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subject: February 2001″[Here’s] a kind of excellent dumb discourse.”
Shakespeare’s ‘The Tempest’ [III.iii.38-9]
Astrological overview: Venus spends a great portion of this month in Aries, a fine place for her while Mars eventually moves from secretive Scorpio on into bodacious Sagittarius. Mercury, the littlest planet, has the biggest news as he bumps into Pisces, in the first week, then starts a backwards trek, all the way back through the preceding sign — Aquarius. The little communicator’s movement is going to be rather upsetting to all the air signs, most notably Gemini and Aquarius. In fact, Mr. Mercury and his backwards ways are the main influence, all month long.
Aries [3. 21 – 4. 19]: Venus this and Venus that, and you’re going to wonder if another planet is going to get any attention this month. Frankly, no. It’s just much easier to concentrate on the one little one, that would be Miss Venus in all her shining glory. And as long as we’re looking at her, and how she affects your sign, think about all the pleasures — guilty pleasures — which you should, could, would be enjoying if Mercury wasn’t spending most of his time really playing at making your little deals seem like big deals. So be careful about over indulgence. You’ll tend to want to have a good time, a little too much of a good thing, and then the timing is all wrong for this much fun. Get the idea? Slow down, maybe avoid the “all you can eat” buffet. You could take that as a challenge. Reminds me of just such a BBQ offer, and a friend of mine was determined to make sure he got his money’s worth. It wasn’t a pretty sight. He motored in under his own power, but by the end of the evening, we were pushing him out in a cart. I think it was that piece of pie which did him in. To be sure, he did get his money’s worth, but at what price? So be a little careful during the next few weeks’ time, and think twice before accepting that pleasurable challenge.
Taurus [4. 19 – 5.20]: Pick up the pieces as the Taurus worlds seems to fall into a state of complete disrepair. Just pick up the pieces and keep moving. I’d suggest you keep moving forward, but that might not be the best idea, but you can always pretend. Make believe worlds are not always the best places to be, and a good Taurus doesn’t live in a fantasy world — but for right now, maybe even for the duration of this month, just such a place might be a better place to live. My little version of Taurus reality is a comfortable place where I don’t have to work too hard, and the pleasure, the little pleasures which are so important, these can be found right at the end of my fingertips. But given the way the planets fall out of line right now, you might find this made up reality is a bit of a stretch. Close you eyes a little, give yourself a little stretch, arch you back some, and see if this doesn’t seem to make it a little easier to reach that item, person, place, thing — which seems to be evading your grasp. You might not make it, but you will feel much better.
Gemini [5.21- 6. 21]: The Mercurial spin to the month does not spell doom and gloom, although, by the time this missive arrives, more than one Gemini will be complaining about the planet’s errant behavior. See: it’s not the particular planet’s fault, no Mercury and his antics are easily predictable. The problem stems from the Gemini reactions to this. More often than not, I get frantic notes from the Gemini camp, about how everything in their lives are all messed up. The key is not to panic. Don’t worry about the small stuff. Another friend has sage advice: “Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.” It might not make sense to a non-Gemini person right now, but this is a good rule to follow to make it through the coming month. Simple, sound advice. A little disconcerting, but by no means the end of the world. Although, at times, it will certainly feel like that.
Cancer [6. 22 – 7. 22]: Yes, well let me tell you a little tale, it’s a sad story about going with a new friend to a little town, just south of Austin, a place called Lockhart. What a good name for Valentine’s Day, right? Get a lock on that heart. Anyway, this one little town is famous for several BBQ places. One was in business in the same location for 99 and a half years. Good stuff. When they moved, they ceremoniously carried burning embers from the old pit to the new location. Another place has been in the same family longer than any other BBQ place in Texas, possibly in the world. What can be said about Lockhart? Looks like they eat a lot of meat there. Now, I was out to impress this one person, so I suggested an outing to this town. Bound to find something to please her, right? Turns out, my big idea, my great idea, my idyllic afternoon dreams were a little shattered by one fact I overlooked: she was a Vegetarian. Instead of pulling a stunt like I did, I really recommend you check out all the facts first. Maybe even double check them. Nothing is worse, than lining up with your date at the BBQ counter, watching them slice delicious farm animals, seared to perfection, watching that mouth watering food [and good intentions] go to waste. And nothing is worse than a lame excuse like, “The Potato Salad and Cole Slaw are vegetables, right? You can eat that?” You get the picture. It’s Mercury, it’s your love life, and little bit of thoughtful preparation would really help.
Leo [7. 23 – 8. 23]: It is not the end of the world, in fact, shortly after the big celebration, there’s a turning point, after St. Valentine’s Day, there’s a shift in directions which is good. After you get over the marketing hype, the failed encounters, the mistaken directions, after you get passed all that, then there’s a good thing or two which should be happening. With the right sense of humor, you can be amazed at what’s going on. The promise of Valentine’s Day is pretty much broken; however, right after that fateful day, there’s a change, and your life begins to look a lot better. And those annoying, minor details which have been so problematic in the past are less of a problem as the second half of the month begins. The individual calamities associated with Mercury’s mayhem really aren’t that bad. I’d just suggest you watch what you do beforehand. Be a little more careful about what you say. There’s a good little speech in Hamlet, from Polonius, and I’ve always liked it. “Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.” [Hamlet — Act I, scene iii, line 61] That little bit of advice is the way I’d look at this month, easy words to suggest, but it might need some Leo like attention to get through it all.
Virgo [8. 24 – 9. 22]: The tiniest of hints suggest that there’s some good which will emerge from this astrological mess of a month. There will be, of course, in the Virgo camp, much wringing of the hands, much gnashing of the teeth, much shaking of the fists at the skies. Ain’t my fault, it’s just Mercury, and see: he’s doing his backward thing in a Fixed Air Sign. Communications go right down the toilet, and I’d borrow a bit of symbolism from the Gemini camp, learn not to freak out when something doesn’t work right. If Project A is not going according to your perfect Virgo plan, then move onto Project B. Or, if that doesn’t work, then try number three [Project C]. You’ve got a whole alphabet to work with, and after that, you can always double up on the digits, in order to keep moving forward. See? It’s not that bad. There are a few, little, minor, frustrating things which seem to keep cropping up, but if you get a big hammer, you can just hit the problems on the head. While this won’t solve the problem itself, it will keep everything in a slightly stunned state for the duration.
Libra [9. 23 – 10. 22]: It’s all kind of relative, or maybe it’s because some of my relatives are Libra, but this is such a weird little month, it all gets up and rolls around backwards. You know the Mercury thing, big problems for little folks. Or is that little problems for big people? There are a couple of high points, and these lovely little astrological indicators suggest that your life is a little easier than, say, the guy sitting next to you. At the beginning of the month, there’s a rather uncomfortable blip on your Libra monitor, that thing you use to ascertain what it’s like outside. There’s a little blip which indicates danger. You will probably avoid this blip and its message. While ignoring it does have a certain appeal, I’m not sure the real problem is ever addressed. But ignore it anyway, and see what happens. The rest of the time, and despite the little problems so often associated with a major Mercury Retrograde, things seem okay. Maybe not the best, but you are less inclined to worry about some of the stuff which seems to be falling down around other peoples’ heads. Now, as Mars drags himself into Sagittarius, get ready for the fun to begin. Your mouth is going to be like my old truck’s motor, it sputters, it takes a few tries to get it to run right, but eventually, it gets chugging down the road. Same with you, you might not get started right, or might not start out right the first time, but eventually, you get chugging down that road, and other folks begin to understand you a little better.
Scorpio [10. 23 – 11. 22]: There is magic in the air, but it’s not like this is anything you can reach out and actually touch. It’s like the mist on the lake in the morning, the early winter mornings here in Texas, and while I can describe this mist with great detail, it’s not like I can reach out and accurately lay a finger on it. Same problem with the magic in your life this month. You can’t quite get a grasp on it. Worried about who is doing what to whom? Mercury spends most the month in a bad place for you, confusing some issues, while, at the same time, you have Mr. Mars, in Scorpio for the first part of the month. That’s usually pretty good for you, but this one has a little kick, and I’m not sure you like being kicked like this. About the only part of your life which feels remotely stable is work, and even that’s questionable, especially at the first of the month when you have way too much energy, and no one (this is getting redundant) is listening to you. Your great ideas, your wonderful plans, none of that is getting advanced at a pace to suit you. You’re getting a little bit of a run around, all month long, and rather than let this get under your Scorpio skin, I’d let it slide. There is an amusing quality to all of this, take out your Scorpio sense of humor, dust off your wit, and get ready to mince a few metaphors. Now, this magic will be floating around all month, but it’s not anything you can lay your little Scorpio pincers on, so relax. Luxuriate, when you can, in the feeling as the tides of time shift stuff more your direction as the month gets longer.
Sagittarius [11. 22 – 12. 22]: I think it’s high time I returned to that land down under. I really should make another trip to Australia because it’s been so long since my last visit. And what better place to be when Mars starts warming us up, here in Sagittarius. It all starts the day after Valentine’s Day, and we need to get comfortable with Mars. He’s here for a long haul, and sooner or later, he will insist on being felt. Doesn’t help much that Mercury is busy dragging himself back and forth in one of our favorite signs, either. Travel when Mercury is backwards isn’t always a good idea — works fine for me — but I know about the delays, and I always carry a good book to read. Anyway, in Australia, everything is reversed from what it is up here: the toilet bowls spin in the opposite direction, their Winter is a our Summer, their Spring is our Fall, and so forth. Makes looking at the Mercury business going on all month seem okay, everything is fine, it’s just backwards. Due to the way Mars is spinning right now, all the Sagittarius are suddenly energized like never before. Only, with Mercury causing mayhem, we’ve got it all backwards, too. So, the best solution is to go to Australia. Here’s a travel tip I remember from my last time there, though: do not, under any circumstance, ever try to out drink an Australian native, and especially don’t try to do this on their home turf. Get comfortable with Mercury and Mars, but don’t try to beat someone on their own ground. Some fights aren’t worth the trouble.
Capricorn [12. 23 – 1. 18]: If this was a normal month with 30 regular days, we could work well with the numbers, because there is a turning point for you: Feb. 15. Mark it. Inscribe it, think about it. Yes, that’s the day AFTER Valentine’s Day. That’s the day after the big holiday for love and romance, that’s the day after all the good stuff is supposed to happen. The easy way out for me, the simplest way to sit down with my quill pen and describe what is going on, is to suggest your romantic encounter is a great but everything afterwards goes right down the plumbing, straight into the sewer. You don’t like that. Neither do I. It’s a matter of understanding how the planets work, and it’s a matter of balancing what is going on, and Mercury is not the big culprit. Sure, he’s up to his usual tricks, but you have a Capricorn sense of humor, and while that might be sorely tested, you’re still dealing with it okay. It’s what happens when Mars sneaks out of Scorpio that has me concerned. Yes, my fine Capricorn friend, Mars is going to start playing a little game with your subconscious side, tweaking your desires, adding a little stage direction to some of your mental images, and Mr. Red Orb of Desire himself will also take some of the mercurial stuff which is already beginning to pop up, and it will add a definite spin to it. Work with this weirdness, not against it. A little time after the middle of the month, a little time from there to the end of the month — it’s an excellent time to go fish. This could be literal, or this could figurative, but it’s great time to seek a little solace of your own company, if only for the briefest of times. In other words, plan on a little time alone, after the holiday. Give Cupid’s arrows a chance to find their targets.
Aquarius [1. 19 – 2. 18]: For several years, I was dutifully recording various antics about Mercury being retrograde, little stories of woe and missed communications, missed directions, and missed understandings, little tales with a degree of humor in them, little stories which I always thought were kind of cute. My family s a great source of entertainment for me. Unfortunately, that same family doesn’t always like being the butt of the cosmic joke, and I’m afraid some of the members of my immediate family started taking it rather personally that I was so willing to put their problems into print, their lives [our lives], laid bare for everyone to see. Know the feeling? Okay, next point: I found a legal notice on the tail end of a celebrity web page, “anything submitted to us becomes ours,” was the gist of what it said, in so much legalese. Now, before you consider sending me your tales of woe due to the influence of Mr. Mercury, think about it. Do you really want to see it in print? Do you really want all your little problems, no matter how comical at the time, do you really want this recorded for posterity? That’s what you have to look out for, most near all this month. You’re usually lucky in the “Mercury is backwards” department, You’re usually untouched, or, at least, not troubled much. Sadly, that is not the case this time. Words, deeds and events have a way of coming back to haunt you — particularly this month. Deal is Mr. Mercury goes backwards all through your sign, and the deal is he brings up some old stuff that you really should’ve dealt with earlier. And the problem is, you’re less inclined to want to deal with this stuff as it arises. No easy way through, either. Now, I know it’s your birthday time, for a lot of you, and I know that you’d like to have a good party, and I know it should be your party time all month long, but be a little extra careful. Maybe leave some open spots in your calendar and schedule to make sure you can account for unexpected little “things” which are bound to arise. I know you feel like we’re going over old ground, but it’s like one family story I committed to a web page: it has continued to haunt me every year since. You’ve got a similar haunting this month. Laugh about it.
Pisces [2. 19 – 3. 20]: Look here: I’ve been writing these things, and spending a lot of time interfacing with real people, looking at what is going on with each sign, and while that, in and of itself, is no great claim, it does give me an edge which I find lacking in some others, an ability to see just what is going on. And from that observed pattern, one of the things I’ve noticed is that you’re going to be a little more upset, uptight, and unsettled for this coming month. Deal with it. The problem is Mercury, the solution is patience, and the rest of us fail to grasp the seriousness of your concern. It’s like this: there are certain things in your life, certain little motions you go through, it’s like grinding the politically correct coffee beans for that breakfast cup of coffee around my trailer, it’s a very important task, and it comes first, every morning. Ritual. There’s something entirely comforting in the same old thing, the same action, almost as if by rote memory, each morning, same thing, stagger to the kitchen’s counter, pour beans into the grinder, whir, crunch, and all is getting better. Now, around here, the cat gets upset when I don’t open a can of food for her first, but let’s face some facts, you have to have priorities, and the coffee comes first. Then the cat food. Mercury is going to pull some tricks, though, and here’s the example, you stagger to the counter again, expecting the usual, and find that you’re out of coffee beans. Tragedy? Not according to the cat, she could care less, like so many other non-Pisces folks. Now, before you step out to pick up some coffee, consider that extra part of the ritual which is missing: feed the cat. While this won’t make everything all better, given the flavor to the month, doing something special for someone else, even in light of your own, personal disaster, is a good idea.
(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001
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