1/1-7/2001
"Look in the calendar, and bring
me word."
from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, Act II, scene i.
What a way to start the new year!
Or new Millennium, depending on which arbitrary calendar system one is using.
Around here, we’ve all opted for the old-fashioned method of marking shadows,
and we’ve all noticed the days are perceptibly longer. Not so much that you’d
notice it, but the new year and the usual beginning of the cycle is working
again. And if there’s an old spin to a new tune, then I must be headed to El
Paso for the coming weekend.
The Gourds have a minor, local hit, and it speaks to me at a time like this:
Chicken blood on my pants
My hands are shaky and my pillow is damp
My hands are shaky and my pillow is damp
Cigarette rumble seat
Drive all day got nothing to eat
Drivin all day got nothing to eat and I’m goin to
El Paso
I’m goin to
El Paso, I’m goin to
El Paso, I’m goin to.
[The
Gourds, K. Russell – Krakatowa McDinglefury World Publishers, BMI]
Quiz time in Sagittarius.
Aries
[3. 21 – 4. 19]: Slow down and hold your cotton pickin’ horses for a moment.
Not for long, but look before you leap into the fray. It’s like a barroom
brawl (not that I have any experience with this myself), and you really, really,
don’t need to involve yourself in the fracas, not right now. No need to go
up to the biggest guy and try to reason with him, either. Just doesn’t work.
Over the years, I’ve developed a special technique for dealing with these
situations. It involves back doors, and putting one foot in front of another,
just as fast as I can. Now, it might not be a physical altercation, but you
can bet that something is coming up, and there is no reason to jump into it,
not right away. Let your emotions cool off before making a hasty decision.
[especially like sending hateful notes to the astrologer.]Taurus [4.
19 – 5.20]: I realize it’s the holiday season, and I know you don’t want to
hear what I have to say, but I’m referring to a passing influence, not a long
term deal. It’s that sense of frustration when no one will do, act, behave,
in a manner consistent with the way you are thinking right now. Sure is frustrating.
I suggested a starboard cast, and the client tossed the line out the left
(port) side of the boat. You’re like me, you suggest live bait, and they grab
a lure or plastic worm. There is only one cure, and that’s patience because
I know that you know you’re correct. It’s just there are some other folks
who haven’t caught up to our way of thinking. "Starboard, that means
left, right?" Just shake your head and mutter. Works for me, and I’d
suggest it’ll work for Taurus this week, too.Gemini [5.21-
6. 21]: It’s a new year, new whatever, and it’s high time that you did something
to make your place of employment more enjoyable for yourself. As a strictly
personal suggestion, I’ve found that a string of Xmas light — remember —
that was just a week or two ago — a string of such lights, left up year round
makes an adorable additions to the cubicle, office, store front, or even,
in my case, the cab of the truck. Xmas lights in the cab of a pickup truck?
Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. And why make work a nicer place for
your multi-talented Gemini selves? The more time you put in at work right
now, the more effort expended in that arena of your life, the better positioned
you are. If you’re on vacation, like a lot of us are, then look for decorations
to take home for the office.Cancer [6.
22 – 7. 22]: Come and escape with me. We’ll go fishing this week. You, me
— we’ll just use the little johnboat, nothing big or loud. Get away from
it all. Sounds great, huh? Won’t work, but it’s a pleasant idea. The mornings
are really too cold for my tastes, and I’d rather be buried under the covers
at this time of the year. And it looks like the solitude which you crave right
now won’t be available, either. Sorry about that. You’ve got one too many
relationship "things" pushing and pulling on you at this point.
Let’s go back to the idea of fishing — you can fish, or you can cut up some
of that smelly stuff we use for bait. You get to make the call this week,
but you’re going to get stuck with one or the other. Sorry about that.Leo [7. 23
– 8. 23]: Too often I end my weekly or monthly missive to Leo with a simple
"party on!" expression. Great words to a great sign. Right now,
however, this is NOT the time to follow this usual advice. Concentrate on
work. While everyone else is nursing a hangover or a computer "glitch,"
you should be saddled up and rolling through mountains of work like a butter
knife through a hot roll. I would rather think of Leo as a fillet knife, and
the pile of work as a nice fish, which needs to be cleaned for supper, but
I’m not sure that the allusion would translate to non-fishing Leo’s. But you
do get the idea. While everyone else is fogged in, attack that mound of crud
on your desktop.Virgo [8.
24 – 9. 22]: Communication skills are important, especially to a particular
Virgo who seems most interested in getting the perfect word in the perfect
place. Give it a rest. On some occasions, like this week, the perfect word
will not line up just right. However, lots of words will come out. There’s
a maxim about life, quite often observed here at the office, "If you
can’t dazzle them with your brilliance Kramer, baffle them with your [organic
animal byproduct]." As a special gift, from me to you, this week, use
that rule. On some occasions, quantity is preferable to quality, and while
none of it might be perfect, you can always go backand refine the stuff later.Libra [9.
23 – 10. 22]: Planning and preparation are the keys to successful execution
right now. And while the term "execution" might have some dreaded
overtones to it, this is more like a computer executing a command, rather
than a firing squad dealing with a recalcitrant and guilty rebel. Of course,
you will feel like that rebel at one point this week, but like the classic
allusion to a cliff hanger ending, you do get rescued at the very end of the
week. Again, this works out because of your planning and preparation. Or maybe
it’s due to a quirky turn of Fate, but who cares? The real secret is to act
like you meant it all to turn out this way. Repeat after me, "I meant
for that to happen." Such a phrase usually works.Scorpio [10.
23 – 11. 22]: I was listening to some music which could be best classified
as "heavy metal," and that sort of music is what it takes to properly
convey the sense of this week. Loud, driving tunes. A strong backbeat, a basic
4/4 time, Thump thump thump for the bass line. It’s Mars and he’s acting in
concert with a few other planets to really shake up some events. It’s like
the familiar lick from any number of songs, "the house is a rocking (don’t
bother knocking)…." Now, you can try and be the sly Scorpio that you
are, or you can come on strong, under this musical, martial influence. You
get to pick, but my suggestion is to come on strong. Eschew the usual subtle
Scorpio approach. Mars makes it darn near impossible to be coy, why bother
trying?Sagittarius
[11. 22 – 12. 22]: Pop culture quiz. Or reference, anyway. Thriller,
by Michael Jackson, came out, well, it was a long time ago. Guest vocals by
whathisname. And that song, as well as the guest vocals, really sound just
like this week. There’s a sense of warning, but even in the voice of the dire
warning, there’s still a minor key of merriment. Something, perhaps it’s the
tone of the message, but somewhere, it really isn’t that bad. To be sure,
dark alleys, over crowded malls, and some of my old neighborhoods are not
places you want to be — thanks to Mars in Scorpio. So avoid the usual hotspots
which are tinged with danger right now. Learn to laugh like Vincent Price
— it really helps. For a chance for a free ‘el-cheapo planet profile from
FGS World Headquarters and movie store, email me the correct Vincent Price
birthday information.Capricorn
[12. 23 – 1. 18]: Happy birthday, dear one. I know you thought I forgot about
the Capricorn birthday specials, but, no, I didn’t. And this promises to be
a good year, the one approaching. Some of the fear, uncertainty, and doubt,
yes, even a Cap or two was doubting me last time, yes, all of that is on its
way to be being replaced with …. what? That depends on the individual
chart. But there is this ever hopeful feeling that something good is right
around the corner. It’s a building sense of excitement this week. While everyone
you encounter might seem to be a bit dour, just keep a cheerful facade on
that pretty Cap face, and get ready. It’s getting better — moment by moment.Aquarius
[1. 19 – 2. 18]: This is a cautionary
tale for the older set, really, not that a young person with boundless
enthusiasm can connect with it, but it’s one of those times — especially
at the beginning of the week — when you feel like you’ve got the Mother of
All Hangovers — only — only you weren’t drinking last night. Or you weren’t
drinking heavily. It’s really a planetary hangover, not so much something
you consumed. As the week unfurls itself, like the main sail on a graceful
watercraft, you’ll find that you begin to escape this hung down, drug out
feeling. If you let your imagination run away with you, you might begin to
imagine that you did something to deserve feeling like this. I seriously doubt
that you played that much, but the old body just can’t take what it used to,
now can it?Pisces [2.
19 – 3. 20]: Half way through the week, more or less, Venus creeps into your
sign. She stealthily makes her presence known by radiating good stuff all
over the place. While the weekend before might be a bit of let down, a little
anticlimactic, the week promises to be a good one, it’s just getting to the
middle of it when all the good stuff starts. This reminds me a fish tale,
perfect for Pisces. The monster put up a great fight. The fish was so big,
it was dragging the little boat all over the lake. Yes, and the fight lasted
hours until that sucker was worn and brought up next to the boat. Although
we were expecting something huge, it turned out to be a barely mature minnow,
looked more like bait than fish. At least that fish made a good story….
Lord knows we always tell the truth about the size of the fight in the fish,
leastways around here, we do.
(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001
