For the week of: 6/25-7/1/2001
“He goes in his doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!”
in Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing [V.i.196-7]
Great little scene from Much Ado. Reminds us not to take take ourselves too serious, which regrettably, seems to be one of the biggest problems these days as humor is in short supply right now. Look on the bright side, Mercury is almost no longer completely backwards. Out of retrograde motion by the end of the week, or so it seems — but your mileage may vary.
Aries: I maintain a rolling stock of about 1,000 books, maybe a little more at the time of this writing. It’s my personal library, and I only keep stuff which either I like, or which I need for reference at a later date. Or stuff that I like and want to reread at a later date. Or stuff which might be a rare first edition, and I keep around to impress the book worm types. Occasionally, my library needs some pruning. When it overflows into more than one room, or when I have the shelves stacked two and three volumes deep, it’s time to consider a trip to the used bookstore the cash in my extra stock. As much as you want to prune your own library right now, don’t do it. It’s not a bad time to make two stacks, one to throw away, and one to keep. But when you’re making these stacks, and while that’s a good idea, be careful that you don’t take something to the dumpster, or the used book store, something that has some arcane bit of lore, something you might need at a future date. In fact, going through old reference material is a useful endeavor right now. You can get caught chasing down an obscure fact, but you have to remember, the chase is part of the fun. And you can throw that stuff out later, just leave it by the front door for now.
Taurus: I got out my special copy of “Feng Shui for Trailers,” and went to work on the Taurus trailer, here in Shady Acres. First, we moved the bedroom stuff into the kitchen, and tried to move the kitchen into the bedroom. Then we put the TV in the closet, to get it more in the entertainment and recreation spot, according to the outline in the book. Then, I suggested the neighbor use the back door as the front door, the front door as the back door, and the bathroom as the living quarters. If that Taurus had only followed my advice! Then, we picked the trailer up, and rotated it 180 degrees [to better align it with the north – south axis]. Then we adjusted everything inside again. At this point, the Taurus was completely put out. I got chased out of the trailer, the book [and many creative expressions of what to do with that book] were hurled at me. The trailer went back to its original position, the rooms were set back to normal, and life resumed, albeit on a much better tract. Point being, all that work, and you seem to get nowhere? You’re actually making progress. Change everything, and then change it back. You can’t argue with progress, no matter what form the effort takes.
Gemini: You ain’t happy, you ain’t amused, and you’re not liking me, my astrology, my horoscopes, or, for that matter, much of anything right now. But things are a little more clear. In the coming weeks, you will gain a great deal of insight. In the coming weeks, all this mess will be resolved. Because this all happening via Sagittarius, I would suggest that this is going to resolve in your favor. I would even suggest there is a lucky break coming along. I would go further to suggest that this is soon. Of course, soon to a lazy Sagittarius like myself is usually a week or three. Soon to a Gemini is yesterday, maybe even the day before. I’m reminded of something I’ve heard a number of times from Gemini clients, “Soon? I wanted it before I knew that I wanted it.” So when I suggest that there is something coming along, a lucky break, up around the corner, you’re going to be forced to adopt a philosophical outlook stance, a mental outlook where you’re willing to wait patiently. Pretend you’re fishing. Sometimes, you have to sit there, hook in water, waiting on something to happen. It takes a while. Hint: don’t you think if I could make this happen any faster for you, I would?
Cancer: Happy Birthday, my dear Cancer. Bet they’re just eating you alive at work. And speaking of eating you alive, this is a time to think about sushi. Raw fish? You bet. Get one of those little to go styrofoam containers. Get a little box to package up what part of the sashimi you don’t eat. I know you feel like raw tuna sliced, and spread out on a roll of rice with a little band of seaweed holding you down like a seat belt. I know it looks like some tourist is about to pop you in their gaping maw. I know you feel like you’re getting another raw deal at work. I know it all looks terribly bad right now. But wait, I did offer some hope. Remember the To Go box? Remember the leftovers? One of the best things I’ve discovered about raw fish is that the next day, or the day after, it makes for some excellent bait. So even though you’re sure that you are getting eaten alive at work, there is method to my message — you are. But there is hope, because playing your astrology cards just right, you’ll find that you can turn this situation into a scene where you can catch something much bigger. Remember the little strip of tuna at the sushi bar, that becomes bait for something bigger.
Leo: Ever say, “No!” when what you really meant was, “Oh, Yes!”? Ever give a caustic, sarcastic answer when a heartfelt affirmation was far more in order? Ever say absolutely the worst possible thing, at the worst possible time, just because you were sure it was what the other person really needed to hear? Know the feeling? Worse yet, know exactly what I’m talking about? To me, this is no problem, I was born with a boot firmly in my mouth, it’s obviously a Texas – Sagittarius trait. But if you’re not careful, you’re going to be pulling a stunt, to me it looks more like just a slip of the Leo tongue, but you’re bound and determined to make this one sarcastic point, only, and I’m trying to warn you here, only this is going to backfire in the worst possible way. You can read my words and weep, or, you can take some kindly, friendly advice. Avoid the hoof in mouth syndrome. Say nothing. I know you really want to drop just one, tiny little comment. Hold it. Save it for a rainy day. It’s summer in Texas, and rainy days are few and far between, so you might be holding this for a while. But avoid the hoof in mouth thing.
Virgo: By the time I was six or seven years old, I had been on more than one long, overseas airplane flight. Datelines, flying times, and so forth just don’t bother me much. Get on an airplane and go to sleep. Read a book. If it’s overseas, then the flight definitely calls for some sleep. Go to sleep in New York, wake up in Paris (Paris, France, not Paris, Texas). And always carry a good book to read. In fact, there is a whole genre of literature which I call “airport reading.” Mindless potboiler suspense mystery crime space opera bug eyed monsters cowboys with six shooters (which, miraculously, always hold a magic seventh or eighth round, to save the hero). It all runs together. Enough action so a plot is rather inconsequential. Get the hint? You need some diversion from what is going on at this point. There’s a very good chance you will get stuck in either an airport, or a train station, a traffic snarl, or any similar place, perhaps more than once, in the coming few days. Be Virgo prepared. While I often find napping in traffic a good way to pass the time, I don’t necessarily recommend it, not with all the Houston drivers around these days. Napping works on planes and trains, but not while driving a car. (The big bench seat in my truck is another story.) And while I cannot suggest that a cell phone is the best way to while away time stuck in a traffic snarl, you know, it does mean your valuable Virgo time is not completely wasted. Just be extra prepared for mechanical devices (planes, trains, trucks) to offer you some extra leisure time.
Libra: Don’t be leaving your wits behind you, as the opening quote suggests about a particular tragic character from a usually happy play suggests. You’re going to want all your wits with you because nothing is more important right now. You’re getting a bit of re-education at this point. I know that you know the material, but there’s still something which you’ve learned and forgotten, and you might want to consult the text book before you jump off and pontificate at length about some topic. Perhaps this is a topic where you used to have a lot knowledge. Unfortunately, in these every changing times, last week’s information is now sadly out-of-date. Consider consulting the reference manual. Better yet, since so much information is always available on the web, consider surfing over to a site which has the latest, greatest — and most up to the minute — content available. Of course, that’s probably not my site, but you get the idea. There’s one other point to consider, too, just about anybody can run a web page up, claim a spot in the world wide web, and become a self-proclaimed expert. Before you put all your Libra trust in just such a person, put on a cynical sneer and check out that claimant’s credentials. A little extra background search, a little digging, a little extra time spent trying to verify facts is rather useful. This is not a time to bet the farm on one expert’s opinion.
Scorpio: I haven’t done this in many long years, having learned from the error of my ways, but here’s the scenario, I was seeing this one girl from one part of Dallas, and then there was this other girl, from a completely different part of town, one was a north suburb the other was a more easterly direction of suburban sprawl, and never the twain shall meet. So much for the best laid plans. Turns out those two girls put their collective girl brains together, compared a few notes, checked a few dates in their datebooks, and I was out of luck. Caught in my own web of, well, let’s be honest, I never did actually lie to them. But to suggest that I did engender a bit of misinformation from time to time, by simply omitting a few facts, like there was more than one girl I was seeing, yeah, you get the picture. Don’t try this, and especially not right now. Please. You can fool some of the people some of the time, and you can fool all the people most of the time, being a good Scorpio and everything, but with the planets stacked up this way, I heartily, heartfelt, and from a lonely guy’s perspective — really don’t recommend you trying anything but the whole truth, not one of my previously alluded to edited versions. Won’t work. You’ll get caught. A Scorpio caught in their own web of deceit is truly ugly sight. And those two girls? Might be why I live like a monk these days.
Sagittarius: I’m sure there is a great scorecard in the sky someplace, a little piece of paper like those golf score cards the old guys carry around when they go out and whack little white [dimpled] balls around. I’m sure there’s something like the sports cable channel, the one with the little drop down box that shows the score, the time remaining, that sort of thing. Now, if you’re like me, and you’re less than amused with the recent antics of Mars, then we’re on the same page of that scorecard. And while it feels like we’re not doing so well, and while it certainly feels like we’ve become the butt of sort of cosmic joke, the news is that we’re really doing well on our scorecard. Problem being, we’re not at the end yet. This stuff is not over yet. So there is a great deal of hope on the horizon, but in the meantime, it’s like my one attempt at playing golf. This is a sport I obviously didn’t understand, and I kept thinking that getting the highest score was how one became a winner. Obviously not, the idea is to get a low score. But while my travails with golf aren’t important, it is important to keep an eye on that cosmic scorecard. Sagittarius is doing pretty well, as long you don’t get mixed up about which way the numbers are supposed to go.
Capricorn: Seeing you this frustrated pains me. Seeing you in a situation where you’re just banging your head against a fixed, immovable object, stuck in the same position you were in last week, or wait, maybe it’s me, but have you managed to dig yourself in even deeper? Here’s a hint from my Texas files, when you found yourself at the bottom of hole, and you want to get out, the first thing to do is quit digging. Making the pit you’ve gotten yourself into deeper and deeper is not the solution. Unless you really think you can dig a hole all the way to China. Or if you’re in the West Texas oil patch, maybe you’ll hit another patch of liquid gold, our favorite nonrenewable asset. Get the hint? The news this week suggests that you stop doing whatever is the action is that makes this worse. It’s like banging your head against the wall, you’ll notice that it stops hurting so much as soon as you stop banging it. That wall, that fixed, immovable object, chances are, it’s not going anywhere anytime too soon. Make this easier on both of us, and try something entirely different. Better yet, just drop it for right now, and come back in a week or three.
Aquarius: There’s an ever present idea, a concept, and even if you don’t actually fish for a living, there’s still an apt metaphor you can derive from the planets’ relative position, and what is going on with your fishing career. Bait. You get that look, a bemused, quizzical look. And you think: “Where’s he going with this?” Bait. Whatever you’ve been using for bait hasn’t been working. There’s this one “special friend” — if you know what I mean — and she looks particularly alluring in one of those long, flowing dresses. A long skirt. Sure, showing lots of flesh is always fashionable, but this girl looks great in a long dress, too. In fact, she can look even better in a long skirt than she does in a short one. While conventional wisdom suggests that a short skirt is much better bait than a long one, this is a time when trying something different works well. Like I’ve noted, the unconventional wisdom works good for you.
Pisces: You’re still not happy, at least not as happy as you can be since some particular person, I’m not about to point fingers, but there is this one person in particular who seems to have taken a solemn oath to make your life as miserable as possible right now. Not a lot I can do about this one person. But there is some nefarious plotting you can undertake at a time like this. “But I don’t have a nefarious bone in my sweet Pisces body,” you would suggest to me. If you really feel like you’re that angelic, that sweet and innocent, then perhaps my advice doesn’t help much. But think about plotting a little revenge. Think about getting even. Think about a way to crawl to the top of the heap. By now, it probably looks a lot like a compost heap, but figure a way to turn those Pisces flippers into a feet, imitate the action of a Darwin fish, and get to the top. Success is not guaranteed, but there is some good results for your efforts. And think about that revenge thing. (Hint: I said think about it — it ain’t quite time to take action — not yet.)
(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001
