Week of: 8/9-15/99
“You foolish shepherd, wherefore do you follow her
Like foggy south puffing with wind and rain?”
Rosalind in Shakespeare’s As You Like It [III.v.67-8]
Eclipse on 11th — which overshadows any game show questions, but, of course, that begs more.
Aries : There are enough literary references in Shakespeare’s canon of work alone to keep an army of scholars busy for years on end. And these are just the allusions to eclipses. While Shakespeare’s world view held that an eclipse was a dire event and such a heavenly catastrophe would portend a series of bad things happening, I’m inclined to have a slightly more modern way of looking at this, especially for our fine Aries friends. Imagine someone holding you down and leaving a childish mark of affection. It’s time for a solar eclipse hickey. The only problem with this is you’re going to feel like some reasonably significant person in your life has marked you this week. While it’s an endearing idea, the mark itself is not always pretty. Do what I do at times like this, I wear a shirt with a starched collar and a nice string tie to cover the mark. Tie one on to string them along this week.
Taurus : As long as there is this little eclipse thing happening, you might as well make the most of it. It is going to ring your bell, or come across as something that is trying to get your attention. In my limited repertoire, there’s no easy way to get a Taurus’s attention, other than hitting them with large stick. I might have the Sign of the Bull confused with a real bull, but the story this week is no bull. If you’re willing to pay attention to the subtle signs that you’re getting, I hope you can avoid the obvious way of getting your attention. There’s no need to get hit over the head with a big stick. Now, if some guy in the arena of life is waving a red cape at you, I’d be a little careful about it. Red flags are red flags in life, and this sort of confrontation might be best if you avoid it. Watch for more subtle symbols this week. Sticks and red flags can be painful.
Gemini : Ever notice that Gemini’s get twice as many votes as being the nicest sign in the zodiac? Ever notice that they get voted, twice as often, as the smartest sign in the zodiac? I always wonder if there is any ballot box tampering going on here, or if they are using a time honored Texas tradition of getting the dead to vote. Whatever the case, the sign of the Twins gets another double dose this week with the eclipse stuff that’s happening. However, rather than engage in any untoward and unlikely dire news about Dire Straits, I would suggest that the eclipse will double everything for the Twins this week. So it’s like you get a two week rush, all jammed into one, seven day period. Makes for an interesting time. And, best of all, being the good Gemini that you are, you guys are quite used to the idea of living two lives at once. That’s what all of ya’ll are going to be doing this week, everything twice as much. Best of all, this is not really any kind of a challenge for you.
Cancer : It’s that rare time in Texas, and in every Cancer’s life, a time between tornadoes and hurricanes. The twisters are over for the year, and the hurricane season hasn’t started yet. Why would we be worried about unlikely meteorological events right now? This eclipse is going to feel like one of those swirling masses of uncontrollable energy which is flying right over your own Cancer trailer home right now. There is a theory which suggests tornados are attracted to aluminum, but that’s never been factually verified. In any case, you’re going to feel like a nice, quiet time at home. And just when you get settled in, something comes along and turns your house upside down. Having survived this sort of meteorological event myself, I can only hope, for your peace of mind, that this is merely a metaphor this week. I would hate for it to be piece of mind.
Leo : Not every Leo is going to get pushed around by this week’s eclipse. There are few of you, at the end of the sign, who are going to miss the true fun and joy of an eclipse. Of course, there’s always a retrograde Venus, dragging her sorry self all over you at this point. So it looks like there’s not much good going on in Leo this week. However, I’d like to suggest there is much good here, because this eclipse in the middle of the week is going to set up, like setting up for a big party, and although the eclipse part is over by Thursday, the concept of the party carries on into the weekend. Just about every Leo I know loves the idea of a party. And a party which last for several days is going to require the endurance of a decent Leo. That’s what’s up for you this week. Like all parties, don’t take anyone too serious this week, either, it might just be their ebullient and joyful mood that’s talking, not really their heart. But it doesn’t mean you won’t have a good time.
Virgo : By the time the next weekend rolls around, Venus has slithered out of Virgo, and is storming her way across the sign which precedes you, that would be Leo. But you knew that. I don’t want to belabor the obvious, but the sign before you has all the action this week. This can be both beneficial and detrimental, but in your case, I’ll look on the good side alone. The indicators are all for romance. The problem with all this positive romance indication is that there are number of detrimental factors at work right now, especially the aforementioned retrograde Venus. So I don’t know that I really, honestly recommend romance right now. But if there should be a bright flare in your night sky, or even a falling star, go ahead and reach out for it. You might, against all odds, win this week. I’d still warn you about being prepared to play second fiddle right now, what with the Leo’s hogging all the action.
Libra : I realize that the eclipse pattern, especially when one heavenly object’s position interferes with the glow of another object, as in this eclipse, that there are all sort evil omens and old myths about bad things happening. For Libra, this week, all this is just not true. There are some difficult moments, going into the week, but as the weekend gets here, I suggest you take some time off, and enjoy the best that you can find for yourself and your mate. I’m also assuming that you have a significant other. If you don’t, I can’t promise that one will show up. There might be a significant other proxy this week. In that case, being the good Libra that you are, I’m sure you will deal with the stand in. Either way, I’d like to suggest that it will be a good, if some what unusual, weekend. Getting to the weekend, now there’s the challenge. Of course, getting to any weekend is sometimes a challenge, especially from a perspective of the early week.
Scorpio : I’m a lot less worried about Scorpio and the eclipse and I’m a lot more worried about Scorpio and Saturn this week. I used to always provide a link to the Saturn Company’s homepage whenever I mentioned Saturn online. It was an inside astrology joke. A little bit of outrageous levity this week would certainly be in order. Learning to laugh at your own foibles, and making merry out of the pitfalls you encounter this week can turn a lot of them in pratfalls. Of course, no one likes to live in a Vaudeville type of routine, but this week is going to be full of just such antics. In the face of these problems, a good sense of humor will really help. It is, after all, just your life. Tone down the sarcastic comments and enjoy the little attempts at humor that are foisted on your this week. When you open a door, and someone has a bucket of water fall on your head, don’t let it dampen your enthusiasm.
Sagittarius : It’s a hot and spicy time. And like a decent plate of true Mexican cuisine, maybe something typically served in a bordertown, you’re going to find that this is a week than might make you eat a bit. I’ve always maintained that good food has to walk a fine line between pain and pleasure in order to be really good. And this week, especially with everything happening in Leo, will walk that line with you. The only problem is that it’s a narrow line, and Sagittarius is never known for our finesse. A little extra caution should be employed this week. You might want to sample the hot sauce before you start heaping it onto your food. The peppers this week are a little more piquant than usual. Of course, it will clear you sinus cavities, but I’m not sure that’s what you had in mind.
Capricorn : On more than one occasion, I’ve suggested relationship issue are of paramount importance to Capricorn. And, by the same token, I’ve had more than one Cap write to correct me about this obvious oversight on my part because it winds up being a business issue that week, instead. So here we are again. And I’m suggesting that it’s a relationship issue. I can already feel the E-mail piling up, telling me it’s business. Perhaps it is the Cap’s love of business that I’m missing here, but the pointers are old flames bursting into virtual roaring flames, and these old flames look like they might complicate the present situation you find yourself involved in. That can be a problem. My suggestion is to keep the old flames and new flames in separate containers. Either way, it does make for good BBQ. In fact, this week will probably bring a new meaning to the term “fire up the grill, Bubba.”
Aquarius : Does the term “pressed ham” have any meaning for you? Having a New Moon opposite you is not unlike a childhood prank which involves an activity of the same name, although the effects are a little different. Or maybe they’re not. You might feel like you’re the butt of a cosmic joke. Relax. The pranksters don’t realize this, but around the next corner is the long arm of the law. So this cosmic joke, ultimately, will backfire. The trick this week, is lasting long enough, without losing your composure, to let the natural course of events run their way. What happens? Your tormentors get to explain their actions to a uniformed official. The folks who were out to get you this week are, possibly in a literal sense, caught with their pants down. Now, if I can just get you to keep your own pants on long enough for this happen, you’ll feel a lot better by the time weekend arrives and the cosmic pixie dust has settled a little.
Pisces : While the Fixed Signs are boiling over with this and that as troubles go, my favorite Mutable Water Sign (that’s Pisces, you know) is coasting along in comfortable fashion. It’s like a hot day at the river, one of the rivers around here, where you can rent an inner tube, catch a ride up the creek, and then gently float down. Of course, it is a rocky creek bed, and you do have to be a little extra careful this week about dragging a certain part of your anatomy across some of the spots where the water might be a little low. In fact, you could feel like someone is warming your backside over a BBQ grill this week, but both the grill and the warming sensation are illusions. The rocky river bottom is no illusion, and as long as you are prepared to walk across a few low spots this week, places where there’s not enough water to float over, you’ll do just fine. If the sun gets too hot on one side, though, be prepared to roll over in your inner tube this week. You want to work on that tan, all over, not just one side.
© Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net, 1999.
