4.5.99

Week of: 4/5-11

“Look out kid, it’s something you did…” — Bob Dylan, Subterranean Homesick Blues

This discussion actually originated a little while back, but the concept bears a frutiful merit at a time like this because the way planets are, they all seem to be rearranging the astrological furniture. In some of the Feng Shui methods, a fish should be obvious when you walk into a house. So should that be the big bass you caught, or should it be the trophy trout?

Mars is in retrograde motion, and that reminded me of being at an airshow with my father. Now, the trivia question this week is how is an ME-109 (German vintage fighter airplane) like Mars Retrograde? Correct answers can qualify for a free “el-cheapo” chart interpretation, custom crafted in our East Austin Aircraft Restoration Shop and Bait Barn.

Aries [3/23-4/20]: The full effect of the frontal assault by Jupiter is passing as this week begins to unfold. In fact, the further into the week we get, the closer we come to some degree of calm and stability. There’s a subtle notion, sometimes a great idea, kicking around at the back of your brain right now, and you’ve got something just — looks like a great idea to me — just about to pop up and out. Now, the problem with this little idea, is that mental activity is associated with Mercury, and Mercury is still over yonder in Pisces. Until Mercury catches up with you, your idea needs to gestate. You don’t want any premature ideas coming at a time like this.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: With Saturn so firmly at home in your sign, I should be warning you about certain events like other astrologers, but for the next few days, Venus is making the sign of the Happy Face in your sign, and except for one Taurus that I know, the rest of you guys are going to be feeling a little bit like that happy face. The purported effect of the negative side of Saturn is going to be more than happily offset by Venus. Some astrologers will tell you that Venus can’t offset Saturn’s taciturn face and effect, but I have to take issue with that. Of course, there will be one of you who still feels rather sanguine but most of the good Taurus folks are going to enjoy some momentary revelry this week.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: There is a dark cloud following you around, and this dark cloud has a little heart on it, one of those emblems left over from Valentine’s Day. Unless, of course, you are a really forward thinking Gemini, and you are already on the prowl for NEXT year’s V.D., but I don’t think you are looking that far ahead. It’s Venus, kicking around in that sign which precedes you, and as long as Venus is there, like all this weekend, and into the beginning of next week, you are going to have “Love flashbacks” but I don’t think you’ll have “love” land in your lap. It doesn’t mean there aren’t exciting things going on, I just don’t reckon that real romance happens this week — but it’s real, real close.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: Just chill out. No two ways about it. The battles you’ve been fighting lately are kind of like fishing without bait. I mean, I’ve seen it work for some guys, the lucky fisherman who just dangles a hook in the water and lands some really nice catfish. But catfish is a bottom feeder, and you don’t want to spend the rest of the week with bottom feeders or attorneys (some folks would claim they are the same thing, but I don’t think so.) So quit being the “baitless” wonder this week.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: In the strictest of astrology terms, you’re under the “Head of the Dragon” this week, but in my world view, I think you’re going to feel like your under a different part of that dragon. I’m not talking about the constellation Draco, either, but it will feel like that there are certain draconian forces at work in your life. To make it all a little worse, Mr. Mars is is not being very kind this week. Too bad, too, because I’ve found that the easiest way to win a Leo is to be NICE to them. Regrettably, the planets don’t concur with my observations this week. Instead of tackling those problems like Dallas Linebacker, try treading a little more softly than usual. A little subterfuge, not a normal Leo quality, will go a long way this week.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: You get another week with daunting choices. Work or money? What will it be? Personally, from what I don’t know about human nature, I’d go for the money at a time like this. The love theme all too often seems like a cruel hoax perpetrated by an angry individual, and with Mars doing his backstroke, maybe that’s the best way to look at it. So go for the money thing this week, because there are some old business opportunities which are worthy of consideration. Make that reconsideration, and maybe add a little reconnoiter mission on top of that. You’re going to go back over some old notes and turn up some useful information.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: I believe it was about two years ago, and I suggested a new truck. Did you listen? Of course not. This week, you are stuck with a leaking water pump in your truck, and you just aren’t in a good enough financial position to purchase a new truck. On some vehicles, a water pump is easy to fix — it takes about twenty minutes in the parking lot of the auto parts store. But with Mars in its current state of disarray, it’s going to take a little bit more than the usual 20 minutes. What starts out as an easy task soon involves a “cherry picker,” a special wrench, several gallons of anti-freeze, and more gasket sealer than you ever thought. Instead of tackling that water pump yourself, especially this week, you might let an expert look at it.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: I love Scorpio’s. They “rock my world.” They are also going to spend the next fortnight or so, throwing rocks at me because I keep harping about Mars in Retrograde motion, and it’s doing this thing to the Scorpio’s. You’re going to feel like a bad comedy routine, in hostile showcase with an ugly crowd. Doesn’t matter what you try, it just seems like everyone is determined not to laugh at your jokes. And, to make matters worse, just as you leave the stage, you fall over. Of course, the crowd will find this uproariously funny. So don’t be surprised if you have some success this week, and don’t be surprised if it comes from tactless mistakes, too.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Have you ever hung out with a typical manic Gemini? She can laugh and cry at the same time. The mood swings vary with the moment. Why bother you with a this astrology insight into a sign opposite you? Because the first few days of this week, you’re going to be feeling like that Gemini, laughing and crying, sad and happy, ecstatic and depressed, all at the same time. So much for the interesting first part of the week, this whole mess settles down quickly — as soon as that old Moon moves out of Sagittarius, your life returns to some semblance of normal. I mean “normal” in a typical Sagittarius fashion which is anything but normal, however, it does get better.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: You’ve got gang – related problems. Before you freak out and think that I’m talking about some inner-city youth problem, let me explain: we all have a gang, a gang of friends, a loose association of cohorts, and this group of amigos with whom we have close, brotherly-sisterly love is going to begin to be recalcitrant. It’s not you, it’s them. Perhaps this is a time to start thinking about that “Lone Ranger” archetype. Yes, just you, but you’ll find that even your trusted companion seems to be a bit distant, and your horse is acting a little strange this week.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: At this point, I’m out of words. Men typically have a vocabulary of 2,000 words whereas women have 4 to 6K words in their everyday lexicon. By about 2:00 PM, I’ve used all my words, but my former girlfriends would still be working on their vocabulary. And it doesn’t matter what gender you are, this week, you’re going to feel like I do at 2:00 PM and say, “I’m out of words.” You just don’t have a lot left to say. You’ve exhausted your vocabulary. Look on the upside here, quiet time is an asset when you’re fishing.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: It’s a line from one Shakespeare’s plays, a later play, about a character who is born under a retrograde Mars because when it comes to a fight, he’s always running away. The last little retrograde left you shook up, all shook up, and this current backwards motion of the God of War is doing much the same, and anyway you slice it up, it ain’t pretty. I wish I had more reassuring news for you right now, but you’re all excited, dressed up for a big prom night, and your date seems to have left you behind. As a good Pisces, though, you know what goes around, is definitely going to come around, so be patient this week.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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© 1993 – 2021 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net &c.

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