6.7.99

Week of: 6/7-13

Delay leads impotent and snail-paced beggary:
Then fiery expedition be my wing,
Jove’s Mercury, and herald for a king.
Go, muster men: my counsel is my shield;
We must be brief when traitors brave the field.

Richard III, in Shakespeare’s Tragedy of King Richard the Third [IV.ii.86-91]

Weekly quiz question is Conjunct transiting Pluto this week.

Aries : Centimeter by bleeding centimeter, is the best expression I have for Aries for this week, with an infinitesimal (but very welcome) change in the direction of the planets, or a planet, as the case may be, you’ve got it going well. Almost. Sort of. Well, kind of. It isn’t happening fully yet, but it’s almost done. And the linear measurement of something a lot smaller than an inch is the best way to judge the improvements in the real world this week. However, while actual gains are small and seem quite insignificant, after what you’ve just been through, each one of these centimeters that you gain is like a mile of tough trail. It may feel like you aren’t making a lot of progress, but really, you are. And these small increments of improvement grow larger every day.

Taurus : Except for one or two special Taurus people, everyone else with this astrological placement in their chart is starting to feel like there is a ray of hope. It’s not like a giant ray of hope, but there is degree of insight you have gained over the last few weeks, a secret way of looking at things that only you understand. “Bemused” is a good expression for this. And this outlook is going to give you a chance to chuckle at the foibles of the universe this week. Now, you’ll be sitting in the front of the boat, quietly giggling to yourself, and your partner will get that look of consternation because he (or she) fails to understand just what is, “Just so funny,” as they will say. And trying to explain your wry sense of the absurd at a time like this isn’t such a good idea. Indicate that you were just remembering an old joke, and you don’t think they would get it right now.

Gemini : There are a couple of Gemini’s I know that are doing quite well at this point. To be sure, they’ve had their ups and downs, but this week, everything swings into high gear again. It’s like listening to 18-Wheelers on the open road, and the driver keeps grinding his way up to the taller gears. You guys are going to feel like you’re grinding your way up to taller gears, too. This isn’t going to be a smooth transition, though, and you do have a few little problems along the way which might need to be addressed. As long as we’re using the driving metaphor, make sure that you’ve got enough oil in the crankcase, and even more important, make sure that you’ve got the proper registration material in the glove box. While you’re busy shifting into higher and higher gears, you’re going to find that somebody along the way might want to check your paperwork, and it’s always a good idea to be prepared.

Cancer : As long as the Sun is shining in the Gemini quadrant of the sky, it’s not in the best possible place for approximately 94% of my Cancer friends. Doesn’t mean it’s all bad, but it is a time to take it a little more easy than you had planned. The problem is that the winged messenger is in your sign right now, so you feel like talking a lot more than usual. In fact, you’re going to be tempted to talk way too much. Now, the trick with this energy is to carry a little piece of paper and a pencil this week. Write those ideas down. Don’t try to tell everyone everything. It really is an annoying trait when your busy trying to tell me how to do my job. But write your observation down — you’re a witty person this week, with wonderful ideas sprouting from your fingertips. Just don’t bore the rest of us with your long-winded stories. It’s just the Mercurial influence of some smaller planet, and you don’t have to let this get to you. Or get to us.

Leo : I’m going to stretch a little on this one, for the Mighty Leo, because I always need to reach a little farther, stretch a little higher, go the extra mile for the Lions. It’s a great week in Leo Land. Venus is in your sign — that’s good for happiness. The tough planetary alignments are over with for the time being. That’s good news. The Sun is over yonder in Gemini, which, once again, is good for you. In fact, with so much good energy floating around, I’m sure that you will be able to take advantage of something, soon. I’ve been accused of relying on a single phrase to suggest how things are going to be Leo, but you know, this week, this phrase should really , really ring true for you. Party on, Leo.

Virgo : I wish I could get a handle on just what is up with Virgo this week. Of course, there’s a special Virgo I wish I could get a handle on, period. But I’m going to digress into a sad story of love gone awry if I keep talking about that one Virgo. The thing with this week, though, is a lot like that failed relationship. Or whatever it was. There is a tremendous amount of very positive growth potential in this week for the Virgo. There’s a lot of good stuff going on right now. But like that failed relationship, I made one little mistake, and I was doomed to hear about for the rest of my life. And that’s the way it might be this week for all the Virgo’s: we’re doomed to hear about all the mistakes when there really is a lot of good things happening at this time. Mars turns around, all the little planet soldiers are dressed up and marching in a benevolent fashion for you, and that one Virgo will call me and remind me that I wasn’t perfect. It’s not a perfect world, but that’s an ideal we all aspire to. Help the rest of us this week, my Virgo friend, don’t be so down.

Libra : Yes, Mars the motivator has finished a turn around trip in your sign. Yes, sometimes we would rather have him called Mars the Terminator. And while we’re reeling off the planetary influences right now, Jupiter and Mars are not so close to be an exact opposition, but there will a be a few sensitive Libra types who will certainly feel the effect of this imperfect alignment. So much for the astrology update. It means that the whole scene for Libra is getting better. It may not happen all at once, but a smile has been gone from your face for while now, and you’ll find that it’s creeping back in now. It might be more of a wry grin, a simpering tone in your voice, but there is something that is definitely looking a lot brighter than it had before.

Scorpio : You know, M/M Scorpio, you know, it’s just one of this weeks. Inch by inch, or perhaps it’s slightly smaller increment of measurement, but whatever by whatever, it is improving. Mars has righted itself, and now you feel like one of those camping canoe exercises, you know, where you swamp the craft and then learn how to bail it out. The good news is that there is built in flotation devices in the good ship Scorpio this week. And the canoe trick might be something a little different — it could be like one of those high tech, roll over kayaks this week. They’re always fun to watch as they spin under and pop back up on the other side. So this week might feel like that. We can no longer keep your head under the water. I told you it was getting to be a better week, bit by bit. (just keep bailing)

Sagitarius : A long time ago, there was famous Dallas Cowboys’ Quarterback. His claim to fame was the “Hail Mary” pass. He could reach to always surmount incredible odds and make it a winning game. In fact, he singlehandedly is credited with giving them the name, the “Cardiac Cowboys.” This is a week, which is just like one of those games in the past, a desperate, almost futile, attempt to win works out. I’m not one for playing the long shot, the pass that comes from halfway down the field. I’m not one for suggesting that you launch one last hope with a quick prayer and trust the odd deities that it will all turn out okay. I could never suggest a long shot, with the clock running down below the two minute warning as a way to get out of your current predicament. But you never know with Sagitarius luck, it just might work this week. Just don’t forget why this is called a “Hail Mary” play. E-mail me the name of that famous player, and where we both went to school, and I’ll send you an abbreviated “el-cheapo” chart interpretation, custom crafted from fresh ascii, here in South Austin.

Capricorn : “But seriously folks,” is about the only way I can sum up your week astrologically. I realize that some Capricorn’s are accused of being too serious too much the time. And I know that there is a secret component of humor locked away in every Capricorn soul. It’s time for the dry, sardonic wit to shine. Yes, brush off the jokes, lighten up your companion’s load right now, and practice the stand up routine. Perhaps you’re not actually going to do some real stand up comedy, but sometime this week, you will find yourself center stage, and when that white spot light is on you, a quick and amusing anecdote will help loosen up the crowd. You’re going to want to be fast on your feet, and ready to deliver the punch line with your typical ascetic style. When the Universe is kind enough to give you just such an opportunity, don’t let us down — we need your humor to lighten our week.

Aquarius : To thoroughly mangle a few lines from literature is sometime a good thing to do: “Ask not for whom the relationship tolls; it tolls for you.” Yes, it’s Venus and yes, she’s in Leo, and yes, that is opposite you, and yes, there are far too many affirmatives in this sentence. The bumpy toll road of a relationship is going to exact (extract maybe) a service charge from you this week. It’s not like relationships are ever a smooth trip to begin with, but this week’s stellar lineup includes some changes in your current status. This is what’s going to cause a little bit of a burden on your route through this week. Of course, most signs assume when I mention “relationship” it is the “Good Ship Romance” but that’s not always the case, especially with an Aquarius. And especially this week. So as you traverse this highway of love, please remember what it says at the toll booth: Exact change only.

Pisces : There are some days we’d rather just forget about. Then there is a week like this one wherein nothing seems to move quite right. Or not quite in your direction. There’s a little bit of left over energy, something like an unfinished project you were working on last month, and this undertaking needs your undertaking this week. I am not being obtuse, either. There is something left over which would be a good idea to wrap up and get it done with. Put it to bed. Put it to rest. Clear out the cobwebs. Choose anyone of hundreds of cliched expressions, but do something. I’m sure you’re up to it. The other item which needs your attention this week is called “leisure time.” Here, at the lake, it’s easy. That means a boat and a fishing pole. Your choice for leisure time might vary, but you get the general drift. Deal with the old mess and then take some time off. There, that wasn’t too obtuse, was it?

© Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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