Week of: 8/16-22/99
“O! ten times faster Venus’ pigeons fly
To seal love’s bonds new-made, than they are wont
To keep obliged faith unforfeited.”
Salarino in Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice [II.iv.6-10]
There’s a quote in the Sagittarius Scope this week. We know which character says it. Act and scene are included. The question is, who is she addressing? More important, what is she really saying? Send me the right answer via E-mail [KramerW@aol.com], and I’ll see about sending you an abbreviated “el-cheapo” astrological profile, via E-mail.
Aries : The tension from the last few weeks is beginning to shift, lessen a little, and the world is gradually going to be back to where it belongs. It hasn’t been exactly a kind place to be lately; however, but there is a degree of hope right now. This week brings some crustacean’s to the top of the creek, and even though crayfish are not really in season, the mud bugs seem to be crawling up and begging to be put in a pot of boiling water. Rather than worry about the implications for these baby lobster looking things, consider getting a hold of your distant kinfolk in Louisiana. See if they have any tasty suggestions on what to do with Crayfish. Instead of arguing with this week, figure out a way to make a good meal out of the situation. The stars will lend you a hand, and the shoreline of life is scattered with shellfish.
Taurus : I realize, sooner or later, that you are going to be turned into a paranoid, sniveling wreck of person. It isn’t me, and I’m certainly not out to get you. I know it feels like that, and all I’m trying to do is to let you know that the odds are good that you feel like the odds are bad. Or, at the very least, all stacked against you. While it certainly feels like this, and especially this week, it’s merely the odd bits of gravel in the sky working their way through various signs, and these odd pellets are nothing more than a minor irritant. Being the delicate and sensitive Taurus that you are, though, even a minor irritant can inflame your delicate sense of touch right now. The best way to deal with this internal inflammation and general sense of unease is to smile. I know, you’ve heard it before, but try being nice in spite of what is going on. You will be very surprised at the outcome. A gentle and wry grin from Taurus this week can help smooth over some of these irritating circumstances.
Gemini : There are some highways out in the Western part of the United States which wind and twist up treacherous mountain roads. I’ve chased up and down those hills, looking for those sweet spots to trout fish. Ain’t nothing better than Trout Fishing in America. One of the common signs on the roads is “Watch for Falling Rock.” This week, you need to heed that sign and make sure you check the sky occasionally. There might be something falling out of the heavens and landing on your head. A good hat, preferably with the picture of a fishing lure on it, might be the best way to avoid such troubles. A full face helmet, complete with a life support system, piped in music, and a two way radio would also help. There are some who would suggest that a single band radio doesn’t cover enough bandwidth for a Gemini, but I would suggest, this week alone, that only one band needs to be covered. Stick to one form of communication at a time this week, and do what the sign says, watch for falling rock.
Cancer : By the end of the week, we have a Moon who is getting pretty big and bright. There would be some astrologers who will tell you that this might have an adverse affect on poor old Moon Children. Even poor, young Moon Children. I’d like to suggest that it isn’t so much the adverse affect of the Moon, no, this week, it’s the adverse affect of the fixed Signs, and their grumpy attitude towards the sensitive Moon Children. So check your chart, Bubba and Bubbette, see if there isn’t some Fixed stuff in it giving you a hard time. It’s like the “back to school” stuff all going on right now, all that marketing blitz is doing is leaving you a little frustrated because there just isn’t enough of you to go around this week. Or maybe it’s your cash supply, but I promise your attitude changes by the weekend.
Leo : It is an interesting time, my finest of Leo friends. Of course, this is a week, about in the middle of the week, when you’re going to feel like the finest of Leo fiends, not friends. In fact, some of your friends will look like a delicious morsel to you. It reminds me of one of the best selling albums of all time, and what you need to do is reach back with me to the hey day of yesteryear, and imagine a guy with one glove and red jacket. Thriller was the name, and the accompanying video had this really cool special effects thing where the singer got all bent out of shape and turned into a creature of the night. I would hardly ever want to disparage my dates, but I’m pretty sure I dated this guy’s sister. So either you’re going turn into a large varmint, or you’re going to wind up with a large critter for date. The good news is that it all settles down, back to normal, as the weekend gets here.
Virgo : I got off on a weird rant, not long ago, and I wonder how this might help you this week. It involved words like transmogrify, transubstantiation, transmute, and then, transmission. It’s been a long time since I’ve sullied my hands with the actual toil of yanking a transmission out of a truck. But it is messy work, and some would suggest, this is work not becoming of a Virgo. However, in keeping with the transition of thoughts, you’re going to find that you will spend part of this week in your own world where you can’t seem to transmit anything out to the rest of us. It’s not altogether bad, it’s sort of like a perfect Virgo world. Everything is clean, and neat, and right where you left it. Unfortunately, you’re going to need some transportation, at some point, and that’s when things get sticky. I don’t claim to be the best astrologer in the world, but I’d watch out for transmission problem, either actual, or transitory, this week.
Libra : Activity is a good thing. Some folks think that you Libra’s are just spinning your wheels, like you’re stuck in the driveway out at the ranch. A little late summer rain has rendered the drive up to the ranch house somewhat impassable unless you’re willing to get out in the mud and flip the hubs over to four wheel drive. Now, this little allusion to hubs might escape some folks, but if you’ve ever had one of those old time four wheeled drive vehicle, you know just what I’m talking about. And this is a week when you might just forget to put the four wheel drive thing in action until it’s a little too late. Of course, it’s never to late to power yourself out of there, just be prepared to slip you life into four wheel drive, find that granny gear, and listen to the motor as it generates enough Libra-like torque to get out of the quagmire. Will you make it? I’m sure you will, no mud — or earth signs — will slow you down. Just remember to use the lower gear ratios in order to get going this week.
Scorpio : Except for one Scorpio who might experience a few MINOR setbacks this week (Hi Mom), there shouldn’t be too much standing in your way right now. Mars is still in the tropical zodiac sign of Scorpio. And Mars still means activity. And drive. The unfortunate turn of astrological events over the last week or so has set up a scenario where things from the past are coming up. It’s like a late blooming crop, am early version of the fall harvest season, and I would suggest that you get on your Scorpio farm equipment, and get out there to reap some of what you have sown. You’re going to have a few long days this week, and the good news is that you will have commiserate amount of energy to help deal with these long days. Of course, here at headquarters, we still feel like long days of hard work are their own reward, and I’m sure you know just what I mean. Ma Wetzel does look good astride Pa Wetzel’s tractor.
Sagittarius : I suppose I should wax eloquent about romance right now. Of course, for all my purported eloquence about romance, you still think about that one line from Hamlet’s mom, when she’s addressing the old windbag, “more matter with less art.” (II.ii) Eschew the high flying flattery this week, get down in true Sagittarius fashion, get right down to the basic of the situation. In all honesty, it’s really not a wonderful time for romance because you’re going to be feeling sorely put upon by that significant other. One of the joys of being single is that the only one who is putting anything on me this week is the cat, and all she really wants is food. Seems my lyric poetical moments are lost on her. You’re probably going to be feeling much the same way. Save it for another time, like in about two weeks when this love “thang” heats up again.
Capricorn : In one of the older texts that I often consult, I have found that the title to your sign is not Capricorn, but frequently “Capricornus.” It’s the Latin addition of the “us” suffix that’s important. This is an “us” week for you. Teamwork is important. And with football just beginning to take shape for the year, you’ve got some good ideas about sport metaphors for pulling your own team together. So, for the rest of this week, I feel like addressing all Caps as “Coach.” In some circles, this is not a term of endearment; however, deep in the heart of Texas, where football is more like a religion than a mere sport, this term is one of deep, personal meaning. So, Coach, this week you get to help guide the rest of us. Remember that old Latin version of your sign, too, and don’t forget that this is an “us” week, not a “me” week. Not for Capricornus.
Aquarius : You have a few ideas which are moving ahead at a rapid rate. Of course, these ideas are not without some problems. I know that you know that romance is a big issue right now. I mean, it’s a big issue for your sign. But as big as that issue might feel like right now, I still would urge you to use a little caution when dealing with those tender and romantic moments. The other side of this proverbial coin is that your brain is working overtime on some new ideas. Something is afoot in your brain zone, and whatever ideas you’ve got bubbling up are certainly worthy of note. To put it simply, romance is still not a good idea due to the pejorative effect of a minor Venus movement across the sky from you. Work and career, however, is a good idea. And this whole mental metaphor is even better because your brain has never been sharper. It’s just getting the information out without cutting anyone else that’s the problem this week.
Pisces : Lyric prosody is a wonderful element to introduce at this time, but a little poetical rhetoric might get lost. Despite the fact that old Ms. Venus is moving in a backwards fashion, I would still go against all odds and make a romantic prediction for my favorite fishes this week: yes. That’s the answer to the question. Now, what’s the question? Don’t forget that Pisces is heavily associated with the planet Neptune, and that might cause a little confusion. So my analysis of you astrology chart for this week still holds that you have some kind of romantic interest which is both alive and kicking. Of course, you’re going to feel like a fisherman who has landed a big fish still full of fight, and this big fish is now in the boat, but he’s flipping his tail around, jumping and trying to get free. My suggestion is to hit him over the head. It’s a trophy size fish; however, so make sure you don’t damage it too much.
© Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net, 1999
