runtime: 2/5-11/2001
“Repair thy wit good youth, or it will fall
To cureless ruin.”
Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice [IV.i.141-2]
Coming up soon, and maybe just in time for the Saint’s day, where is the largest (and oldest) rattlesnake round up in Texas?
Aries [3. 21 – 4. 19]: No where does the week’s introductory quote have more well-intentioned strength — and a good suggestion for a course of action — than right here in Aries. See, there’s this little planet called Venus, and yes, she’s operating in your sign, and yes, she makes everything feel wonderful. So you’re feeling good, but there’s a small problem with your pocketbook right about now. Your ability to spend money on the finer things in life — I’m thinking “Chicken Fried Steak” for dinner — has never been better. The particular challenge, though, is that there’s a lack of financial resources for just such activity. What to do? If I had just a touch more Aries in my chart, I’d scrape some old beer cans together, run them out to the recycling place, and cash them in on the big dinner. Can’t say that it will work for everyone, but it’s not a bad suggestion.
Taurus [4. 19 – 5.20]: Love may be a many splendor’d thang, but it’s more like a hot topic for you. Relationship “stuff” is bubbling to the top right now. It’s like some of that fancy French fish stew. Delicious stuff, redolent with piquant aromas and exotic spice as only truly great French cuisine can do it. But like that ever so delicious French soup stew thing, there’s a little bit of a caution. Personally, I don’t find it particularly attractive when I’m face to face with a fish head, the eyeballs staring at me, in my fine cuisine. That’s what I mean by having something bubbling to the top. And all those wonderful spices? Sometime, they can upset my stomach. There’s a notion that some things can be a little too exotic, and if you’re not a little careful, you might wind up with an upset stomach from this week’s astrological mix.
Gemini [5.21- 6. 21]: If there ever were a time when a special place on Planet Earth, a hidden garden of delight reserved for “Gemini’s only”, was ever required, it should be done this week. See, in Gemini Land, everything is great. But in the other 11 signs, there is toil, trouble, problems, more problems, and vague discontent. But nothing like that is bother you guys! Gemini Land is wonderful. So? So work with it. Limit your outside, day to day contact with other signs to perfunctory “Hi, how are you, just fine thank you.” I realize that it’s not always possible to limit your contact with the rest of us. In fact, this might be an impossible situation. But it’s worth a try. Fishing, alone, might work, too. The only problem is you’ll find that the fish don’t talk back enough. Make good listeners, but the level of intellectual discourse with the fish themselves might leave a little to be desired. Stick with Gemini’s, though, and it’s an okay time.
Cancer [6. 22 – 7. 22]: I was meandering down Riverside Drive, just the other day, taking a short break between readings, and heading towards the local convenience store to obtain an ice cold beverage to help break the afternoon’s doldrums. Now, in my typical South Austin attire, I looked — apparently — like a homeless person. In this day and age, it’s hard to tell the homeless from the young, up and coming net generation of millionaires. Regrettably, I don’t fit in either category. A car went by with somebody frantically honking and waving at me. Friend or foe? I’m not sure. Neither are you, not this week. And you have to be a little extra careful about your appearance, too, because you could find yourself in a situation where someone important wants to talk to you, only you thought it was casual day. Of course, in Shady Acres Trailer Park, we consider every day casual day. But that doesn’t always work when some scion of industry want to talk to you. So you might want to be a little extra prepared, unlike I was, when they start honking and waving.
Leo [7. 23 – 8. 23]: Leo’s are so wonderful, so nice, and they have such good things going for them — usually — I just hate to rain on your parade right now. How about we just skip Monday altogether? You and me, we run away for a couple of days, and then life gets back to being okay. This is a great idea — won’t work — but it’s a great idea. Sometimes, it’s better to run away, and fight the good fight another day. Or maybe avoid the conflict altogether. So take a vacation. Take a day off for mental health. Take some kind of a break. Skip the problem at the beginning of the week, gloss over the problems, offer to deal with them later. Take that break. Then, a little later in the week, you’ll find you are better equipped to deal with this “situation.” Of course, it looks like this is something that only a Leo can handle best.
Virgo [8. 24 – 9. 22]: Sometimes, there’s good news in the fact the planets don’t line up precisely. At least one Virgo I know would complain that there wasn’t a perfect order to the stars, but there you have it. Thank your lucky stars that things are not lining up perfectly right now. You get a little extra time. It’s like showing up late to meet a buddy to go fishing, and then have him be late, too. So, this week, when you fail to get some place on time, don’t panic. Wait. Then, don’t act too superior (even though you are the best of the mutable earth signs), when your buddy shows up even later. The sun has risen, the boat’s in the water, and you’re both — finally — ready to go. You’re still ahead, but try to not act like you’re keeping score.
Libra [9. 23 – 10. 22]: There’s a vicious little cycle that has to do with the dance of the moon and the sun. And a few other planets, like maybe Mars, as well. This is like watching the dancers at a Country Discotheque, where one of the more popular dance steps looks a lot more like a bear hug, and lot less like an elegant mating ritual. You might feel like you’re not leading this dance step, not right about now. Doesn’t mean that there isn’t an elegance to it all, but it looks a little less like recreation, and looks a little more like exercise. Be more than gentle with your dance partner during this brief cycle. A little extra caution, a little extra effort to make sure you don’t tread on his or her feet would be nice now. The dance of the planets gets transformed into some frantic energy, and it would certainly be nice if you tried to help a little by not stepping on our toes.
Scorpio [10. 23 – 11. 22]: Mars. Yes, Mars is still cooking in Scorpio. But Mars is really the least of your problems right now. Of course, if you so desire, you can blame him. It’s what I would do. But the problem has more to do authority figures. I wouldn’t want to point fingers at a particular uniformed individual, but a certain member of the Park Police does come to mind. And he’s not very forgiving about items like fishing licenses. However, it’s been my long experience with this particular guy that my plea that “Mars is in Scorpio” really doesn’t work as an effective excuse. Matter of fact, I can’t remember any uniformed individual who ever bought any of my astrological excuses. It’s worth a try, but it’s just a lot easier to make sure that all your paperwork is up to date — especially this week. “But officer, it was a Mars transit….” Right. I’ll understand, but I don’t know if they will.
Sagittarius [11. 22 – 12. 22]: “What’s your sign?” is my common Sagittarius question. Some of the more interesting responses I’ve gotten include “Slippery when wet,” and “Dangerous curves ahead.” However, this week, I’d like to suggest a different sign. In American, it’s usually red and octagonal. In white letters is says “Stop.” In other places I’ve been, it’s still red, but maybe round, and it says “Alto.” Get the idea? Don’t do it. I don’t even know what “it” is, but my first impulse is not always the best impulse, and this is a time when you’re inclined to go with that first impulse, and I’m not sure it’s the right one. Consider the signage. A well timed pause, a moment to look before you jump, a chance to reconsider a certain action this week can save you a whole lot of explaining later.
Capricorn [12. 23 – 1. 18]: In some Texas cities, certain neighborhoods have gotten upset with the amount of traffic speeding through the old ‘hood. The solution is called “road humps” — huge, ugly bumps which can scrape the paint off the running boards of a decent truck. But the speed humps work. In some places, the design engineers have gotten creative, and split these into two or three lumps of asphalt in the middle of the road. Your week starts out with you rapidly approaching just such an obstacle. Now, if you’re a clever driver, you slow down. If you’re really clever, you aim for that gap in the bumps, too, and notice that you can carefully negotiate this little problem with relative ease. To be successful, you’ve got to shoot for the gap, and you’ve got to judge your speed just right. Make the proper adjustments in your trajectory this week, and you’ll do just fine. Failure to properly adjust, though, can result in damage to you, your truck, or both.
Aquarius [1. 19 – 2. 18]: Happy Birthday. Would that I could make this a little more joyful, I would, And it’s not like there’s a lot of bad stuff going around, it’s just that you’re charging in like the proverbial “bull in a china shop” and you know what? That approach is not in your best interest. Slow down, take a deep breath. Count to four. Take it easy. Listen to the wind rustling in the tree tops. Do something nice for yourself. Forget that one problem that won’t go away. One of the greatest inventions since the telephone is the little switch on the bottom which lets me turn the ringer off. In order to deal with the problems most effectively, turning that switch to its “off” position might be the nicest answer. Sure, you’ll miss some important calls, but think about the messages — and their problems — which you won’t have to deal with.
Pisces [2. 19 – 3. 20]: There’s a heavenly tickle coming this week. Perhaps it’s the weekend when it really catches up to you, but there’s a tickle nonetheless. It’s more like a gentle astrological nudge than anything else. Not so much as a shove, just a minor hint about something that is about to happen. If you’re willing to pay attention to the subtle nature of this hint, then you’re in for a good time. It’s like fly fishing instead of casting for bass. The subtle nuances are the trick. You don’t need to give the pole hard a jerk to set that fly. Be gentle, and listen for the little signals right now — I’m sure they will be loud and clear, when you hear that call.
(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001
