9.27.1999

Week of: 9/27-10/3

“No, when light-wing’d toys
Of feather’d Cupid seel with wanton dulness
My speculative and officed instruments,
That my disports corrupt and taint my business”

Othello in Shakespeare’s Othello, the Moor of Venice [I.iii.356-40]

It’s “cupid’s seel” that I’m worried about, this week. And I’m sticking to the Elizabethean spelling, too.

There’s a musical reference to a tune in Taurus — made famous by a certain Western Swing artist. Tell me who that star was, perhaps a little background on the artist, or at least the important lyrics, and the boys in the back room will see about hooking you up with a FREE “Planet Profile” from Bubba’s Bait Barn and Feng Shui Emproium, delivered via e-mail, from deep in South Austin.

Speaking of South Austin, I’ll be at the usual place for the event this weekend, stop by and see me if you want a real take on your chart. If you don’t want to pay the customary entrance fee, try telling them you’re on my guest list, or that you’re “with Kramer’s band” — usually works for me.

Aries : There always comes a point in a person’s life when you just have to look at the heavens, maybe your partner, perhaps a it’s a business associate, and you just have to say, “What the heck!” Perhaps you use a little stronger language than that, but the idea, the concept, is about the same. I’m working hard at keeping my good rating, so I can’t use the stronger words which more effectively convey your sense. Another way to look at this expression is that useful term in my circles, “It’s time to fish or cut bait.” You will gladly note that even though both of these expressions can be framed as questions, the more appropriate method of delivery is as a statement. Be active about this, and you’ll find that there are numerous benefits to your actions. Frame it as a statement, not a question.

Taurus : This week starts out with a special package in the mail for you. How special is this package? And just what is in it? If you’re like that one Taurus girlfriend, the sweet little gal in Oklahoma, you can assume that the package has cookies in, probably a white chocolate chip cookie delight. I can’t promise that you will actually be getting these cookies from that sweet person in Tulsa, but the idea, the concept, remains the same. Just when you thought it was going to be a miserable week in Taurus-ville, just when you thought it was going to be another sad horoscope about Saturn and the recent turn of events, and just when you were going to let the weather get you down, it suddenly turns nice. It may not be a great piece of mail, but there will be something to lift you soul, at least for a little while. And those cookies she bakes are truly wonderful.

Gemini : In traditional astrology, stuff that dates back before the Romantic Period in literature, you’ve got a busy week with a few business related deals pending. Sort of like negotiating with the bank to buy a new bass boat, a top of the line Skeeter to float you into the new millennium. Now, here at World Headquarters, we’ve done a little research with your chart, and we have to wonder about this old fashioned astrology. It looks like this is NOT the week to buy the bass boat. Rather, you can be concentrating on something a little bit better, like a particular person who has caught your eye. That’s why the fishing metaphor, and bass boats are important this week, but it looks a lot like you are more interested in the salesman than the boat itself. Unfortunately, these passing influences make you wonder a little bit this week. While I like the idea of the new boat, I have to wonder whether you’re really in need of it right now. Flirt with that sales clerk, and see what kind of deal you can work out, and I think you know what I mean.

Cancer : On several of my old business cards, my voice mail number is listed as “Rodeo Voice Mail.” The first level of confusion comes from folks who ask, “What’s Radio Voice Mail?” It’s Rodeo, not Radio. I always assume that folks can read. Might be a bad assumption. Might be a bad assumption for both of us this week, Cancer and Kramer. “Rodeo Voice Mail” means that you’ve got a few seconds to leave a message before you get bucked off. It’s like that this week, you’ve got an important message, but you don’t have a lot of time to deliver this information. So pay attention to the clock, and realize that 30 seconds is about all that your window of opportunity will afford you. Hey, it sure beats an 8-second ride, if you know what I mean. 8 Second Ride was last week’s news.

Leo : While love may be in the Leo air right now, remember that you are a fire sign, and fire signs have a lot of passion. Not early in the week, but perhaps at a later time, say, perhaps, maybe when the weekend gets closer and you will find that your ideals about love and romance might not be quite on target. I’m not suggesting that you’re wrong — no Leo is ever wrong — but your ability to determine what is your target and figure out what’s not a good target might be a little off at this point. It’s not bad, but if your buddies, loving friends as it were, suggest a slightly different direction from your planned course of action, I can’t help but go along with them. A little deviation might help. Perhaps a little diversion, something slightly out of the ordinary.

Virgo : When I was young and foolish child, I tried “downhill” Snow Skiing. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that I don’t need to go downhill any further than I have so far. In fact, there are some of my detractors who suggest that I’m at the bottom right now, and digging deeper every week. Why would I relate my tales of woe to a Virgo this week? Virgo has a week that starts out like a ride up a ski lift. The rest of the week is a long, downhill slide. It’s icy, treacherous. In fact, there are rocks and trees you need to avoid. The bigger the hurry you get in to get to the bottom, the more you increase your chance of bodily damage. Take it easy this week, and remember that a downhill trip is supposed to be fun.

Libra : Some guys who make coffee put egg shells in their coffee grounds. I have never figured out what that’s for. Egg shells in the coffee. “It’s a tradition,” was the best response I got. Of course, no one does better coffee in the morning than old Pa Wetzel. At the ranch, he’s called the “coffee maker” and he gets everyone fired up first thing in the morning. He tried to explain the egg shells, but before that first cup of Joe in the morning, it didn’t make a lot of sense. You’ve got a few things that fail to make sense this week, too. And just because it’s a tradition, that doesn’t mean it’s a plan that you should follow. Old traditions might be a good idea, but I would examine the tradition before you adhere to it this week. And what is up with the egg shells in coffee grounds? A little cup of strong coffee this week will help, even if the taste is a little bitter.

Scorpio : Sometimes you don’t have to look far to find what it is that you’re looking for. What’s that sweet story about the girl from Kansas, you know, the one where she meets all the strange guys? Oz. That’s it. Despite running into all sorts of strange characters this week, I seriously doubt that you will find an adversary like the Wicked Witch. You know, they just don’t bad guys like that one anymore. And I doubt that you will have any flying monkey demons, either, not this week. However, I would venture to suggest that the moral to this week, and the best way to approach it all is just like that story, “you ain’t ever got to look no further than your own back yard.” That’s a pretty clear message, I hope.

Sagittarius : I was sharpening one of my pocket knives this week. I should have been sharpening my wit, instead. I slipped while I was running the small blade back and forth over the whetstone. It feels like I almost cut my thumb off. I didn’t, I mean, it’s only just a scratch, but you know how those surface wounds are, the kind which just spouts blood? It looked like there had been a massacre in the kitchen before I got the bleeding stopped. The cat gave me one of those long looks, of the bored variety, and she was only worried that some of my gushing red material would land in her food. I was careful; it didn’t. But that’s what this week is like for Sagittarius: you might have a little blood letting going on, and the onlookers are just going to give you that bored look. So if you’re working with something sharp, be extra careful.

Capricorn : There are many colorful expressions used by Texans. Unfortunately, I can’t seem to recall most of them right now. But the way you week looks, with a few odd inputs from planets, I would suggest some of the more colorful phrases might help this week. It was Mark Twain who once wrote, “When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. ” [Pudn’head Wilson’s Calendar] While a good invective might feel right, there are certain environments where such foul language is not appropriate. Like at the office. And in an effort to stem the tide of obscenities flooding us these days, I would suggest that you brush up on your language and phrases this week because it looks like you’ve got a few people you’re going to want to swear at. Use that good Capricorn judgment to make it colorful and educational experience for all involved.

Aquarius : It’s not like your living a normal life right now, so it’s not like this is going to be a normal week, either. But if the boot fits, the best advice is the wear it. I know that boots look funny with shorts, but somehow, the boots seem to protect your ankles. I’m not very big on fashion astrology, but some odd influences this week suggest that you’re going to be in a situation where some strange, perhaps mismatched, apparel will work best. You’ve got to keep yourself covered. I realize this goes against conventional Aquarius wisdom, but there is always the bizarre chance that you find yourself someplace where it all gets a little deep. This week, I heartily recommend boots. One way or another. You have tendency to step in something where you don’t want to, and some good cowboy boots would really help protect your feet.

Pisces : Have I ever lectured you? That should be, “Have I ever lectured you about the pesky, pernicious yet powerful and perspicacious planetoids?” There’s not a lot of anything going on in Pisces that has a direct influence in your life; however, there is a good deal of insight which you bring to a situation this week which can help you. In fact, I would be more than willing to trust your instincts this week rather than my own. I happen to feel like I know where some of the best fishing spots are on the local lakes; however, my judgment this week isn’t nearly as good as yours. Pisces will be called forth to render an opinion this week, and from what I see in your chart, this is a good week for the rest of us to listen to you. Doesn’t mean we will, but if we decide to listen to that Pisces, we all stand a better chance of a record breaking catch. Just goes to show that it takes a fish to smell a fish.

(c) Kramer Wetzel 1998, 1999 for astrofish.net

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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