keep your cool a little longer, keep bailing, you’ll do just fine. There is no reason, whatsoever, to panic. None. I know it seems like you sinking faster than you are capable of bailing water, but it’s just a trick of the light. At least I hope so, and I know you do, too.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: Be nice to me this week, oh wonderful sign of the Fish, and I’ll do my best to see that the planets get back into some kind of an order that will be nice to you. So far, my influence over the planets has proven to be pretty limited, but I’ll keep trying. And the influence of the planets over you is less than wonderful this week. But keep trying because it’s really not a bad week at all. You get a lucky break or two along the way. Maybe it’s not the really big break that you’ve been looking for, like having a film producer spot you at a booth in a South Austin Restaurant and decide that you’re the next big thing. But you might get a chance to be a background person, and it’s little bit of exposure. Enjoy it.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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