Week of: 6/26-7/2

“Well, every one can master a grief but he that hath it.”
Benedick in Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing (III.ii.28)

Jupiter saunters into Gemini this week. And July 1st, is an eclipse, sort of. But what does it all mean? Read on and find out.

Aries : There are times, when you’re fishing, or pursuing a similar type of activity, when the odds are just stacked against you. As weeks go, this is just “one of them weeks.” Doesn’t matter what bait you try, nothing is biting. Doesn’t matter whether your working with a topwater lure, live bait, spinner, or trying to grab something off the bottom, nothing seems to be lined up to make any of this work for you. You feel like you should never have left the house. Regrettably, the whole reason you packed up and went fishing was to escape something at home. So it looks like every place you turn, there’s nothing going your way. It could be a minor irritation like a dead battery in the boat, but this is the sort of thing that only becomes apparent after you are in the middle of the lake. “Bite the bullet” as they say, “suck it up.” You’re going to have to make some decisions this week, even though you don’t like Mercury’s position, and it’s time to figure out whether you should fish or cut bait. With Mars where he is, I would suggest the fishing. Sharp tools are a problem this week, and that means it could be a word processor or a filet knife. Or both. Go easy and lower your expectations. And if you do get stranded, just consider a great time for some contemplation. Not that you need it, but you might as well make the most of the idle moments.

Taurus : There are some weeks when watching and listening is preferable to actually taking part in the occasion. In this case, it looks like a particularly well written dialogue bit from a modern playwright, perhaps something by Tom Stoppard (famous for Rosecranz and Guildenstern are Dead, Shakespeare in Love, and the Evidence of Love). If the literary reference doesn’t make sense, don’t worry. It’s what this whole week is like where you find yourself listening to a conversation, trying to jump in, and then finding yourself hopeless in over your head. Or on a different page. Or even in a different textbook. In fact, you’re going to feel like this week is like a conversation wherein the players are all on a different point of reference — at least a different point of reference for you. You can try and make sense of it all, or you can surrender to the situation itself. Realize that it all doesn’t make sense, and you might begin to feel a little better. In fact, remember what happens in good, sparkling dialog this week, and try not to interfere with the whole process. It’s going to work out, but it’s going to work at according to some playwright’s agenda, and that’s going to feel like it’s not of your own making this week.

Gemini : I like the idea that Jupiter is fast approaching your sign. It’s the lucky star, you know. And I like the concept that things are going to be on an upswing soon enough. And I like the major planet action next to you in Cancer. I don’t like Mercury being retrograde, and between Mercury and Jupiter, it looks like you get a little balled up this week. A friendly reptile collector I know has the neatest snake for a pet, a “ball” python. And that’s what you look like this week. It’s a predatory (if you’re mice) critter, but when the snake gets handled, it just balls itself up into a knot. That’s what this week is like for you. You just have so much to do, but the words aren’t coming out quite right. You have so much to say, but folks just ain’t understanding what it is that you are trying to convey. You’re just like my buddy’s pet snake, all tied up into a condition that doesn’t let you strike out, doesn’t let you throw your long sinewy coils around your prey, and you can’t seem to do much but choke out incorrect answers. Be patient, there are good things happening in your sky, it’s just going to take a little while to get it to a point where the rest of us can understand you.

Cancer : It is a hot time for my fine Cancer friends. Yes, there is the Mercury thing, but you know my drill about that at this point, and if you don’t know the drill, I’ve got plenty of material posted some place on the web about Mercury and its apparent backward motion. But that’s just about the least of your problems right now. It’s a Mars thing. Mars is hot and fiery planet in mythology. And Cancer is cool, calming, serene sign in the same mythology. And the two just don’t always mix well. So we’ve got that, plus a fresh start Moon thing, all this week. Throw this mess in an astrology blender and what comes out? Something that looks a lot like a Cancer Brain that has been treated like it was going to be beef jerky. Blended beef jerky. A beef jerky milkshake comes to mind, and at first, it sounds a little upsetting, but work out the details, the beef jerky has all that sodium you need to help with the extra sweat from work this week. And it has enough preservatives to embalm you which will help preserve you this week. And it also has calcium which build strong bodies, 12 ways. I just hope my tag line is the correct one for milk. You’re getting a start this week, it’s just not coming from the usual places. Part of this is a dip into your past, and part of it is the heat of Mars, helping you make some decisions. All of this is coming out of the astrology bass blender, this week.

Leo : Mars and the Sun move real close to each other this week, and, in fact, spend a lot of the week looking like it’s a fraternal hug of some sort. This weird collusion happens in a position that might not be the best for you. Between Mars, the Sun, and a few other assorted bits of Astrological Lore (perforce must include Mercury), it’s not the best of all weeks coming along. It’s like getting a chance to play a spot in Las Vegas, only to discover that the billing was for Las Vegas, New Mexico rather than the other one in Nevada. It’s a minor slip up on the part of your Leo Booking Agent, but when you agreed to go, in the first place, you were expecting a grand ball room, and you get the lounge of a run down motel, someplace in the middle of no where. I happen to really like some of the trout fishing in New Mexico, so I would go ahead and take the appointment. But that’s me, and I’m in the mode of “Mercury is retrograde so let’s make the best of this….” You might want to double check what ever your agent comes up with this week, a little bit of background “fact verification” would certainly be useful.

Virgo : It’s an old public speaking trick, the one where you overcome stage fright by imagining that everyone in the audience is without a stitch of clothing. Might work for some, but from the audiences, I’ve seen, I would rather not imagine these folks without their clothes on, for the most part. Given your basic Virgo instincts this week, and looking at the various charts for this week, what with Mercury doing his retrograde thing, you are going to find that the week is like that scary public speaking gig. Worse, you get up to the podium, start to talk, and you imagine that it is you without the clothes, not the crowd. While I would listen with rapt attention to you talk when you didn’t have any clothes on, I’m not sure that you’re going to feel too comfortable about the whole thing. It’s one thing to stand at the podium and expound at length about a favorite topic, it’s quite another, so I would suspect, to stand at the front of the class and imagine that you ain’t got a stitch of clothing on. With the relative position of the planets, that could happen this week, and fortunately for you, there are enough of us in the Virgo fan club that you’ll get by.

Libra : There’s a certain type of irascible Libra behavior this week. It’s not like everything is absolutely wonderful, what with some of the stuff going on over in Cancer, what that’s doing is putting a sublime pressure on you. It’s like a dull throb, kind of like waking up when there’s a county trash truck emptying the dumpster right outside your trailer’s bedroom window. Perhaps you had a little too much fun the night before, and perhaps this just increases the dull, thudding noise in your head. It could be the noise of the lift mechanism, or it could be the fact that you didn’t get a chance to sort through all the wonderful stuff that one of your neighbors just threw out. And the condition you’re in this week, astrologically, you don’t quite get enough time to tend to all the details that you want to get around to, hence the dull throb in your head. Some aspirin, maybe a little coffee, dare I suggest something stronger? There is a still that recurring thought that there is something you didn’t quite get around to this week, and that’s a treasure which looks like you’re going to miss. Sometimes, you just have days when you can’t seem to work it all in, and that’s this week.

Scorpio : There are some Mercury retrogrades which hit you like a dump truck. In fact, there was that one, last year, which you wrote to me and suggested that it was like sitting at the business end of the dump truck as it unloaded its cargo of fertilizer equivalent, right on top of your head. I need to remind you about that because that is not what this week is like. In fact, it’s kind of a good time, with a lot of the similar events going on, only this week, you’re a little better prepared for the dump truck of Mercury Retrograde, and as soon as you hear the obnoxious “beep beep beep” of the truck going in reverse, you’re going to calmly shift positions. By moving a few feet to the left, you’ll find that the load gets dumped on someone else. So try and be neighborly this week, explain to your friends and enemies, that this week, you’re here with a shovel, to help them out of the mess they created. This is a week when it should all land on another sign. Not all Mercury antics are bad, see? Just listen for the telltale warning beep, coming up this week.

Sagittarius : Before this week is up, my dear Sagittarius, you will believe the things that I say about Mercury being Retrograde. While that’s a bit of a grandiose statement, sooner or later, it will get you. There are some other planets who are moving and shaking which causes this Mercury time frame to look that much more exciting. I wonder if the correct term, though, isn’t “exacting” instead of “exciting.” Maybe you can get back to me and let me know which one is turned out to be. The way I was looking at it, I kind of figured that this week would exact a toll on you, sooner or later. It’s either the Moon, her compatriots in Cancer, or just the general feeling of the times. But before I drift off to slippery analogies and faulty metaphors, let me just suggest that there is some fire left in some old coals you left for dead a while back. The BBQ Pit of Love has something stirring, and this is a week that you might want to take a look at some past embers before you move on. Exactly.

Capricorn : You’ve got a week like I just had, coming right up. There was this rather large bass, just sitting there in a pile of brush, on the bottom of the lake. The sonar fish finding radar located this big fellow. I would drag a minnow past him, he would sniff at it, and then go back to taking a nap. I would drag a special Mystic Sarah Spook past him, he would stir a little, perhaps roll one eye at the bait, and then go back to sleep. Or whatever it is that big fish do when they ain’t biting and fighting. This is one of those weeks when no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to catch the eye of your target. In the latter part of the week, there’s a New Moon in Cancer, and that’s going to cause some of the frustration. And Mr. Moon is going to have an impact as he slides right on past each of those planets in Cancer, hence, more of that frustration. How to deal with it? As much as I wanted to jump in after that particular fish, I’m also aware that I can’t swim as well as he can. Patience goes a long way towards success this week. I’ll get him next week, and so will you.

Aquarius : Aquarius is a funny old sign, and I’m never too sure what to make of it. As I was fiddling with this week’s chart for Aquarius, I kept paying strict attention to little bumps in the Aquarius Road of Wonder, and these little speed bumps reminded me of some slang that is derived from South of the Border. Down there, a speed bump is referred to as a “Sleeping Policeman.” And there are some sleeping policemen in your chart right now. It’s more like a time when you want to slow down, just a bit, take a good look at what it is that you are working on, and then stop, make a careful assessment about what is going on and then proceed. Take it easy and slow. This is a week when one of those sleeping policemen might wake up, and I don’t think the dormant problem is too happy about having an Aquarius drive over him. This is coming to you courtesy of the FGS Legal Assistance Center and the planets in Cancer, most notably, that little Mercury fellow who would be the one to wake up the comatose problem.

Pisces : “dot dot dot — and Mercury is retrograde — dot dot dot” And so forth and so on. It’s a week like that. It sort of begins in the middle of sentence with an ellipse (the dot dot dot thing) and it sort of goes onward with that feeling. This week, it’s nothing more than a series of “dot dot dot” episodes. Sort of like a feeling that there is nothing quite finished. Nothing is quite started, either. It’s like being caught in the middle of a conversation, only you’re not too sure about who said what to whom. You can try to jump in and join this conversational thread this week, but it seems to leave you hanging, and you’re also going to discover that you’re just a little afraid of jumping into the conversation this week because whatever you do want to say won’t quite fit in the pattern that everyone else is apparently following. It’s not a bad time, it’s just that your personal timing feels like it’s a little off. It’s like that old Ford Truck I had, “It ain’t hitting on all 8 cylinders,” I told the mechanic. “No wonder, Bubba, it’s only got a six cylinder engine….”

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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