7.26.1999

Week of: 7/26-8/1

“Alack! our terrence moon
Is now eclipsed; and it portends alone
The fall of Antony.”

Mark Antony in Shakespeare’s Antony and Cleopatra, III.ix.263-5

Lunar eclipse 28th — but it doesn’t portend the fall of yourself. Or myself, at least, I hope it doesn’t portend such things. The first line in the Capricorn scope refers to a quote from Shakespeare. What line was intended, and why is this important? Drop me a line with your answer and get a chance to get a free, quick “FGS Planet Profile” delivered to your doorstep via E-mail.

Aries : There’s an obvious disappearing act going on right now, and this has a lot to do with the unstable nature of reality. If that sounds a little to mystic, how’s about one of your ex significant other type of person shows up at the front door of the house. I can speak from time worn experience, there’s always a back way out, and you might want to make sure that your back way out works this week. I understand that running away is not the typical Aries way of dealing with a problem, but this week, trust me on this one, this week it’s the best way. I know you would really like to give that person a good piece of your mind right now, just for your own peace of mind. The problem being, with the planets in such a strange array, that a confrontation can escalate into a major war. That’s not really what’s called for at this time. Sneak out the back door.

Taurus : One of the things I liked best about Mark Antony is when things looked bad, I mean, really bad, and us sitting there in audience kept thinking it can’t get any worse, then what happens? It does get worse. Taurus and Mark Antony have a lot in common this week. Not only is Mercury retrograde, but there is an eclipse as well. And Saturn and Uranus are duking it out. And Mars is in Scorpio, opposing everything you do. Take your pick. It’s going to be one of these, or a not too subtle combination of them all. Just when you thought you should be on top of the world, sort of like Antony’s Queen, just when you thought it was all going to be okay, just when you thought maybe the stars were going to give you a break, you get hit with something like this. If I recall properly, Cleopatra did consult a fortune teller, and he did prophesize that things were going downhill. I’ll bet he got beaten for that, too. Don’t beat me, and just hang on, the worst is almost over.

Gemini : I don’t often advocate that the best course of action is no action. And I don’t often suggest that you do nothing, especially not to a Gemini. However, this week, with the other signs all stirred up like dust devils spinning off a great West Texas tornado, you’ve got to be a little more careful than usual. There’s no reason for you to be getting yourself into trouble, particularly when this is trouble that you can certainly avoid. “Now why would I want to avoid trouble?” you ask yourself. Self: this isn’t a week to settle old scores, or to start new ones. Picking a fight right now is like trying to pick a fight with a hurricane, it just doesn’t work. Yes, there are some things in life bigger and stronger than a Gemini. Even something that’s full of more wind than a Gemini, too. So when you see something come blowing your way this week, just duck. Run for cover. Maybe hide in a ditch or the storm cellar. It will all blow ever, eventually.

Cancer : In my own mind, and in some of my written work, I’ve equated Mercury with the mythic figure of the Trickster. Call him what you want, but the errant planet is sneaking back into your sign at the end of the week, just to add a little bit of mayhem and havoc to an already tumultuous time. I can hear the screaming from the Cancer Camp right now, “Leave us alone!” I’m not picking on you. It’s the planets, see, the planets are like an old truck. In this case, the old truck really needs a tune up. Right now, and for the rest of the week, you’re going to feel like you’re caught in belligerent, belching, backfire of that truck. To be sure, you’re not the only sign that’s feeling this way, but at this point, and for the rest of the week, you do feel like there’s this little cloud right over your head. I always say look on the bright side, that cloud keeps the hot sun from overheating you right now. I doubt you’ll find it that useful though.

Leo : Most folks don’t remember when you had to stop and pay a toll along the Dallas Fort Worth Turnpike. It’s now just plain, old interstate highway. As it snakes through the mid-cities area, however, it passes an internationally famous amusement park. Six Flags, the original. Version Number One. And, along that old turnpike, there’s one of the nastiest, meanest, most onery looking roller coaster rides you will ever see. In fact, few of my friends have ever successfully ridden that monster with their hands in the air the whole way. Sooner or later, fear grips them and they grip the bar in front of them. What’s with the roller coaster talk? It’s that week, a week when you face your fears, and I hope you come out without having to grab onto something. This week, you’re really going to feel like there’s nothing there. Remember, you stood in line for this one, so you’re supposed to enjoy it (even if it makes you scream).

Virgo : You know, I’ve got to come up with some better musical allusions. I’m doing my best to stay with the younger set. I can’t keep make references to music which really shows my age. Or movies that are long out dated and nothing more than a faded memory or a video cassette. So I won’t talk about Jaws, or the theme song. However, Venus, who was supposed to be kind to you, has decided to take a minute vacation from her good ways, and stir up a little trouble for you. It’s not bad. Well, it’s not too bad. She’s just doing a retrograde thing which means the romance thing needs to take a little bit of a breather right now. Of course, it’s been a weird summer for love, anyway. Styles from long ago have risen from the dead, and with both Venus and Mercury in a tailspin, I would suggest that you have somebody who will appear at your doorstep this week, looking like they still need to be buried again. Imagine a week of “Night of the Living Dead.”

Libra : A member of your immediate family will approach you this week. Be cautious. While this looks and feels like a normal encounter, there is something amiss with it. I don’t want to suggest that some one close to you would actually try to scam you, or try to pull a ruse over your head (how I get my metaphors mixed up when Mercury is out of synchronization), but I’m not too sure that this is the time start this new endeavor. It doesn’t look like it’s the one for you. Timing is everything, and this close personal friend, maybe even your own offspring or parents, well, their timing is bit off, too. The trouble with this is that you are more inclined to swallow this bait that they throw out at you. In fact, you’ll gobble up the bait, the line, the pole, and be starting to gnaw on the arm before you realize that it isn’t what it was supposed to be.

Scorpio : It’s cage rattling time here in the Land of Scorpio. You’re going to feel like you might be living in the land that someone forgot about, but I’m not sure if that’s the right reference or not. In any case, you will feel like someone has blocked all avenues for you this week. And your little emotional meter is going to be ticking over and over, and it feels like it might have reached its limit. That’s why I suggested that it was cage rattling time. Now, those bars in front of you this week, those big, metal bars over the window, or the door, grab “aholdt” of those bars, and give them a good shake. Pretty secure, aren’t they? In fact, you cannot rattle them loose. However, not being able to shake them loose is not a problem for you. Not really. By the end of the week, you will find that those bars are not keeping you in, but keeping you out. Like out of trouble. Instead of making a big ruckus, all you had to do was walk away. Of course, I’ve never seen a Scorpio just walk away from a good fight, even if it with a fixed object.

Sagittarius : Everybody is having a tough go of it, what with these eclipse patterns, the retrogrades, and the odd angles between the big players in the sky. And as much as a good Sagittarius wants to be a player, this isn’t the week for it. You can act the fool if you so desire, and little comic relief is always welcome. but don’t be relying on the typical Sagittarius to luck to pull you out of this one right now. Nope, it’s just not a good week for it. There will be a break in this infernal string of bad luck that you’ve had. Bad luck isn’t characteristic of the sign of the archer. In fact, this week, you are likely to feel like you are only operating at half speed. And when it comes to your archetype, the Centaur, you’re going to feel like you are the lower half of the half man, half horse. The rear, lower half, to be precise. Don’t let it get you down. There’s always tomorrow.

Capricorn : These late eclipses do portend something. Just what, for your sign, it is hard to say. Astrology isn’t about guesswork, though, and little bit of scientific inquiry has turned up a few facts that might be helpful. Uno: Emotions are high this week, especially in the first half of the week. Two-o: Feelings are not reality. Three-o: reality is slippery this week. What can we deduce from the conundrum of a week like this? Don’t let the way you feel about something, I sure hope it’s a thing and not a body, anyway, don’t let the way you feel interfere with what is really going on. Just because you feel like getting out of town, avoiding a problem, as it were, doesn’t mean that this is the best course of action. Solipsism be damned. Don’t let the little stuff annoy you this week. You’re going to be feeling rather on edge, and you’ll want to get out of the house, it just that I’m not sure it’s safe out there.

Aquarius : I once played a game with an Aquarius. It involved numerous faxed communications, emails, the occasional postcard from far flung destinations, and it never involved talking on the phone. This is a good week for just such a game because some of your communication is going to get garbled, no matter what you try. I prefer leaving a written record of what’s been said, except in cases when I don’t want a record. But those cases are increasingly rare these days, thanks to a good Aquarius lawyer. You’re going to want to leave a record this week, too, and I can only hope that you don’t need a good lawyer, like I did. It really wasn’t me, but I had to prove it. This week, you’re going to want to keep evidence that it wasn’t you, too. In the event that you’re wondering what all this legal stuff is about, I suggest that you try to keep your little emotional side intact this week. “But Aquarian’s don’t have emotions!” is what the other signs say. Between you and me, I think you do. In fact, by the end of the week, we might have evidence of this.

Pisces : There is a lot panic this week, and it’s true: this week’s chart, as a whole, doesn’t look too promising. Now, for the little Fish side of the chart, though, there are lot of promises. The very same heavenly object which is one-half of the eclipse is also bringing you some luck a little later in the week. The problems is that is not the kind of “get lucky” luck where guys stick elbows into ribs and act jovial. Nope, not as long as Venus is retrograde is this really a romantic type of luck. I suggest, that despite the stellar influences of the negative sort, that your own, personal Pisces slice of the sky is really on a little bit of an upswing. Call it some kind of a Lunar Lift, but this is little “get out of jail free” card at time when you need it the most. As Mark Twain once noted, “Tell the truth or trump, but get the trick.”

© Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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