“Dispatch the most convenient messenger:
When haply he shall hear that she is gone,
He will return; and hope I may that she,
Hearing so much, will speed her foot again,
Led hither by pure love. Which of them both
Is dearest to me, I have no skill in sense
To make distinction.”
from Shakespeare’s “All’s Well that End’s Well” [III.iv.60-67]
Mercury goes retrograde long about the middle of the week, but the way this week starts out, I’m sure I’ll get notes from folks who suggest that the little one is, indeed, errant by Monday morning. Deal with it. I’ve got other things to do than worry about Mercury bring retrograde right now — the usually warnings apply, though.
Aries : You’re about to get a week of ease and grace. You’re about to get a single moment of rest, relaxation, and relative comfort. Things are about to be really good — only, it probably won’t happen this week. I realize that it’s not a good idea to start out your weekly prognostication thusly, but the problem has to do with the Sun, as much as anything. And as long as Old Sol is still kicking around in the sign which is on the opposite side of the zodiac from you, there are still some problems related you you. Then, Mercury himself will go out in the yard and bring back some road kill for you. There’s your pet Mercury, standing over something that was hit on the highway this week, and Mercury is just about as proud as it can be at its minor trophy. So between the Sun and Mercury, there’s going to be a prize that isn’t too welcome this week, and this trophy will be delivered to your front door. When my cat drags in a bird or rodent and proudly proffers it up as some tangible evidence of her affection for me, I’ve learned the best thing to do is to praise her, thank her copiously, and then feed her something right out of the can of cat food because it means she won’t be butchering her prize on the shag carpet in the living room. Blood stains are just murder to get out of that carpet. You’re best bet is to praise whatever it is that gets brought up by Mercury and the Sun, and bring it on in, reward the hunter, and then hurriedly get that “thing” out of the house. The dumpster is a good place to put it, if you ask me.
Taurus : I once used a quote from the former English Prime Minister, Winston Churchill, from a November address to his countrymen. It went something like this, “Now is not the beginning of the end, nor is the end of the end, but it is the end of the beginning.” My ability to quote accurately has been greatly impaired ever since the beginning of this year, but I’ve not lost the sense of the situation. It’s the end of the beginning, not the beginning of the end. The novelty of the situation this week has worn off. The fun part is gone. In fact, in most Taurus circles, and most of the charts for Taurus for this week, the newness, that sense of wonderment that comes at the start of a new project is completely gone. It’s just a tedious time. Fortunately, tedious has its merits, like, it’s easily predictable. So my Taurus parts are going to put the shoulder to the cart, nose to the grindstone, the pedal to the metal, and get back to work. The fun part is done. In one book I wrote, an astrological text, the best part was that first line, “This book is dedicated to….” Everything past that was deliriously monotonous work, more like typing than an active act of being creative. But it is paying work, and as such, it does have its merits. So this is a week like that. Just do the work. Might be a bit boring, but you know, there’s something to be said in favor of a little boredom, especially with the last few weeks’ activity.
Gemini : When Mercury starts to describe an errant path through its route in the heavens, it also causes an undue amount of friction in the sign of the voluble Twins. Hey, don’t blame me, I just report my observations. Mercury Retrograde ain’t a happy time, and this one is going to hit the work scene worse than usual. Or better than usual. It’s like you’re busy explaining to a customer just exactly how a certain bait would be best, and this client of yours is busy not paying attention to you at all. “Bacon. Bacon works really good on number two hook. In fact, last week, I hooked some monster fish on that….” The client looks back at you in the boat, murmurs something unintelligible, and then ask, “So which lure am I supposed to work with? The Zara Thrusta? The Spook?” I know that you know that Gemini knows best this week. But I also know that Gemini doesn’t get listening to this week. What’s worse, this all happens at work. A month from now, that same person who wouldn’t listen to you will be back, and what’s worse, they will have that same ability to not listen to your expert advice. Me? I’m listening, but I understand the disposition of the planets right now, I know that you’re ahead of the game. What I do on week like this is pay attention to what bait the other Gemini guides are using. But even then, I have to spy on them with binoculars in order to ascertain what’s best. It would be a better time if more folks followed the Gemini lead this week, but alas, I fear it is not to be.
Cancer : Back yourself up and read the Gemini horoscope this week. Remember that you’re not a Gemini, really, but this week, that advice about misinformation might feel like it applies to you. There’s a chance, that doubling up on communications this week, as befits a Gemini, might stand you in good stead. And there’s a better than average chance, that no matter what you do, that you wind up getting misunderstood. While I dislike misunderstandings of this nature just about as bad as you do, nothing is worse than having to go back later and say those magic words, “Oh baby, you were right, I was wrong, I’m sorry….” There’s room a for a comedy routine in here, something about those familiar lines. In close, interpersonal relationships, when one partner says those lines, “You were right, I’m wrong, I’m sorry…” the person who hears this information is thinking, “All right, got him right where I want him!” And, the person uttering that demonstration of affection sees a light in his partners face, and he thinks, “All right! I got her right where I want her!” Gender based differences may vary with your own scenario, but the idea remains the same. Or was that “The Song Remains the Same”? In any case, watch what you expect out of your rehearsed speeches this week — it might not turn out the way you expect it to go.
Leo : Some of my more technical and computer oriented acquaintances consider their computer to be an inseparable part of themselves. They just can’t imagine life without the latest and greatest piece of technology. Seeing as how this is oft referred to as “bleeding edge technology” due to the way it attacks one’s financial resources, sometimes it isn’t the best idea to pin one’s own self worth on a silly computer. I mean, it’s just a bunch of plastic parts and highly refined silicone bits that happened to have been assembled in such a way that makes that one person happy. “You can have my (insert device, brand or name here) when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers!” While this is a good battle cry at certain times, you might want to reconsider this pitch, especially this week. There’s no point in extolling the virtues of one piece of fishing tackle over another, especially if you really lack objective evidence to back this up. While my preferred Bass lure is a medium Zook Space Thruster, if I don’t have a stringer full of five pound fishes to prove that this is the best lure, I might have to rethink my position. In the same vein, if you are busy trying to prove a point this week, about why your Leo “A” is better than their (any lesser sign’s) “B,” — just make sure that you have proof to back up your claims. In fact, this week, as long as Mercury is toying with you, make sure you have evidence before you start making the apparent statements of fact for the lesser 11 (non Leo) signs.
Virgo : It looks like this a good week for you — but it’s not without a few small challenges. I would really like to place a large emphasis on the adjective “small” because the average Virgo listener will grasp that term and spend a lot of this week taking small challenges and making them into large problems. There’s an easier way. Mercury is moving from a standstill into a backward motion this week. Mercury rules communication. Mercury means that your computer is more inclined to behave in a disruptive manor. It’s an overall indication that you significant other, the cat, the dog, whomever, is likely as not to misread, misinterpret or generally misunderstand what your main intent was. Be extra cautious when using your expert Virgo communication skills this week. We (the other signs) are more likely to not quite grasp the real intent of your message. It means something different, or we get the wrong idea when you you use a really nifty little metaphor, simile, allegory or even some Texas hyperbole. This is not a week to exaggerate a claim for the sake of making the argument look good. This is not a week to use fancy words when plain words work just as well. This is certainly not a week to tell me how big the fish was. (So maybe this is a little bit of good advice for myself, too, you think?)
Libra : Pa Wetzel gets a special happy birthday nod this week, but that’s about it for the good news. There’s some stuff stirring up around the old homestead, and this “stuff” looks lot like one of my lesser batches of “Road kill chili.” In fact, it has been suggested a time or two, by erudite and equivocating chili cook off judges, that some of my road kill chili would be best used either for asphalt repair in a Wal-Mart shopping center, or roof repair material in lieu of tar. I’m not sure that I’m overly fond of these analogies or references, but it’s not like I haven’t heard this before. And that’s what the week looks like, it looks like it might be a delightful cauldron of good stuff bubbling up, a delicious aroma wafting through on the breeze. Then again, errant Mercury will take his toll, and that’s when the judge returns a verdict that the Libra camp really doesn’t want to hear. So as you’re getting together the raw materials for this week, you might want to look for something else other than road kill as the main appetizer for your favorite dish. While it certainly fits with my idea of recycling, I’m not sure that possum parts are really what’s best on the Libra fine dining menu this week. One or more judge this week will take task with the contents of your chili, and Mercury might make the same suggests to you about what to do with your batch as the last judge did with my batch. [Road tar indeed, there was only a little but on that raccoon’s fur.]
Scorpio : Mercury going into an apparent backwards motion is not always a bad time, not if this is approached with a degree of caution, not bad if you’re willing to work with the available energy, and not bad if you know what you’re doing. Every Scorpio that I’ve ever met really does know what they are doing. Every one of them. Sometimes this destination and purpose is occluded from a normal sign’s sight, but that’s never bothered the Scorpio’s. So this is a week like that — it’s like a fishing partner I’ve got, a fellow I fish with from time to time. I’m pretty sure this guy just uses me for my various bits of guiding experience, but it’s a fine time nonetheless. He always has a secret map that he unfolds, a mysterious document that looks like a Texas Department of Wildlife map, and it seems to have some pretty arcane number, depths, locations, all marked on this map. But I never get a really good look at it because he claims it’s proprietary information. Scorpio this week is going to feel like me, trying (with no luck) to peer over his shoulder at this mysterious store of data. It always feels like there is something that is being withheld, and the real trick is to go along with the game this week. Act like “they” know something, and act like whatever it is that “they” know is important. Mercury problems, nothing more.
Sagittarius : Venus enters our sign this week. Doesn’t make a lot of progress, but she gets off to a good start doing what she likes to do best, and that’s going to be stirring up some trouble. See: this Mercury period is not actually that wonderful. It’s a time for pause and reflection, a time to consider some direction — perhaps a chance to consider past misdirections, as well, and even a chance to consider some future ideas about what direction you want to take. Mercury is going to be stationary, then backwards in the sign which comes right before you. This is what I would call “not exactly a happy place,” but with Venus beginning to kick Sagittarius around, it’s not all bad either. So feel good this week, and if you should stop and pause, and have dark moments during this apparent lull in the action in Sagittarius, then don’t worry about it too much. A little bit of listening to that baritone voice beckoning from the back of your mind, some strange tittering calling from a hidden recess of brain, a disembodied sound in the wilderness, listening that sort of thing isn’t too bad this week. Giving in to it, though, that’s another question. It’s one thing to listen to the Siren’s song, it’s another thing to succumb to that incubus. (And don’t tell me my mythology is confused, Mercury is retrograde — it’s allowed right now.)
Capricorn : Nothing is worse than getting a good night’s rest, right before the Big Day, and getting work, and discovering that you exactly one day early. That’s going to set a flavor, a sense, a style, a particular feeling to the way this Mercury Retrograde time is going to go for you. Sometimes, I would suggest, as it has been pointed out to me, sometimes, being early an serve as a detriment. Sometimes, it’s better to be late than fashionably early. In fact, has it ever been called “fashionably early”? Or, better yet, the invitation for the party says, “Show up at 7:00 PM, and don’t be late!” So operating with typical Capricorn efficiency, you’re not late this week. But then, everyone else is. You show up n time, dressed in your party best, and the host (hostess, whatever) greets you, having just stepped out of the shower, “Hot damn, I’m glad your here, can you go and pick up the keg?” Sure, no problem. Except, the way this week works, not only do you get to pick up the keg, you also get dirt on your fine apparel AND you get to pay for the keg, as well. See what I mean? Sometimes, it really is better to be late. It’s just Mercury, more than anything else, and he’s just up to his old tricks.
Aquarius : There’s a growing sense of “expectation” this week. It’s growing on you, as a matter of fact. Or growing inside you, something like that. But the sense that “sumpin’ fixin’ t’ happun'” is a very present feeling this week, all through Aquarius. The problem with this intermittent feeling of dread is that there are other, somewhat oblique, astrological references which are like a tasty piece of software, or tasty little BBQ treat. So the over – riding sense is one of dread, one that you can’t quite put your index finger on. The other sense for the week is that there is some good stuff floating around, but it also feels like it’s “just around the corner.” Most FGS readers are apparently not noted for their patience, other than the way they all patiently wait for the weekly horoscope, but other than that, there is still a feeling of dread. It’s more like an echo, or hint, rather than an out and out sense that something bad is about to happen. The trick with working with this kind of feeling is not to let it carry you away this week. Once you take that first step downward, once you begin that descent into the underworld, once you start the slow spiral into that funk — you’re fine Aquarius self is sunk. In Texas, after carefully observing a toilet flush, I was able to determine that this descent into the underworld has a counter clockwise twist to it. The question for the week, does this descent into the underworld in the Southern Hemisphere have a clockwise twist to it, and does that mean they subscribe to a version of the underworld?
Pisces : One of the more passionate females I dated used to like to fight. “Go ahead, get mad! You’ll feel better if you yell a little….” Sure, I just always wanted to skip to the “kiss and make up part,” but she insisted that we have us a good little row about the house first. In fact, she often enjoyed launching kitchen ware at me. Plates, according to here, were particularly satisfying because they crashed against the trailer’s paneled wall with such force, the foundations felt as if they were quaking, and then the shards make such an explosive reaction to the sudden stop in flight…. I still don’t get it, but she seemed to enjoy watching me dance and avoid the shrapnel, no small feat itself. “So, Fishing Guide, what’s up with true confessions and the detritus of your past relationships, anyway?” It’s a moment of such passion that I would suggest happens this week. In true Pisces fashion, though, perhaps you can escape some of the more traumatic events this week. Skip the physical abuse of your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, hater, dog or cat. Don’t run to the kitchen cupboard in order to find missiles worthy of launching at your former lover — the speed with which that person got under your skin and caused the irritation to begin with is going to just as quickly get out from underneath your skin, and all will be well. While a plate crashing into the wall is certainly a satisfying release of energy, cleaning it up later is always worrisome. This isn’t a week that you want to have to shop for new China.
