8.30.1999

Week of: 8/30-9/5

“… Zeus harangued the immortal powers:
‘Ah how shameless–the way these mortals blame the gods.
From us alone, they say, come all their miseries, yes,
but they themselves, with their own reckless ways,
compound their pains beyond their proper share.'”

from Homer’s Odessey, Robert Fagles’ translation, Book I, lines 26-40

I came across this passage, it’s from a fairly recent translation which garnered much acclaim, even on the popular level. But I feel like Zeus this week, and we can’t all blame the planets for our own foibles. Except me, of course, because I am an astrologer.

Aries : Horoscopes like this week are easy to write. Nothing but sunshine, green grass, good grazing, excellent fishing, and compatible partners is the way your week is supposed to be. To be sure, you might be a little on edge in the early part of the week, and I would suggest you eschew the “free buffet” stuff. But this week, you’ve got so many little oddball things lined up that look good, it really doesn’t matter. The operative word is “party.” Given what the sky looks like for other people, we might want to keep that special word this week as our little secret. Then again, one of the things I so dearly love about Aries is that you don’t keep a secret too well. But you might try to keep it a secret that things are good for you this week.

Taurus : I know you’ve been feeling like everyone is getting together and excluding you from the meeting. I realize that you feel like there is a committee deciding your fate — only you weren’t invited. And I understand that the creeping sense of paranoia is still with you. There is an astrological respite, a brief interlude, a break in the disharmonious music floating through your sign. It comes late in the week, and suddenly, there’s a little ray of hope. Have you ever watched one of the more tedious versions of a Shakespeare play? Something really long and drawn out, and you just don’t get the language thing? Late this week, you get an intermission. Or as the British say, an “Interval.” You might feel like the 15 minutes is not enough, but you will have renewed enthusiasm by the time we all get to Act IV.

Gemini : I haven’t figured out how you do it yet, but every time I take an informal poll, Gemini always wins, usually with twice as many votes as any other sign. So you’ve got that going for you. And we all still love you the most because there’s twice as much to love in a Gemini. However, this week is going to present you with some problems a little later in the week. The problems have a lot to do with your ideas, of which there are many, and the ideas of some of your friends, of which there are many. In fact, at one point, late in the week, you might feel like you tackling a problem all by yourself. My suggestion is try a typical Gemini trick, approach the problem from a plethora of routes. Don’t try just one way to find a solution. You might feel like you’re all alone, but that doesn’t mean you have to just give it one try.

Cancer : One of the more common ways of defining the Sign of the Crab is talk about how you guys can retreat into your shell. It is merely an allegory for certain crab-like behaviors you might display. Due to the perturbations in the orbit of the Moon, and seeing as how that is the symbol we always associate with our sign, there is a degree of this retreat becoming more obvious this week. It looks like you are withdrawing from society. It looks like you want to run away from it all. It looks like you wish you were all alone on a desert island. Now, this is not a practical way to live, but I would suggest that you go ahead and give yourself the time alone right now. There’s nothing going on that can’t wait until next week. Go ahead and pull inside that comfort zone of your shell, and think about it all. As an extra tip, chicken-fried steak, with a good cream gravy and mashed potatoes makes excellent comfort food this week. Of course, just about anything chicken fried works for some of us delicate Cancer’s.

Leo : This week is the calm before the storm. Now, whether this is a real storm, or one of those metaphorical storms, I guess the definition is best left to you and your geographic location. I’m not much on weather these days, besides astrological weather. But it bodes well, one way or anther. Of course, here in Texas, a storm is usually extreme. Either it’s too dry and we’re baked, or “it comes a flood,” and we get washed down to the Gulf. This week is that eerie calm before the big blast hits. I hope you put this calm time to work for you. I wish I could promise that it was all going to be good, but I’ve learned (the hard way) not to make false promises to a Leo. However, now that you know about what’s just up ahead, you can get ready. Ever hear about Hurricane Parties? Imagine yourself getting ready for one of those. You can make it fun, if you want.

Virgo : Let us celebrate some this week. Not everyone is having a good time, but if you can get out of your old Virgo’s self’s way, you’ll find that you can, indeed, have a nice time. No, it won’t be perfect, but it will be pretty good. Sometimes, the real trick in celebrating a birthday is to go ahead and put on the goofy hat that they made for you. Sometimes, a little levity is a good thang. Sometimes, if you just let it happen, a party can occur. I realize you were planning to make it a little more organized, but if you just let it all be, let the plans alone, let someone else attend to the details, you’ll find that this is a good week. It may not be the best of weeks, but if your birthday is this week, I can promise that the next year is going to be better. You’re going to find that you are “live” one this week, and any fisherman will tell you that “live” ones are a lot more fun to reel in. I hope you get the hint.

Libra : I want you, my dear Libra friend, to adopt a more positive attitude this week. That’s about the only way we’re going to make it through this week. It’s not so much a bad week, I mean there are no major planetary influences which are out to get you. It’s not as if there are great numbers of problems to pester you with. It’s more like a house guest who has over stayed his or her welcome. One Texas scribe refers to them as “house pests.” It’s not a problem, really, and you keep making an effort to be the gracious host that you always are, but this persistent guest is taking too long in the bathroom, using up a little too much of your paper products, and not offering to help pay his or her way. That, combined with the fact that this person’s vacation should have been over last week, and the guest is still here, might begin to wear on your patience. Fortunately, for them, you can be nice. It’s not one, big problem, just an accumulation of little ones. Dealing wit the minor mishaps, one at a time, is the easiest way to make it through the week.

Scorpio : Mars will not gracefully exit your sign’s little slice of the sky without one, last, single astrology event. This is like a phone call from Bubba, a not so subtle reminder that he needs to talk to you about this or that. Whatever the topic, whatever the apparent distraction, there is something which is going to be, almost literally, crying for your attention. It happens in the middle of the week, and then, after this little instance of astrological upheaval, only then, does everything go back to normal. Perhaps “normal” is harsh word, but there is a certain amount of equilibrium which has been missing, and you find that you’re feeling a little more relaxed, a little less tense, and a little better able to deal with some of the problems. Perhaps it’s because you’re older and wiser. Or might just be the planets shifting around.

Sagittarius : Early in the week, there are a number of minor annoyances which are just that: minor. It’s just the nature of the days. It’s like you really want to go fishing, but can’t seem to fit it in your schedule. And Bubba wants to go and slam some pool balls around, too. And you just can’t seem to find time for that, either. In fact, there’s just not enough of anything this week. Wait, it gets better. Mars is about to come screeching into Sagittarius, a little later this week. Get yourself geared up for this because it is going to stand for one thing: activity. Get ready because there is going to be an explosion when Mars hits, and you want to do two things: one, look out for the shrapnel, the so-called fallout, and two, get ready to ride the after shocks of this sudden release of energy. So there you have it, get ready, get set, go.

Capricorn : There’s always one Cap who writes to me to remind me that things are not nearly as good as I suggest that they are. And I’m still suggesting that this is a good week for you. And I’m looking forward to that one note, maybe it will be a postcard, exclaiming how wrong I am about how good things are for Capricorn. Between you and me, I’d make a small wager that there must be a fair degree of Virgo in that one Cap’s chart. The Sun is in Virgo right now, and that bodes well for the Goat. Just be a little careful this week, even though summer is coming to an end, it’s still hot out there, in most parts. And if you have that Virgo thing in your chart, you don’t want to wind up looking like Cabrito. It’s a solar influence this week, and there should be sun shining on you every where. A little sun block/sunscreen might help.

Aquarius : While some folks will spend the week talking about the other peoples’ stuff, and this really applies to Aquarius, you’re going to find that the FGS way of looking at things is a little different. Of course, just about every Aquarius is a little different, so I’m sure we’re on the same wavelength, so to speak. There’s a good deal of highly unstable energy floating around you this week. It’s like the time Bubba insisted on using artificial bait, and he kept reeling in fish. Everyone else was stuck with a boatload of live bait, and the only thing I could suggest was get a little rice and make one of those Japanese treats out of the left over bait. So continue on your own, unusual, way of conducting business this week. As you go about your days, you’re going to find that your methods, while unorthodox, do seem to have merit. Results count.

Pisces : Return with us now, to the thrilling days of yesteryear, and listen to our stories…. it sounds like a good introduction to this week, and with the way the planets stack up, it’s an inherent theme for this week. There’s an old Kinky Friedman novella which has a title that merits this week, too. It’s called “Blast from the Past.” All of this past blasting is coming to you from a fortuitous Mercury and Sun confabulation in Virgo. In case you’re not up on it, Virgo is the sign opposite you. And this week is going to be a subtle reminder of past deed, past events, and something which requires your attentive action. This means you’ve got a little left over, and probably forgotten, business that needs you. Or your attention. Whatever.

© Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net, 1999

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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