runtime: 5/7-13/2001
“Ingratitude is monstrous.”
in Shakespeare’s Coriolanus [II.iii.9]
Given that Mr. Jupiter is opposite Mr. Sunshine for most of this week, that quote from “Coriolanus” couldn’t be better. And Mr. Mars is really moving slowly, getting ready for an abrupt change in direction. All in all, it’s not a happy time — at least, not astrologically. Perhaps an attitude of gratitude might help some. Meanwhile — the only one around the office is the cat because she gets fed at sunup regardless of the position of the Sun and Mr. Jupiter. What a great idea for a movie!
Aries: Many years ago, there was an unfortunate Texas politician who got caught sadly misrepresenting her educational background on her resume. In short, she lied about her qualification on paper. She got herself summarily canned for the excessive exaggeration. There’s much more the sad tale of woe, and I realize it’s rather a stretch to imagine that stalwart politician would ever misrepresent the facts, but I wonder if there isn’t a note of caution in this tale, just for you. So what’s the connection here? Be careful, especially under the present influences, about representing the facts as facts, and make sure there’s a solid source for your data. No fishing stories. “No, really, it was this big! Biggest fish I ever saw!” If you don’t have the fish stuffed and mounted, and on proud display in your trophy room, then this isn’t the time to make such claims.
Taurus: One of the most frequent questions I encounter in day to day astrology consultations is, “Do you see a new job in my chart?” I hate to be picky, or to shirk from my task as an astrologer, but the job itself doesn’t show up in chart. The energy which represents a change in employment does show up in a chart. And guess where it is this week? Right there in your astrology houses. Just when you thought the work thing was going to smooth over, just when you thought it was all going to get a little easier, just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, there’s that fin on the horizon…. Now, this can be bad or this can be good. Depends on you. If you want a change in the employment situation, then make sure you’ve got all the right pieces of paper sorted out, ready to go. Resume, curriculum vitae, autobiography, or in my case, a pad of blank applications (but not padded). You thought you were done with the work thing, and it’s back to haunt you some. Do like I do, and keep a spare set of applications — already filled out — ready to go.
Gemini: By now, I’m sure you’re tired of me telling you how great it is to be a Gemini, and that dual nature of life stuff, and all that junk about how you have to work overtime just to keep up, and how this isn’t a challenge for you. The requisite “be in two places at once” tag line — we’ve been through this, and you’ve heard it all before. Then why would I be repeating it? You’re getting called on to perform “above and beyond the normal realm of duties” (I’m reading this from a cheat sheet), and the cheat sheet was for an awards ceremony. You should be rewarded this week. You should be recognized for rising to the occasion, and for meritous service above and beyond the call of normal duty. The term “Heroic” comes to mind. Face to face with the odds, and they are odd ones at that, you should receive some form accolades for your answer to the call. Here’s the little catch: chances are, your meritous answer to that call for heroic duty won’t get noticed right now. Chances are, no one sees your feat. Keep plugging away, and I’ll suggest you do get some recognition, just not right now. (And it doesn’t mean you’re not a hero.)
Cancer: Most good epic tales have to include a trip into the underworld — it’s an old staple in such stories and myths. I believe it all goes back to an old land grant or Spanish decree, dating back more than 500 years, but all those stories usually have an element of a mystical trip into the nether world, a chance to confront the demons, and eventually, you are an epic Cancer person, you emerge from the mists of time with some sort of a strategic victory. That’s a lot of material to cover in a short time. Consider this as your chance for that part of an epic saga when you delve into the underworld. There’s a demon calling your name, and this critter must be confronted. Seeing as how this is Texas, and not some world of fantasy, I would grab my fillet knife because we don’t have swords anymore, and I would tackle that demon. Slice and dice time for the monsters. You can win, but not many folks will notice, but by the end of the week, you should have a knowing smile on your face, a certain calm that comes from you yourself knowing that you have summarily kicked some mythological booty.
Leo: A good Leo (is there any other kind? Of course not, not if you’re reading this.) But a good Leo usually thrives when the white hot spotlight, like a Las Vegas show light, when that light hits your mighty Leo mane, you just shine brighter and brighter. Sure, most Leo’s are like this. And given the times, you should be accepting of a little spotlight action. Problem being, the news crew with the cameras and lights usually show up when you least expect them. Happened here, just once. I was in my morning best, a pair of ragged shorts, smelling faintly of the fishing expedition from the day before, a little grease under one eye from working on a motor, and my hair all going in one direction (with it matted against my head on the other side). It was not a pretty sight. I was not a pretty sight. “Hello, Mr. Wetzel, do you care to make comment about this situation and the allegations?” Point being, sometimes it’s not always good to be in that spot light, especially when they catch you unawares. [note to editor: “catch you unawares” is a technical astrology fishing term, not a typographical mistake.]
Virgo: I have sympathy, I don’t care what other folks say about me, I really do have sympathy. Compassion, even, and given the way the evil (and even some not so evil) planets are taking aim at you, especially right now, you need my compassion. See? Should’ve been nicer to me last time. That last go round of e-mail wasn’t so very nice, and now you have no one to blame but yourself. But I’ll lend a sympathetic ear, if only for a moment. There, the listening period is now up. You get to decide if you’re going to sit there, and feel sorry for yourself, and as I have capably demonstrated, I’ve felt sorry for you, too. The other part of this decision process, the second half, is the decision to do something about feeling sorry for yourself. Whatever it is, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start putting one foot in front of the other. Get going. Now. Don’t look back, keep going forward, even if it feels like you’re not moving forward, you really are.
Libra: I have a computer on my desktop, which I frequently have to synchronize with my handheld device, which then I have to synchronize with my laptop. Of course, there are days when I synchronize the laptop with the big desktop, and skip the handheld, or I only do a back up of one machine, instead of all three. Sounds pretty confusing, and you know, it is confusing. I’ll admit my failings as a geek, though, in order to help you with this time frame. See: once, I backed up over the data on the main machine with older data from the satellite computer. I had gotten worked up over something, and whatever it was, it needed my attention right away, like I was talking on the phone, and doing the mindless computer chore of swapping data back and forth, only, I did it backwards because I was paying too close attention to the conversation on the phone, and not close enough attention to what I was doing. Some place in cyber heaven, there’s an extra column I’ve written. The moral is to pay attention to what you’re doing. Finish one task before starting the next. I didn’t mind losing next week’s column, just means I had to reconstruct it from the charts — and one editor suggests it might have needed rewriting, anyway. But if you don’t want to make any mistakes this week, then slow down and do one thing at a time.
Scorpio: For the longest time, I ran an unofficial joke list. Unofficial because, sooner or later, I’d post a joke to the list that would offend somebody. Rather than try and get into the theory of humor, rather than point out that someone is always the butt of a joke, and rather than try and understand why we laugh at some other character’s misfortune, I would just like to point out that humor is vital to your survival right now, and toning down the acerbic, sarcastic Scorpio wit — especially during this phase of the planets — toning it all down is a good idea. And since you are going to be tempted to deliver one of those truly Scorpio lines this week, why not make it one of the more obtuse lines? One of those comments where the person you just insulted doesn’t realize that he or she is being belittled. I would urge you to reconsider your comments before you make them. Couch them in terms that are as diplomatic as possible. But like my joke list, you will offend someone this week. It’s almost inevitable. Just try and be careful about who your target is.
Sagittarius: Catfish. I’m not talking about the stuff which is farm raised, either, I’m talking about the real thing. I caught one, in the Brazos River, he was over three feet long (and I am not making this up — got a dependable Scorpio witness), but more than half that length was head, and by the time we got him skinned, all we had were two reasonable catfish steaks, but the monster had been tamed. You’re going after catfish this week, just like I did. He’s a huge one, possible over three feet long, but when the battle is all over, you’ll be a little disappointed because he’s not nearly as big or vicious as he seems. Likewise, your battle this week might come off as being a little less than it seems. The mighty foe might be all bad looks and not much meat. Like that catfish. But such a way of looking at this fight doesn’t doesn’t lessen the degree of valor that is required.
Capricorn: Catfish. I realize the Sagittarius got a catfish allegory this week, but you’re getting one, too. It might be because I’ve been waist high in the river lately, or it might be because these critters are so full of possible answers — not to mention that catfish are often full of whatever lives on the river’s bottom. But chasing catfish is a lot like this week, either you’re one of the lucky few, and you’ve got a catfish farm all ready for harvesting, or, if you’re like the rest of us, you’ve got a little work ahead of you. There’s an unusual sport, and it goes by several different names, but the idea is to get the catfish where they are sleeping. Or resting. Whatever it is that folks do in the middle of hot afternoon, living along the edge of the river. You find the deep pools, where the water is a little cooler, and you reach around until you find some slippery catfish, just resting himself, and you grab him by the gills, and toss him up on shore. Dinner is almost ready. It’s just a matter of being willing to feel around in the murky depths in order to get to what you want.
Aquarius: There’s always an inherent beauty I find in the Aquarius chart. No matter how I look at it, there’s always something special. And it’s that something special that is so important at this point. It’s a good time to do something with that extra special quality that you have. I’m not saying that you look a little ragged, but you could use a change of scenery. And I’m suggesting that you take a trip, either, no, not with what’s stacked up against you. Following my Aquarius sensibilities, what I do is open up my closet, and I grab the tackiest, loudest, most aberrant shirt in my closet. Since I have such a wide range of choices, it will probably be the orange one with a dragon and flowers on the front. Bizarre clothing. But my poor fashion sense and your way of approaching this week share a great deal of common ground. I suggest the same thing for you. Wear it loud, wear it proud. Be true to yourself. So what if your sartorial splendor offends someone else’s delicate sensibilities? As long as you’re the one wearing it, it’s not a problem at all. Besides, I find you looking great. Where do you do your shopping?
Pisces: You’re going to get a warning shot this week. It’s like a shot across the bow of good ship Pisces, just a little hint to let you know that, yes indeed, the enemy is out there, and that enemy might really be a little better armed than you think. But rather than sink into a metaphor which is frankly combative, perhaps a more friendly tone would be best. I was heading for one fishing spot, a place that I like because it offers a cool a respite from the spring time heat around here, and its shade offers a great place to fish from. But like you, I got there one time, and there was someone else, already camped out in the spot. His gear was arrayed around him, bucket, fresh tub of worms, a couple of extra poles, you get the idea. And rather than risk raising his ire, I just moved on to another spot to fish. The warning is not to impinge on someone else. A stern look, a little growl, a suggestion that you take yourself elsewhere might be best heeded at this point.
(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001
