Week of: 4/24-30/2000

“I tell you, my lord fool, out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower safety.”
Shakespeare’s King Henry IV, Part Uno [Act I, scene iii]

Right before sunrise, over yonder on the eastern horizon, there are two bright dots this week, in the early dawns glow, as the sky reddens and then turns orange with the early light, you can see Venus and Mercury. And right after sunset, in the bloody aftermath of the day’s light, there is Jupiter, Saturn and Mars. By the end of this week, all of these planets will be in the tropical sign of Taurus. Some folks predict it’s the end of the world. I tend to consider it the time to get working on a Taurus or two, myself.

For a trivial pursuit questions, and a chance at winning a free [abbreviated] astrological chart interpretation, send me the name of the first play which bears Shakespares name, when it it was originally published. What wsa the first published play by Shakespeare? Hint: it might not be the first one produced.

Aries : For the next two weeks, your main focus, as long as there is this stuff all crammed into one little corner, the thing that will grab and hold your attention just like a sick and twisted horror movie, is going to be stuff around the house. In the trailer where I live, this is an easy solution. I know the real problem isn’t in my trailer itself, but it’s my neighbor’s place. They party too much, the television is always on, and they watch too much day time TV, too many talk shows, and too much sports. Notice how the problem always seem to be with “them” and the the people over there, nothing wrong in my own trailer? The trick this week, and for the next couple of weeks, is to figure out what you can do to improve your own situation. I’m thinking here, I’m thinking, you know, time to get that truck over here, and do a little house moving. Easiest way to get rid of the neighbors — just move. Of course, then I might have to look at my own lifestyle, and I figure you understand how that’s a problem.

Taurus : Big deals? There really are none. You are the central focus point, the main man, the center piece of an astrological mandalay. It’s like the big decoration that you stick on the table at Easter time. We used to use a chocolate bunny in our house until we caught Sister constantly nibbling the ears. We couldn’t figure out where everything was disappearing to until we found her down there at the table, late one night, chocolate smeared across her face. And it’s not a crime, but this is a week when you’re going to feel like you’re the center of attention. Are you going to be the bunny or Sister? Stoically surviving all the whims of the Universe with the planets stacked up against you (in your sign) or are you going to attempt to surreptitiously nibble at what the fates provide?

Gemini : By the end of the week, there’s the big deal in your place of no big deals. It’s all those planets slowly moving into Taurus. With the strictest of moral codes, and a little hardcore astrology thrown in for good measure, this is a major set of players in one of your least favorite places. Normally, I don’t find that Mercury is a big trigger for most signs. But there’s nothing normal about times like this. Your world is getting rocked, and there’s a volcanic eruption going on that’s going to change your life for ever. It’s not really an outside influence, either, although, I’m going to watch as Mercury triggers every one of these planets for the next few weeks. Geologic time where thousands of years are a mere blink of an eye is the pace that the world seems to move at, however, you’re going to get one chain of reactions started to this big deal in Taurus, and then it’s all going to come cascading down like a hot flow of Gemini Lava. next couple of weeks look to be interesting as new is replaced by old, and it’s Gemini Lava which comes bursting forth onto the surface.

Cancer : One of the events that’s relatively minor compared with the pile up in Taurus is the movement of the Moon. But this is important because this week, that old Moon is setting a stage for you. It’s clearing away some of the events of the past, and it’s getting you ready for something new to be born. While this might sound slightly apocryphal in some terms, it’s not the end of your world. In fact, it’s going to rattle your foundations a little, and then it’s going to spin you off in totally new direction. New doorways will open, new vistas are there to behold, and the Moon gets this show on the road. But before you get rolling, there is still one or two little items which need to be dealt with. There’s still a part of your life that is not completely ready for the new millennium, and you’ve got to get that straightened out this week. Get after it.

Leo : With all the energy concentrated in a fixed sign, that is supposed to be good for the mightiest of the fixed (Leo, of course!) There’s a problem, though, with this concentration — it’s in Taurus, not in Leo, yet, and that won’t be happening for a while. So you’ve got several more cycles to go before it gets to you. What it is going to do is throw stuff up in your face that needs to be dealt with. This week. From good to bad, to things you’ve done and never been caught for (I, for one, am grateful for a statue of limitations). But it’s that same statue that you’re going to feel like you’re running into this week as you get confronted with the inevitable, fixed, large and immovable object. In order to get around this problem, and there is an easy solution, it just requires that you be more adaptable. You’re going to find that this big alignment in the heavens gives you a golden opportunity to approach old problems from a new position. I’ll warn you though, if you ain’t willing to change your tactics, you might find yourself just sitting there looking at the statue.

Virgo : All except for one Virgo that I know, all except for her, it just seems like a decent Virgo can take any good situation and find the problems therein. Everything is coming up roses, and most Virgo’s will gladly point out that those roses have nasty thorns on them, and that the flower bed is full of awful critters like night crawlers. And so forth. This week, as everything visible begins its slow march into Taurus, I’ll tell you to enjoy the good stuff. There are plenty of things going on, but this is realigning a thought process, and part of what a decent Virgo will begin in this week is a chance to think about the good, and not the ill. Look at the variegated colors of the rose petals, pluck some for a delightful potpourri, pocket your troubles, and realize that you are beginning to see things in a new light.

Libra : By the end of the week, the last of the planets will move out of Aries, and your testing period is over. Time to quite reflecting on past indiscretions, time to move forward “post haste.” Time to get up and go some. You’ve got an itch this week, and that itch can only be scratched by getting out of your trailer house, getting yourself up in the front seat of a truck, and going. The planets are lending you an incredible amount of energy right now, and this is energy which you simply must put to good use. It’s there, enjoy the evening display of lights, and now, get on down the road of life. No looking back. Okay, you can check the rearview mirror on some occasions, but just glance back, because now is the time for you to be moving forward. One of you backers is coming along, and that backing is going to help out quite a bit. It’s like having a banker give you a nearly unlimited line of credit. Don’t forget, though, you will have to pay that money back sooner or later.

Scorpio : I hope you’re watching the night sky. Or the dawn’s early light, but it will be the night sky which should captivate your Scorpio attention, both now and in the near future. Very near future. It’s a time when you are assessing goals, directions, and doing something most people do in the winter months (northern hemisphere only): harvest. Along with this year’s harvest, you are also getting firm a grip on what does, and for that matter, what doesn’t work. There are some surprises in store for you, and since you are a loyal reader, the briefest of explanations is in order. What you think is important may not be. What is really important will become apparent. What you considered safe, may not be. What you considered outlandish, might actually be the most conservative. Get the idea? It just isn’t all that it appears to be, and the appearance of something might do its best to trick you. The changes are for the better, but you might feel like you didn’t instigate them, and that can upset a dear Scorpio.

Sagittarius : “Rock my world, baby, rock my world.” You are going to catch the tail end of a chain reaction this week. It’s the planets, and there’s a set up in the heavens that winds up pointing at you. In the real world, this is like the time Bubba’s girlfriend told me something, and then, over coffee one morning, I let it slip to Bubba what she said. Some how, I was caught in a terrible cross fire between two lovers. In case you’re wondering, brotherhood is thicker than sisterhood, but I still felt like I was the butt of the joke. So as long as there is all this shaking and grooving going on in the sky, you’d better get ready to catch the tail end of all the stuff that’s happening. You do feel a little like I did that one time, caught between two people that you just knew would be better if they talked amongst themselves. But at the tail end of the chain, you are a catalyst this week. Play your cards right, and you can help those two get back together and discuss events amongst themselves.

Capricorn : I’ve been wrestling with your chart for several weeks. And I can’t print what I really want to say about what I see. While everyone else is struggling, you’ve got all this good stuff happening. I’ve been observing astrological events long enough to know that this is a welcome reprieve. It’s not like you ain’t been slammed around some in the mosh pit of life, and you probably are still a little sore about the broken nose thing. But as this great movement into Taurus proceeds, you find things just keep happening, things keep happening in a good way. I’ve met a Cap or two who insist on keeping their eyes on the ground at all times. This is a week when first you find a penny, then a you find a dollar bill, then you a find a twenty. Then, as you bounce along, money always puts a little spring in your step, you find a discarded lottery ticket. and it’s worth a hundred bucks. Other people’s misfortune — or lack of attention — benefits you. Weeks like this, I wish I was more Capricorn, myself.

Aquarius : There’s an inherent quality about Aquarius that I find delightful. It’s a degree of stability just not found in other air signs. And this is a foundation for Aquarius. The problem with this foundation is that you feel like it’s a lot like a lake house foundation. The lake house is built on the side of the hill, over looking the lake, and each year, that foundation requires a little bit of bracing, a little bit of work, a little something to help shore it up. Or it will be on the shore. Or even that lake house will be a house boat. You’re feeling this — especially this week. The foundation is either eroding, or just plain slipping, or maybe it’s just in need of some repair. Something. Like that lake house, though, you might want to avoid all the trouble and let it just slide right on down to the water’s edge. That’s not such a bad idea, really.

Pisces : Last week was a cell phone analogy. This week? Maybe caller ID. Maybe some other form of telephony hardware. Or maybe we can examine the real root of the problem, the real question in this situation. At its core, the week deals with communication, and the way you communicate. That’s why I was talking about cell phones. And that’s why you were talking on a cell phone. This week, it’s more of the same. Notice that I’m calling “more of the same” because the central theme is how you deal with communications. Of course, there is one Pisces who will write in and ask if it’s getting any better. Yes, it is. By the end of the week, there will be a lot more clarity about your diction, thanks to Mercury. And for your next phone call, no, you won’t be using string and a Dixie cup, as much as that’s the way it looks right now.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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