Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
For the Week Starting: 1/2/2003
“Beat him enough: after a little time,
I’ll beat him too.”
- Shakespeare’s The Tempest [III.ii.83-4]
That quote, while it might be a little misdirected, is surely how I feel right around now. Even as Mercury starts his little moonwalk action. Yee-haw. Happy New Year.
Capricorn: The fun just never stops! It’s that simple. If you’re not having any fun, there’s not a lot you can do but blame yourself. You’re entitled to a full 20 minutes of either self-doubt or self-pity, but it has to be one or the other–not both. After those 20 minutes of loathing are used up, though, we’re back to fun times in Capricorn. The recent New Year’s antics have been a little rough on you, and frankly, you’ve got no one to blame but yourself. However, and that’s a big “however,” it’s still good from henceforth. Tied up a few loose ends, got something out of the way, and now there’s miles and miles of smooth road ahead. Remember, that 20 minutes of angst is only available if you’re a regular reader. Casual Capricorn readers have to adjust their amount of time spent agonizing over that one situation, it’s all got to be squeezed into less time. So out of the next seven [7] days, you’ve got one, tiny, infinitesimally small window wherein you get a load of self-generated angst that ambushes your psyche. The rest of the time? Sun’s in Capricorn, stretch that birthday celebration out for several weeks–I know you can. And we’ll keep that moment of pity to ourselves.
Wondering about an in-depth, planet by planet outlook for the next year? Get it here.
Aquarius: It’s a new year, right? It’s a time when things are supposed to move forward. You’re in the process of shedding a few items that are no longer required. Unload some of your baggage. Look, everyone has emotional baggage. By the time we’re all two years old, it’s because we were bottle fed, or maybe it’s because we were all breast-fed, it’s something like that, but by age 2, the damage has been done. Everyone I know is getting over something. Everyone has some kind of emotional baggage. Personally, I think about 90% of it is made up to keep self-help authors, lawyers and therapists employed. I’m willing to be wrong, though. Are you? Anyway, about this emotional baggage, everyone’s got it. You’re just a in unique position, exacerbated by the twin planets of good deeds [Venus and Mars], and you can get your own Aquarius baggage down to one, single, roller board, FAA “approved” carryon suitcase. Got it? Trim down the things that you think you need, that stuff you cart around with you everywhere you go. Get it all down to one, single, slim, little package on wheels. Makes it easier to manage. Now, as you start the new year, you get to trim all this stuff down to a manageable size. Do it. Your back can thank me later.
Pisces: Nothing works quite as well as a little “Mercury going backwards” action to slam home a point or two. Even though “thangs are s’pose t’be good” over here in Pisces, there’s a little hint of discontent, a little suggestion that something isn’t lining up quite right. Relax. The year starts out well, the first week has a low point or two, but the long term, overall prognostication is good, if not excellent. Don’t confuse a temporary low point, a momentary lack of action, as signal that everything is taking a turn for the worse. It’s not. It’s a trick of the light, maybe a sudden change in the weather, or just the effect of the seasons on your soul, but it’s not drastic, dire, or even that big of a deal. The overall scenario in the “World of Pisces” looks rosy. In the next few days, you’ve got a big plan for the new year, and that one, big goal is going to get off to a halting start. It’s like the truck I use, it takes a little while to warm up. You can’t just jump in it, turn the ignition key over, and expect to take off right away. It may only have six cylinders, but usually starts up on four, then gets going on all six in a minute or two. Precludes any hope of a quick getaway. However, if I need a fast escape, I know to leave the truck running. Or use another vehicle. Means some of the plans you’ve got don’t get off to a roaring start. Doesn’t mean you don’t win, just not as fast. Go slow.
Aries: Let’s get the new year rolling along correctly. Of course, in different accounting methods, it’s not really the end of the year. It’s January, it’s cold, it’s dark, and us folks in the Northern Hemisphere are suffering through what feels like a long, dark winter. There’s a feeling in Aries, and it’s like there’s a hole in your soul, and the wind keeps blowing through. Or, it could be more like a minor annoyance I get at this time of year: a hole in my boot’s sole. It’s not a big hole, but on those rare, wet days, it lets an extra measure of moisture through. Resolve to get that hole in your sole, or that hole in your soul, patched up. You stand a better chance than most at making one new year’s resolution stick. Plan on it. Make the move, or do like I do, and drop off that pair of boots at the special “boot repair place.” After the weekend, due to subtle change in her position, Miss Venus starts warming up your life a little, as well. Just don’t get too self-indulgent at that time–beginning of next week.
Taurus: I was in San Marcos, a town a few miles south if Austin, for dinner. During the school year, it’s a college town, and when school lets out, the place goes back to being either a suburb of Austin or just another eccentric, little town on the Central Texas prairie. Because of its [relatively] large student population, there’s sort of a young, transient feel to a lot of the local population. I was in a particular coffee shop on the square, locally owned, politically correct coffee, and the young person brewing up my double cappuccino saw a friend come through the door. My coffee was put on hold while she greeted him, then she went back to her immediate task of making me some espresso-based drinks. She was talking over her shoulder to her recently arrived friend, “What are you doing after midnight?” I couldn’t help myself, “Dude, I don’t know what your plans were, but you’re suddenly available, I hope.” The coffee maker had to interject, “No, it’s not like that, I mean, he has a girlfriend.” “So I have a mean girlfriend?” he asked. The coffee maker got more and more frustrated, and between the two of us, we kept the banter up long enough to dig someone a big hole. Problem being, you’re like that girl making the coffee, your intentions are honorable, decent, even sweet, but the two opposing forces, even though we’re just having fun, us pranksters seem to have the upper hand in your life. It’s Mars, or it’s Venus, or it’s both, and they’re going to be like two guys on the other side of the counter, twisting your words around to suit themselves. You can fight it, but you just keep winding up with things being worse because there’s two of us and only one of you. Laugh at Mars and Venus–it’s about all you can do.
Gemini: The cat got a hold of one of the stockings that had formerly “been hung with great care,” and she decided that the stocking itself was the best toy. For an old lady, she can occasionally have some rather sprite-like energy. At one time, there had been something in the bottom of the stocking that she wanted to get at. See what I get for leaving odd decorations laying about the trailer? I don’t know from personal experience, but what I’ve been told, from parents, sometimes a child will find the packaging as attractive, if not more so, than the gift itself. Such was the case of the cat in the stocking. She burrowed down to the bottom of the stocking, to get what was there. She has this unusual little meow she lets out, too, and that was muffled by the green felt material. Whatever it was, she was displaying certain Gemini-like characteristics. Get to the bottom of it. Don’t throw away any packaging material, as it might prove more useful than you think. Now, if you’re like me, you found that cat’s behavior amusing for a little while, but when the claws come out, it lost its appeal. I was afraid she was going to shred what she was burrowing for. Same applies to you–it’s okay to get to the bottom of the situation, but be careful you don’t tear it up. Happy New Year, too.
Cancer: One of my casual acquaintances is a waitress, down the road at the diner. She’s a sweet and dear Cancer, always bring me a fresh glass of tea when I walk through the diner’s door. For a while, she would bring both ice tea and coffee, but the coffee at that one place is just horrible. Great food, friendly staff, just bad coffee. I’m not going to let a little bad coffee get in the way of an otherwise excellent atmosphere–not as long as the food is good. There’s a double effect from the planets right now, well, it’s just from two planets, Mars and Venus, and you’re going to be just like that nice waitress who brings me coffee and tea. You’re trying something twice, but only one of the two efforts will really be successful. Come on, you know that the coffee is bad, and when it gets rejected, you can’t be too upset–you wouldn’t drink that stuff yourself. So when Mars and Venus suggest a double offering, a chance for you to make two offers, don’t get upset with me, or the other recipient, when one of the two offers gets rejected. If this were baseball, it would mean that you’re actually hitting one out of every two pitches–those are good odds. Excellent numbers. I’ve been kind enough to warn you, so don’t get upset, take in stride. I’ll leave a nice tip, just for your efforts.
Leo: Out with the old and in with the new. Nothing beats having a few items thrown back at you to make you realize what does work, what doesn’t work, and some items you’ve been holding on to? Throw them away. I used to prowl thrift shops and charity stores for good, used Hawaiian shirts. However, I live in a small trailer, and there’s no room for an extensive wardrobe. Means that I occasionally have to go through and prune my clothing. At last count, I could wear a different Hawaiian shirt every day for a month, and I’d still have one or two left on hangers. I think I have enough of this type of attire. I could outfit a whole row at a Jimmy Buffet concert. Maybe even a whole stadium section. Not that I’d want to, but it’s nice to know I could. A couple of the shirts are vintage, i.e., over 20 years old. A few of them have shrunk–I could wear them 20 years ago, but they don’t have the right look anymore–not quite baggy enough. Time for some of these items to find a new home. Just don’t make my mistake, I donate a bag of cloths to Goodwill, then a few weeks later, while shopping, I pick up one shirt, “I used to have one just like this, no this one doesn’t fit, but in a few weeks, when I lose some weight, I’ll bet it would fit….” Didn’t fit when I got rid of it, won’t fit again. If didn’t work before, it probably won’t work again.
Virgo: Time to come busting out of your shell. Time to get up and go. Time to pick up the phone, pick up the pieces, and get on with it. It’s like that second cup of coffee in the morning. I’ll sit outside [in what passes for clothing], look at the wilted plants on the trailer’s patio, and sip a tiny cup of coffee. The river seems to be a mysterious body of water, lazily pushing itself downstream, and there’s a gentle flow. It’s quiet at that hour. Maybe there will be a winter fowl, floating on the surface, or some of the ducks, bobbing for breakfast. Take another pull on that cup of coffee, get ready to roll. You’ve got about 14 different new projects that need your attention. The deal is, with Mercury starting its backwards motion, all of those projects require your attention, like, right now. And then, there’s only one of you, and you can’t be everywhere, all at once. However, if you make a list, and then, start at the top. No, wait, that first item can’t be attacked right now. Go slow. Do what you can, when you can, but the things you can’t do anything about right now? That’s why I suggested a list. Get to what you can, as you can, and don’t worry about the details–details about stuff you can’t fix.
Libra: There’s one particular Libra that I’ve studied for many years. Makes for an interesting case study as this one particular Libra manages to look like he is always working hard when, in fact, he isn’t. I wouldn’t exactly use the term “lazy” because that implies sloth. But what does happen is this one Libra spends an almost inordinate amount of time working at not working. It takes a lot of energy to be lazy like that. There’s some behind the scenes machinations, a little extra effort is required here and there to grease the skids, and keep things moving along. It’s real important to make sure it looks like everyone else is doing all the hard work. It’s not an easy task, but I know from my careful observations, that this is possible. More and more, you’re getting yourself worked up into a pitch. You’ve got a sales pitch, a task at hand, a job you want done, a goal you want accomplished. It’s best to let as many informed and helpful individuals assist you in attaining your goal. It’s not going to be without a few unforeseen problems, but that’s why the little delays are called “unforeseen”–no one could predict that it was going to go like that. Gather up your entourage of assistants and accomplices, cohorts, as it were. You’ve got an amazing year ahead, and it starts with soliciting some assistance.
Scorpio: Just in time for the new year, Miss Venus exits your sign. She’s had an extended stay in Scorpio, warming, cooling then warming things again. I had to fight my cat for some left over brisket I had on hand, in one of those “to go” styrofoam containers. BBQ is usually best the first time around, but really good BBQ is okay, even a few days later. The cat knows this, and when she saw that container come out of the ice box, she got real excited, howling and mewling like she hadn’t been fed in days, weeks, or even months, according to the sound she was making. Poor, mistreated kitten, right? And poor, mistreated Scorpio, too. It’s like you’ve been treated as unfairly as my cat, no one ever loves on you, no one pays any attention to you, or no one even feeds you. Poor Scorpio, left to fend for themselves out in the harsh, cold, cruel world. I tend to think you’re a lot like the cat, rather pampered. Like that leftover brisket, though, you’ve been reheated one too many times. The coming year is most excellent, but it gets off to an awkward start with Mercury heading into a backwards position. If you fail to garner sympathy from other folks, that’s because we can all see that things are going well for you. Take it easy, this is a time to assess your goal of taking over the world. Some of your plans need fine tuning, not major revision. Work on it.
Sagittarius: It’s an immortal line, one that’s etched in my memory, as if it were engraved in stone: “Man, it’s January 1, I might have to wear long pants, that’s just [byproduct of male bovine].” It was three, maybe four or five years ago. It was one of my drinking buddies, and we were out for a big New Year’s Eve night on Austin’s Sixth Street. Cigars in hand, swigging on bottles [actually, bottles of water], we toasted the new year. Unlike some parts of the world, Austin’s merchants are in the habit of raising a giant Lone Star for the event. I kept my cell phone handy because I was expecting a call, any minute from one particular person I was hoping [in vain] to hook up with later that night. Okay, so it wasn’t a bad night, and the next day, it warmed up nice enough to sit outside and sip coffee on the trailer’s verandah, and yes, that one girl did show up, looking a little worse for the wear. With the way the two romance planets are, do like I did, and do like I’ll probably do again–take it easy the day after New Year’s Eve. Some of the stuff that was supposed to happen–and didn’t–that’s coming around the bend. But for now? Mars and Venus are in a sign that comes in front of you. Let that Scorpio [energy] go first.
(c) 2002, 2003 by Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net
Related stories: last week.
