1.31.2000

Treason is
but trusted like the fox,
Who never so tame, so cherish’d and lock’d up,
Will have a wild trick of his ancestors.
Wolsey in Shakespeare’s Henry VIII [III.ii.352-4]

Quiz
time, folks, and since I’m back from a flying trip through the wind, the rain,
and the snow [ain’t Texas weather wonderful?], I figure some local trivia about
Ft. Worth would be in order. Where did the expression, "Out where the West
begins" come from, as applied to the history of Fort Worth — incidentally,
a place which was originally a military post known as Camp Worth?

    Aries
    : Well, THEY
    told you that 1999 was going to be your year. And it was good, in certain
    places. But now that it’s the year 2000, a few people are telling you that
    this will be your year. Sure. How about a decent week, instead? That’s going
    to be next week. This week isn’t so hot. It’s not bad, but it’s not that great.
    It’s like that whole 1999 thing. If you look back on the whole year, it had
    some ups, some downs, and some good times. And a few tense moments, too. But
    what’s life without a few problems? I’m still carrying a torch for my favorite
    Cardinal Fire Sign, that would Aries, because you’ve got some really good
    tricks, just around the corner. This week, though, it’s kind of a tough call.
    There’s something lurking
    in your subconscious,
    and I’m suggesting that you let it stay there.

    Taurus : There is a certain one finger salute that comes to mind this
    week. I urge you not to use that particular hand gesture, no matter how much
    you feel like doing it. And if you do decide to use that one gesture, can
    you please do it behind a closed door where NO ONE can see you? It’s another
    one of those times when you feel like it’s your sworn job, your noble duty,
    to challenge
    the system. And that’s a great idea, but doing so with any number of gestures
    which can’t be described and maintain our “G” rating is simply put, not advised.
    Not this week. Mark Twain once wrote, “When angry, count to four. When very
    angry, swear.” Get the idea? If that counting to four trick doesn’t work,
    then you have the other option. But I’m not sure that it will provide that
    much relief. But for your sake, this week, try to keep this a private action.
    I hate having to go back and say, “I’m sorry — I didn’t mean that.”

    Gemini : It’s not exactly easy
    street
    as this year unfolds, but with the plethora of planets over yonder
    in Aquarius, you still have a few things going for. Ratter, I would suggest,
    you have a few things “pulling” for you. It’s one of those weeks when you
    keep feeling pulled in one too many directions. Now, for the average Gemini,
    that’s not a problem. And because you read the FGS Scopes, you know you’re
    not even average, you’re way above normal so theses things that are pulling
    for you might…. It might feel like someone is trying to pull you down. That’s
    not the case. It’s time to consider a change of direction. You’ve got some
    good ideas at work, and it’s time to implement one of your many plans. Time
    to get just one of the projects off the ground. Time to get one thing going
    for you. Time to get jetting off in a new direction, yet again. So don’t let
    that pulling feeling get you down. It’s just trying to nudge you in better,
    more productive direction. These are opportunities, not distractions.

    Cancer : Life is like a fishing trip, you know… there is a lamentable
    bump in the first part of the week that jolts you. It’s like you’re motoring
    on the lake, and suddenly your propeller gets entangled in a mess of duck
    weed. This is the sort of jolt you might encounter. Your method of forward
    propulsion suddenly grinds to a halt. Of course, after reading this, you’ll
    know that all you have to do is lift the prop out of the water and get rid
    of that nasty mess of weeds impeding your forward motion. Watch a less enlightened
    Cancer this week, and that person will immediately assume that the problem
    is the oil mixture in the gasoline. “Not enough oil, and the motor’s seized!
    Oh No!” I believe they will use different
    words
    , but the problem is still the same. If you patiently attend to the
    little problem, it doesn’t get any worse. Minor inconvenience, that’s all.
    Of course, any enlightened Cancer reading the FGS Scope will know to make
    sure that the oil fuel mixture is right. That insures that’s it’s just a minor
    bump this week, and not a major one. Life is like a fishing trip, you know.

    Leo : I’ve got a dear, old friend who loves to celebrate her “Half-Birthday.”
    Long before I realized what this was really about, I adopted it because it
    means you can have two birthday – like celebrations in one year. In proper
    astrological terms, you can also divide the year in quarters, and do it 4
    times a year, but that’s getting a little excessive unless you know a really
    good astrologer. (If you do know any really good astrologers, drop me a note,
    I could use one right now, myself.) This week is like your half birthday,
    and if you are bright about it, you will celebrate with this. And do all those
    birthday things that you want to do. Inviting a Leo
    to “party on” can be a fun experience. There is one little inhibiting influence
    this week, and that might cause a lid to be put on your party. But after Monday
    is over, I think things will go rather well for your little half birthday
    gathering.

    Virgo : There are weeks when I receive a veritable avalanche
    of mail from Virgo’s. This is one of those weeks. So don’t write to me. It’s
    not a challenge, it’s more like a plea. I realize that there is a lot of events
    going on that keep pushing and pulling on you. I understand that you just
    about at your wits’ end when it comes to dealing with one stupid problem after
    another. By now, you will have noted that the other 11 signs, not Virgo, but
    everyone else, seems to be lacking in some common sense. To tell the truth,
    they don’t lack common sense, but they do seem to be ignoring it this week.
    Now, into this melee sails you. Virgo to the rescue. Virgo to help restore
    calm,. But who looks after you this week? Bad news, ain’t no hope in sight
    this week. Next week, though, next week,m you get some very welcome relief.
    (It’s just making it through this week that could use some help.)

    Libra : It’s never too late to think about romance. And there’s a good
    reason to put some of your own troubles aside this week, and think about your
    significant other right now. There is never a better time than this week.
    I realize this looks like the Scorpio Scope, but I’m not using any military
    terms for you. In the case you, my fine Libra friend, I’m looking farther
    afield than just this week. This is a good week. Next week is full of minor
    annoyances again. Next week, there isn’t enough Libra to go around. Get the
    romantic stuff taken care of this week. Get the plans,
    order the flowers, buy the chocolate, that sort of thing. Get it down, in
    a very un-Libra fashion, ahead of schedule.

    Scorpio : I want to address
    one event
    this week. I want to make you aware of certain marketing
    influences in your life right now. I want you to understand the advantage
    of planning and preparation this week. I want you to think like a military
    commander getting ready for a large assault on a target. The overabundance
    of military terms in this week’s Scorpio Scope is simple. We are now planning
    for frontal attack on a specially designated target. Get the maps out, and
    get prepared. Valentine’s Day is still a week away, but you should have all
    your operations in the drill mode right now. Get the troops prepared. Get
    everything ready. It’s the last of the chance that you have to make use of
    some beneficial Martial Energy, so you should get the paratroopers ready,
    check the combat readiness of your gear, and be prepared to deliver an awe
    inspiring speech in the coming week. Think motivation.

    Sagittarius : The week starts out with a deeply disturbing feeling,
    one where you want to reach and touch
    someone, but you don’t want to talk to them on the phone, in letter, via e-mail,
    or anything else. You want to be a gregarious loner this week, at first. That
    feeling gradually leaves, though, and people start looking more attractive,
    and more communicative as the week wears on. It’s a strange week, and I guess
    I would be remiss if I didn’t warn you that you missed the bulk mail date
    for Valentine’s Day. But given the way the week starts out, maybe it’s not
    such a bad thing. Form letter, mail merge Valentine’s cards are usually a
    boon to Sagittarius, but that might not be the best idea this week. Some significant
    others get upset at a note that is addressed to “occupant”.

    Capricorn : I wasn’t joking about the influence of Venus right now.
    But Venus and Capricorn don’t always get along together that well. In fact,
    you might find that you encounter some of the Venus problems not often associated
    with this planet. You might be too nice this week. You might let people take
    advantage of you. In fact, speaking of that, I have a great Multi-Level-Marketing
    astrology plan for you. Just send me lots of money. Since you are too smart
    to fall for just any scam, I would be careful about extra clever salesman
    this week. The first tip off should be the plaid jacket. Excessive amounts
    of jewelry should also be a subtle hint that you are dealing with someone
    who might be more interested in their own well being even though they claim
    to have nothing but your best interests deep in their heart. It’s the influence
    of Venus, and she makes you a likely target for such endeavors. I just urge
    you to dig a little deeper. But if you really feel like spending money, you
    know how to “get aholt” of me — now with secure
    shopping online
    .

    Aquarius : Subtle shifts in the heavens mean that you get a degree
    of some relief
    this week. It’s still the Aquarius party time, and being the good Aquarius
    that you are, it’s time to make some sort of birthday arrangement. There’s
    a limousine service in Texas that is particularly unique, at least, most Texans
    like to think that. It’s an extended cab pickup truck with a sauna, hot tub,
    and full bar as well as a wide screen television, all in the stretched limousine
    version of a dualie. Pretty neat, isn’t it? And, best of all, it’s rather
    unique. So this is a good week to hire just such a vehicle to cart you around.
    Reason? Numero Uno: you deserve it. Numero-two-o: it’s off beat enough for
    your tastes. Numero-three-o: you shouldn’t be driving this week. So imagine
    yourself riding around in that hot tub in the bed of the limousine pick up
    service’s truck, Texas style. Three good reasons, and best of all, they are
    all astrological.

    Pisces : My dear, sweet, ever suffering Pisces friend. I realize that
    it’s not a declarative statement, but I hope you get the idea that I’m trying
    to start out this week’s forecast for you with a degree of compassion.
    Something about Mars has left you, shall we say, “a little unsettled”? Now,
    Mars ain’t all bad, and there’s a small degree of insight which can be gathered
    from the previous week’s experience. The reason why I’m dwelling on the past
    is that it has a remarkable way of recurring. That means it’s going to come
    back. So what you want to do is review last week before you plunge headlong
    into the coming week. There was something left unattended, something which
    needs you to look after it. It might be something as simple as remembering
    to empty out last week’s bait — that stuff gets pretty ripe, and nothing
    is worse than showing for a good weekend of fishing with the smell of sour
    bait.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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