9.13.1999

Week of: 9/13-19

“The strong-wing’d Mercury should fetch thee up”
Cleopatra in Shakespeare’s Antony and Cleopatra [IV.xiii.65]

This week’s burning trivia question is in Sagittarius.

Aries : Occasionally, as is my right, since I am licensed by the state of Texas, I can twist a quote around and use it for my own poetic ends. This one is from Hamlet, if I can recall correctly, and it has to do with the Aries chart for this week: “Nothing’s so bad but a little thinking can make it so.” Because my poetic license is up to date, unlike my driver’s license, I can misquote with glee. But the sentiment remains the same. There are some rather strange little perturbations going on in the heavens and you’re definitely going to be feeling them. It’s not a bad time, unless you care to over-analyze it all. Being the good Aries that you are, a little more action, a little less mental activity, and some hard work pay off well this week. Of course, here at Headquarters, we’re still working on the documentation about hard work. If you have any notes to send us, please let us know (bank notes are preferred).

Taurus : There are those who don’t quite understand the long term affects of a planet like Saturn, and then there are those who think that this whole “Saturn in Taurus” thing is some vague car allusion. Be that as it may, this week, we’re going to divert from the usual Saturn highway and talk about romance. There’s some unusual things going on with the early degrees of Taurus. It’s not unlike that first cup of coffee in the morning, that first taste of a bitter, acrid brew which excites the taste buds and makes a mouth salivate. Perhaps you even like some of the fancy stuff, you know, the kind of coffee with some sort of flavor added in. And this is what is happening in your romantic side, this week. The good news is that the influence lasts all week. The problem is that it’s a strange angle in the heavens causing this, and it’s up to you to decide if you like the flavor of the coffee — or not. Personally, I think the stuff will taste great this week.

Gemini : There was a weekend, not long ago, and I was stuck in a bass boat with a Gemini for a fishing partner. To be sure, I was entertained all weekend long. My Gemini buddy had a wonderful line of chatter going. Of course, Motor Mouth Gemini did scare away some of the fish, but who cares? I mean, the three on board computers, the sonar, the depth finder, and the global positioning system all worked and gave that Gemini enough data to keep busy long enough for me to land a few fish. Now this is a lesson for all the Gemini’s out there because it’s a matter of curtailing the “running of the mouth” this week. There is more than one influence which suggests you’re tempted to spend a little too much time trying to “enlighten” the rest of us with your wonderful store of knowledge. While it’s true that you’re brighter than most, this isn’t a good week to share your excellent fountain of information with the rest of us. Cool the mouth thing, give it a rest this week, and wait for show and tell at a later time.

Cancer : It’s a simple way to interpret a chart right now, but with the various rumblings and miscellaneous happening on the planet scene, perhaps this simplistic way of approaching your week will work. It’s at times like this, when you’re up against a formidable opponent, and it seems like your rival has all the latest in technical gadgets and on board computer systems, it is exactly at times like this when the old fashioned ways work best. There are times when a hook, line and sinker work better than the latest, fastest, coolest, most high-tech lure. Struggle with pencil and paper this week. Get out the slide rule. Do the math in your head. Rest this weekend. Plan on staying home and out of trouble when the weekend gets here. It’s simple, but this is the most effective route for you this week.

Leo : After being thoroughly whacked by Venus in a “less than wonderful position” for so long, you’re going to really wonder about me when I suggest that it’s a good week, due to the Venus influence. But the “Morning Star” [which is really a planet], does, indeed, bring a little bit of hope to your week. It’s not like things are really bad, either, because you will note that there are a number of good, little influences in your life right now. I would urge a some minute degree of caution, though, because it looks like you might be a bit too exuberant with this feeling good thing that you’ve got going on. Careful with telling everyone just how good it is. Adopt a slightly Scorpio type of look, it’s like playing poker, and be prepared to look like you’re bluffing. You’re not — you hold a good hand for the week, just try to be careful when you raise the ante. You want to look like it’s a bluff.

Virgo : It’s the tail end of the Virgo birthdays, and here’s a nice “happy birthday” to the final degrees of Virgo. One medical doctor once suggested the term “labial” to me. And with Mercury making its final passages for the year through Virgo, and from thence on into Libra, you will find that you are a bit more likely to give some one a good tongue lashing this week. In some circles, that term might be considered erotic. I hardly think so. Not that there’s nothing sexy about a Virgo, that’s the furthest thing from this allusion, it’s just that you’re going to have a tendency to be a little more vocal, a little more likely to give us a “piece of your mind,” a little more induced to let us a know all the details. The goal this week is not to be so fluent with your good advice. I know it’s good, you know it’s good, but the rest of the world might be a little disinclined to listen. If you can just save it for later, they will all be a little more happy.

Libra : It’s just a weird time in your slice of the sky. I was going to pull an old trick and do what I usually do to the Pisces horoscopes, and just read some tea leafs. This week, tea leafs, coffee grounds, and chicken bones are about as useful as the art and science of Astrology. At least, that what it looks like for Libra. To be sure, with Mercury sneaking into your sign, it’s supposed to be good. But I’m unsure of what else is going to effect you. Is the Mars/Pluto thing in Sagittarius? The phase of the Moon which begins this week in Libra? Or is it the dire consequences because the Sun is still in Virgo? I hope you understand why I’m so confused, because it would be easy to suggest that everything is going to be wonderful, but I’m a little unsure about fact. Good? Sure. Great? Possibly. A few minor problems? I guess that’s where the mystical prognostications come in. Maybe that’s what’s in the cards for this week.

Scorpio : One of the most bizarre questions I ever asked was from Medieval French History (or Literature, depending on how one regards the answer). The most positive response came from some weird person in California. And that same sort of truly strange trivia question, and that same sort of rather oddball answer is what your week is like. You’re not afraid to dig into the old text books and find answers this week. And I don’t think the questions are really puzzling, either, just unusual. So don’t be afraid to delve into the academic world of make believe, and don’t be afraid to answer weird questions from strangers in the night (or strangers on the net). A rather nice response from a decent Scorpio this week will help shed a bit of light in troubling matter. The real trick, which I suggest you try this week, is don’t be too smug about raising your hand when you know the answer.

Sagittarius : Sometimes love is a like a red rose. Other times, love is like red rows of hot, molten lava. And if you have ever watched the documentaries about lava flows, you know what happens when that red hot lava hits the ocean: it turns to steam. Then the lava cools off, and it becomes a volcanic rock. And it happens so fast. That’s what this week is like, it starts out with a rows and rows of liquid fire, just burning its way across the sky. Then, almost as sudden as that eruption, it all cools off. Don’t make any commitments this week that are going to be set in stone, either, you might not like all the places that the lava lands. For extra credit, and a shot at winning an abbreviated “el-cheapo” astrology report, custom crafted in our South Austin Geology Center (certainly not affiliated with the University of Texas at Austin — but thanks for the thought), send us an E-mail with the latest seismic data on where the most recent volcanic eruption was.

Capricorn : On the barbecue grill of life, there are certain places which are hotter than others. Personally, I like my steaks a little on the rare side. Perhaps “crippled” rather than “cooked” is a better expression. But some things, like slow cooked brisket, something that’s been smoking for at least 24 hours in the barbecue pit of life, are best done over time, and these things belong on the cooler portions of the grill. So it depends on how you want your week to look, as you decide where to place you supper. Rare, nay, even raw? Put it on the edge of the grill. Long term, slow and full of that mesquite flavor? Wrap it up good and be prepared to wait. Gratefully, there are a number of good places to get this sort of fine dinning experience, right here in Texas. And you’ll find that you can make some good decisions about where to place your meal this week. I suggest the slow cooked approach for you this week. You don’t want anything half-baked.

Aquarius : I got the strangest wrong number the other day. Some one thought I was the cardiovascular department. While it has been suggested that sometimes I operate with no heart, or, according to one ex-wife, that I have ice water in my veins, I seriously doubt that it’s the real case. In fact, after my last adventure in hospitals, it was determined that I do, in fact, have an operating pump. This week, it looks like you’ve got two influences in your life. One of them involves an ex-wife (c’mon, it’s a metaphor) who will suggest that you have no heart. The other influence is a more recent acquaintance who can see your heart. I won’t suggest that this is a true soulmate, but I’m sure that you feel a little split between the two. Nothing is worse than having an old fling come back into your life at a time like this. What are you going to do? Listen to your cardiovascular system, hear what it has to say.

Pisces : There is a sweet spot of relief which finds its way into your portion of the sky. To be sure, the sun is still in pesky, pernicious Virgo. That sets you on edge, a little more than you like. But the problems with negotiations, and to me this looks like my running feud with a certain officer of the Fish and Game Department, seems to be lightening up some. In fact, it’s getting much better because Mercury is moving into place where it can actually benefit your telephone calls rather than act as a deterrent to good communications. As soon as old Mr. Mercury hits Libra, expect a little degree of relief in this problem which you’ve been talking out. It looks like the other side is finally willing to listen to your version of the story. Being a good Pisces, I know that your version is the correct version. As my mother once admonished me, “never let the facts get in the way of a good story.”

© Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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